A/N: An anon sent a little headcanon thing about the Black Queen episode where Garcia and Morgan are involved in that sexual harassment talk. This will include Spencer x Reader also. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @hogwarts-konoha
“Today, we are going to be talking about sexual harassment.”
In an instant, Penelope and yourself shared a terrified glance. The woman speaking had set up a presentation. On it were phrases like “my big, black twelve-pack,” which was definitely a Garcia line, and “I’d like to see you in nothing but that FBI vest,” which was definitely something you’d said to Spencer before.
You were all for having these kinds of presentations. Sexual harassment was no joke at all, but every single bullet point on this presentation was something that Penelope had said to Morgan or you had said to Spencer. This entire floor of the Bureau knew that this was how you spoke to your respective best guy friends. No one had any issues with it, but somehow, this woman and her people had caught wind of your inside jokes and decided to make an entire fucking presentation out of it.
Glancing to the side, you saw JJ and Emily smirk. You pushed your tongue up behind your lip and shrugged. She was going to speak, go through her entire spiel and you and Spencer would go back to speaking the way you always did. Spencer was “in his shell” with everyone else to an extent, but with you, he let loose a little bit, and you weren’t about to let this woman ruin that.
“Now, I want everyone to take a peek at the board for a minute. Things like ‘I love that sexy string bean body’ and ‘Or what, you’ll spank me’ are not okay,” she started, her smug smile when she glanced at the four of you crawling under your skin. You sunk into your chair and closed your eyes, trying to tune out the bullshit. It wasn’t helping. Spencer just stood behind your chair, occasionally smirking, considering when it came to the two of you, most of the colorful language was yours. Morgan on the other hand desperately wanted to tell this woman to shut up, and Penelope looked the worst off of all of you. Although she wasn’t ashamed of the way she spoke to Morgan, having every single detail of their conversations picked apart in front of everyone was mortifying her. No one cared. The only ones that cared were HR people who assumed that there was to be no fun at all in the workplace; that people were supposed to just come into work, do their jobs, and not cultivate any close relationships.
“Agent Y/L/N,” the woman said, pulling you out of your little reverie, “This is a serious matter. I need you to pay attention.” With a laugh, you pushed yourself up in the chair and stared her down. “Is sexual harassment a laughing matter to you?”
Ok, now she was questioning your character and that’s just some bullshit. “Actual sexual harassment? No, not at all, and I don’t appreciate the insinuation. Sexual harassment is no laughing matter, however, how I speak to my co-workers, in front of my other co-workers who literally don’t care as long as we do our jobs? That is funny.”
“The way you and some other co-workers,” she said, eyeing Penelope without taking her eyes off you, “Talk to each other, can make people uncomfortable.”
You nodded and looked around, able to point out with one hand worth of fingers how many people you’d joked in front of that weren’t members of your immediate team. “Yes, which is why I make it a point to only joke that way in front of members of my immediate team who know exactly what the nature of my relationship with Dr. Reid is. You want to talk about sexual harassment, talk about the agents on this very floor who “subtly” brush past my, and my female co-workers asses because “there wasn’t enough room” for them not to touch my ass. You want to talk about sexual harassment, take a look at the video cameras and watch as a particular agent, who I won’t name in public, backed me into the wall of the elevator and tried to tell me how big his cock was. Sexual harassment in the workplace? Let’s talk about the fact that I can’t count on fingers and toes how many times I’ve separated a male agent from a female one, or the occasional female from female because things were getting uncomfortable, and that’s the things that I’ve seen. Sexual harassment is absolutely no joke at all, you’re the one making it into a joke by focusing on the way I talk to my co-worker.” Despite the fact that you thought this whole thing was a joke, you weren’t going to bring Garcia into this and make her more uneasy.
For a brief moment, you and the HR representative bore holes into each other, and then she continued. Again, you tuned out, because she was still talking about the way you spoke to Spencer and the way Morgan spoke with Penelope. When you glanced back toward Spencer, he looked proud of you; you gave him a small thumbs up and a roll of the eyes.
All of a sudden, Garcia looked down at her phone. “It’s Hotch,” she whispered.
“Miss Garcia,” the woman said. Oh goddammit, she was annoying.
Garcia’s face went red again. “I’m sorry. It’s Agent Hotchner. I have to go. I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
The remainder of the presentation passed by in a haze of awkwardness. You didn’t pay attention. Spencer and Morgan didn’t. The rest of the Bureau was in and out of consciousness. Even the HR representative seemed like she was just going through the motions, your words hitting her hard. Finally, it was over and she asked to speak with you. “Agent Y/L/N, I need you to know that I take what you said seriously.”
“Good,” you replied. “I’m sorry I can’t say the same about your presentation. There are so many other things that we need to worry about in the workplace that have nothing to do with the way I speak to my best friend. If you are actually serious, as you claim to be, please look into actual instances of sexual harassment within the Bureau, because I can assure you they do exist.”
She gave you a nod, which you took as your opportunity to leave. “Spence, wait up,” you said, running up behind him. He glanced backward, wondering why you’d been speaking to the HR representative, so you explained. “I won’t say anything loud enough for her to hear, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop telling you and I’d like to pin you up against the wall of the file room.”
“Hopefully, she’ll let this go,” he laughed, his pointer finger waving between the two of you, “and focus on what actually matters. How do you think Garcia’s doing?”
“I think she wants to hide her head in shame,” you replied. “But she’ll be fine. After a couple of days, she’ll go back to calling Morgan her big black twelve-pack just like she’s supposed to.”
Spencer looked down at his stomach wistfully. “I’ll never have a twelve-pack, or even a six pack.”
“You are perfect just the way you are you sexy pipe cleaner.”
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