Me as hozier liking this tweet

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@sadlatte
Me as hozier liking this tweet
The more I see of Eric Andre the more Iām convinced he is some chaotic neutral trickster god sent to the mortal plane to torment us
old people really need to learn how to text accurately to the mood theyāre trying to represent like my boss texted me wondering when my semester is over so she can start scheduling me more hours and i was like my finals are done the 15th! And she texts back āYay for youā¦.ā how the fuck am i supposed to interpret that besides passive aggressive
Someone needs to do a linguistic study on people over 50 and how they use the ellipsis. Itās FASCINATING. I never know the mood theyāre trying to convey.
if catholicism/christianity is fake⦠mary really was in that for the long haul. she pulled the longest con in existence & even got her kid in on it
maryās friend gabriel who knocked her up: you told joseph i was a what now?
mary, taking a sip of her coffee: an angel, gabe. try to keep up.
mary, about to invent the miracle of christ: oh, havenāt you heard?
Hey uh, just some advice for April Fools comin up for people in a relationship.
Dont fucking fake break up with your partner on April Fools
Dont fucking fake fight with your partner on April Fools
Dont fucking fake cheat on your partner on April Fools
Dont fucking do something like cut your partners hair, ruin your partners clothes, scare your partner on April Fools
Dont fucking pretend get with someone on April Fools
Just dont be an abusive dickweed to anyone, or your partners on April Fools, ok.
Dear Anyone Who Hates Cats
My cat literally sleeps next to my face until she thinks Iām asleep and then sheāll move to the end of my bed. If I wake up at night sheāll go back up to me head and stay with me until I fall asleep again. In the morning sheāll follow me when I call her. Sheās a precious lil nugget.
My best friend!!!!
I LOVE HER.
i would die for that cat
āI crave the side of you that you donāt show to anyone else.ā
ā
itās officially spring which means porridge weather is over and hozier is finally done making his oatmeal and can now again release MUSICĀ
for those of you who are ignorant of hozierās hibernation habits
whatās w conventions? cant yāall just b nerds at home like do yāall gotta go to geek coachella
they gotta get it out their system once a year so they dont start cosplaying goku at malls on random weekdays. its for the best
that was the uggliest sound Iāve ever heardā¦.. lolĀ
when he pulls out
LMAOOOOO
Something about the sun makes me feel complete. Like thousands of tiny kisses being placed upon my skin
Sun - Cheney Parsons (via loveplantsandearthmagic)
Iām sorry, we need to take a short break from horses to appreciate that my boyfriendās cat has a treadmill, and she will only run on it if she has an audience.
This is really important
LMFAOOOO
Lmaooo she literally ate the smoke ššš
Mešššš
Super Dad
Conclusion: human evolution has always depended in part upon some unassuming fatherās ability to literally backflip his child out of the jaws of death.
When you roll a nat 20 acrobatics & perceptionĀ
They have a reddit thread called Dad Reflexes and the precursor, Bro Reflexes
yiykes all those kids couldāve died