[sadopiquerism]

He/Him 18

This is a side blog where I post about my brain. I will mainly talk about ASPD, Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and general violent urges. This is my form of harm reduction.

18+ interactions only. No warnings on any post.

[sadopiquerism]

I'm so fucking depressed I'm unbelievably depressed and I need to attach myself to somebody but I hate everyone. I purposefully ignored everyone and now I have nobody. I want to go back to online friends like when I was 13 and we can talk and torture each other.

[sadopiquerism]

I have extreme anger issues and I like taking it out on others. I'll probably get older and become a horrible abuser and die by my own hand before they get to arrest me.

[clusteredup]

How to make real friends if you're really weird and everything you do feels immensely wrong. How to stick with friends when you lose energy really fast and everytime you hang out with friends you immediately regret it. How to make friends when you both want but also really really don't want friends. How to be normal ?!

[dangerouslyhappyskeleton]

Kami no kodomo is a great representation of what it's like to have an empathy and personality disorder without actually knowing or being given proper help but some of you aren't ready for that conversation

[sadopiquerism]

Mania isn't fucking real I don't feel anything

[sadopiquerism]

I'm fucking annoyed I was told I was depressed and the SSRIs made me miserable then manic and I tried to kill myself 3 times in one week. And only after I emailed the psychiatrist that I was going to do it again is when I got an emergency appointment and she medicated me for bipolar instead of just depression but now I'm fucking miserable

[melabier]

I think the only times I feel visceral disgust is either 1. Where i'm pitied or 2. Someone is really pathetic. Secret 3rd option is being pitied by someone whose really pathetic.

[iheartmolly]

[sadopiquerism]

Being told I am bipolar has made me overthink every emotion I feel. In a way, it excuses everything in my head. I'm told I am so troubled all the time and it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I want to ruin everyone's lives and hurt myself because I won't live long enough for any of it to matter. My real fear is that one day life will be meaningful enough for me to want to continue living but I've already fucked everything up and there won't be a reason to anything anymore.

[actually-aspd-culture]

aspd culture is finding having breakdowns or anger explosions ""fun"" because you feel so damn hollow inside all the fucking time 💔 i just yearn to feel something

I consider this to be a form of emotional self-harm. It's something I've also had the habit of doing.

[sadopiquerism]

I am incredibly explosive and avoid taking my medication so I can keep being angry and destroying the health of others and myself. I like to cause a scene and then leave the house and go on a train til its very last stop. I'm doing that right now, sitting on an industrial fan.

[aspd-girl]

Why do you even like me?

I asked my older brother (adopted) why they even like me. They are concerned about justice and morality and I am a disordered anti-social shit thing. Yet, they are one of the persons who showed me the most care and protection I ever received in my life!

Then they gave me the probably best answer:

"Yes, you steal, assault, insult, transgress, and have little respect for rules and laws but I do not think you are necessarily injust. Most people follow ethical standards unconsciously, mostly because they are primed to follow these rules.

Whenever you show kindness, it is a conscious choice. When you pay the waiter, donate to the beggar, spare the thug, it is because you decided to do this. You could have done something different, but you choose not to."

This is probably the best and most motivating and kindest plosttwist about someone's perception on ASPD I ever heard! People too often only judge us by the wrong actions and taking our right actions too much for granted and forget that they are not the default setting for us!

[sadopiquerism]

I'm not an edgy emotionless freak. I feel joy and I have hobbies and interests and a large social circle of people who care for me. Having ASPD, schizophrenia, depression, and autism changes nothing. I am successful despite my violent thoughts and urges.

[bl00dy-c0rpse-23]

I'm bored does anyone wanna let me torture and murder them

[sadopiquerism]

I argue with people just to have an excuse to yell and insult for minutes straight and I feel amazing after. I love knowing how to hurt people and tell them the worst things imaginable and seeing their faces. My favourite part is seeing their hurt faces. And I do feel bad sometimes but I enjoy it too much to stop. And nothing anybody says to me will ever hurt me. I do not care what anybody thinks about me. No insult will hurt me the same way I can hurt you. Your failed attempts are embarrassing.

[alice-aspd1]

I often think about this case I read about a guy who really liked working in a butcher shop. His pretentious father wanted his son to have a more prestigious job so he forced him to work in an office. Then the guy started killng and mutilating people. Working as a butcher was actually helping him with his homicidal tendencies.

You really do just need an outlet sometimes.

[peerless-outlaw]

This is why I advocate for a lot of coping mechanisms that tend to upset people without homicidal tendencies. Harm reduction is harm reduction, it doesn't matter how uncomfortable it makes others.

[sadopiquerism]

Cut while standing up and I started getting dizzy looking for a tissue and nearly threw up. Yeah I'm not doing that again.