How to escape from yandere izuku works 100% every time
are you tired of planning an escape for months, building a bobby pin from a fork you stole, and pretending that you like being stalked? well say no more:
when you wake up, most likely in his bed and he says hi ily just say ‘no inglés por favor gracias“ and he’s gonna be like 🤨🤨 wtf did you just say??
so while he’s distracted translating what you said through Google, you should use that time to roll off your socks and grip his rock hard sleep apnea pillow with your double-jointed Toes And get ready to swing.
and once he turns around, you throw that pillow at Mach 1, make a dent in his frontal lobe, discombobulate his hairline.
if he dodged/caught the pillow:
izukus relatively level-headed and calm, and sees you as a nothing short of a divine being that, as far as he's concerned, can do no wrong, so when he looks back and forth from the steaming pillow to you, he will wait for an explanation.
at this point, you wanna start using body launguage, wave your hands around, and muster the most apologetic face you can while saying a bunch of random shit that will force izuku to once again translate.
ex: "ja mappelle el churro mi gusta casa es familia lo siento burger yum yum sphagettti aaa"
even if he might not know what the hell your saying, he'll pick up on your apologetic body movements, and shake his head and reassure you with nervous hands waves that your good, theres nothing to worry about!
so while hes busy putting whatever mouth gravy you spat out through google translate, its gon be harder to do something as he'll nervously glance your way every 2 seconds.
but you have to remember: be creative.
shout at him and get his attention.
when he looks at you, point to your lower half and signal hey i have to take a fat shit can i go?? and 10 times of 9 he'll be like yeah ofc bb :DDDD
so when your in the bathroom, he wont watch you, thats creepy and not cool.
instead he'll make you keep the door atleast 1 foot open.
so when your in the bathroom, you gotta be fast and quick.
first off, start grunting and blowing raspberrys in the air, slap your thighs n shit just make sure that it sounds like you are taking a horrendous doo-doo.
while you do that, look around, a stray bobby pin or knife will do just fine. and once you find something akin to that, hide it in the waistband of your mom jeans that you are definitely totally wearing.
if you couldnt find a stray bobby pin or something sharp:
flush yourself down the toilet, your done.
when you get out, point behind him and when he looks, with no hesitation, you stab both his eyes and get arrested for murdering number 1 hero deku after nobody belived that he kidnapped you, and live the rest of your life in prision questioning your life choices.
If everything went according to plan from the beginning:
after hitting him with the pillow, if everything went alright, he should be on the ground passed out.
He'll probably have you in like, hello kitty handcuffs or sm but thats okay, all you need to get out of any restraintments is this one trick!
so once your done, your gums might be bleeding and if your lucky you'll have a mild case of tetanus and rabies.
but thats ok! you can replace your teeth, but you cant replace your freedom.
Now you should disarm izuku.
this dudes stronk as hell, and for bonus points he crazy so you have to be creative.
go to the bathroom and put a chair infront of the shower and turn it on, so it sounds like the water is hitting something solid.
then, drag his ass to the bed and burrito him up in blankets, and then leave a note next to him along the lines of 'get some rest babe, ily -y/n p.s. if im still in the shower when you wake up just make dinner and wait, sorry if i dont respond if you call out to me lol im deaf'
ideally, if and when he wakes up he'll read the note and think 'oh i guess we dating idk why i cant remember but oh well yay'
best case scenario, that should keep him from being sus for like 6 hours before he starts feeling like somethings up.
So, your inside his house, check urself for any tracking devices cause hes a sneaky hoe, and then steal his money, get food, preferably beans, knife for protection, (also hide a fork in your sock just in case), and skedaddle.
so after crawling through a 2 by 2 inch doggy door, haul your ass to a salon and completely change yourself, new hairstyle, straighten/curl your hair, go bald, just look different.
after getting your cut, you should wear a mask and sunglasses, in the world of bnha little things like that wont be looked at twice as people would just assume it has something to do with your quirk.
now, create as much distance between yourself and izuku's totally alive body. By taxi is the best option, they will take you across the ocean as long as you pay.
by now, you should realize that you'll never truly escape him completely, you will have to start a new life and never talk to your family again, yes your away from him, but in a way, he's still always there.
That and he also implanted a tracker in your stomach so you were never really getting away in the first place.
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