So, it`s chapter 3
Here`s chapter two, here`s chapter one
It's not like he can fly away too far, what with the sun setting down and the air growing colder with each passing minute. Jaskier feels exhaustion deep in his bones, 'It's because I haven't been in this form for ages and just need to get used to it again,' he thought to himself. The fae lands not far away from the clearing, approximately ten minutes’ flight. It's quite hard to land properly with all those trees around him, but he manages.
Jaskier thinks about whether to make a fire or not and decides on the former. His skin is still covered with goosebumps from the cold and he chooses to deal with this problem first, but none of his doublets or chemises would fit him now with his wings and all. Then, he remembers that he has a quite warm winter quilt in one of his bags and begins to rummage through the bigger one. Jaskier pulls the blanket out, wraps it around himself, and ties a knot on the two upper ends so it won`t slip off of him. It`s a good thing he hadn`t gone a cheapskate on himself and bought a quite large and warm quilt at the last second. After a minute standing like that he can feel goosebumps fade away and warmth starts to build up in his chest. He stands like that some more and decides it's time to gather some kindling.
The bard starts with sticks that are lying around this little glade and moves closer to the trees. When he finds that the number of sticks and twigs he's holding on his left forearm are quite enough, he straightens his back.
"Fuck!" he yelps in sudden pain, not understanding yet what happened. The bard bows his head and extends his arm to touch the hurting body part. When he reaches his left horn Jaskier realises what exactly happened. "Fucking seriously?!" he exclaimed into the forest. Although his horns are very sturdy, they are quite sensitive too. They also are rather long and, once again, he forgot to move around just so they won't catch on everything on their way. Jaskier raises his head and sees the sulcus on the trunk of the tree, where his horn rubbed against it. Cicada's chirping sounds like they аre laughing at him.
"Ha-ha, very funny, you little fuckers."
So it seems like he hasn`t gained all his fae powers yet because he is not able to sense the damn tree on his way. ‘ So much for a creature of nature, Jask.’ He just sighs and sits straight on the forest floor to arrange kindling and puts some dried grass so everything could catch on fire. The fae lits up a little unstable fireball in his right palm and then brings it to the wood, watches it lighting up, and blows on it for the flames to spread.
Jaskier pulls jerky, a piece of bread and cheese out of his pack in order to give himself some nutrition even though he doesn`t feel like eating. The food tastes like ash and stops in his throat in a form of a ball that he can not swallow while trying to wish away the tears from his swelling eyes.
It`s quite poetic, isn`t it? A true bard thrives on the feeling of heartbreak. It`s an important part of human life and so songs based on this particular spectrum of emotions are very popular among old, young, poor, and rich and all the other layers of society. So singing them brings a hefty sum into bards` pockets if they are skilled enough to compose a heart-wrenching song that would bring the most heartless men to tears.
He`d felt as if he was struck by a lightning bolt when he realised that he`s in love with Geralt. Those feelings he considered friendship appeared to be a lot more deep and complicated. Jaskier felt as if someone poured a gallon of dwarven spirit on him and lit him up to be burned alive by the strength of his own emotions. And from that moment all he could think of were strong hands, white hair, broad shoulders, and piercing gold eyes the bard couldn’t live without. Geralt did steal all his reason, after all, melting it down not only with his looks but also kind and brave heart.
He knew from the start that his rather passionate feelings for the certain white-headed Witcher won`t do any good for them. The man in question flinched at the mere word friend and the bard even after twenty years of following the Witcher can`t predict what he`d do if Jaskier told him he loves him. So he decided to remain silent and love Geralt from afar, help him in his time of need and just be there for him, like everyone in this damned world needs.
It wasn`t hard to hide his feelings from Geralt and it`s not because witchers can`t feel, no. That`s just foul lies people make up to have one more reason to hate witchers, to spit at their feet, to lie about contracts, and refuse to pay men who protect them from the beasts they are too scared and not strong enough to defend themselves from.
The point is Geralt doesn`t want to deal with his or anyone else`s emotions so Jaskier masked all his feelings as friendship and was happy with that because then he can be by his witcher`s side and that`s all that matters.
Or, perhaps, Geralt knew. He`s a witcher, after all, he has enhanced senses and he could`ve heard every time Jaskier`s heartbeat became more rapid at their close proximity or Geralt`s rare flattering words. Once Geralt implied he could smell emotions and, well, Jaskier is pretty sure he smelt like arousal every time the Witcher got naked. Hell, for all Jaskier knew, Geralt might also smell love.
Jaskier was content being just a friend and the slight possibility of his witcher knowing his true feelings didn`t bother him much, but it hurt a bit. And then, Yennefer came.
And it all became so much worse.
The fae wished he had never yelled at Geralt by that lake, hadn`t acted like, well, himself, hadn`t annoyed sleep-deprived witcher to the point where said witcher wished for silence forever. Jaskier berated himself for not reacting fast enough to absorb djin`s magic and prevent the subsequent damage to his throat, to never meet Yennefer.
And if only Jaskier hadn`t dragged unwilling witcher to that betrothal, Geralt wouldn`t have acquired himself a child.
The Child Surprise. The djin.
“ I truly am a shit-shoveller,” silent sobs escaped bard`s trembling lips as his vision blurred by tears.
“It`s all my fault”
