speak louder

i literally can't understand what you're saying. ►nicolas / m / 34 / demiromantic◄ [amaranth blog; open to others] nsfw/gore warning. telepathy && partnered with toska

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

I wanted to forget the past, but it refused to forget me; it waited for sleep, then cornered me.

Margaret Atwood (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[cfmusings-blog]

      I loved and I loved                       and I lost you. 

[s0undless-blog1]

LOVER

love is another concept nicolas doesn’t understand. he’s seen worick have these customers and not just worick but other people, he’s seen married couples lives diminished due to falling inlove with someone else, a lover some people would call them – a secret one.

his father ONCE loved his mother, she was ONCE alive– but according to him she’s dead. they were lovers. his idea of love seems to revolve around death and dismay– he’s scared to fall inlove, truth be told.

he’s scared someone completely new coming into his LIFE and loving him– finding out the things he’s done the things he will do and LEAVE. he couldn’t cope actually, he’d absolutely lose his mind. whoever nicolas loved would have his devotion and trust– have him. he thinks he’s a monster but he’s much more than that.

he’s loving, caring, attentive, protective, he’s just hurting but oh lord help whoever falls for him and has him crashing back. he’ll hurt so good.

[s0undless-blog1]

friend

noone is really nicolas’ friend. he has a friend but even that is sketchy– him and worick. worick is his friend, childhood friend but even then nicolas knows that worick probably bares hatred for him. then theres his relationship with alex and while he tries to be nice to her he can’t bring himself to grow attached to her– when he looks at her he sees veronica and when he remembers his relationship with veronica and how everyone blames him for her accident and her being in this situation he grows depressed, restless, he’s tired.

noone is really nicolas’ friend because he– somehow fucks it up. he can’t control himself, he ends up hurting the people he loves– he distances himself whether it be on purpose or fake, he pushes people away and the only friend he can seem to manage is the bottles of pills he swallows everyday.

so friendship is a strange concept to him, a painful one. one he tries to run away from.

[s0undless-blog1]

❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜

“sounds like ya have alot of growin up ta do kid, life aint about complainin’. who am i kiddin’-- ish’ pretty shitty. i’m right there wif’ ya girlie.”

[rpmemes-gallery]

Send me a word and I'll write a headcanon about it!

Loss

Memory

Childhood

Parent

Friend

Lover

Haunting

Kinks

Dream

Grief

Remember

Happiness

Sex

Role

Destiny

Aspiration

Experience

Torture

Evil

Forgive

Abandon

Hope

[sanstasticpuns-deactivated20160]

This is permission to hurt my Muse. Emotionally or Psychically. Make them cry, make them bleed.

[paintingflcwcrsarchive]

popular text posts + ask memes

❛ i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, but i know i’m doing it wrong ❜ ❛ i am so cute and bitter ❜ ❛ my life is one part ‘wait’ and another part ‘what’ ❜ ❛ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it ❜ ❛ i love sleeping to avoid problems ❜ ❛ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do ❜ ❛ i’m hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years ❜ ❛ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit ❜ ❛ we need some new and more powerful swears ❜ ❛ i get progressively uglier throughout the day ❜ ❛ i’m so miserable, but i laugh at everything ❜ ❛ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine ❜ ❛ just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. it’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot. ❜ ❛ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame ❜ ❛ if you think i’m ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 ❜ ❛ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it ❜ ❛ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds ❜ ❛ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i don’t know many love songs, so it’s just uptown funk 18 times in a row. ❜ ❛ there are people who know me in real life who think i’m straight and that’s really funny to me ❜ ❛ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget ❜ ❛ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the ❜ ❛ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise ❜ ❛ i’m the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person ❜ ❛ that awful moment when you wake up ❜ ❛ damn haha i’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later ❜ ❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜ ❛ people our age have children what the hell i am a children ❜ ❛ i don’t like your clothes. take them off. ❜ ❛ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? ❜ ❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜ ❛ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel ❜ ❛ if i don’t insult you daily, it means i don’t like you ❜ ❛ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry ❜ ❛ i need to get laid… to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. ❜ ❛ i’m trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me ❜ ❛ i’m overstressed and underfucked ❜ ❛ i can’t wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree ❜ ❛ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine ❜ ❛ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment ❜ ❛ i don’t have time for people who don’t believe in aliens ❜ ❛ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting ❜ ❛ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people ❜ ❛ i can’t play hard to get i’m already hard to want ❜ ❛ i’m still pissed off about growing up ❜ ❛ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜ ❛ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close ❜ ❛ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap ❜ ❛ write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back ❜ ❛ how do people even put up with me like i can’t even put up with me ❜ ❛ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead ❜ ❛ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical  ❜ ❛ sorry, i’m poor. i can’t afford to pay attention ❜ ❛ aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall ❜ ❛ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep? ❜ ❛ my neutral expression makes me look like i’m always in a bad mood which is convenient because it’s usually true ❜ ❛ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming ❜

[s0undless-blog1]

sure i figured i’d give the shit a go, after all why the fuck not? think i’ll have fun at this party, maybe i’ll go with someone. knowing yato he’ll definitely be there since he’s planning it, probably wants me to go with him and match or some shit.

[s0undless-blog1]

it’s unnerving, understandably-- a man who said little words but still looked so damn judgmental. he’ll relax, at some point, promise.

ding ding ding-- someone gets it finally. he could tell by her expression she was trying to seem polite about understanding his words-- that was his bad. he couldn’t be partially blamed for the words he spoke but could never really hear, it’s not his fault he was born this way.

his eyes flickered to the cats on her then the cats on him, one particularly kneading his cheek with its tiny paws and then it’s own cheek with its cheshire smile so proudly worn. how exhausting.

“ah can bring them to ya if ya like em dat much ya know aint no problem,”

“thanks, ah cordeliha-- sorry im probableh butcherin’ ya name,,”

[s0undless-blog1]

when nico is signing

it’ll look like this

when nico is thinking

🇮🇹'🇱🇱 🇱🇴🇴🇰 🇱🇮🇰🇪 🇹🇭🇮🇸!

when nico is talking

“sumfin’ like dis’,,”

just incase in the future anyones ever confused!!,,,

[thesanctumofthestrange-blog]

@s0undless

Stephen had only put out the ad and a half week ago and he knew he was going to have to wait for people to track down books that might have made it into this dimension containing what he needed. 

The ad had been simple enough: Looking for books containing information on the mystic arts. Pay will be determined by amount, quality, and content of the books. Spell craft and potions at highest value. 

What surprised him was the knock at the door while he was meditating he didn’t know who would visit, but it didn’t mater much. He just clearly announced, “The door is unlocked.” Hoping to prompt who ever was on the other side of it to come in.  

[s0undless-blog1]

even if he had told nicolas or written a note for him to SEE nicolas would’ve came in regardless, how he operates is that he has a job to do and he was being hired to do it-- that mentality from when he was younger and into now still lingered and he stared at the man seated,trying to wrack his brain to think on if the other had wanted something specific again he was thinking for moments longer before he grunted with a acknowledgement of it and finally cold black hues stared the man down a moment longer.

he wasn’t necessarily hired persay, more like he took the job and decided it’d give him something to do so here he was visiting the latter and then holding up the ad strange put up. gesturing to it then himself and cleared his throat grunting.

“ah can show you around no big deal. da books however ya probably could only be able ta look at them, this is more of ah expedition so are ya real sure ya wanna do this?”

ofcourse he spoke and his words were slurred, speaking was foreign for him and his face was cold and hard-- but unease was there too.

[s0undless-blog1]

ya’ sorry jack i cant hear for shit, its like if a pin fell in a library and i still wouldnt hear tha’ shit.

he made a face and traced back to his thoughts before scratching his cheek in thought. had he? he didn’t recall and even if he did it would’ve been clung to him by now, cats alike no matter the breed clung to nicolas like glue and this kid seemed like he needed some form of help-- wouldn’t mind helping out.

i can help you find ‘em if ya need, i’m a bit of a cat magnet.

[labors]

you said you wouldn’t leave. you lied.

[s0undless-blog1]

he was planning on leaving, he was planning on walking away but he was pretty caught up by how insistent this kid was on getting his wallet back he looked comical because of his running form but he could tell by his express he seemed pretty angry-- violent really to really get it back.

or greedy. he looked like the kindve guy that would go out in the obnoxious overly cocky clothes and brag about he was higher or greater than you or something like that-- or maybe he was just stereotyping him. but what really caught him off guard was the kid he presumed to be a jackass was actually talking to him, he squinted but it looked like an angry grouchy glare--

‘W-woah. Thanks a lot. Y’sure kick ass pretty good. So, who do I owe this pleasant meeting to?’

he felt the corners of his lips twitch and he resisted the urge to smile at being shown gratitude and praised. he didn’t care. he didn’t need it, it wasn’t for him and it never will be-- this kid he seconds ago thought was some idiotic jackass was now looking at him with the eyes of a kid who just met his childhood hero or some shit like that.

he wanted to say:

dont look at me like that, i’m not that kindve hero-- i’m not a hero at all.

but instead he said:

“dat guy had it comin. took my shit. fuckin hate thieves.”

it only took him a moment before he realized the kid asked him his name and here he was judging him so harshly but he had some form of manners, why? it was around people younger than him-- typically kids or some sort, teens or whatever- that he found himself looking grouchy, angry, annoyed, why did he always get picked by children? why him? whatever his eyebrows untensed and he seemed to relax-- if only a little.

“nicolash brown-- and you?”

[dicennio]

I wonder why I wonder why … nothing makes sense to me anymore

[daiifukuu]

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