- ̗̀ and i’m all at sea

here i sit in silence as it’s rising at me and i’m afraid that I’m not taking my chances. How do I know it’s light in the horizon that I see ? i’ve seen questions, but never answers. Darkness to me is only water to the sea. I’ve only ever heard of drought, I used to be the one with the grandest of dreams, but how can hope keep believing through the war ?

[rosics-blog]

caleb !

the way life worked was still a complex subject for caleb harris, not being good at philosophizing at all. part of him felt like the right thing to do was to ask rosie on a date after throwing that first paper ball - but external agents kept him from it. now, years later, a tricky breakup being part of his emotional baggage and a crush still latent, he treated rosalyn kendrick like she was a porcelain doll he wasn’t supposed to be touching, although her beauty was such that he couldn’t help but break the rules for her. often, he just wanted to follow his impulses around her - he seldom did, anyway. rolling his eyes in response to her eye-roll, he was speechless for a moment before recovering as he took a bite from the melting smore on his hand. “i don’t know, you don’t forget to bring your ass cause it’s attached to you,” he reased, mouth full. swallowing, his brown eyes dared to look into her green hues. “i’d share anything with you but do you think you could handle it?” the question was finished with the raise of his eyebrow, time seemingly frozen then.

rosie’s eyes flicked down to caleb’s mouth, then back to his eyes. daydreaming and what if scenarios were not forces that she liked to tamper with. she’d played with them before, inserting names with ‘ what if a, b or c didn’t leave ’ like lego pieces, and she knew better now. girls would break their own hearts if you just gave them enough time to think about it.  “ so that was unnecessary,  ”  she said as a blatant diversion, twisting to look at her rear on the tartan blanket, and determinedly not thinking about what would have happened if she’d kissed his cupid’s bow, just now.  “ you didn’t have to bring my ass into this. ”  rosie said, drawn-in brows pulled together in a frown as she straightened up and turned back to her skewer, reassessing whether or not she needed the next marshmallow. it wasn’t a bad ass, how many calories could be in these small things anyway ? it couldn’t be more than fifty. she poked at her roasted marshmallow experimentally, then placed the tip of her finger in her mouth. “ —shit, these aren’t vegan are they ? ”

[rosics-blog]

imessage: 🌙 rae 🌞✨

rae: yeah i think i do! i have a bunch of disposable cameras i've collected for the past, like, three years that i haven't gotten developed yet

rae: so there are probably pics in there

rae: and i mean you know that i'm free 23/7 so whenever you wanna meet up hmu!! 💘

rosie: please, please, pleeeaaase get them printed! show their beauty to the world! + me! especially me!!! like, i'm requesting to see them first, thx! 😍😍😍

rosie: yeah ok! ❤️ i'll call up some places tomorrow. i hope we can ride them during a sunset, wouldn't that be the best? 🐴🌅 xx

[rosics-blog]

harlow !

          despite what some people thought, harlow didn’t ever mean to scare people. he looked up to get a better view point to the person he was talking to. “are you sure? i feel bad.” so maybe he wasn’t as much of a bad boy as some people thought he was. “uh, i’m doing homework. or i was. apparently this is a terrible place to do homework when you end up dropping your pencil.” he let out a laugh. “yeah, i’m real.” 

when it came to apparitions, rosie, under the guidance of late night tv and hoax paranormal story-time videos, had learned that you could never be too careful. it was always best to ask, and it seemed more polite, too.  “ just checking ! ” placing her mug to the side, rosie stood up and leaned around the stair railing, to get a better view of the person she was speaking to.  “ see, ”  she said, sounding grave,  “ this is a sign. homework is terrible. we shouldn’t do it, ever. that pencil could’ve been you. you could’ve plummeted to your death for homework. ”

[rosics-blog]

stevie !

“The pleasure will be all mine to be your passenger but if i wanna adjust my places for you someone as beautiful as you but since you do instated how about we go right know?” 

“ someone as beautiful as... — oh ! wow ! um, thanks. i think you’re really pretty, too. where did you want to go ? ”

[rosics-blog]

chandler !

@rosics

Chandler didn’t have many fears. Heights, sure. Opening up to people and getting hurt by it? Definitely. Rosie’s driving? There was a reason he used Uber when he was sober. But drunk, he would rather put his safety in the hands of someone he trusted to be a bad driver and a good friend. Chandler had texted Rosie a little bit ago for a ride home and had decided to wait outside for her so he could get some fresh air. Once he saw the familiar vehicle pull up, he grinned and walked over to it, opening the passenger door and getting inside. “Rosie, man, you should have been here tonight!” He exclaimed, like he did after most parties. 

rosie was thirteen years old when she first advanced from the passenger side to the driver’s side of her mother’s car, way too young to get her permit, but old enough to follow instructions and not crash into shopping carts. her mother had told her ‘ baby, the world is so big that it doesn’t stand still, and neither should you. ’ and given her the keys. rosie turned down the radio as chandler slid into the passenger side, almost missing his smile. it did something to his eyes, lit them up somehow, like a candle behind stained glass. she only hoped it wouldn’t be snuffed out when he was sober.  “ was it good ? ” she asked, reaching forward to tap chandler’s forearm, a quiet little hello.  “ i brought you some water — there’s a bottle in the back, if you want it. it’s not chilled. i hope that doesn’t affect my overall score. ”

[rosics-blog]

sylvie !

There were few moments in Sylvie’s life that left her speechless. Surprisingly, hearing the girl’s comments about being an angel was one of them. A smile spread across her face while words failed her. It was only temporary, but Sylvie was affected nonetheless. “Well you just witnessed my descent,” she finally answered. “I think it might be both of our lucky days.”

there was a punch, high up, behind rosie’s left rib. it was her heart, presumably, and it felt like this stranger’s smile would be leaving an internal bruise soon.  “ lucky ? ”  rosie asked, taking the other girls hand into her own to help her onto two feet again, expression lost somewhere in bemusement.  “ i mean, maybe. yeah. — what were you doing ? ” 

[rosics-blog]

jakobee !

“ ‘it’s been lush’.” he repeated after the other had finished speaking. “i have absolutely no idea what that means or has meant. but - if you say so, i will go with it.” jakobee spoke with a hint of amusement. “well - the trick to handling all of it is simply to get a cat-sitter or a little kennel to keep them in. i don’t necessarily know how raising cats works, but i trained my guinea pig to sit in my lap while i did college work when i attended college.”

there was a curious pause, and then rosie laughed, nodding in encouragement at her new parrot for the hour. lush sounded odd coming out of his mouth, the concept of it not sitting quite right, but not at all unpleasant.  “ a cat-sitter ? that’d probably be too expensive. i could always drop out of college and become my own cat-sitter — this could be the start of a new business, you know. want to become an investor ? advice from a retired guinea pig owner could be invaluable here. ”

[rosics-blog]

jakobee simply laughed at the girl, as it was the only response that he could possibly offer. “why are you trying to give the second one away? it’s very home-like to peer pressure kitten adoption. i mean - someone would do it eventually, right? thank you for the welcoming. it’s been nice so far.”

“ yeah ? well, i’m glad you like it. san francisco is a beautiful city, you’ll be upgrading to a ‘ it’s been lush ’ soon. ” that was unlikely, considering neither of them were welsh and only one of them worked for the lush store. “ my brother recently moved out, so i’m down one kitten handler and a roommate. it’s just been a lot trying to manage work, college, and two very dependent, small hairy babies. ”

[rosics-blog]

jakobee !

“i don’t own a cat, actually. not in the present, at least. i left all my pets behind since i’m just now moving in – that answers the question. mind i ask why you have so many cats? it makes you seem a bit stereotyped, in my opinion. but on your offer, i’ll consider it while i finish moving in. i’d like to have some time to settle in first and be stable before i attempt to raise a precious being.”

“ what ? i don’t— oh no, no, sorry, it’s just two cats. i’m just— i’m trying to get the second one to a better home, that’s all. this has been a ... terrible sales pitch, and probably the last thing you need to hear right now. i should be offering you something neighbourly like help with your boxes or some coffee, not peer pressured kitten adoption. i’m sorry. welcome to alton, babe. ”

[rosics-blog]

atticus !

@rosics

It was a beautiful Fall day, Atticus’s favorite season. He could wear his favorite clothes and drink his favorite drinks without overheating. He was wearing his favorite sweater too, it was knit cashmere, that shade of dark blue that brought out his features and just made him much too attractive for his own good. The worst thing is that he knew how good he looked. 

Today’s occasion was actually catching up with an old friend. Okay, that’s a loose term. She was a freshman when he was a senior in high school but they had a couple of electives together and he had seen her in the lobby and noticed all the favors that puberty did that girl. So here was Atticus Zappa reconnecting with Rosie Kendrick.

He told her to meet him on at the coffee shop on the corner to grab a drink before they took a walk. He was sipping on his pumpkin spice latte, a drink he would defend with his dying breath, as he waited to spot the younger girl.

atticus’ hair was the first thing rosie noticed about him, years ago now, and then it had been followed by everything else: his jawline, his mouth, how his tongue curled around certain words, and eventually, how her name sounded when it was strung together by his vowels. a freshman having a crush on a senior wasn’t revolutionary, especially not in their school, where girls names used to trail quietly behind atticus like stray cats. 

rosie used to make a mental list of all the ways she would never compare to the girls atticus — or anyone, any boy, any person she thought could validate her somehow by asking her to prom — would take an interest in by the school bleachers, and she had enough humility now to admit that it was wrong to. so it was funny, and tragic, and somewhat typical for her, how every one of rosie’s shortcomings came back to her, in a horrible rush, the moment her eyes landed on him.

atticus zappa was stood inside the coffee shop where they agreed to meet, dim lights forming a halo out of his hair. rosie’s fourteen year old heart skipped a beat.  “ atticus, ”  she approached him, and her lips curled up in a smile even though she was almost too nervous to breathe.  “ is this weird ? it feels a little weird, doesn’t it ? sort of like a two-person reunion tour. hi, it’s, um— hi. ” 

[rosics-blog]

stevie !

“we don’t really have to go out and party but If you wanna be my cabbie or would to like to do something else? yes or how else would i get home?”

“ i’ll be your cabbie anytime, babe. to have you as my passenger would be a pleasure. really, though, you don’t need to adjust your plans for my benefit, okay ? i can just hang back and play nintendogs, and you can shoot me a text when you need picking up. ”

[rosics-blog]

Sylvie had been practicing her audition piece in the “lobby” given that it was much more spacious than her dingy little efficiency. This proved to be an unwise decision as she tripped over the leg of a nearby chair and fell flat on her face. Hair falling in front of her eyes she could just make out some feet approaching her. “You didn’t see that, right?”

“ i’ve never seen someone fall so ... —gracefully. you must be an angel. ”  after placing her shopping bags on the ground — two eco friendly bags, one filled entirely with kitty litter — rosie kneeled to the ground and offered her brightest ‘ i promise no one else saw that ’ smile, then she offered her hand. “ you basically nailed it. ”

[rosics-blog]

“cardboard boxes — they smell like the impending death we all face and the sweat of overworked laborers. i feel like if they smelled any better, we might enjoy using them. i’ve never heard of anyone enjoying the use of a cardboard box.”

“ i take it you don’t own any cats, they adore cardboard boxes. — are you just moving in ? oh, wait ! do you want a cat ? i know a guy. well, she’s a girl. she’s, uh— me, actually. i have cats. not, like, on the blackmarket or anything. just in my apartment. if you’re interested.  ”

[rosics-blog]

stevie !

“Well since it’s Friday night who wants to get there party on with me?”

“ oh— oh, no, i’m the last person you’d want to get your party on with. trust me. i can totally be your cabbie for the night, though. gotta’ have the classic designated driver, right ? ”

[rosics-blog]

caleb ! 

it was weird for caleb to find a comfortable spot on the blanket, his legs being an issue. finally, he’d decided to fold his legs up and wrap his arms around his knees, like small kids did when they were scared. rosie’s ‘shut up’ face was clear when he sat down and he knew they’d been talking about him or something because everything was eerily silent after. “okay guys, that is weird - i feel like i’m the boogeyman or something.” luckily, laughter erupted within the group and he, laughing as well, helped himself to a smore of his own, not wanting to be a part of the conversation just yet. soaking in the chilly october weather, content bloomed inside of him, since fall was probably his favorite season, his excitement for halloween building up. just as he was about to take a bite from his smore, the beluga whale comment made him snort so hard he had to pause to hold his nose with his free hand. “weren’t beluga whales endangered? or was it mexican vaquitas?” shrugging, he took a bite from the smore, eyes focused on the campfire as he leaned slightly against rosie – “did you bring a sleeping bag or did you forget that too?”

rosie had always been designed for motion, headlights breaking out onto the golden gate bridge or running late to work with half applied mascara, heart always thudding like a bumper car, making a carnival out of her chest. but she was still now, sticking another marshmallow onto her skewer, looking at caleb from his soft edges to his absurd smore creation. sometimes she forgot about the silly, girlish crush she’d had on him in school and the parts of it that still lingered now. sometimes she was able to manage it. sometimes she could go through a whole month without imagining what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t dated her best friend, if he’d picked someone else, instead. that was not remotely possible, however, when caleb was sitting like this, quiet, content, and looking so much like something that was healing. rosie’s heart felt fond, her smile reflecting such despite the roll of her eyes.  “ yes, thanks. i remembered to bring a sleeping bag with me to a camping trip. ”  it was good to be reminded of how caleb saw her; it helped to keep her sixteen year old daydreams in check.  “ why ? is that something else you wouldn’t mind sharing with me ? ”  or not. 

[rosics-blog]

ezra !

“Oh no.” He was quick to shake his head. “I’m not g-good at it. Definitely not.” There were few things in this world he was good at. He was good at overthinking things, and knowing the fastest way to get out of any enclosed space, and pretending things were fine when they really weren’t. That was about it though. “Tyra? W-What show is that again?”

“ tyra banks ? you know, the supermodel ? it’s the talk show where they bring on all the sad guests and she tells them the secret of self confidence. ”  rosie had been obsessed with it, leaving a youtube playlist of tyra episodes open in chrome for months on end.  “ she gives great advice. the episode about being real, like, transformed my life. do you remember it ?  ”

[rosics-blog]

caleb !

he’d laughed when she’d snatched his coffee cup away from him and he’d laughed again when she’d scrunched her nose at the bitter taste of the coffee. that simple exchange was enough for the raven haired boy to just gaze at her while he chatted briefly with luca about the events to follow. while he took some of the camping equipment, he shook his head at her words. “which means i’m a ball of gas that has died just to shine and entertain others?” he yelled out, a smile on his features. “okay, kris jenner. what’s next? leaking my sex tape?” he knew their odd conversation wouldn’t go unnoticed by the rest of their coworkers but they were used to it. caleb and rosie being caleb and rosie. he worked quickly, their conversation interrupted only to come back to the brunette stuffing her face with a smore. “saved anything for me or you were too greedy as usual?” he questioned, wiping his hands on his jeans as he sat down a little too close to her.

true to her word, rosie had saved caleb one of the best spots by the fire, and even though she hand’t managed to secure two fold out camping chairs, she had managed to get them a tartan blanket to sit on. around them, the trees had started to change colour from the outside in, yellow starting at the tips of leaves and spreading to encompass all the green before dropping off the branches, and in his absence, caleb had managed to miss a heated conversation about hypothetical sex tapes. to rosie’s horror, it had specifically been about their hypothetical sex tape, and she sent alice a sharp look as he sat down, saying  “ no. ”  without any context. the smores were a welcome distraction, gooey and entirely capable of preventing caleb from asking any questions. half eaten and already in hand, rosie put the last of hers in his mouth, with less grace than what would have been ideal.  “ we were just talking about... beluga whales. any thoughts ? ”