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@rrezshiftsdiaries
@️RREZSHIFTSDIARIES SHARED A POST
rrezshiftsdiaries ✷ ♫ Malcolm Todd・Sore Throat
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Liked by rrezshifts and others rrezshiftsdiaries is an account for @️rrezshifts to ramble on and on and on and.. yeah… my main account is getting messy soooo rrezshifts follow this one if you ever enjoyed the random shit i say realitiesbyangels or follow these other two if you find this one first
November 10
THE THOUGHT OF Grant drafting a long text over winter break after we break up and I start dating Tommy, and him rereading it over and over before he sends it until he’s certain there’s no typos despite his dyslexia which means it isnt a fun task. And the text? An apology to me if he rushed me into a relationship I may not have needed or wanted. Because the poor man feels a bit bad for practically trapping me in a relationship when Tommy was waiting for me the whole time.
THE CONCEPT OF Grant and Tommy keeping track of who paid for my nails last so that they are fair to each other once I’m dating both of them 🤗🤗
THE CONCEPT OF Grant seeing me at parties before we officially met and him growing a small party crush ( like gym/hallway crush ) on me. And then me seeing him for the first time at a party and immediately making eyes at him which just feels like a dream come true for him. Like he has a whole, “I prayed for times like this,” moment in his head.
CONFUSING THE HELL OUT OF TOMMY because Grant just came to him at a party telling him I was drunk, we just broke up, and I needed someone to come take me home because he couldn’t. Then as soon as Tommy enters the room that I’m in I look to Grant—my now ex-boyfriend—to “save” me from him. As if Tommy isn’t someone I want to be left with. Then Grant comes up to me holding my face telling me it’ll be alright, but he has to go. I tell him, “I love you.” While squeezing him in a goodbye hug that makes him whisper, “I love you too,” back to me. Mind you, again, Tommy was just told that we JUST broke up minutes ago. Ohhhh it’s sooo complicated but soooo perfecttt 🤭🤭
SHOULD I WRITE ABOUT how Tommy feels watching me get into a relationship with Grant ( a man he perceived to be his clone ). And how he feels seeing the public displays of affection between us. AND not to mention how he feels having to design a tattoo for the fucker.
MY GUILT in my brother’s best friend reality,, or a ( 644 word: 2:20 min read ) diary entry about my feelings on my current relationship for @withluvvenus’ emotions shiftblr activity!!
I LOVE HIM I SWEAR. I love Grant so so fucking much. He means so much to me. He brings me so much joy. And he is a person I can’t help but adore in his entirety. He’s so beautiful inside and out. How could anyone not love him? And how could I not love him enough? He’s my boyfriend, yet I feel like it’s so terrible to him to put him in this unfair relationship. I tell him that often, he tells me he understands, he knew what he was getting himself into. But I still feel so fucking guilty.
Just because he went into this relationship knowing I was in love with another man. Knowing that we may not last. It doesn’t mean I’m absolved of the gut wrenching fucking guilt stewing in me. Because my inability to focus on him, my habit of feeling just a bit empty, or a bit lacking; it is not a fault of his. It’s all my doing. I’m the one that is limiting our relationship. Our happiness. All because I can’t get over another damn man.
It’s not fair to him. And I try to focus on our relationship, to ignore everything. I started to think if I ignored Tommy’s existence enough my feelings of about three years will disappear. They have to. Because I’m happy. I have someone I love, who loves me. That’s all I need. There’s nothing else that I should need. Except my body, my mind, and my heart yearns for someone who isn’t mine. Who will never be mine. And who isn’t Grant. And it’s disgusting. I’m disgusted with myself.
But I’m also angry. At Tommy sometimes. But mostly myself. How can I not get over one stupid fucking man. How can I be hung up on someone for this fucking long. How can I not bring myself to be happy and content with a man who is so fucking perfect. Who I can almost imagine a life with. And it seems so perfect, that life. Something like that should be enough to overpower a stupid childish crush. A love like the love I have for Grant should be e-fuckinh-nough and it’s just not. And I hate myself for it.
No matter how many times Grant tells me it’s okay. I can’t help but feel like the monster trapping him in a loveless relationship. Even though I know I love him, and that I’m pretty sure I’ve loved him from the moment we first met. And even though I’ve suggested breaking up, with my brutally honest reasons, and he refused. So, I’m not trapping him in anything loveless, I can break out of my spiralling to recognize that. That he is willing, and he knows he is loved. I just wish knowing that was enough for me not to feel like a goddamn monster.
The good thing about Grant is that he doesn’t let me dwell in my negativity on our relationship. He’s dating me knowing it may not last because he knows it can make us happy while it does. And he does make me happy. He can distract me so easily. He can make me smile just with a look in his eye. He knows exactly what to say. And we’ve only known each other for what? A couple months? This man is one of my soulmates, I know it. Even if it’s not romantic. Because I don’t think it can be anymore. I could hold on to him forever if the universe allowed it. But I can’t keep doing this to him. No matter how much he says that he signed up for this. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve a heart that isn’t fully his. I can love him all I want. But as long as Tommy Shepherd exists, my love will never be the love Grant deserves.
MEMOS!! Went to find an audio to make an edit for my tiktok, heard Ethel Cain, and decided to write this instead.
TAGS!! @laylasverse , @emiimp3 , @bambieyesshifts & @doomedkii ( bringing tags/dts back, additions are always welcome!! )
omg… this is so beautiful. Like I can feel how conflicted YOU feel n how much you yearn for Tommy. N the way grant accepted u still have feelings for Tommy but went in with faith in you like… im just so obsessed with this angst and how amazingly beautiful it all is!!!!!!
AHHH!! THANK YOUUU!! But yeah Grant knew I had a thing for Tommy before we even officially met. Then he found out how long I’ve liked him. Then he became suspicious I liked him as well. And one night he just asked me about my feelings and if I’d want to date. I was conflicted bc of my present feelings for Tommy. And I shared that, and he told me he understood and he realizes we may not last but he wants to see how long we can. It’s definitely angsty, but it’s also sweet because he doesn’t let me stew in that angst. Grant is sweet and caring, when I break up with him he’s not too hurt, he could see it coming to be honest. He’s bummed though, he wishes our relationship could’ve lasted longer.
IN TOMMY’S NEW RELATIONSHIP, eleven months after we break up, his partner has him pack up a box of my things he still has and bring it to goodwill or the dump early in their relationship. For the next four weeks, that box stays in the trunk of his car hiding from her. He can’t bring himself to get rid of anything.
HOW DOES ONE make an angsty moodboard…
DISNEY’S THE THIRD WHEEL in my disney cast member reality,, or ways me and Tommy interact and experience the parks with each other while at Disneyland
ⓘ Tommy convincing me to raise my hands in the air during a drop in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY - MISSION: BREAKOUT! and I rush to clutch the handles as soon as we drop, he finds it amusing.
ⓘ Once we start dating, one of Tommy’s hands holds mine while on the INCREDICOASTER the other hand is in the air.
ⓘ Me always watching Tommy’s face of wonderment when we pass the falls on RADIATOR SPRINGS RACERS.
ⓘ Tommy purposefully letting himself fully ram into me on MATER’S JUNYARD JAMBOREE to try to annoy me—because he finds it cute when I’m annoyed. And me not caring because I like the feeling of him pressed against me.
ⓘ Tommy racing to his preferred color of car in LUIGI’S ROLLICKIN ROADSTERS.
ⓘ Tommy switching from sitting across from me to next to me so he can comfort me as I freak out on the PIXAR PAL-A-ROUND — SWINGING.
ⓘ Tommy forcing me to sit by the entrance to the raft so I’ll get the most wet on GRIZZLY RIVER RUN and he somehow gets the most wet instead.
ⓘ Tommy convincing me to sit up front on TIANA’S BAYOU ADVENTURE at night. And me giving in because I’m a sucker for his smile and laugh when he gets soaked and we compare our wet spots afterwards.
ⓘ Tommy getting ticked off that I beat him at SHOOTING GALLERY RIDES every time.
ⓘ Tommy refusing to not buy a split flavored dole whip of pinapple and a seasonal flavor at THE TROPICAL HIDEAWAY. And we always share it.
ⓘ Tommy also refuses to ride the right track of MATTERHORN BOBSLEDS bc it’s borriiinggg. He will bribe the cast members to get him on the left side.
ⓘ Tommy loves the wild storytelling and design of MICKEY AND MINNIE’S RUNAWAY RAILWAY. He wants to be at the front of the theatre when they show the video every time he rides.
ⓘ Tommy loves INDIANA JONES ADVENTURE and the jerkiness of it. I hold my hands out in front of me for stability from the intensity. And once we start dating he does the same so he can put his hand on top of mine.
ⓘ Tommy gets close to my face to talk to me WHEN WE’RE IN LINE during, or just hanging out at the parades, shows and fireworks.
ⓘ Tommy “forces” me on the MATTERHORN BOBSLEDS at night because even the right side is “more intense” then. But I’m terrified of the yeti, and riding it at night is lowkey spooky.
ⓘ Tommy has to be stopped from buying sketches at KNICK KNACKS just so he can watch the sketch artists work. Even if he doesn’t buy the sketch they’re working on, he stands in a trance watching them.
ⓘ Tommy makes me get on PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN first so when he gets in next he can crowd in next to me, and press our thighs together. He’s well aware that I’m too nervous to scooch away.
ⓘ Tommy buys us a different bag of CHARACTER BRANDED CANDY each non work visit for us to share.
ⓘ Tommy always manages to convince me to let him make a custom slushie for me at BING BONG’S SWEET STUFF every time we’re in DCA.
ⓘ Tommy won’t stop spinning us until I beg him to relax a little when we’re on MAD TEA PARTY. Like he is ripping that shit up 😭😭
ⓘ Tommy takes me on IT’S A SMALL WORLD when we don’t know what else to do and he always always leans his head on my shoulder for at least a small part of the ride. He pretends he’s tired and drained, yet we get off and he’s full of energy again.
ⓘ Often when meeting tommy in the parks on a day off, he’ll head to DCA early so he can meet me in Disneyland with a soft serve from ADORABLE SNOWMAN FROSTED TREATS.
ⓘ Tommy also has to be stopped from buying an expensive piece of original art from OFF THE PAGE.
ⓘ Tommy genuinely complimenting my shitty drawing while taking an ANIMATION ACADEMY drawing class. He says I’m improving, meanwhile the first one of these we attended together, his drawing was a 1:1 replica.
ⓘ Small SHERMÈS DISNEYLAND SCENARIOS I shared on one of my other accounts [ FOUND HERE ].
MEMOS!! The shifting summer expedition activity for today has been abandoned ( not started, and won’t be completed ). But to be honest I’ve been meaning to make this part for almost a month now. I thought of most of these while trying to prevent a meltdown at Disneyland. So this whole post is really meaningful to me.
TAGS!! @laylasverse , @emiimp3 , @bambieyesshifts & @doomedkii ( bringing tags/dts back, additions are always welcome!! )
ok but can you IMAGINE the photos they take on rollercoasters mid drop…. Like I know you’d be screaming at the top of your lungs while Tommy has a big ass grin on his face 😭😭
TOMMY IS AN ADRENALINE JUNKIE who also doesn’t like holding on to things for stability on crazy rides. The more it feels like he’s barreling towards death the better. I on the other hand am petrified of heights and falling. While I love Guardians, I prefer it when it doesn’t feel like I’m falling to my death every few seconds 😭😭 I need to hold on for stability. Tommy knows this, but he encourages me to try it with no hands EVERY time. It gets to a point I try the ride without hands without him having to ask me. Though every time I do, right when we reach the top and get ready for pictures I have a facial expression that’s a cross between fear and pure joy. What’s cute is that Tommy will sacrifice his own joy of having his hands in the air so he can put his hand on our shared handle bar, so when I go to grasp it, I grab it over his own hand instead. He’s a schemer!
i need something happy abt you && tommy plssssss
PERFECT TIMING BECAUSE I’m working on a post for my main account about my disney cast member reality. It’s basically a post of like headcanons on how me and Tommy interact with each other, but also just in general, when in the parks. There were two that seemed a bit too long and specific, so I wasn’t sure if I’d add them, but I may just post them here instead!!
Once while on BIG THUNDER MONTAIN RAILROAD I gripped Tommy’s thigh during a sharp turn and his hand gripped my hand back in response to my sudden hold on him, he didn’t drop it for awhile, I didn’t fight him. The next time we went on he gripped my thigh on impulse—really high up—and in a panic dropped it and gripped the handle bar directly in front of us. I laughed from and through my shock, amusement, and adrenaline.
One of Tommy's favorite rides when we’re first just friends is secretly SOARIN’ ACROSS CALIFORNIA, strictly because every time we go on I—with my wimpy fear of heights—grip his hand the whole time. He’ll usually place a hand on my lower thigh or my knee to comfort me, then we start going up before he can remove it, so I just grip the hand of his still on my thigh. And all the while I’m secretly enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine.
I’M HOPING TO post the entire post tomorrow… but we’ll see how shit works out ( when I finish it ).
ME GIVING TOMMY a copy of a key to my apartment when we’re dating. But when we went to the hardware store to make it, he chose a fucking skin to put on it. So when we break up, and he gives me the key back. I add the key to my key ring. And when I miss him extra, I unlock the door to my apartment with his key instead.
CALLING A “STRAIGHT” MAN’S boxers, “panties” when you’re about to have—what might be considered gay—sex with him.
SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. Bright colors! Bright colors everywhere! Neon and hot! A recipe for attracting attention yet somehow I hate it, and can’t manage to garner much of it even when I want it. A summer fling managed to catch some interest, but absolutely zero of the feelings I wanted him to. Though maybe me hating attention rubs off on the energy the universe gives me. What you put out is what you receive, yadda yadda. So it’s just accidental backfiring manifestation. Though there is one lucky guy who broke free from the indifference spell that had been cast on any eligible man at UCLA. Thomas Dean Shepherd. A real piece of work. But also so fucking fine, and so kind, creative, and passionate. He’s truly a firecracker. You’d almost expect him to be in my colors like he was an example of aposematism, or warning coloration. As if he’s a poison dart frog communicating his danger—intensity—to the animals—people—around him. And despite what should repel me, I feel magnetized to him. I feel like a stupid fucking bee confusing his bright colors for a flower and getting pulled into his trap. Not sure I can share any regret on the matter. I’m happy where I am now: in a fake relationship with the most entertaining and enjoyable presence I have ever had the privilege to know and experience.
FAKE RELATIONSHIP!!! IM EATING THAT TROPE UPPP!!!!! cause i know the yearning is about to get maxed outtttttttuhhhhhhhhh!!!!! now all i hear in the background is call me maybe n go away!!!!
WAIT NO BECAUSE Tommy is co-captains with the guy were fake dating to get me into a relationship with. And I can imagine him ( Xander, co-captain ) joking about me wearing his jersey in front of Tommy and Tommy trying to laugh it off while trying to act supportive for my sake, and boooyyy is it not convincing. Everyone just thinks he’s being the jealous boyfriend though, and I think he’s playing that role up for everyone else. None the wiser. YOU’RE A GENIUS!!
SCRIPTING THAT I “walk like it’s heavy” in my masc realities despite being trans
&& that’s not crazy to say. in fact it’s quite genius
SCRIPTING THAT I “walk like it’s heavy” in my masc realities despite being trans
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you're currently tuned into @rrezshifts 's u + me = <3 playlist for lily evans && them in their situationship dr . . . quick synopsis : ' As we got older we never really got any other “best friends” that was always us. When we’d have tiffs we never strayed too long. '
♫ GIRLS / the kid LAROI ' girls just wanna dance ' ' girls want a summer with their friends '
** ♫ everywhere , everything / noah kahan & gracie abrams ' i wanna love you till we're food for the worms to eat ' ' keep my hand in yours '
♫ ribs / lorde i think the fact u guys have been friends for such a long time and have seen each other through so many phases really gives off this song !!! especially the part where it goes ' it drives you crazy getting old '
♫ steal my girl / one direction ' find another one , cause she belongs to me ' ' that i'm never gonna let another take her love from me now '
♫ 3005 / childish gambino ' no matter what you say or you do / i'd rather be with you ' ' till 3005 i got your back , we can do this '
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want to request a playlist ?? use the witluvvenus radio !! 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗹𝘂𝘃 ✶ 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘂𝘀
SHORTEST PLAYLIST yet this is the one to make my cry. Lily evans is my giiiirrll, I love her sooo baddd!!! And ribs just made me cry because I started thinking about how when Lily and I get old we’re the old ladies who all of sudden get young and spry and giddy and all giggly again, like teenagers, just because we’re with each other. She brings out the little girl in me that she befriended decades ago. Like I’m growing old with Tommy, yes. But I sure as hell better be growing old with Lily too.
