Feelings are just a sick fucking joke.
All that time, I cared, but I would have been okay. You could have left.. accepted that I needed time to overcome my past and moved on when I tried to spare you my struggle. You had three different chances.. you didn't leave, and I began to care so deeply. I thought, if you could handle that crazy.. you must really love me. You must care so much more than the past people, and I'd been so cruel to treat you as them. I didn't mean to, but it isn't like your hands were clean. You spoke words to me with such acid in the midst of my grief. They stuck to me like glue and caused me to close off. I became as acidic as your words made me feel, all by accident, trying to protect myself.
I never once meant to hurt you in my pain. I thought you could understand that, since you stuck through it all with me. Instead, you gave me more comfort. You pretended to be fine.. waited until I saw light for us both. You stayed until I healed so much, all I wanted was you. I was prepared to make us a family.. to give up my comfort and family for you.
All you had to do was endure my pain for less than 2 years. Since I was recovering now.. I mean, a husband, a group of friends, my baby.. so much loss to endure. And I get it, the baby was yours, too.. but you didn't feel the pain of it, too. The guilt of just knowing your partner is blaming you, too. You'd already blamed me for failing to get pregnant immediately, why wouldn't you blame me for that?
turnnoffyourmind
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romaincrisis
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