رز ولبن

Reem. 19. Math Major. Sometimes I do spoken poetry. Most times I just cook.

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

This wins the internet for 2024!! 😂😂

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

Brilliant 😂😂

[angietherose]

I needed a good laugh 🤣

[purlturtle]

You're laughing.

She's there upside down tits out feet stuck and you're laughing.

[forgondor]

i have a friend who has kinda bad eczema on their right hand but their left hand is fine and thats because acidity makes eczema worse and that includes vaginal acidity and my friend is both a lesbian and a slut so they finger a lot of people and that fucks up the hand they use (their right hand). Anyways do you think BBC sherlock would deduce that by looking at my friend’s hands

[sanjidysphoria]

nothing couldve prepared me for the last sentence

[redead-red]

Elijah Wood, Daniel Radcliffe, and Robert Pattison all have this like... this vibe. This energy.

I'm not quite sure what it is...but it's something.

[redead-red]

@kdinjenzen you are so right

[ellakas]

@elliteracy is also so right #it’s playing a genre-defining role in a fantasy series as a youth#and then spending the rest of their careers specifically and selectively playing the weirdest little men they can find

[nicostiel]

Glass Onion + Text Posts (part 1)

[hypokeimena]

told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: “do you want to dig holes in the garden?” and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden.

[ruffboi-mags]

my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It’s your people! …do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together?

me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe…?

[mycroftrh]

These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarchaeologist. (IE, I specialize in digging up old human skeletons.) And, uh, home-made bioarchaeology is tragically discriminated against by law enforcement.

[writing-prompt-s]

Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.

[vacantmall]

“You literally adopted the antichrist, Anne. What the fuck.”

“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”

George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.

“Good job, love. Now go find the rest.” George’s face makes no expression, but his eyes shine when he recieves a pat on the head for his efforts.

[talieclandestine]

As the months go by, George seems to settle down. He adjusts to school, friends, and the positive reinforcement Anne gives him. She encourages the good he does, even though the powers he uses aren’t “good”. When she gets calls from the school, it’s about a rambunctious boy that won’t sit still. Not a destroyer of the world and innocence.

It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.

“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.

“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.

“Because, you did.”

[solarcat]

okay so someone please write the story of the family of super-low-key holy warriors who have made it their mission to locate the antichrist in every generation (because when one gets spoiled they try AGAIN) and adopt them and love them into not being the antichrist anymore, thus perpetually delaying the apocalypse

[eldritchsandwich]

delaying the apocalypse via good parenting I love this

[writing-prompt-s]

I would love to read this

[viviae]

I demand everyone in this thread watch Little Evil on Netflix which is about a guy who marries a single mother who’s kid is the antichrist and no one believing him that he is

[navythreads]

A Mini Skirt Is Not A Contract - It's A Test by Thank You For Coming

This podcast is literally the greatest thing I’ve listened to. Seriously if you have a few minutes, listen to this podcast!

(It really gets good around 10 minutes in)

[randommramblingsss]

Honestly, thank you for sharing this. It completely changed my perception of my own body and how I dress it.

Favorite quote:

What you wear is just for you. It doesn’t have to be for anyone else.

[fanonical]

i honestly want an escape room based on a less deadly version of the triwizard tournament maze though

[hymnsofheresy]

one of my father’s hindu colleagues was surprised that my family didn’t make everyone say a christian prayer before we sat down to eat dinner. we were like “….this is your house.” and she laughed and said that her christian friends “make” her pray all the time. like what the fuck. how fucking rude can you be to make the host pray to your god. you are in their fucking house.

[strawbebbynya]

[niamhuncensored]

I say this as a former Christian

Christians will deadass claim to be oppressed but feel comfortable and safe enough to:

Force non-Christians to pray to the Christian God in their own fucking homes

Go door-to-door to proselytize

Call people to proselytize

Take classes to proselytize (my mythology teacher actually dealt with this, and now has to include a warning on the first day of class)

Cross the fucking ocean to proselytize

Openly tell people they think they are going to Hell

Insist that their beliefs should influence the law

Get all pissy if someone says this isn’t a Christian nation, but a beautifully mixed one.

Have radio stations built around their religion

Have movies based on their religion

And fucking everything else

In short, Christian Supremacy needs to be addressed and religious imperialism stopped.

[magicalgirlmascot]

Tell children who are forced to go to Christian/Catholic schools by their parents that they have to pray at school with everyone else and if they don’t like it they shouldnt be at a Christian/Catholic school, despite said children not having any say in what school they attend because they’re children

[cactus-spirit-deactivated202211]

Me: "I need some serotonin."

Husband: Stands up.

Husband: Sits back down.

Hisband: "I didn't remember what serotonin was until after I stood up so I was deadass about to go get you some."

[feenyxblue]

Hes a little confused, but hes got the spirit

[driveshaftgroupie-deactivated20]

i know when that hotline bling

that can only mean one thing

[upsetboner-blog]

[pr1nceshawn]

[sovietico-marxista]

[twloha]

[paperback-mummy-blog]

I really love this and I know exactly why but I can’t explain it.

[in-thislight]

Because it’s just another indication that we, as Human Beings, are one.

[shittymoviedetails]

Kevin is the real villian in Home Alone

[orgyporgy]

The movie establishes that the phone lines to the house are down, that’s also why nobody is able to call Kevin at home. The movie also establishes that all of his neighbors are out of town which is why he couldn’t borrow their phones. The movie ALSO BEGINS by introducing the main antagonist as a “police officer” which is why Kevin doesn’t trust the cops. I’m so tired of the ignorance. The slander.

[doggirlpaws]

I read that capsaicin makes your mouth feel like it's burning because it increases your nerve sensitivity to heat, and menthol works by doing the same thing to cold

So if I eat a habanero pepper and then chew a bunch of breath mints they'll each other out and I'll be fine

[doggirlpaws]

Hey guess what hellfire tastes like