Apocalyptic Overdose

Losing ground is what it takes if you really want to fly #controlfreak

[ruinedparadise]

Hey friend! Ich bin grad durch den Allgäu tag gescrollt und hab deinen Post gefunden. Deshalb wollte dir nur sagen: Herzlich willkommen! Dein Blog lässt auf einige Schicksalsschläge schließen und ich hoffe sehr, dass es dir bald wieder gut geht. Alles Liebe!

Hey, danke dir, das ist aber lieb! 🥰

Macht man das hier so? 🙉

[post-leffert]

Valencia, Spain (Feb 18th 2021)

[ruinedparadise]

Fy!

[ruinedparadise]

Impressions of Basel City and surroundings.

In love with St. Louis! 🖤

[ruinedparadise]

Don‘t drink and dream

Okay cool. Supposedly I need a dreamful escape.

Tonight I had a beautiful/bad dream and I‘m still totally confused.

In my dream I had a new job in the mountains and my first klient was a girl with a borderline personality disorder who ran away from home. This time I wasn‘t scared about the subject, I was able to help her easily because of my own experience.

My Ex was my boyfriend in my dream and we had problems which we wanted to solve by space& time so I moved alone to the new city.

Sitting in the car with my ex who drove me to new citiy I saw the beautiful landscape wirh mountains in a blue rain and loved it but suddenly I I got so sad because I had to move there alone. I started crying and told him that I don‘t want to live there alone.

[ruinedparadise]

Yesterday we started our road trip from bavaria to switzerland through Lake Constance and the Black Forest. Loved driving in the mountains so much but that reminded me of sweden and I missed it..

[ruinedparadise]

Today I had my trip to Kempten an I‘m really in love with this city! There are mountains all around, a river is flowing just before the city centre and there are lots of people there.

I don‘t know what else to say, it‘s the perfect mix between nature and city.

Tomorrow I have a job interview here, keep your fingers crossed!

Or not, I‘m just flashed. Miss my home much

[ruinedparadise]

I don‘t want to post only a grey photo today because it‘s wrong for the time the little ohne gave me.

But this year is fucking wrong. So many apocalypses in my heart and I can‘t understand why. I don‘t want to believe that all this fucking shit is happening without a reason but I am not able to find it.. I need to, cause without I feel so fucked up and when it all happened for a reason I am only sad..

25/05/21

11/06/21

27/07/21

That‘s enough. This year is ruined.

I want to have my life back!!! For over two month I am confused, unhappy and numb in a way. I don‘t want this anymore, I want to feel something else, something good, something like home. I am thankful for all the time I was happy but why had this to end..?

[ruinedparadise]

I hope you feel well wherever you are. I love you! ❤️

[ruinedparadise]

Job interview no. xx and about ten mails.. 🙄 Got my period, train isn‘t coming, road closed for traffic because of bad weather but the nature is so beautiful I don‘t get stressed as I should be.

Maybe I will get nervous when I‘m almost there but at the moment I enjoy the sun! 🌻

Edit: completely stressed, working was a great experience (whenever I had to work 4 hours more) but thunderstorms, maps didn‘t work, trains and busses standing still, a train guard told me to take the wrong train and now I am sitting in a village near the alps, about 13 hours on my way and waiting for the train back in the right direction, body circulation fucked up and next storm incoming.

Drove about 70 km/h today and everywhere was thunder & hail, the fields and rooves looked like there was snow on it, trees and big branches were lying next to the street and the sky was dark at 5 pm, you could only see about 50 meters.

[crying--is--okay--color]

[ruinedparadise]

Whenever I see pylons and montains I remember the radio transmission tower in Far Cry 3 and the setting in Far Cry 4.

I miss to play the game..

Far Cry 3 was my first shooter and I really really loved it! ❤️

[humanslikeme]

Simple but powerful message in North Philly

[ruinedparadise]

Miss you, guys.. 🥺

[ruinedparadise]

Okay, thunderstorm in the mountains..

Today ist was the third thunderstorm with heavy rain and hail.

We waited for evening to go hiking because my weather app prognoses thunderstorms until five o‘clock and after that a sunny evening and in the beginning of the night there could be another little thunderstorm and some rainy minutes.

Bullshit, thunderstorm was coming. We heard the first approaching thunders when we began to climp up a mountain. After running down (didn‘t want to stay in the woods) we saw only fields, a little barn and a little oratory. We tried to run through hail but we weren‘t able to breath normally. The way was about 50 meters and we were compeltely wet. Both buildings were closed and the thunders and lightings were changing in seconds.

That was the moment I started crying. I really thought I would die. I really praid to god and tried to enjoy the experience but there where only a few thoughts in my head and they were looping all the time: „I don‘t want to die!“, „Fuck, why am I here?“, „Why are my parents so complicated?“„I have to call my ex, to say goodbye and everything is a fucked up mess that shouldn‘t be and that I still love him.“, „Oh my aunt is sweet, I‘m glad she is here but she shouldn‘t.“ „A friend of mine will be completely alone.“ „What will be there for an article about us in the newspaper?“

I didn‘t do anything, I was paraylised and my aunt tried to ask her neighbour for help but she told us that she is not able to go out because of the storm (don’t know what to think about ist). We ran to the next farm. The guy there was very nice and asked us if he should drive us home.

Now I had a hot shower, tea and something to eat.

Why I wrote this down, because I am totally confused and need to do this and should you read this, please mark these things:

Don‘t think to much, your job our all the little or big problems which seem so important to you - they aren’t. I promise, you are only really interested in your health and the people you love. Make your life less complicated!

Help other people.

Don‘t call people in extreme situations when they don‘t want to hear it.

Don‘t go hiking on a muggy day and

whatever you do, don‘t believe in weather apps (or learn how to pick a lock)!!

I am done for now. Did a lot of sports but fuck off, smoking a cigarette.

Honestly I just need a very big hug.

[gondickk]

💖💘💞💕

hey your reading this right now.

i hope you‘re doing okay today. and if you‘re not, that‘s okay. it‘s okay to be having a bad day, just keep breathing. take baby steps. eventually you‘ll get to where you need to be.there‘s no set time for anything in this life, just be you, head towards inner love and peace. it‘s ok to make mistakes.

you‘ll be okay,

just stay here on earth with us.

i love you.

[ruinedparadise]

What if? - Future unkown

I spend so much time in travelling and looking for job interviews far away that I‘ve forgotten to think about it.

Today my feelings crashed my day. I‘m really scared to go. There are so much question I have but I know in these days there is no answer for me. I wanted to go away because I love nature, I wanted to be brave and wanted to have a new experience because I only live once. I didn‘t think about what I can lost if I do this. What if I am completely alone and wouldn‘t be able to find new friends? What if my working team is fucked up? What if if someone I meet will be cheating on me in what kind of way ever. What if I would have a new chance with my love and it wouldn‘t work because I am on the other side of the country? I am simply totally sad to leave all I got at home. I love the city, I moved there just in the moment I was able to. Maybe I have to give away my fluffy rabbits. What will I get for giving up all this?

But I wanted to look what I need. I wanted to change something and was exited.

No I am scared and sad. Wtf. I wish someone would give me a crystal ball to see my future in both ways.

Should I stay or should I go?

Where I lose less and get more?

Here we are. 🙄

Thoughts of a romantic controlfreak.

[thebibliosphere]

As much as I mildly despair about the functionality of Tumblr, I’m forever grateful we don’t have the creative interface of other social media platforms. 

I keep seeing youtubers talking about how the new algorithm on their creative dash is so detrimental to their mental health, both in terms of how they feel about themselves as creators and the content they make—dreading to find out their performance rating, regardless of whether they enjoyed it or not. And it’s the same across multiple other platforms, TickTock, Facebook, Instagram. Fuck, I’ve even seen people with business accounts complaining on Twitter.

And then there’s Tumblr. Where sometimes you can’t find your own posts even though you know you tagged it, time stamps are hidden in the ellipses at the top right hand corner of the post, your bread recipe keeps getting flagged as porn, too much punctuation causes asks not to send, and checking your activity feed causes the app to crash. You want to know your trending numbers? You want to know what’s performing well? Fuck you, guess.

[thebibliosphere]

18k notes, and 99.999% of them are people finding out we have time stamps.

[normal-horoscopes]

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