*L A U R E N*

21! Just a songwriter, poet, and girl with too many feelings // please feel free to message me if you need to/want to talk!

[sad-starry-eyes]

“I am no stranger to mourning. I have lost countless loved ones, but I have never felt more broken than with my own shattered spirit, that of which I am fighting so desperately to heal.”

good mourning // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“I am not my younger self. I have lost all remnants of her to the apocalypse, and she slipped through my fingers and into my deepest desires. The light in my eyes has been shattered, and my sense of belonging is nowhere to be found. Clinging desperately to my bright-eyed days in the sun, I look to the mirror and see no more than a shell of who I once was.”

it’s been a long two years // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“You refuse to know when you’re crushing my heart through my skin and bones. When our love is only beautiful on the surface level, when we are as picturesque as we tell our friends. You don’t let yourself see me cry, for the truth will be too much for your eyes that only see a future in me.”

you don’t know me when i’m sad. // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“What happens when the world stops falling apart? As time goes on and our future becomes clearer, where does that leave us? Two souls who found company in each other as the apocalypse rained down, surviving on borrowed time.”

who are we when the world isn’t ending? @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“The feeling of ‘running out of time’ is slowly making its way into my lungs. I see you differently, I am pulling back more, we are changing. I want to run back to when we had all of the time in the world, before we were counting days and waiting for the end. I love you just as much as I did back then, but my heart breaks each time I see you.”

time flies // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“The world is so cruel to give a love like ours so little time.”

Right Person, Wrong time - @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“You can’t be a flame to a girl that’s made of gasoline.”

ignition // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“It breaks my heart every single day knowing that the love I wish I could give to you was naively thrown around in my younger years to people who only wanted me when I had something to give them.”

to love a girl in the daylight // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“You are the love I will never quite deserve, but the one I will fight for nonetheless.”

endlessly // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“The harsh truth? I am exhausted. I have loved and loved and poured my heart out into so many voids of people. I thought I could fill someone up and make them whole again, when in reality? I was draining myself. All I have left is a fragmented identity and a shell of a girl trying to find herself again, for all of the her pieces have been scattered across late night calls and time gone to waste.”

love you to bits // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“To be honest, I was never one for winter. I have never enjoyed the cold, the fog of my breath in the open air, or the loneliness that comes with each passing day of each passing month. However, the only time I ever wanted to feel the cold air against my skin was when you talked about how much you loved to see the snow.”

seasonal depression // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“So this is the point where the fairy tale ends. The moment where the bad parts finally catch up to the bad.”

so much for that recovery - @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“I am now in a place where I can breathe again. I am being held by arms that are not trying to keep me under the waves of insecurity and lust. I am learning my limits and timidity from the years my heart spent caged up with someone undeserving, and unlearning each one. I was once a feather with a rock attached to it, and I remember sinking into a lake and being unable to float. I am now a tree; grounded, but growing towards the sky.”

my recovery // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“I finally got the apology I always wanted. Over one year late, in a coffee shop on Main Street, a Monday afternoon. All he said was “I’m sorry for how I treated you. I was an asshole, you deserve better.” This was the moment I dreamed about for so long. If it had been several months prior, I would have screamed and cried and told him how angry I was. But all I could say, while holding back tears?

“I forgave you a long time ago.”

breathe again // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“I am self destructing in every corner of each room I step into.”

detonate // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

“You are wildflowers, darkened eyes, and the fine line between pleasure and pain.”

his aesthetic // @sad-starry-eyes

[sad-starry-eyes]

tw// self harm

“For the first time in almost nine months, I want to do it. I am not good enough for you, or for anyone. I have come so far but without your love, part of the love I had for myself died. I simply want to cut my arms up into ribbons and tie them around my neck. I want to self destruct with no one to stop me, and I am slowly losing my mind.”

cry for help // @sad-starry-eyes