I'm alive!!!! I promise :P
It has been well over a year since I've last signed onto Tumblr. Why is that? More big girl things, I suppose. Dare I say....more grown up lady-like things.
I've graduated college, had 2 (and then later 3) jobs at once for the year after, and now I have recently acquired my FIRST LEGIT teaching job: 2nd grade <3 I have training a week from today; school starts Sept 2nd.
I must be perfectly honest, I will more than likely not continue on with Tumblr. I will be busy working towards my dream job as I refine myself as a teacher to those kiddos. I may open up a separate blog, but it will be geared towards my teaching/the kids/parents/surrounding community etc. etc. I am a "pillar of my community," as one principal has put it. Thus, I am now seen by people of my community constantly and will be a role model whether I would like to or not. My actions, the way I carry myself, will be looked at constantly.
As a 23 year old (woah! weird to say...), there are actually a lot of things that I wish I "could still do." I sometimes wish I was still 18-21 years old, where it is acceptable to still be "experimenting" life. I know, I know...I am still young! Still in my early twenties! Yet, this is what I mean:
I feel that I skipped out of my teenage years, to be perfectly honest. I was very goody goody and had my nose to the books or my time with the band all throughout middle school to high school (and well into college). I gave some care to how I looked, but didn't spend too much time. I didn't wear make-up until my senior year of high school, and then was just a little mascara and eyeliner! My style was still in the works, and I didn't get super comfy in my skin until late college years. I suppose everyone could say High School was awkward, but I feel I was particularly ways away from the "typical" teen. Now and days, I care about how I look a lot more than before. I fuss with my hair, my make-up (still don't wear as much as other girls, but more than before), and I am conscientious about how my clothes fit and whether or not they accentuate the good curves. I dare say, I am WAY more confident than I have been, but on the flip side, I still have a lot of physical insecurities. Maybe it's because my body has finally "filled out" more and I am more comfortable in my skin. I shop more as I look for pants that make my tush look nice and dresses that hug me all over or flow as I go for a more elegant look. I like to shop at stores like Forever21, Charlotte Russe, H&M, and American Eagle. However, there are a lot of clothes that I can't wear because of my more "adult like" role. I'm not looking for things that show off indecent parts of me. What I mean is I can't wear shorts, nice heels, certain skirts, certain tops, etc. because 1) it breaks dress code 2) I'm with kids all day, so super super nice clothes are a no go and 3) it makes me look younger than I am...and I somehow already achieve this haha
Sometimes, I wish I had a job that would allow me to wear super nice clothes. Sometimes, I wish I could still be in college where funky arrangements is OK to wear because "Hey, I'm young and still figuring out my identity!" But, I know that this will all pass. I know that I am so happy and blessed to be a teacher. I know that I should be thankful for who I am. I do have my own style. And I can make this work in the classroom :)
It's a tough battle. Some days, I feel so good about myself. Other days, I revert to this pity party of "oh no, I am no longer a teenager/college girl."
I seriously need to get over this. I never liked Hollister, anyways ;P
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