pairing: college!namjoon x gn!reader
summary: reader has a pretty good memory until it comes to namjoon. they start to reminisce about their friendship and end up getting really — and i mean really — emotional.
warnings: fluff, implied friends to lovers, lots of crying, namjoon being awfully cute to reader, namjoon calls reader pretty, it gets kinda angsty if you squint a little lol.
You liked to think you had a pretty good memory. Even a photographic one, if you squinted hard enough. You had no problems in memorizing a presentation for your class or dozens of formulas before a test, but when it came to Namjoon, your mind was as blank as the canvases he got from the tiny shop across from your apartment complex.
You don’t even know how you became friends for fuck’s sake. You do know, however, that the both of you met on junior year of high school.
Namjoon was never a social butterfly — he knew how to interact with people, and could easily maintain a conversation with anyone in a crowded room, but parties were never his scene. He’d rather stay in or go to an exposition, which is something the both of you had done countless times during the years of your friendship. His friends, though, were always talking his ear off on how he should go out more, and eventually, that lead him to you.
You couldn’t pinpoint how or when, but it was mid December when you realized that Namjoon wasn’t a background character anymore. He was always by your side. At some point you even started to wonder whether you had forced your friendship onto him or not, since you couldn’t recall how the both of you became friends.
And as the years passed by you could tell that he wasn’t just a friend anymore. Even the term best friend couldn’t describe what you felt for him and how much he meant to you.
The both of you were attached to the hip, wherever one of you went the other was not too far behind. Everyone knew that. And everyone knew how much you meant to him.
Ever since day one all of them could see it in his eyes and through his actions that you had always been a little different. He went from barely going out to going everywhere just with a couple of words from you. Thus, he could never say ‘no’ to you. It’s like you had him wrapped around your little finger and didn’t even realize it.
What they didn’t know, though, was that Namjoon had his ways around you, too. He knew exactly what to do to make you fold, to make you give in; what to do to get exactly what he wanted, and you didn’t even mind it. You were, in fact, glad to do it.
But was it really your fault? When Namjoon was the one who was always taking such good care of you, giving you such warm hugs, making you food when you were sick, advising you when you were crying, picking you up in the middle of the night when you went clubbing, taking your makeup off before you fell asleep, rubbing your back and holding your head while you puked on the toilet, holding your hand when you were nervous, making you laugh when you were sad. How could you not want him around at all times when you felt so… safe around him. So free. So good.
It took you five years to realize that the voice in your head only screamed Namjoon, Namjoon, Joon, Joon, Joonie, Kim Namjoon, Namjoonie all day. 24/7 he was not only inside your head, but by your side too. You were always at his place and vice versa, he was sitting beside you in class, going to the movies with you, getting dragged to parties by your side, going to family meetings. Everything.
And as you stare at him, right now, sitting so comfortably on the driver’s seat with a silly smile on his face and dimples on full display you want to tell him how much you love him. How pretty he looks. How you want him to keep doing that for the rest of your life, just sitting by your side.
You used to think you had a good memory, a great one, even, but God, why on earth can’t you recall the moment where he became this? How dense can you be to not realize that something had changed, that you couldn’t not think of him.
When did he become this person? When did you realize that the only thing you could feel when you thought of him was love? So much love. You looked at him and all you could think of was I love you, I love you, how can such a great person be my friend? Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you. You’re my home. God, when did you do that to me? When did you turn me into a sappy mess?
You don’t even realize you’re crying until his peaceful expression turns into a desperate one and he starts asking what happened and if you’re okay. You can’t do anything but sob when he awkwardly hugs you over the gear stick, telling him that you are. That you are so happy and thankful for him. Thank you for being my home, you want to say. For seeing the bad things in me and not leaving like other people did. For being my best friend– no fuck that. For being the family I never had. For believing in me. The words are all bunched up and stuck in your throat, forming a knot that restrains you from breathing.
The hiccups start to form and you start to hyperventilate as Namjoon hugs you tighter and asks why what he can do to help. How do you tell him, explain to him that he happened. He got into your life and fixed everything and helped you and made you feel good and happy.
You try to calm down but it seems like your body just shuts down and stops listening to you. You try to untangle yourself from him and he gets the hint, letting you go, sliding off your navy beanie and immediately turning the heat of the car on a higher setting. Snow is falling outside and he carefully takes off the puffer jacket you have on, throws it in the backseat and smooths your hair out, sliding his palms over the sides of your face until they meet your cheeks and find their place over your jaw, like they always belonged there, making you look at him.
He connects his eyes to yours and breathes deeply, trying to communicate in a non-verbal way; you get the message. You try to copy his actions and your breathing comes out jagged, but he keeps inhaling and exhaling slowly, showing you exactly what to do, not letting you go. After 10 minutes (or more?) your breathing goes back to normal and the car’s windows are fogged, tiny hiccups leaving your mouth at times. You feel sleepy and Namjoon’s hands have made their way back up to your hair again, now lightly scratching your scalp.
You give him a reassuring — but not so reassuring — nod before he lets go of your face, you immediately lurching for his upper body, wrapping your arms around his neck like he did earlier. The position is uncomfortable and awkward but when he wraps his arms around your middle and you feel the heat emanating from his body through the many layers of clothing you’re both wearing, it’s worth it. He ghosts a kiss on your temple that makes your heart clench painfully, slowly rubbing his hands on your back in a comforting way. “Feelin’ better?” his deep voice quietly mumbles against your hair. Yours comes out a little hoarse when you answer him with a timid “A little,” and now it’s his heart’s turn to clench painfully.
Carefully rummaging through his mind looking for the right thing to say he slides his hands towards your waist and buries his head in the junction of your shoulder and neck, mumbling the words you’re now feeling against your neck “C’mon pretty. Let’s get you home, yeah?” to which you answer by just nodding your head negatively. I am home you want to say.
“‘M already home, Joon.” you shyly answer and it’s your turn to hide your face on his neck. The arms wrapped around your waist hug you tighter, slightly pulling you in, urging you to jump to the other seat. Namjoon removes his face — flushed in a pretty shade of pink — from your neck and searches for your eyes as he pulls you in again, asking for permission, to which you grant with a small nod. After being given the green sign he rears his seat back, leaving a bigger space between his body and the steering wheel; then he twists your middle, now only having his left arm around you, and goes forward for your legs, hooking an arm around them and pulling you to sit on his lap bridal style.
Lifting your head from his shoulder you look at him with puffy lips and smudged mascara. He cradles your face with one hand and you instinctively rest your cheek against his palm and close your eyes; his other hand lightly traces your features: eyebrows, lips, nose, the line of mascara running down your cheeks; it all feels awfully intimate. It gives you a warm feeling inside your tummy. “So you’re already home, huh?” he asks lightheartedly and you giggle a little. “Good thing I’m home, too.” he softly admits and you feel your face heat up a little.
He calls your name and the way he says it so fondly, laced with an emotion you can’t quite recognize yet, makes you open your eyes. He smiles, dimples on display once again, and locks his eyes with yours as he gives in. “I love you.”
You see it in his eyes that he means it. “I love you too, Joon.” but this time it feels different for the both of you. Your heart should be racing right now but it’s not, and it’s because of him. If it were anyone else you’d be freaking out but it’s not. It’s Namjoon, your Namjoon, and he has a way of calming you down in every situation, and this time is no different.
He touches his forehead to yours and you both take a deep breath. You are home, you think; and you know he’s thinking it, too.
You may have memory problems when it comes to Namjoon, but this is moment is definitely one you won’t forget.
A/N: tysm for reading! it was my first time writing and english isn’t my first language so excuse me for any mistakes i may have made. hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing them <3 reblogs and likes are v much appreciated!!
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