Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
occasionally subtle
taylor price
Xuebing Du
ojovivo
Sweet Seals For You, Always
cherry valley forever
★
almost home
Misplaced Lens Cap
Sade Olutola
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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tannertan36
untitled
titsay
Claire Keane
Game of Thrones Daily
The Bowery Presents
seen from Singapore
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@roxylalondering-blog
new blog pl?
Okay, you do recognize that if you send me an anon message I have to reply publicly, right? And that the whole point of moving blogs was to get away from people on this one, right? So why on earth do you think I would give you my new blog URL in a public ask?
PSA:
Due to a variety of factors, I’m leaving this blog. Some people I’m extremely uncomfortable around have found me again, and I need to be done. If you feel a burning desire to follow me or have me follow you, send me an ask here (ONLY off-anon, I’m turning anon off in fact). If you believe I shouldn’t be doing this, keep your shitty opinion to yourself.
It’s been fun. I hope everyone gets to have a good life.
Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.
If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.
His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.
Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.
READ THIS SERIOUSLY READ THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^
This this this.
Reblogged for the commentary.
This is really important because I think that educating about power imbalances and how to spot that manipulation is a lot better than saying “young people don’t date older people”. I had people use this kind of tactic on me when I was 18/19 as well and it is really damaging.
*realizes some things* damn, son.
Sounds like some “pick up artist” style bullshit (which is usually indistinguishable from straight up psychological abuse). Whether he’s doing it on purpose or not, anytime a guy says something that puts you on the defensive or is subtly cutting you down, he’s not trustworthy. If ANYTHING a man says bothers you or seems weird, don’t second guess yourself, immediately assume the worst. Your intuition is correct. Get him the fuck out of your face and don’t be polite about it. These assholes rely on female socialization for their success; if you’re a people pleaser, too apologetic, find it hard to say “no”, etc. you’re a perfect target.
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker covers it. It’s used to make someone prove otherwise.
Reverse psychology or “negging” to a PUA.
it’s also a form of boundary testing. Women are socialized to avoid being rude, so we’ll tell ourselves “don’t be a bitch he’s trying to help!”
And then he knows we won’t stand to your no.
And that’s a dangerous thing, because now he knows your weaknesses.
If someone asks you, say “no”, loudly and authoritatively. Never equivocate or compromise.
Better a bitch than a statistic.
I know it’s especially important to be on the lookout for this from straight men, but this kind of stuff does happen in queer relationships too. Abuse knows no sexuality or gender. Be careful. If someone makes you uncomfortable or tries to put you on the defensive, regardless of if they’re a straight dude or a queer nonbinary person, say no and get out of there as fast as possible.
just saying but jokes about straightjackets and padded rooms and mental hospitals are not funny at all
On a related note: unless you’ve been institutionalized in the past, keep straitjacket imagery out of your fashion choices, and yes I’m definitely talking to the “medical goth” community here.
As a feminist
As a feminist I think women should also be drafted if necessary.
As a feminist I think women should not be given a lighter sentence compared to a man who did the same crime.
As a feminist I think female abusers should be held at the same level as male abusers
As a feminist I think male rape victims are just as equal as female rape victims and deserve the same attention.
As a feminist I believe in complete equality between genders even if that equality isn’t always “beneficial” to me
As a feminist, I believe very strongly that NO ONE should be drafted, and that the military is a horrible waste of our time and of people’s lives at the gross expense of other people’s sovereignty and dignity. The wars that this countries wages are inherently capitalistic, imperialist, and violent as hell.
As a feminist, I know mass incarceration is a deeply racialized issue that disproportionately affects communities of color and poor folk. So the solution “Just incarcerate women more too!” is fucking terrifying and gross to me, especially when we look at rates and reasons for incarceration and how unjust and unfair they are, and how, thanks to the school to prision pipeline, some people don’t ever have a chance outside of it.. End the prison industrial complex!
As a feminist, I am willing and able to check my privilege and mindfully talk about rape culture, sexual assault, and abuse as a patriarchy/power/at times gendered phenomena without being gender essentialist, transphobic, or erasing victims of any gender. I understand that male rape victims being affected by rape culture is STILL a product of patriarchy.
As a feminist, I don’t think gaining equality in inherently violent social constructs and institutions is the solution. How could a Black queer female CEO make the position of CEOS less violent just because it has been made “diverse”? Rather, I wish for emancipation from those systems for all people, justice for all people, and a destruction of any systems of abuse, not just a restructuring of them.
forget davies vs moffat
if u call me names ill probably break down and cry like a baby
There’s a discussion going on on the nonbinary-support blog about the uses of alternative terms for queer/LGBT+. The majority of the discussion is that MOGAI/MOGII are problematic and ‘oh we should use QUILTBAG!’
...one of the arguments basically boils down to an emphasis on words is ableist? And the mod saying that said they’d explain later, but at the moment it’s basically coming across as ‘don’t coin new words’ and...as the mod of a nonbinary support blog can you not already see how that’s problematic?
They’re also saying ‘kinksters are appropriating it’ and ‘it could technically include cishet women’ and...so???? Kinksters have been appropriating queer culture from day one and a new word isn’t going to change that, and the ‘technically includes cishet women’ argument sounds like the ‘oh the DICTIONARY says...’ argument that cishet people are consistently using against us, and...why would you want to sound like them??
And QUILTBAG is overly cutesy, ignores a variety of identities (it doesn’t even have a P, let alone a D or anything lesser-known), and it has an A again, which lets allies think they’re part of the acronym??
None of these are completely unproblematic, but in my opinion, MOGII is the least-bad solution, and I’m really tired of people acting like there’s a perfect answer OR we’re this cutesy perfect community???
got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you i’m insane
Support trans people with horrible dysphoria for whom surgery is not an option but a necessity.
Support trans people with mild dysphoria who decide on their own terms what cosmetic changes they want to make if any.
Support trans people without dysphoria, for whom presentation is just a small part of their overall gender identity.
Just support trans people
i don’t think i’ll finish drawing this rose, so i might as well post it…
hey just a PSA for anyone else who got kicked out @ 18 or younger: the fact that ur parents kicked u out can be factored into your FAFSA if they’re unwilling to help out w college expenses despite being well-off
my family is p decently middle class and educated and therefore FAFSA allotted me 0 dollars from the government – HOWEVER, i explained to the counselor at my beauty school that i had been supporting myself since i was a teenager and that, more importantly, my middle class family had told me point blank they wouldn’t give me money for college out of spite
my parents had to both write notarized letters saying that they financially have not supported me since i was 17 and i had to provide rent receipts but after i did those two things FAFSA disqualified my parents’ income and went off of what i made (minimum wage part time) and gave me a grant that allowed me to complete school i would have otherwise never been able to afford
it’s so disturbing to think back and realize the stuff you allowed people to do to you simply because you didn’t respect yourself enough to not let it happen
On ‘Genderbending’
Lately I’ve been seeing people discuss why ‘genderbending’ isn’t transphobic, or why it’s something that’s fine and should be accepted. Most of the people who have been discussing this are cis, which is an issue right off the bat, so I’m going to preface this post by saying that if you are not trans, you do not have the right to determine what is or is not transphobic. Full. Stop. So if you’re cis, and your first instinct is to argue with me on this, I would like for you to consider why you believe that you can recognize transphobia better than someone who is routinely subject to it. That being said, let’s get into this.
To start off, what is ‘genderbending?’ Most fansites will define it as the act of ‘switching’ a character’s gender, but there’s already an issue with this. ‘Genderbending’, or ‘rule 63’ as is called in some circles, it not just about switching a character’s gender, it is about changing that character’s body as well. I have yet to see a ‘genderbent’ version of a male character who lacked breasts and a dfab body. This the first and most obvious reason why ‘genderbending’ is inherently transphobic - it assumes that physical traits and gender are the same thing, and that you cannot be female without also being dfab. This is cissexism, and this is transphobic. The message that ‘genderbending’ says is that you must have breasts and a vagina to be female, and you must have a penis and a flat chest to be male. I should not have to explain why that message is transphobic.
However, the way ‘genderbends’ are carried out also has distinctly transphobic implications in how it switches out the physical traits of characters to make them ‘the opposite gender’ ( the notion of there being ‘opposite genders’ is some fresh bullshit that I’ll cover later in this post ). For example, by giving a male character breasts and curves when ‘genderbending’ him, the message is clear that this character was cis to begin with. ‘Genderbending’ inherently implies that all characters are cisgender by default, and erases any possibility of these characters being trans. This is not as overtly transphobic as the first point, but it is harmful to trans people within fandom spaces, as the assumption that all characters are cis until explicitly stated otherwise pushes us out of media and removes whatever representation we might try to make for ourselves.
The third issue with ‘genderbending’ is that it is always cis male <—> cis female, and nothing else. I have never seen people ‘genderbend’ characters by making them nonbinary or intersex. I have never seen a genderbend of a female character which made her a trans male instead. ‘Genderbending’ implies that there are only two options when it comes to gender: cis male and cis female. There is no such thing as nonbinary people within this ideology. Intersex people are laughable at best. Agender people are little better than a distant myth. ‘Genderbending’ ignores that it is impossible to make a character ‘the opposite gender’, because there is no such thing as an ‘opposite gender’. Gender is a spectrum, not a binary, but you wouldn’t know that from the way fandom spaces treat it.
Of course, there are some reasons for ‘genderbending’ cis male characters into cis females that will always get brought up in discussions on the politics of ‘genderbending.’ The most frequent is that cis girls, who only see themselves as one-dimensional characters in media, want to have characters like them who are just as multifaceted and developed as the male characters that we are given, so they make their male faves female to give themselves the representation they desire. This is a decent reason for ‘genderbending’, but it does not excuse the fact that the way in which ‘genderbending’ is done is inherently transphobic, and it gives fans yet another excuse to ignore female characters in favor of focusing on their male faves.
Another reason for ‘genderbending’ that I’ve heard is ‘it’s for the sake of character exploration - like, what if this character had been born as male/female instead?’ This excuse is cissexist and transphobic from first blush. The idea behind it is that someone ‘born as female’, aka with breasts/vagina will automatically be a cis female, allowing fans to explore what that character’s life would have been like if they were female. Why not explore the possibility of a character being designated female at birth, but still identifying as male? Why do you need a character to be cis for you to find their personality and life interesting to explore? Why do you automatically reject the notion of your fave being trans? If you want to explore what it would have been like for your male fave to have struggled with sexism, consider them being a trans woman, or a closeted dfab trans person.
As a closing statement, I want to make one thing very clear. ‘Genderbending’ does harm trans people. It perpetuates dangerous cissexist notions and the idea of a gender binary being a valid construct, erases nonbinary and intersex people, and others trans people. These are what we call microaggressions - they are not as dangerous as outright harassment and assault, but they enforce and support a system and ideology in which we are other, and we are worthy of hate and violence because we do not fit in.
‘Genderbending’ is a transphobic practice, and if you engage in it, you need to be aware of and acknowledge this.
so uh what about a humanstuck Spanish tavros??? I'm v sorry for bombarding Nitram requests but.. nitrams ya know
oh my god yes
look at this adorable prick
You know which character in Wicked would not be a Slytherin?
Elphaba
You know which character in Wicked would be a Slytherin?
Galinda
Fall-oh, fall-oh, fall-oh, fall-oh, fall through the Yellow Brick Road…
Love these these three ; w; I’m so glad to see them… wherever they’re going!
