Gay, and yearning @rowans-blues - Tumblr Blog

night folks

should sleep soon

Current i really need more books to read like I need to dive into like I just need more good interesting books it’s just hard to find recs honestly like the two I’m currently thinking about was baru cormant, and the bone witch (recommend to me by like a fling/friend who sent me a fucking me a google doc about themselves like who does that still one of the funniest things to ever happen to me honestly more people should do that I get more good recs that way) but beyond that I’m really struggling I need to finish forth wing and get the final book if just to bother an old teacher I had about it. I should go bargain hunting again

also annoyed my book collection was trashed

so wanted to vent but I don’t want to like make people see it since it’s kinda weird stuff so read more

So like fun fact when I’m stressed I’m kind of between a fawn and a freeze response and like if you haven’t guessed I’ve been like Uber stressed since I came home so about 3 months so a lot of the time I’m a lot more willing to do stuff for people then otherwise normal because I crave validation and that like I’m still wanted and I’m not sure if it’s like intentional but some people have kind of been using it like a friend drives me a lot of places and I owe him some money and he’s been hanging that over my head for a while and I’ve been doing a lot of stuff I wouldn’t otherwise do and like it’s irritating because like I just want to stop feeling like I owe him

(there’s also the other person whose kind of been coercing me into stuff like not intentionally but like I’ve been thinking about it and it’s kinda bad but like I really want him to be happy so I’m just gonna deal with that till I’m out and can be more normal)

#Delete later

I don’t want to take out the trash it’s dark man

little irritated friend wanted to do something and I was like can we take to break so I can eat he’s like no and now I can’t get any food bleh

#It’s my own fault for not being assertive but still

it’s funny my mental health gets so much better when it’s dark and cold lol and worse in the summer it’s just kind of funny how my seasonal depression is flipped

fallingtowers

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

dikdikpronouncedxylophone

Damn. That really is a grackle.

xanaxfarts

Gem Cities by Neave Bozorgi

#The ideas that this gives me

himbodiaz

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

hmslusitania

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

tevankinkley

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

faerytale-wings

My parents are both named Terry (spelled differently) but I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons my mom never changed her last name.

People would call and ask for Terry and child me would be like “boy or girl?” And they’d panic and hang up. My mom found this endlessly amusing.

tungledotfuck

Why would you leave this GOLD in the tags??

faerytale-wings

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

knittingontheroad

I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.

tryingtobecoollikeyou

I have a regular at work whose name is Dawn and her husband is named Don. Never asked them about it because personally I think it’s cute as shit.

destructorkitten

Almost 15 years ago was a +1 to a wedding where both the bride and the groom were named Ryan and honestly I still think about it a LOT.

#Probably not most people with my name tend to be evil like 5 different people I know had issues with my name in some way so I have to be #Good rep lol

everything is good just like in a relaxed way

I’m doing a lot better now honestly just thinking about stuff while meditating like it’ll get better i know that and honestly I don’t think I’ll ever be wanted like that everyone beyond one has wanted more the things I can provide or the person I pretend to be and shun the real me. Idk like that’s a negative thing but I’m just kind of at ease with it like hey I’m making other people happy and like what do I want really, well I know what I want and that’s like two things and that’s a life that’s mine something I made with my own two hands (two hands lol) just the knowledge of knowing my success was made by me the other well that’s a secret but like I’m still happy to want it (being vague it’s a secret) I just feel weirdly good like happy like everything will be the way I want it

I’m gonna get a soda now I’m in the mood

#Maybe it’s cause Its late Jerichos in bed and he’s left me alone #But like I think I can do it you know at least the first one #The other well still feel good about that too i suppose

not sure if I can sleep oh well ig

#I just feel empty #I’m tired of being used by people to meet their desires

Is it fucked up that I find it kind of funny cus someone does do those things but they also use me for sex and being a human coping mechanism

#I’m so tired because if I have problems he’ll cry and feel bad and the probably coerce me into stuff again #Ignore me

Oh I don’t even get to play Cain oh well

#I’m not gonna say anything just yeah

and it is what it is I’ll be out soonish I just don’t know if I can come back here

Um haha you weren’t supposed to see that lol I’m ok Dw about me I’m coping decently enough I’ll be better tomorrow

#And honestly I’ll get out I know that but the rest I doubt lol #And I didn’t say this buttttt a lot of it isn’t him it’s also someone else lol

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Gay, and yearning