Why on earth would anyone buy these sugar-free bears after reviewers warned not to eat more than 15 at a time "unless you are trying to power wash your intestines"?
From a review titled: “Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate.“
“What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.”
2. From a review titled: “Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!“
“Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.”
Via
amazon.com
3. From a review titled: “Yup - Believe the hype!“
“I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn’t want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. ‘If you think it’s a fart….it’s NOT.’ hahhaaaaaa”
4. From a review titled: “It’s. All. True.“
“OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.”
5. From a review titled: “Fully weaponized Gummy Bears“
“The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home’s septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.”
6. From a review titled: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!“
“The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn’t run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante’s Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to “go” you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet.”
7. From a review titled: “You dont understand.“
“I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.
When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.
Eat two at a time. Three if you’re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.”
8. From a review titled: “Excellent taste, in small portions.“
“During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it’s job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I’ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.”
9. From a review titled: “Gastrointestinal Armageddon“
“After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you’ve eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you’re pleading for relief.”
You can read the rest of the insane reviews on Amazon.
A person or person(s) poisoned my sister’s farm animals. She lost half her goats, chickens, and some barn cats are missing. The dogs all go indoors at night so they were safe. Someone put antifreeze in the water troughs sometime after 7:30 PM last night.
I hope that person or person(s) mother, father, child… someone they love… is harmed in some horrible way and suffers a long and painful death. I hope that person or person(s) has to watch it happen.
My sister is devastated. Her favorite goat, that she’s had since he was a kid died. I hate people.
A common misconception about running is that you always have to be giving your 100%, 100% of the time. That’s not at all true. Being an easy run hero, despite common belief, will NOT make you faster. Easy days are meant to be that for a reason. Overtraining is real and it happens and it will make you slower and left wondering why all of your extremely hard work hasn’t paid off.
Always work hard and stay FOCUSED on the purpose of each run and workout. Not every day is a hard day. Not every day is 100% and it needs to be that way so that on days where you truly need to give 100%, you can.
I’m sick of people glorifying all of this extremely intense running every single day. It has its place in training but it IS NOT every single day. Don’t let the tumblr world fool you guys, you are all doing great. Do the easy days easy, and the hard days hard. Your body will thank you I promise.
Almost there. September was a rough month because of work schedule and cross country. It’s rather ironic that running with the CC team regularly actually brought my mileage down. I don’t think that will be the case next season though if we continue as planned.
Anyway, the goal was 1000 miles this year, and I’m only 140 away with 2.5 months to go. The weather in Ohio is in full autumn splendor, so I can’t wait to smash through this goal. Already starting to look towards next year’s goals.
Man...my son cannot catch a break. Last spring he ended up setting the middle school record in the 1600m as a 7th grader based on a timing error at one of the meets (he was closing in on it anyway, but never actually broke it). He’s still pissed about the plaque he got.
Now this past weekend he was once again the beneficiary of incorrect timing that set a new school record, made even more frustrating by the fact that even his unofficial time broke it by a good margin. Unlike the track record though, he won't have another year to "fix" it and he only has one more meet this year (while it’s a fast course, it’s quite a long shot to take off another 35 seconds).
Frustrating as a coach and a parent. The track coach gave him the record because it was an “official result” even though we all knew it was incorrect. If I do the same, we all know it’s bull. But we also can’t very well grant him the record based on the unofficial time because it’s just that: unofficial. Ideally, the meet organizers will be able to fix it...but if not, I can only hope he equals or betters his unofficial time in his final meet so that we can discard this one as errant while still certifying a correct record for him.
In SoCal for work this week. Casting the net wide to find a bottle or two of Pliny to bring home. Have a good lead for tomorrow, so hopefully it pans out.
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