make your anger your drive

fourteen year old plant owner who loves nature maybe a bit too much - she/her - My lesbian feelings and abuse/mental health awareness is all here. A place where I vent. Trigger warning for this whole blog. - physical, domestic, verbal, emotional, medical, and sexual abuse survivor, cancer witness, trying hard to stop my self harm, has major anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. - you can vent to me privately or through ask, as long as you get out what you need to get out. if you have any questions, contact me. - vancouver, washington

[liftbendlive]

I tend to forget that weight loss can be relaxed. I don’t need to bust my ass at the gym 5 days a week, I can go swimming or do yoga or a YouTube video, I can go for a walk or go bouldering with friends. I don’t need to eat perfectly clean, who cares about a tiny donut? I got so much time, I don’t need to lose 5kg in a month. Obsessing over being perfectly healthy ain’t particularily healthy. Gotta remind myself once in a while.

[girlsuggestion]

you’re beautiful. so what if you don’t have clear skin? so what if you have freckles? so what if your hair is frizzy and messy? so what if you have more body hair? so what if you have battle scars? you are your own person. don’t confine yourself into what those copiers think is beautiful. you’re an original masterpiece.

[rosenorian-blog]

I think things would be way better if I could just tell my mom how I feel. She’s so unpredictable though, and she denies everything and blames it all on me. She twists her own words to seem like a nicer person. To seem less controlling. Being homeschooled at the moment doesn’t help one bit. I don’t want to survive constantly. Just let me live.

[rosenorian-blog]

Why can’t I just be normal and love my mom? Why can’t I look at her and see a mom? All I see are bad memories and I fucking hate it. Why can’t I move on? Why did she suddenly decide to try to be a decent mom? Why am I in this position to decide whether if I hate or love her? To be honest I feel both about her. But as I’m growing up I’m leaning more towards hating her but I just want to have a normal relationship with my mom. Sometimes she’ll call me pathetic and lazy and then the next minute she’ll be the kindest person in the world. What does it all mean? What am I supposed to feel?

[furiousgoldfish]

behavioural and emotional patterns of living in abuse:

you spend most of your time shut in your room

you’re scared of footsteps approaching your door

you prefer not to come out unless there’s nobody home

when they come back you run to your room/safe place

you’re nervous and anxious if you have to spend time in presence of others

you try to get away from your home, you wish you could live somewhere else

your self-confidence is very low

you worry about making too much noise (have a feeling you’ll get yellet at or abused for it)

you try to move around as silently as possible and try to not be noticed by anyone

you feel uncomfortable and uneasy sitting at the same table as rest of family

you don’t feel like you belong here

you feel like a burden to your housemates

you don’t feel like you’re worth having around or supporting in any way

you don’t feel like anyone will ever love you or believe in you

you don’t feel like anything you do is good enough

you can’t stand someone watching you do things like cleaning or anything else you need to get done

you try really hard to still find good points about your life and cling to them

you strongly worry that you are somehow worse than anyone else

you feel like you’re behind on everyone and that you’re failing to live your life properly

you don’t feel like anything would have changed if you died, or even that it would be better if you did

if you’re experiencing most of this, you’re going through abuse. Your value isn’t in any way less than other humans, and you are absolutely not any kind of burden. You are human who is forced to live in a way humans aren’t meant to live. You are in living conditions that disable you from feeling happy, fulfilled, or even seeing yourself as a human being.  You are suffering. What is being done to you is not okay. You deserve better than this.

[rosenorian-blog]

I have an overdue assignment in my english class. lately i’ve been feeling horrible and i’ve just wanted to kill myself lately. but i can’t tell mom that. mom called it lazy and pathetic. so…. yeah. that’s a thing. i know that what i do is so fucking pathetic so i really have no right whatsoever to express my feelings. whoops.

[rosenorian-blog]

and on top of that my english teacher hates me lol

[rosenorian-blog]

I have an overdue assignment in my english class. lately i’ve been feeling horrible and i’ve just wanted to kill myself lately. but i can’t tell mom that. mom called it lazy and pathetic. so.... yeah. that’s a thing. i know that what i do is so fucking pathetic so i really have no right whatsoever to express my feelings. whoops.

[clowncryptic]

one thing i really hate that non-psychotic/schizoid people do:

“”maybe they are actually real!””

“”what if they are actually ghosts/demons/people??!””

“”maybe the voices are trying to tell you something””

please stop

it’s scary enough having to see and hear the things i do on a daily basis

and the only thing that keeps me safe and not fucking loosing it completely is knowing that it is a symptom and that it’s not real

[staedtlers-and-stabilos]

There are three rules.

1. If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it. 

2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. 

3. If you do not step forward, you will remain in the same place. 

[shelbys-advice-blog]

SUPER URGENT Do you know of any free online therapy websites that don't require talking. (So you can just message the person?) I have tried loads but they either require a payment or on the phone calls. Which isn't what I wanted.

Hey love!

I’ve got tons of online therapy/counseling sites. I’ll list them below <3

Online Councliling

Lifeline Crisis ChatWebsite: www.crisischat.org

886TeenLink Website: 866teenlink.org/chat-now

Care Crisis ChatWebsite: carecrisischat.org

Common Ground Website: commongroundhelps.org

IM ALive Website: www.imalive.org

Suicide Prevention and Crisis Service Website: www.suicidepreventionandcrisisservice.org

TeenLine Website: teenlink.crisishotline.org

The Hope Line Website: www.thehopeline.com/gethelp

Your Life Your Voice Website: www.yourlifeyourvoice.org

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Help Centre Website: www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org

National Domestic Violence Helpline Website: www.thehotline.org

National Eating Disorder Association Website: www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network Website: ohl.rainn.org/online

The American Cancer Society Website: www.cancer.org

Australia

Lifeline Website: www.lifeline.org.au

Kids Help Line (ages 5-25)Website: www.kidshelp.com.au

eHeadspace (ages 12-25)Wesbite: www.eheadspace.org.au

SANEWesbite: www.sane.org

Beyond BlueWesbite: www.beyondblue.org.au

Butterfly Foundation for Eating Disorders Website: thebutterflyfoundation.org.au

National Sexual Assault, and Domestic Family Violence Foundation Website: www.1800respect.org.au

MensLine (family, romantic, and interpersonal relationships) Website: www.mensline.org.auOpen: 7 days, 3pm-8.30pm

UK

ChildLine (ages up to 18)Wesbite: www.childline.org.uk

Get Connected Youth Web Chat (ages up to 25) Wesbite: www.getconnected.org.uk

Family LivesWesbite: familylives.org.uk

Broken Rainbow: LGBTQ Domestic Violence Web Chat Wesbite: www.brokenrainbow.org.uk

Relate (family, romantic and interpersonal relationships) Website: www.relate.org.uk

Hope this helps, please let me know if you ever need some more help/advice, I’m always here. Xoxo

[bruisedpeachbaby]

To Anyone Who is Friends With Someone Who Experienced Emotional Abuse

We do need reassurance.

We need to know that you want to talk to us. We need to know you want to see us. We need to know you don’t hate us. We need to know we aren’t annoying you. We need to know we aren’t making you unhappy. We need to know it’s okay to trust you with our emotions. We need to know you aren’t leaving. We need to know you still care. We need to know that you want to be here.

We grew up learning that the things we thought were wrong. We learned to stay quiet. We learned to be “low-maintenance”. We learned to put everyone else first. We learned not to make eye contact. We learned to wait and see if we’d be screamed at or treated kindly this time. We learned to shrink down. We learned our opinions weren’t valuable. We learned that talking about our feelings was bad. We learned that if we weren’t good enough we would be left or hurt.

Please be patient. We know we’re being inconvenient when we ask you for the millionth time if you still like us, or if every little thing we do is okay, but please remember we are struggling too.

It doesn’t take long to say, “No, don’t worry you’re okay.” “I care about you.” “I want to see you.” “It’s okay.” “I’m here.” “You’re safe.”

Please don’t come into our lives and make promises of not being bothered if you can’t handle constantly reassuring us. Please don’t tell us to trust you and then leave.

Be honest with us and yourself about your limits and capabilities.

[parentless-suggestions]

Thank you, mom, for making me afraid whenever someone slightly raises their voice. Thanks for making me afraid to flinch away when someone raises their hand, even though you are the reason I flinch away. Thanks for making me afraid of making any noise at all, because I’m terrified someone will scream at me and hit me. Thanks for making me hate myself with your words. Thanks for making me think I’m insane by telling me that you never hit me. Thanks for making me so afraid that I can’t do anything

[wetheurban]

HOW TO HELP TORTURED GAY MEN IN CHECHNYA

We can’t allow this to continue. A petition has also been launched by change.org and signed by tens of thousands of people.

It demands a full investigation of all the facts and unlawful repression in Chechnya of the LGBT population and calls for punishment for the ‘guilty parties’ and the end to the practice of extra-judicial violence.

You can sign that here.

Instagram.com/WeTheUrban

[rosenorian-blog]

I want to know if there are people who’re in the same situation where your mom or some other parent has abused you emotionally, verbally, and mentally and somewhat physically all the time,, and now, she feels sorry for what she’s done to me and she acts so normal now. I don’t know what to do. She’s still quick to anger and she’s still controlling to me, but it’s not as intense as it was before. Now I’m just scared of her and I try to avoid her as much as possible. I don’t know what to do when your parent has just been horrible to you,, but then suddenly started to get better and now is just normal I guess. A semi good person. All I see when I look at my mom is bad memories, I don’t really know how to be vulnerable around my parent like a normal kid. I got seriously hurt whenever I was vulnerable,, she even took my molester’s side several times when I told her about it last year. But other than that things are just somewhat normal and it freaks me out.

[caffeinatedpositivity-blog]

being soft is not weak!!! kindness is not weak!!! being sensitive is not weak!!! being sympathetic is not weak!!! you can be soft and powerful!!! you are soft and powerful and kind and deserve love!!!

[wlwocsource-archive-deactivated]

@ girls who are starting to realize they’re bi, or have just begun identifying as bi, or who have come to terms with identifying as bi: 

I love you! 

Bisexuality is good. Being bi is good. Identifying as bi is good. 

There is no “good” or “bad” way to be bi. 

You are not dirty, wrong, impure, bad, or fake for identifying as bi. 

Your identity is pure, whole, and important. 

You are not “half” of anything. 

You don’t have to date anyone or have romantic/sexual experiences to wholly identify as bi. You are just as bi as bi girls who’ve dated people before. 

Whether you are in the closet or decide to come out, your decisions with respect to how you identify are entirely up to you and can’t be dictated by anyone else. 

I hope you come to love your identity, I hope you make peace with internalized biphobia, and I hope you become confident in who you are! 

[parentless-suggestions]

It’s funny: when it was happening to me, I never considered what you did abuse. But as a coping mechanism, I started making up characters in my head and have the exact same thing happen to them, and I knew immediately that the screaming, anger, all the horrible things you said, they’re not normal.