Robot Tiger

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[robottiger]

Scientists Fear Disaster from the Elf on the Continental Shelf

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Quaker Corporation CEO Tells Employees to Maintain a Healthy Work-Life Cereal Balance

[robottiger]

Year-round Mustachioed Hipster Disdainful of Movember-Come-Latelys

Spencer Willows, 32, who claims to have first grown his mustache “months and months ago,” isn’t pleased to be grouped in with the normally facial hair-less crowds who stop shaving for the 30 days of “Movember” to raise awareness of men’s health issues.

“Four weeks of the year, it is nothing but misdirected comments about my supposed ‘temporary’ ‘stache,” Willows said. “'Everyone is all 'Oh, doing the mustache thing this month?” and 'Lookin’ good Movember Matey!’“

The toughest week of the month for the perennial mustache enthusiast is Thanksgiving week.

“My extended family are the WORST,” Willow said. “They don’t see me most of the year, so when I show up back in Ohio in November, my aunts and uncles all think I’m just a Movember mustache dilettante. Last year, I sat down to the dinner table to find Uncle Ralph had decided 'to join in the fun,’ with me. I was horrified!”

Despite Willow’s continued struggles as a “real mustache man in a sea of pretenders,” he pledges to keep the facial hair faith.

“I thought about shaving this November 1,” Willow said, “but then what would I playfully stroke while considering purchases at the farmer’s market?”

[robottiger]

Daredevil Cafeteria Employee Works without a Hair Net

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This is big news.

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Lenin would say that Pink October is a pale imitation of Red October.

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All-You-Can-Eat Nachos is the Best Queso Scenario

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Humble! Texas is the Lone Star State - the only state to give itself a one-star rating

[robottiger]

That old therapist who just became a priest? Long time listener, first time collar.

[robottiger]

It's a real missed opportunity that Outback Stakehouse doesn't serve a Barbecue Platterpus

[robottiger]

CSI Cold Open

(Cop pulls a pair of Ray Bans out of the victim's throat.) "He choked on these, alright. Yep, looks like these sunglasses are an accessory... (puts on blood-stained shades) TO MURDER!" (YEAHHHHH!)

[robottiger]

The convenience of public transportation.

[robottiger]

Toucan Sam Reveals Fruit Lupus Diagnosis

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Suppress Cigarette, Creole Cravings with This Nicotine Gumbo!

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🎶The elevators are alive...with the sound of Muzak🎶 - I'm working on an adaptation of the Sound of Music set entirely in a high-rise building.

[robottiger]

Why I'm bald: I couldn't get hair health coverage because of all the preexisting conditioner.

[robottiger]

Seen in DC.