Masterlist
My current obsessions are Tolkien and Star Wars. I also have MCU and Criminal Minds stories // Replies and follows from @ultrarebelheart // I do not take requests or write smut. // I don't give permission for my fics to be copied and reposted elsewhere
The last time I updated my pinned post was last year's OC Creator Bingo and now that has come round again I thought I should update it...
I've written fics for Criminal Minds, the MCU and Star Wars. Find the master list for each in the links here. I exclusively post on AO3 now and link here but a lot of my early stuff is on tumblr.
My current active WIPs are May Tomorrow Be Brighter (Star Wars, dinluke) and Loki, Guardian of the Galaxy (MCU, gen fic).
You can find my OCs listed here.
I don't write smut, my speciality is canon divergent and 'what if' fics. I like playing around with characters and ships aren't a massive deal. I do not give permission to have my work copied and uploaded to other sites or fed into an AI. I write because I want to explore ideas and build community.
My ask box is always open!
See below the cut for my 2023 OC Creator Bingo card and extra info.
“If I have one message to give to the secular American people, it’s that the world is not divided into countries. The world is not divided between East and West. You are American, I am Iranian, we don’t know each other, but we talk together and we understand each other perfectly. The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”
In writing and in dispensing my (very dubious, probably shady) writing advice, I am often keen to note that ideas are bullshit. Most writers
Chuck Wendig:
We can cut out the unnecessary parts, we can let artificial intelligence handle the rest, and all we have to do is feed it our Very Good Idea. We don’t even have to split the profits with some stupid fucking “author” anymore! We can just have ideas and that is all that matters! We’ll burp them up into the world, and an AI will run with them, creating only Necessary Fiction that has the Proper Ratios in it. A perfect narrative gumbo, every time. (Admittedly, with too many fingers and too much plagiarism.)
WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY.
Except, of course, you and me, we know that’s all bullshit, right? We know that stories are more than just their inception. Stories are the author. Stories are the execution. Stories are in the human experiences, the unexpected parts, and as Michel notes, the unnecessary portions. They’re the most flavorful bits. Everything isn’t just pure protein. The flavor is in the fat, okay?
So, fuck off, AI.
Warnings: rape/non con, slavery, sex slavery, sacrifices, violence, torture, abuse, victim blaming and in universe racism including antisemitism, eugenics.
Ships: mairon/celeborn/galadriel, isildur x oc, elendil/miriel/gil-galad, celebrian/elrond, sauron/galadriel/elrond/celeborn/celebrimbor/finrod (noncon/one sided), adar/cirdan, arondir/brownyn and background finrod/luthien/beren.
Summary: In this universe Mairon, Maia of Aule is not seduced by Morgoth but Morgoth is still very much in love with him. So in love that he is taken by him but there is still a Sauron, once named Curumo by the elves. Thousands of years later in Rhûn a silver haired elf and his infant daughter find Mairon and in their slavery, a new family is found amongst horror and loss
Elsewhere, Curumo finds a new form in the wreckage of the War of Wrath and finds himself in love with more than one. He will stop at nothing to keep them safe. No matter what.
Note: this is particularly for @kenobiwaned whose amazing work and being such a cool friend who lives in my phone is really the reason that this exists at all. But also to @themalhambird @plotdesigner @seagull-energy and @nocompromise-noregrets for being amazing friends and collaborators.
Tag list: @eowyn7023 @blind-dandelion @agoodflyting @a-ramblinrose @erulasse23 @conundrumoftime @broadwaybaggins if you would like to be tagged in updates then reply or like this post)
Master Post | Previous Part
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"You should have my stupid dresses Shutha. I can't even wear them properly and you can."
Freyja had considered this over breakfast (Mama always said she shouldn't talk with her mouth full so Freyja talks inside her head mostly which doesn't count) and she knew this was the best way. Shutha was a princess so she should have princess dresses and then Freyja could wear what she liked and Shutha could wear what she wanted.
"I don't think I can. Lord Curumo wouldn't like it and then the grown ups would be sad."
"He's stupid though!"
"Freyja you can't say that. You know you can't say that."
"I suppose. But he is stupid Shutha - he thinks you aren't real and he pats my hair and I have to wear stupid dresses all the time."
Shutha looked at her friend sadly. Freyja was her best friend but Freyja could say things scary things like that sometimes - everyone knew you don't talk about the Lords like that, but then Freyja didn't really because Freyja didn't know all the childrens stories about how you had to be quiet. Maybe it's because Freyja didn't have older sisters.
Shutha puts that thought away for another time and takes Freyja's hand - she wants to play Spiders and Goblins today and Freyja is the best at it because most of the time Freyja doesn't even wear her dresses anyway - she likes to wear breeches and tunics all the time.
"What about we play Spiders and Goblins later but now we read more about the Golden Elf?"
Shutha likes the stories about Lady Idril best but she likes the Golden Elf as well! He fought a whole Balrog and saved his people and Shutha thinks Freyja could fight two Balrogs. Freyja says Shutha could help people like Lady Idril did though and Shutha likes that idea.
(Her new Uncle Celebrimbor was even there in the Golden Elf and Lady Idrils city and he tells the best stories about them - some of them are for when she and Freyja are older he says but a lot of them aren't and she thinks the Golden City must have been the best place in the whole of the world).
They look over the stories together while the grown ups are doing grown up things all the time - though it was funny that the adults kept laughing about gardening the last time. Shutha isn't sure what's funny about flowers but maybe that is something you learn when you get really old like Agralash is.
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Mairon thinks that his love for Celeborn is a constant in the backgroud of his being - some days it aches horribly but it is always there in the way that Mairon breathes now. His love for Galadriel is a sudden onset, a flare of light that takes him apart in its fierceness. You are so beautiful, he thinks looking at her - shining hair and sword in hand and he loves them both.
It is not…once Mairon had loved the game of seduction, of the joy of finding out what a lover might want and giving it to them, of creating beauty and pleasure. He had delighted in it, in the being he had once been. Did you bed him, my brothers herald, Morgoth had whispered in his ear, smoke and the weight of mountains - did you love him, my jewel? I do not think you did, did you - I will pluck every feather from his wings before the end and Mairon had not whimpered (you learn to not whimper, to not flinch for it made it worse) and had said no, not him. Not in the way that you mean Lord. And it is true - it was not as Morgoth meant it.
So he keeps matters quiet between them. He had had practice in Rhun - for he had not wanted to speak of his own desires, not when they were in such a place. Not when Celeborn had had far too many unwanted and unwished for suitors but sometimes, sometimes when they had laid in their cot together he had felt the ache in himself, looking at the elf who he had come to love. It is better, he thinks that I do not speak of it, Celeborn has lost so much choice and he has lost his wife. I will not push myself upon him.
you know, there were times when I thought the same - that I should not burden you with my desires. Celeborn traces patterns across his chest, smiles somewhat sadly as Galadriel snorts. But I can assure you, I wanted you Mairon. I wanted you so much sometimes I was ashamed of myself - I felt like the Masters, imposing my desires on you. You could never, Mairon says. Never. Either of you.
I have never known myself to be unable to give voice to my wishes, Galadriel says, lips against his ear and it is beautiful to be between them, cradled safe safe he has never known this before. But you rendered me entirely speechless.
He is very good at that, Celeborn says and then there is no more talking for a while.
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"What, exactly do you think they could be 'getting up to' - because I can assure you that Elrond can hardly move at all without falling into unconsciousness - tell me how that might equal 'they are clearly fucking' to you?"
Sedril snorts at the way the elf's face reddens at the profanity rather than anything else.
"It is the implications rather than the reality Healer - surely you must understand that. With the fact that none of them will be separated from each other and whatever it is that they have….surely you must understand why there is concern?"
"No, no I do not understand why my severely and deeply traumatised patients holding on to each other for comfort is concerning and Estë give me patience to understand why anyone would be for I cannot. Now if you do not have any actual need for healing? Get out of my halls."
The slammed door behind him is music to Sedrils ears. She's already had far too many conversations (and one near violent confrontation) about 'what to do about this 'problem'' and one too many of them had begun with 'put them out of their miseries' which she will not have here. There have been too many disasters across the ages, of doing Morgoths work for him and she refuses to do so. Not when there is another way. One day Sedril will sail for Aman and if Elu Thingol has come out of Mandos she will strangle him herself when she first sees him.
(There is a part of her that wants to be fair but truth be told it is not a very large part of her - Elrond thankfully has not inherited that from his forefather but then, Elrond is far too sensible to ever indulge in such things).
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The knowledge that his beloved little bird was her line had come later but Curumo has never seen any of that abomination in his nightingale - perhaps because Elrond is so clearly and entirely kind to him. He makes Curumo feel at peace and embraced and has from the first moment that they encountered each other in Eregion when Elrond had thought him a mortal named Hrodgar, only the long lost King of ash and dust and yet, Elrond had treated him with respect.
So he had not known that he was of her line and then, then he had only seen Melian in those gentle starlit eyes, olive skin and black curls. It was Melians steady wisdom (not withstanding that she had been ensnared by that cursed Thingol) that embraced Curumo and so he never thinks of her when looking upon his little bird.
And now, now the disgusting filth that is Numenor seek to take his nightingale, his lovely delicate solace away from him. Curumo will never allow it. There is something in the blood of much of this kingdom that is abhorrent - perhaps that is where her lineage tells, though not in Elendil and Miriel and their children - that is where he sees his little bird.
Come, he says gently as Elrond regains his strength. I will have you away from this isle as soon as I might but first, first my love I want them to see how much I love you, how they did not succeed in taking you from me. He dresses in Elrond in the darkest red velvet that he loves upon him - it drapes perfectly and the gold chains in his dark hair glitter and carries him to the assembly in the throne room where his other loves await him.
perfect Curumo thinks. It is perfect. He watches the scum around them who toast to their own destruction and the triumph is sweeter for his darlings, his sweet treasures in his hands and soon, soon he will have to send them away but he will return home to them and this island will be gone.
Instead he has returned to triumph that has turned to ash. His cursed, abhorrent kin have taken his darlings from him because they fear his powers, fear his supremacy over them and the vengenance he shall take. They think to cower him by this but he shall not be - instead he is resolved all the more. He will bring perfection to Middle Earth and he will make sure his jewels are safe again in his keeping.
But first to deal with the mortal filth that has allowed this to happen. His so called priest and his whore.
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Neidragh - Curumo says it, hand beneath his creations tunic. My love, if you go near that whore again I will flay his skin from his bones in front of your eyes. It burns Curumo to keep the whore alive for his master but he must. It does not mean he has to tolerate Mairon hooking his tendrils into that which belongs to Curumo. That which Curumo had crafted for his very own - Neidragh belonged entirely to him and had from the first moment he had seen him by that lake and desired to have the elf that had been for his. Neidragh was not that elf of course for Curumo had ripped that away and made something utterly exquisitely new from the remains but it had always been destined to be his.
It is why he had soon realised that Neidragh could not have betrayed him. Of course he could not - the orc scum were imperfect flawed experiments that had clearly played on Neidraghs soft heart and sentimentality and had enchanted him. Curumo had never believed it, not even when the crown had turned into a blade as Neidragh knelt before Curumo to bestow it upon him. The idea of betrayal had been a ridiculous one, one that Curumo blames on the unfortunate disruption to his plans that had ensued after the disaster of the War of Wrath and the time it had taken him to rebuild matters.
Now of course he will bed Neidragh as he desires. And now, now in the aftermath of his second loss he finds that someone else has touched that which belongs to him. He will give Neidragh a lesson in who it is he belongs to for it seems he might have thrown it away.
when Curumo had had him with his treasures there had been times Curumo had wondered how they might look together - it was a pretty picture that the Moriandor made with Curumos loves. Perhaps one day, Curumo had thought back then at least with my smith - they would make such a pretty picture together pleasing Curumo
But of course, of course the Shipwright had plucked Neidragh - Curumo hates it, the idea that his gift should find pleasure in another as it seems he has. A marriage! As though Neidragh was a being to bestow himself upon another rather than Curumos - it sickens him, especially as he suspects that Cirdan has been the one to impede many of Curumos plans and now, now he takes again.
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I will use you. But first, we must purify your whores blood. Zigur is an Avalôi and thus you cannot judge him to the sanity of other beings but Tôdaphêl thinks for all that Zigur has not lost any of his cunning nor his intellect he is not entirely sane now - particularly in his fury towards his fellow. She wonders, distantly if the Avalôi can be killed and decides that he cannot (and Zigur will not, that she knows well enough now - he had made promises to his own master and Zigur and Tôdaphêl both keep to their promises) and it would be of no use to her regardless.
The being is tied to the altar - the bonds are tight she thinks and the knife that Zigur holds is different. Crueller.
It turns out that this Avalôi at least will bleed red. For a moment it is as though the very skies and sea are weeping. Stilled. But no, Tôdaphêl knows very well that those powers cannot find this one and clearly they care as little for him as they have for any in Middle Earth or Arda for they have not come for him.
Still, better that she and her family shall be far from this isle at it's end. Far better to be trusted with transporting Zigurs precious ones and then to begin anew in Angmar - she will uphold her family legacy well and that is all that matters. They will survive, she and her house hold all and they will prosper.
(Tôdaphêl makes a note to ensure the stock of winter clothing and supplies for the servants is reinforced and that the heating system in her families new home is operative before they come to dwell there as the Avalôi finally whimpers).
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"Can you bring me tidings of any of them?"
Gil-galad does not say 'forgive me' because he thinks he is past that now but he is sorry for his tone - it sounds almost dispassionate to his own ears but oddly, Queen Miriel and her Sea Captain seems to understand what is underneath it and somehow that does not feel discomforting to Erenion at all.
"I can tell you they live, at least when I saw them onto the ship that Sauron had commanded convey them back to Middle Earth before he sent us away ourselves."
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"How many, my love - how many have been in your bed before?"
It depends, Celebrimbor wants to retort, on if you count the walls. Or does that moment in Gondolin in one of the private fountains make it a bed? Though we did make it to bed eventually. He bites it back and tries (tries) to look abashed.
"No one for a very long time. And I have never lost my heart to any other as I did to you."
This is a painful, aching truth. Celebrimbor had lost himself to Annatar in ways he had never expected, for all that they had never shared even a kiss. He had dreamed of it, before everything and now ironically there is nothing he wishes for less even as a part of his body still yearns for that touch.
"I cannot truly blame you my darling - after all your whore of a grandfather hardly gave you a good example in such matters and you were abandoned by so many of your so called family - of course others took advantage."
Sauron grips him by the hair then. "But if any of them still live I will flay the flesh from their bones and force their spirit into rotting flesh. You need not be ashamed though, my dearest of what was forced - I understand very well that you did not wish it."
of course his little bird, his own nightingale is untouched by any hand. Poor Tyelpe had been so confused before but those who had touched him had not truly tainted him - of that Curumo is sure (the bedding had been nothing but a pleasure, a new thing for his smith - Curumo knows that for sure, that the hands on his darlings skin were new and Tyelpe was pure) but Elrond, Elrond has never known what it is to be bedded by another and Curumo savours that he will be his darlings first and only
Curumo knew that Celebrian was his child and he knew it anew when Galadriel answered him as to her meeting with Curumos sweet silver prince. He and his Queen of Light had met in a flower glade - of course his sweet little queen of a daughter was meant for soft flowers and perfection.
Of course his darlings had made her there for their husband. Curumo twirls Galadriel in his arms in delight, her hair shining about him and scented with roses.
I am not angry at you my darling one, Curumo says to Finrod - how could I be when we have felt the same knife at our throats. I know you never wanted what they wished of you, my lovely.
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Curumo is a loyal servant and a useful one and Melkor is not unappreciative of his work and Melkor does not mistrust him. But he is tedious in his jealousies - but then Curumo could never be what his jewels are to him, Melkor thinks as he strokes dark hair and red brown (this form of Mairons is lovely enough) - but his jewels would never do what Curumo does. Unfortunate - they would make such exquisite right and left hands but in truth Melkor likes them better as they are - precious jewels in his arms.
When the end comes it is quick - he had never thought his useless soft hearted brother would do such things and he thinks for a moment of whether he could still find a way to flee them - at least they wil not get their hands upon Mairon, for all the incompetence in the loss of him - perhaps he should have given the umaia who had managed to lose Melkors little flame a quicker death after all, but perhaps not. Melkors grip tightens on his dark jewel flame - he does not want to let go of him, to give him up.
There is a bargain there, Melkor thinks as they come and his brothers herald leads them and it had to be him Melkor snarls to himself, mountains and smoke and his work falling around him and it was him who had touched his little flame so tenderly.
"You will never find him - I have made sure of that" he spits as they hew his feet from this form. At least there is that. That and he knows he has broken his dark jewel flame from that red haired bitch - she will never be able to touch him again.
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Note: @kenobiwaned wrote some gorgeous meta about Curumo!Sauron and his relationship with Adar and this happened. Because I absolutely agreed - Curumo!Sauron does not think that Adar is an independent person (look the bar is in the sub floors of hell and it's still abusive as fuck but Mairon!Sauron and Adar have a certain amount of…there was like, mutual affection (to be clear - still abuse)/trust. And then of course Morgoths feelings about Curumo!Sauron - for me I think Morgoth respects him and doesn't mistrust him (which for Morgoth is actually significant - he doesn't trust him because Morgoth does not do that particularly post imprisonment but he doesn't mistrust him) but he will never love him (like with Mairon!Sauron Morgoth genuinely loves him and even trusts him (except obviously also is brutally abusive AT THE SAME TIME and that increases as time goes on)) and that is what Curumo!Sauron really wants. Also I thought for five seconds about not deciding to incorporate the Feanor Got Grabbed Variant into this and then went '…it is my self indulgent AU and I am permitted to be self indulgent' so I did it.
There was so much that I loved about this installment. I literally re-read it like four times today.
Shutha and Freyja! Sauron looking at teeny-tiny Uruks like Shutha and having his immediate thoughts be of hatred is just so indicitave of why he is the worst. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't interact with the "vulgar herd" very often and does his communication via a chosen few, but it's still awful.
Shutha just knowing that there are some things that can't be done or said in a way that Freyja has been protected from having to understand. It's so sad that Shutha has to keep those things in mind when she's this young.
Ahh! I love how you put in the detail about both of them liking the stories about Gondolin for different reasons. It tracks that Freyja's going to like Glorfindel and that Shutha would immediately latch onto Idril. I'm not saying that she's going to grow up to make an Uruk version of Gondolin, but also I'm not not saying that.
I actually lol'ed when I read the bit where Shutha thinks of Agralash as being "old".
Ohh yes! Mairon just slow burning for Celeborn and being an actual house-on-fire about Galadriel. Also how Celeborn was also slow-burning for Mairon and Galadriel is just like "Good thing I came along or you two wouldn't have even touched pinkies before the breaking of Arda."
I'm just imagining a conversation between Eonwe and Mairon wayyyy in the 4th age. And Eonwe going, "Let me get this straight. You were living with him? You shared a bed? You shared a CHILD...and you still thought he might turn you down?"
Mairon not being able to express himself physically the way that he once would have when it comes to romantic interest. But also coming to the realizaion that just because he can't go back doesn't mean that he can't go on!
Sedril being like, "Listen, nothing is happening. But even if it were, it's really none of your business. Now get off my lawn."
Just poetry. I feel like she and Cirdan need to get together and have bitch sessions about Elven lords who think they know what's what when they weren't even around for The Sinking.
Ew. Sauron's thoughts about Elrond being kind to him when he was in his "Hrodgar" is similar to the way gross men will assume that women are "encouraging them" because they happen to smile in their direction on occasion.
The way he blatantly ignores all the aspects of Elrond's heritage that he dislikes to create this perfect concept of what he wants. He's so concerned about the "disgusting filth" of Numenor corrupting Elrond. Meanwhile, those are literally his great-great-whatever nieces and nephews.
UGH. Yes, that is exactly how I picture interactions between Adar and Curumo. It's a very creepy mix of a possessive lover and one of those parents who thinks that because they have a child, the child is their property. *barfs* The whole "this is mine to do what I please, when I please" mentality.
I can just imagine Curumo creeping on an unsuspecting Adar at Cuivienen. He's angry and hurt that Melkor's just not as into him as he wishes, and then there is this Elf who is so kind and nurturing (and maybe too shy to seek a spouse), and Sauron just decides that he's going to build someone who will love him the way that he wants to be wanted.
Omg! The switch of Adar kneeling and presenting the crown to Curumo is PERFECT. It reminds me of that moment in French History when Napoleon took the crown from the Pope's hands and crowned himself at his own coronation. That sort of arrogance is completely in line with Curumo's personality. Joke's on him, he gets sent to the equivalent of Elba via being turned into goo for the better part of an age.
It also completely tracks that Curumo would hate Cirdan for "stealing" Adar. I think this revelation, out of all the matchups that happen post-escape, is the one that really comes out of left field for Sauron. He's so primed to think that Mairon is out to seduce everyone that he'd be angry about Celeborn/Galadriel/Mairon, but I don't necessarily think that he would be surprised. He can explain away Elrond/Celebrian as Celebrian trying to protect Elrond (and probably that they're trying to give Curumo children in some convoluted way that only makes sense to him). But Adar having a lover has got to really upend Sauron. He "made" Adar to love him. He thought he had made Adar to be loved by no one but himself. I think Adar/Cirdan genuinely shocks him to the core.
The witnesses to the bloodletting at the temple are just side-eyeing each other. Wondering exactly how many branches Sauron hit as he fell out of the crazy tree. In some ways, this sacrifice feels similar to the one that happened on the show. There's such a sense of blasphemy about the act, even if Mairon didn't actually die.
Poor Celebrimbor! Being raked over the coals about his previous partners. There's something interesting (and sad) about this exchange. We're told that he never really loved anyone the way that he loved Annatar. The worst part is that, to a certain degree, you can see a tiny glimmer of truth amid all of Curumo's bullshit. Not that people took advantage of him, or any of that other nonsense. But the notion that Celebrimbor must have been incredibly lonely (especially in the First Age). He broke with his family, but there were probably heaps of Noldor and Sindar who still considered him a monster by association. Naturally, Curumo picks up on that and uses it to manipulate Celebrimbor.
Curumo is very much telling on himself with his paranoia over his loves/children becoming "tainted". I feel like there is some subconscious transference of his fears going on.
Oof. Curumo wants every detail of Celeborn's and Galadriel's romance. He's trying so hard to inject himself into the situation. I bet that getting/giving those details was harrowing. You can see Sauron wanting to know, but also becoming enraged and going off on unsuspecting thralls as he hears it.
I wonder if Melkor deliberately set out to encourage Curumo to love him. It seems like something that he would do. Making sure that someone stays loyal via love. Always offering just enough to keep Curumo coming back for more, but never enough to make him happy. On the other hand, Curumo is pretty delusional all on his own. He could have just as easily made a whole bunch of assumptions about what their relationship was going to be like, and Melkor just took advantage of an opportunity to secure a loyal and useful servant.
I loved reading this! Thank you so much for writing it!
@kenobiwaned oh my gosh I am so so touched you liked it so much my heart.
With Shutha and Freyja (I think they are between four-six here) I really wanted to get that little kid sense of They Are So So Old (like TWELVE) And Big there *g* Also yep (I think Curumo!Sauron regards the Uruk as somewhere between ‘nameless scum’ and ‘okay FINE useful tool’ and he’s really not good at hiding his revulsion and nor does he want to have any contact with most of them (which THAT IS A BABY. AN ADORABLE BABY (re Shutha)) and that’s something that Shutha has to know which is so enraging/sad that she has to know it so young.
And Freyja doesn’t because Freyja has been sheltered and also I will be honest Freyja in any other universe dies because she is chronically unable to Shut Up Judiciously when she sees an unjust and her culture hates hates outspoken little girls (in any other universe she and Bjorn and Sven and Gunhild and Astrid and her family die)
(But it was so lovely to write these two little besties (I picture them sitting together in a niche somewhere eating pastries and swinging their legs) and also who they will grow into eventually).
Re Celeborn/Galadriel/Mairon: THEY REALLY WOULD NOT HAVE (I kind of picture Celebrian being like ‘I do not want to know about it but dads you need to do something about how you are both in love with each other because I CANNOT TAKE IT’ at some point if Galadriel had not been there). Like just the most mutual pining to ever mutual pine and neither of them actually realises it.
Also Morgoth absolutely at least encouraged Curumo!Sauron in his…delusions in that regard (Morgoth is and isn’t subtle but he is actually very very good at this one and very smart about it - not promising but implying he promises) - if not outright giving him enough crumbs to hope. (It’s also very ‘I rely on you like no other Curumo’ about it all and Curumo just kind of…inferring from there).
I spent so much time going back and forth on Celebrimbors past sex/relationship experience pre Annatar and YES on the loneliness - I think he’d told himself that he could devote himself to crafting (and to be clear he had a daughter (Mirdania) and friends and a lot of joys but also he was lonely lonely for a long time because he’d lost his family and he does not regret his choice but also he does) and then he thought he’d found this connection and UGH POOR CELEBRIMBOR.
(Of all of them I think he might struggle the most with being able to be with someone ever again if at all. Like I tried to think about but he fell in love for the very first time and uh, That Happened which is awful. So I don’t know if he comes back).
Okay now I’m thinking about Curumo and the reaction to Celeborn/Mairon/Galadriel and how it’s ‘that whore STOLE them from me’ levels of rage anyway I will be writing something about this in more detail but the way I think he reacts to that is…somewhere between ‘I have to remind them who they belong to - my poor loves’ and ‘he stole SOMETHING ELSE’
But yes he absolutely cannot conceive of Adar being a person who would choose something or someone and also that someone would even…it’s not that he doesn’t think Adar is desirable (he clearly does - he wanted to create his ideal who would never leave him and always love him) but he can’t conceive of someone *asking him to marry* if that makes any sense? Because you don’t ask a possession UGH.
Honestly that whole conversation was *awful* (all of them were but the Celeborn and Galadriel one in particular because in some ways they had to make it about Curumo to make sure Celebrian was safe and UGH UGH UGH).
(Part of the story Galadriel and Celeborn aren’t telling = lots. Like how the first time Celeborn saw her she was just like :i have walked across The Fucking Ice for years, I am doing some Uncanny Shit and have a SWORD and possibly I am covered in blood: and he was like WIFE and Galadriel won’t say that she really fell for Celeborn that time he told Daeron to for the love Eru shut up).
(I had some feelings about Curumo!Saurons view of Elrond and how it’s somewhat different for me than Mairon!Sauron - for Mairon!Sauron it’s kindness to Halbrand that kind of rewrites the AAAAGH AAAGH IT’S HER of it all (I think also on the surface Elrond does not really seem like he would pull a Luthien) and it’s part of him putting the threat to rest that he can hold Elrond and love him, that Elrond is kind and seems to being not treated well* But for Curumo!Sauron it’s that…like the way that some men will see a woman (specifically in this case a biracial woman with all that implies) and go ‘oh look my beautiful emotional support angel just for me’ because they were generally kind)
(Which I think they all struggle with a lot of guilt re that and some external blame re ‘encouraging the attention’ but ultimately as you have Adar say in A Company Of Wolves (which I totally read again) it was not wrong to be kind. It was wrong what he did).
Anyway to me Elwing is actually very afraid of forests and feels horribly guilty about it. She was so so young escaping through the forests of Doriath, screams behind her and imagining kinslayers behind every tree. Her brothers were left to die in those woods and she lived by the sea her whole life. She wants so desperately to feel safe and protected under trees. She cannot. She cries at Melian's feet in Lorien. Begs forgiveness when she has done nothing wrong
Warnings: rape/non con, slavery, sex slavery, sacrifices, violence, torture, abuse, victim blaming and in universe racism including antisemitism, eugenics.
Ships: mairon/celeborn/galadriel, isildur x oc, elendil/miriel/gil-galad, celebrian/elrond, sauron/galadriel/elrond/celeborn/celebrimbor/finrod (noncon/one sided), adar/cirdan, arondir/brownyn and background finrod/luthien/beren.
Summary: In this universe Mairon, Maia of Aule is not seduced by Morgoth but Morgoth is still very much in love with him. So in love that he is taken by him but there is still a Sauron, once named Curumo by the elves. Thousands of years later in Rhûn a silver haired elf and his infant daughter find Mairon and in their slavery, a new family is found amongst horror and loss
Elsewhere, Curumo finds a new form in the wreckage of the War of Wrath and finds himself in love with more than one. He will stop at nothing to keep them safe. No matter what.
Note: this is particularly for @kenobiwaned whose amazing work and being such a cool friend who lives in my phone is really the reason that this exists at all. But also to @themalhambird @plotdesigner @seagull-energy and @nocompromise-noregrets for being amazing friends and collaborators.
Tag list: @eowyn7023 @blind-dandelion @agoodflyting @a-ramblinrose @erulasse23 @conundrumoftime @broadwaybaggins if you would like to be tagged in updates then reply or like this post)
Master Post | Previous Part
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"You should have my stupid dresses Shutha. I can't even wear them properly and you can."
Freyja had considered this over breakfast (Mama always said she shouldn't talk with her mouth full so Freyja talks inside her head mostly which doesn't count) and she knew this was the best way. Shutha was a princess so she should have princess dresses and then Freyja could wear what she liked and Shutha could wear what she wanted.
"I don't think I can. Lord Curumo wouldn't like it and then the grown ups would be sad."
"He's stupid though!"
"Freyja you can't say that. You know you can't say that."
"I suppose. But he is stupid Shutha - he thinks you aren't real and he pats my hair and I have to wear stupid dresses all the time."
Shutha looked at her friend sadly. Freyja was her best friend but Freyja could say things scary things like that sometimes - everyone knew you don't talk about the Lords like that, but then Freyja didn't really because Freyja didn't know all the childrens stories about how you had to be quiet. Maybe it's because Freyja didn't have older sisters.
Shutha puts that thought away for another time and takes Freyja's hand - she wants to play Spiders and Goblins today and Freyja is the best at it because most of the time Freyja doesn't even wear her dresses anyway - she likes to wear breeches and tunics all the time.
"What about we play Spiders and Goblins later but now we read more about the Golden Elf?"
Shutha likes the stories about Lady Idril best but she likes the Golden Elf as well! He fought a whole Balrog and saved his people and Shutha thinks Freyja could fight two Balrogs. Freyja says Shutha could help people like Lady Idril did though and Shutha likes that idea.
(Her new Uncle Celebrimbor was even there in the Golden Elf and Lady Idrils city and he tells the best stories about them - some of them are for when she and Freyja are older he says but a lot of them aren't and she thinks the Golden City must have been the best place in the whole of the world).
They look over the stories together while the grown ups are doing grown up things all the time - though it was funny that the adults kept laughing about gardening the last time. Shutha isn't sure what's funny about flowers but maybe that is something you learn when you get really old like Agralash is.
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Mairon thinks that his love for Celeborn is a constant in the backgroud of his being - some days it aches horribly but it is always there in the way that Mairon breathes now. His love for Galadriel is a sudden onset, a flare of light that takes him apart in its fierceness. You are so beautiful, he thinks looking at her - shining hair and sword in hand and he loves them both.
It is not…once Mairon had loved the game of seduction, of the joy of finding out what a lover might want and giving it to them, of creating beauty and pleasure. He had delighted in it, in the being he had once been. Did you bed him, my brothers herald, Morgoth had whispered in his ear, smoke and the weight of mountains - did you love him, my jewel? I do not think you did, did you - I will pluck every feather from his wings before the end and Mairon had not whimpered (you learn to not whimper, to not flinch for it made it worse) and had said no, not him. Not in the way that you mean Lord. And it is true - it was not as Morgoth meant it.
So he keeps matters quiet between them. He had had practice in Rhun - for he had not wanted to speak of his own desires, not when they were in such a place. Not when Celeborn had had far too many unwanted and unwished for suitors but sometimes, sometimes when they had laid in their cot together he had felt the ache in himself, looking at the elf who he had come to love. It is better, he thinks that I do not speak of it, Celeborn has lost so much choice and he has lost his wife. I will not push myself upon him.
you know, there were times when I thought the same - that I should not burden you with my desires. Celeborn traces patterns across his chest, smiles somewhat sadly as Galadriel snorts. But I can assure you, I wanted you Mairon. I wanted you so much sometimes I was ashamed of myself - I felt like the Masters, imposing my desires on you. You could never, Mairon says. Never. Either of you.
I have never known myself to be unable to give voice to my wishes, Galadriel says, lips against his ear and it is beautiful to be between them, cradled safe safe he has never known this before. But you rendered me entirely speechless.
He is very good at that, Celeborn says and then there is no more talking for a while.
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"What, exactly do you think they could be 'getting up to' - because I can assure you that Elrond can hardly move at all without falling into unconsciousness - tell me how that might equal 'they are clearly fucking' to you?"
Sedril snorts at the way the elf's face reddens at the profanity rather than anything else.
"It is the implications rather than the reality Healer - surely you must understand that. With the fact that none of them will be separated from each other and whatever it is that they have….surely you must understand why there is concern?"
"No, no I do not understand why my severely and deeply traumatised patients holding on to each other for comfort is concerning and Estë give me patience to understand why anyone would be for I cannot. Now if you do not have any actual need for healing? Get out of my halls."
The slammed door behind him is music to Sedrils ears. She's already had far too many conversations (and one near violent confrontation) about 'what to do about this 'problem'' and one too many of them had begun with 'put them out of their miseries' which she will not have here. There have been too many disasters across the ages, of doing Morgoths work for him and she refuses to do so. Not when there is another way. One day Sedril will sail for Aman and if Elu Thingol has come out of Mandos she will strangle him herself when she first sees him.
(There is a part of her that wants to be fair but truth be told it is not a very large part of her - Elrond thankfully has not inherited that from his forefather but then, Elrond is far too sensible to ever indulge in such things).
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The knowledge that his beloved little bird was her line had come later but Curumo has never seen any of that abomination in his nightingale - perhaps because Elrond is so clearly and entirely kind to him. He makes Curumo feel at peace and embraced and has from the first moment that they encountered each other in Eregion when Elrond had thought him a mortal named Hrodgar, only the long lost King of ash and dust and yet, Elrond had treated him with respect.
So he had not known that he was of her line and then, then he had only seen Melian in those gentle starlit eyes, olive skin and black curls. It was Melians steady wisdom (not withstanding that she had been ensnared by that cursed Thingol) that embraced Curumo and so he never thinks of her when looking upon his little bird.
And now, now the disgusting filth that is Numenor seek to take his nightingale, his lovely delicate solace away from him. Curumo will never allow it. There is something in the blood of much of this kingdom that is abhorrent - perhaps that is where her lineage tells, though not in Elendil and Miriel and their children - that is where he sees his little bird.
Come, he says gently as Elrond regains his strength. I will have you away from this isle as soon as I might but first, first my love I want them to see how much I love you, how they did not succeed in taking you from me. He dresses in Elrond in the darkest red velvet that he loves upon him - it drapes perfectly and the gold chains in his dark hair glitter and carries him to the assembly in the throne room where his other loves await him.
perfect Curumo thinks. It is perfect. He watches the scum around them who toast to their own destruction and the triumph is sweeter for his darlings, his sweet treasures in his hands and soon, soon he will have to send them away but he will return home to them and this island will be gone.
Instead he has returned to triumph that has turned to ash. His cursed, abhorrent kin have taken his darlings from him because they fear his powers, fear his supremacy over them and the vengenance he shall take. They think to cower him by this but he shall not be - instead he is resolved all the more. He will bring perfection to Middle Earth and he will make sure his jewels are safe again in his keeping.
But first to deal with the mortal filth that has allowed this to happen. His so called priest and his whore.
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Neidragh - Curumo says it, hand beneath his creations tunic. My love, if you go near that whore again I will flay his skin from his bones in front of your eyes. It burns Curumo to keep the whore alive for his master but he must. It does not mean he has to tolerate Mairon hooking his tendrils into that which belongs to Curumo. That which Curumo had crafted for his very own - Neidragh belonged entirely to him and had from the first moment he had seen him by that lake and desired to have the elf that had been for his. Neidragh was not that elf of course for Curumo had ripped that away and made something utterly exquisitely new from the remains but it had always been destined to be his.
It is why he had soon realised that Neidragh could not have betrayed him. Of course he could not - the orc scum were imperfect flawed experiments that had clearly played on Neidraghs soft heart and sentimentality and had enchanted him. Curumo had never believed it, not even when the crown had turned into a blade as Neidragh knelt before Curumo to bestow it upon him. The idea of betrayal had been a ridiculous one, one that Curumo blames on the unfortunate disruption to his plans that had ensued after the disaster of the War of Wrath and the time it had taken him to rebuild matters.
Now of course he will bed Neidragh as he desires. And now, now in the aftermath of his second loss he finds that someone else has touched that which belongs to him. He will give Neidragh a lesson in who it is he belongs to for it seems he might have thrown it away.
when Curumo had had him with his treasures there had been times Curumo had wondered how they might look together - it was a pretty picture that the Moriandor made with Curumos loves. Perhaps one day, Curumo had thought back then at least with my smith - they would make such a pretty picture together pleasing Curumo
But of course, of course the Shipwright had plucked Neidragh - Curumo hates it, the idea that his gift should find pleasure in another as it seems he has. A marriage! As though Neidragh was a being to bestow himself upon another rather than Curumos - it sickens him, especially as he suspects that Cirdan has been the one to impede many of Curumos plans and now, now he takes again.
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I will use you. But first, we must purify your whores blood. Zigur is an Avalôi and thus you cannot judge him to the sanity of other beings but Tôdaphêl thinks for all that Zigur has not lost any of his cunning nor his intellect he is not entirely sane now - particularly in his fury towards his fellow. She wonders, distantly if the Avalôi can be killed and decides that he cannot (and Zigur will not, that she knows well enough now - he had made promises to his own master and Zigur and Tôdaphêl both keep to their promises) and it would be of no use to her regardless.
The being is tied to the altar - the bonds are tight she thinks and the knife that Zigur holds is different. Crueller.
It turns out that this Avalôi at least will bleed red. For a moment it is as though the very skies and sea are weeping. Stilled. But no, Tôdaphêl knows very well that those powers cannot find this one and clearly they care as little for him as they have for any in Middle Earth or Arda for they have not come for him.
Still, better that she and her family shall be far from this isle at it's end. Far better to be trusted with transporting Zigurs precious ones and then to begin anew in Angmar - she will uphold her family legacy well and that is all that matters. They will survive, she and her house hold all and they will prosper.
(Tôdaphêl makes a note to ensure the stock of winter clothing and supplies for the servants is reinforced and that the heating system in her families new home is operative before they come to dwell there as the Avalôi finally whimpers).
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"Can you bring me tidings of any of them?"
Gil-galad does not say 'forgive me' because he thinks he is past that now but he is sorry for his tone - it sounds almost dispassionate to his own ears but oddly, Queen Miriel and her Sea Captain seems to understand what is underneath it and somehow that does not feel discomforting to Erenion at all.
"I can tell you they live, at least when I saw them onto the ship that Sauron had commanded convey them back to Middle Earth before he sent us away ourselves."
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"How many, my love - how many have been in your bed before?"
It depends, Celebrimbor wants to retort, on if you count the walls. Or does that moment in Gondolin in one of the private fountains make it a bed? Though we did make it to bed eventually. He bites it back and tries (tries) to look abashed.
"No one for a very long time. And I have never lost my heart to any other as I did to you."
This is a painful, aching truth. Celebrimbor had lost himself to Annatar in ways he had never expected, for all that they had never shared even a kiss. He had dreamed of it, before everything and now ironically there is nothing he wishes for less even as a part of his body still yearns for that touch.
"I cannot truly blame you my darling - after all your whore of a grandfather hardly gave you a good example in such matters and you were abandoned by so many of your so called family - of course others took advantage."
Sauron grips him by the hair then. "But if any of them still live I will flay the flesh from their bones and force their spirit into rotting flesh. You need not be ashamed though, my dearest of what was forced - I understand very well that you did not wish it."
of course his little bird, his own nightingale is untouched by any hand. Poor Tyelpe had been so confused before but those who had touched him had not truly tainted him - of that Curumo is sure (the bedding had been nothing but a pleasure, a new thing for his smith - Curumo knows that for sure, that the hands on his darlings skin were new and Tyelpe was pure) but Elrond, Elrond has never known what it is to be bedded by another and Curumo savours that he will be his darlings first and only
Curumo knew that Celebrian was his child and he knew it anew when Galadriel answered him as to her meeting with Curumos sweet silver prince. He and his Queen of Light had met in a flower glade - of course his sweet little queen of a daughter was meant for soft flowers and perfection.
Of course his darlings had made her there for their husband. Curumo twirls Galadriel in his arms in delight, her hair shining about him and scented with roses.
I am not angry at you my darling one, Curumo says to Finrod - how could I be when we have felt the same knife at our throats. I know you never wanted what they wished of you, my lovely.
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Curumo is a loyal servant and a useful one and Melkor is not unappreciative of his work and Melkor does not mistrust him. But he is tedious in his jealousies - but then Curumo could never be what his jewels are to him, Melkor thinks as he strokes dark hair and red brown (this form of Mairons is lovely enough) - but his jewels would never do what Curumo does. Unfortunate - they would make such exquisite right and left hands but in truth Melkor likes them better as they are - precious jewels in his arms.
When the end comes it is quick - he had never thought his useless soft hearted brother would do such things and he thinks for a moment of whether he could still find a way to flee them - at least they wil not get their hands upon Mairon, for all the incompetence in the loss of him - perhaps he should have given the umaia who had managed to lose Melkors little flame a quicker death after all, but perhaps not. Melkors grip tightens on his dark jewel flame - he does not want to let go of him, to give him up.
There is a bargain there, Melkor thinks as they come and his brothers herald leads them and it had to be him Melkor snarls to himself, mountains and smoke and his work falling around him and it was him who had touched his little flame so tenderly.
"You will never find him - I have made sure of that" he spits as they hew his feet from this form. At least there is that. That and he knows he has broken his dark jewel flame from that red haired bitch - she will never be able to touch him again.
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Note: @kenobiwaned wrote some gorgeous meta about Curumo!Sauron and his relationship with Adar and this happened. Because I absolutely agreed - Curumo!Sauron does not think that Adar is an independent person (look the bar is in the sub floors of hell and it's still abusive as fuck but Mairon!Sauron and Adar have a certain amount of…there was like, mutual affection (to be clear - still abuse)/trust. And then of course Morgoths feelings about Curumo!Sauron - for me I think Morgoth respects him and doesn't mistrust him (which for Morgoth is actually significant - he doesn't trust him because Morgoth does not do that particularly post imprisonment but he doesn't mistrust him) but he will never love him (like with Mairon!Sauron Morgoth genuinely loves him and even trusts him (except obviously also is brutally abusive AT THE SAME TIME and that increases as time goes on)) and that is what Curumo!Sauron really wants. Also I thought for five seconds about not deciding to incorporate the Feanor Got Grabbed Variant into this and then went '…it is my self indulgent AU and I am permitted to be self indulgent' so I did it.
There was so much that I loved about this installment. I literally re-read it like four times today.
Shutha and Freyja! Sauron looking at teeny-tiny Uruks like Shutha and having his immediate thoughts be of hatred is just so indicitave of why he is the worst. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't interact with the "vulgar herd" very often and does his communication via a chosen few, but it's still awful.
Shutha just knowing that there are some things that can't be done or said in a way that Freyja has been protected from having to understand. It's so sad that Shutha has to keep those things in mind when she's this young.
Ahh! I love how you put in the detail about both of them liking the stories about Gondolin for different reasons. It tracks that Freyja's going to like Glorfindel and that Shutha would immediately latch onto Idril. I'm not saying that she's going to grow up to make an Uruk version of Gondolin, but also I'm not not saying that.
I actually lol'ed when I read the bit where Shutha thinks of Agralash as being "old".
Ohh yes! Mairon just slow burning for Celeborn and being an actual house-on-fire about Galadriel. Also how Celeborn was also slow-burning for Mairon and Galadriel is just like "Good thing I came along or you two wouldn't have even touched pinkies before the breaking of Arda."
I'm just imagining a conversation between Eonwe and Mairon wayyyy in the 4th age. And Eonwe going, "Let me get this straight. You were living with him? You shared a bed? You shared a CHILD...and you still thought he might turn you down?"
Mairon not being able to express himself physically the way that he once would have when it comes to romantic interest. But also coming to the realizaion that just because he can't go back doesn't mean that he can't go on!
Sedril being like, "Listen, nothing is happening. But even if it were, it's really none of your business. Now get off my lawn."
Just poetry. I feel like she and Cirdan need to get together and have bitch sessions about Elven lords who think they know what's what when they weren't even around for The Sinking.
Ew. Sauron's thoughts about Elrond being kind to him when he was in his "Hrodgar" is similar to the way gross men will assume that women are "encouraging them" because they happen to smile in their direction on occasion.
The way he blatantly ignores all the aspects of Elrond's heritage that he dislikes to create this perfect concept of what he wants. He's so concerned about the "disgusting filth" of Numenor corrupting Elrond. Meanwhile, those are literally his great-great-whatever nieces and nephews.
UGH. Yes, that is exactly how I picture interactions between Adar and Curumo. It's a very creepy mix of a possessive lover and one of those parents who thinks that because they have a child, the child is their property. *barfs* The whole "this is mine to do what I please, when I please" mentality.
I can just imagine Curumo creeping on an unsuspecting Adar at Cuivienen. He's angry and hurt that Melkor's just not as into him as he wishes, and then there is this Elf who is so kind and nurturing (and maybe too shy to seek a spouse), and Sauron just decides that he's going to build someone who will love him the way that he wants to be wanted.
Omg! The switch of Adar kneeling and presenting the crown to Curumo is PERFECT. It reminds me of that moment in French History when Napoleon took the crown from the Pope's hands and crowned himself at his own coronation. That sort of arrogance is completely in line with Curumo's personality. Joke's on him, he gets sent to the equivalent of Elba via being turned into goo for the better part of an age.
It also completely tracks that Curumo would hate Cirdan for "stealing" Adar. I think this revelation, out of all the matchups that happen post-escape, is the one that really comes out of left field for Sauron. He's so primed to think that Mairon is out to seduce everyone that he'd be angry about Celeborn/Galadriel/Mairon, but I don't necessarily think that he would be surprised. He can explain away Elrond/Celebrian as Celebrian trying to protect Elrond (and probably that they're trying to give Curumo children in some convoluted way that only makes sense to him). But Adar having a lover has got to really upend Sauron. He "made" Adar to love him. He thought he had made Adar to be loved by no one but himself. I think Adar/Cirdan genuinely shocks him to the core.
The witnesses to the bloodletting at the temple are just side-eyeing each other. Wondering exactly how many branches Sauron hit as he fell out of the crazy tree. In some ways, this sacrifice feels similar to the one that happened on the show. There's such a sense of blasphemy about the act, even if Mairon didn't actually die.
Poor Celebrimbor! Being raked over the coals about his previous partners. There's something interesting (and sad) about this exchange. We're told that he never really loved anyone the way that he loved Annatar. The worst part is that, to a certain degree, you can see a tiny glimmer of truth amid all of Curumo's bullshit. Not that people took advantage of him, or any of that other nonsense. But the notion that Celebrimbor must have been incredibly lonely (especially in the First Age). He broke with his family, but there were probably heaps of Noldor and Sindar who still considered him a monster by association. Naturally, Curumo picks up on that and uses it to manipulate Celebrimbor.
Curumo is very much telling on himself with his paranoia over his loves/children becoming "tainted". I feel like there is some subconscious transference of his fears going on.
Oof. Curumo wants every detail of Celeborn's and Galadriel's romance. He's trying so hard to inject himself into the situation. I bet that getting/giving those details was harrowing. You can see Sauron wanting to know, but also becoming enraged and going off on unsuspecting thralls as he hears it.
I wonder if Melkor deliberately set out to encourage Curumo to love him. It seems like something that he would do. Making sure that someone stays loyal via love. Always offering just enough to keep Curumo coming back for more, but never enough to make him happy. On the other hand, Curumo is pretty delusional all on his own. He could have just as easily made a whole bunch of assumptions about what their relationship was going to be like, and Melkor just took advantage of an opportunity to secure a loyal and useful servant.
I loved reading this! Thank you so much for writing it!
@kenobiwaned oh my gosh I am so so touched you liked it so much my heart.
With Shutha and Freyja (I think they are between four-six here) I really wanted to get that little kid sense of They Are So So Old (like TWELVE) And Big there *g* Also yep (I think Curumo!Sauron regards the Uruk as somewhere between ‘nameless scum’ and ‘okay FINE useful tool’ and he’s really not good at hiding his revulsion and nor does he want to have any contact with most of them (which THAT IS A BABY. AN ADORABLE BABY (re Shutha)) and that’s something that Shutha has to know which is so enraging/sad that she has to know it so young.
And Freyja doesn’t because Freyja has been sheltered and also I will be honest Freyja in any other universe dies because she is chronically unable to Shut Up Judiciously when she sees an unjust and her culture hates hates outspoken little girls (in any other universe she and Bjorn and Sven and Gunhild and Astrid and her family die)
(But it was so lovely to write these two little besties (I picture them sitting together in a niche somewhere eating pastries and swinging their legs) and also who they will grow into eventually).
Re Celeborn/Galadriel/Mairon: THEY REALLY WOULD NOT HAVE (I kind of picture Celebrian being like ‘I do not want to know about it but dads you need to do something about how you are both in love with each other because I CANNOT TAKE IT’ at some point if Galadriel had not been there). Like just the most mutual pining to ever mutual pine and neither of them actually realises it.
Also Morgoth absolutely at least encouraged Curumo!Sauron in his…delusions in that regard (Morgoth is and isn’t subtle but he is actually very very good at this one and very smart about it - not promising but implying he promises) - if not outright giving him enough crumbs to hope. (It’s also very ‘I rely on you like no other Curumo’ about it all and Curumo just kind of…inferring from there).
I spent so much time going back and forth on Celebrimbors past sex/relationship experience pre Annatar and YES on the loneliness - I think he’d told himself that he could devote himself to crafting (and to be clear he had a daughter (Mirdania) and friends and a lot of joys but also he was lonely lonely for a long time because he’d lost his family and he does not regret his choice but also he does) and then he thought he’d found this connection and UGH POOR CELEBRIMBOR.
(Of all of them I think he might struggle the most with being able to be with someone ever again if at all. Like I tried to think about but he fell in love for the very first time and uh, That Happened which is awful. So I don’t know if he comes back).
Okay now I’m thinking about Curumo and the reaction to Celeborn/Mairon/Galadriel and how it’s ‘that whore STOLE them from me’ levels of rage anyway I will be writing something about this in more detail but the way I think he reacts to that is…somewhere between ‘I have to remind them who they belong to - my poor loves’ and ‘he stole SOMETHING ELSE’
But yes he absolutely cannot conceive of Adar being a person who would choose something or someone and also that someone would even…it’s not that he doesn’t think Adar is desirable (he clearly does - he wanted to create his ideal who would never leave him and always love him) but he can’t conceive of someone *asking him to marry* if that makes any sense? Because you don’t ask a possession UGH.
Honestly that whole conversation was *awful* (all of them were but the Celeborn and Galadriel one in particular because in some ways they had to make it about Curumo to make sure Celebrian was safe and UGH UGH UGH).
(Part of the story Galadriel and Celeborn aren’t telling = lots. Like how the first time Celeborn saw her she was just like :i have walked across The Fucking Ice for years, I am doing some Uncanny Shit and have a SWORD and possibly I am covered in blood: and he was like WIFE and Galadriel won’t say that she really fell for Celeborn that time he told Daeron to for the love Eru shut up).
(I had some feelings about Curumo!Saurons view of Elrond and how it’s somewhat different for me than Mairon!Sauron - for Mairon!Sauron it’s kindness to Halbrand that kind of rewrites the AAAAGH AAAGH IT’S HER of it all (I think also on the surface Elrond does not really seem like he would pull a Luthien) and it’s part of him putting the threat to rest that he can hold Elrond and love him, that Elrond is kind and seems to being not treated well* But for Curumo!Sauron it’s that…like the way that some men will see a woman (specifically in this case a biracial woman with all that implies) and go ‘oh look my beautiful emotional support angel just for me’ because they were generally kind)
(Which I think they all struggle with a lot of guilt re that and some external blame re ‘encouraging the attention’ but ultimately as you have Adar say in A Company Of Wolves (which I totally read again) it was not wrong to be kind. It was wrong what he did).
NFB (National Film Board of Canada//ONF in french) is also a great place to find free documentaries + lots of animation movies. Their youtube channel is here but they also have a website thats wayyy easier to use. They even have an app!
Watch quality Canadian documentary, animation and fiction films online
the most essential part of a fandom are those people who immediately tell you to write it, draw it, make it when you share your ideas, you have no idea how many fanworks are born just because someone encouraged it
