Slow Heartbeats

Personal, but pretty funny.

[usedpimpa]

[fuckyeahbats]

BEHOLD

[saber-chan]

My parents aren’t home

You know what that means

*sits in the living room instead of sealing myself away in my room*

[rodnt]

[windynebula]

[Cat meows, but it’s been autotuned]

[chonce]

i’m screaming did any of yall have to do silent sustained reading in middle school? i remember NOTHING ever being as funny as when you weren’t allowed to talk or laugh like ur friend from across the class would do something entirely benign like look over and lift a finger n you’d be sittin there like

[glumshoe]

Mulan gave me unrealistic expectations about makeup removal

[stupidmercury]

Look at all those chickens

[agoodcartoon]

Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.

- submitted by Gene

[sciencevevo]

why is he tearing down a wall with an axe

[officialcyndilauper-deactivated]

i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall

[ondoinganevildeedblues]

Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone

[cheaphalloweencostume]

how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim

[bogleech]

I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*

[dr-archeville]

“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”

“Ha ha, and then what? ;) ”

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

“For the love of God, Montresor!” -Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe

[digitaldiscipline]

Incessantly, I heard a smacking, as of some entitled dipshit whacking, whacking on my chamber door.

Resignedly, I placed another layer, voicing a quiet, repeated prayer, “This dude thinks he’s a player, but I am not a point to score, he should fuck off and bother me no more.”

Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

- The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro

[agoodcartoon]

edgar allen bro

[zinglebert-bembledack]

Oh my god

[yournewfriendshouse]

holy shit

[thischarmingmothman]

“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro, Whether reddit sent, or whether romcoms tossed thee here ashore, Barely known yet still entitled, holding now your Tom Waits vinyl, Begging me for something primal, tell me truly, I implore Is this–is this shit for fucking real? Tell me, tell me, I implore! Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro, By the mores that you abuse thus, by those films we both adore, Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, by stalking me through Facebook, You have gained a twisted outlook of whom those tropes are for, Paint a rare and radiant dream girl whilst you remain a bore, Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

“Be that slur our sign of parting, creep or douche!” I shrieked, upstarting, “Get thee back to lonely anguish and your friend’s used comic store! Leave no white rose as a token of the lust you claim heartbroken, Leave my scathing words to soak in! Quit the name calling of ‘whore’, When you lust for every girl, but when they say nay they are whores! Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

And the friendzoned, never scoring, still imploring, still imploring, On some fetid old subreddit for a girl who will adore The nicer guys and not the “douchebags”, unaware that it’s a red flag To be his soulmate o'er him learning they both like the movie Thor To fuck him for being nerdy even though he is a bore, Then she says no–fucking whore.

[agoodcartoon]

that internal rhyme scheme is a fucking master class

[digitaldiscipline]

re-rebageling for the improved version of what i did, because fuck yeah

[internetdruid]

[catchymemes]

[bespokecats]

I would die for her

[clonerightsagenda]

I spent way too long digging through my blog looking for this, but I nominate these images as contenders for the [reaction to good thing] [reaction to bad thing] meme

harmless fun thing

bad thing

[masteraqua]

my spite knows no bounds

[pr1nceshawn]

[rebakitt3n]

let the hedgehog into the house!!

[kitty]

[mhalachai]

when you are very small and the world is very large

[cursedcatimages]

a worthy adversary, but you are still no match for me

[derp-ology]

OP if you don’t change your url i will appear in your house at 3 pm central time to decorate your shoelaces with my tears

[cursedcatimages]

i will be awaiting your arrival

[jessafer94]

out of boredom i decided to scan a stuffed shark. here are the results.

[strangersea]

your work is appreciated

[trainsforbrains]

op i spent entirely too long on this and im sorry

[scarlet--raven-deactivated20230]

It’s 1:30 am and I’m cackling like a deranged witch

[psychoetheric]

straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy

me: (internally) oscar wilde was right

[psychoetheric]

in reference to this quote (tho he was also just right in general)

[officialqueer]

Controversial opinion, but ur allowed to like things that suck

Like, sometimes there are just shows or books that are so goddamn awful for any number of reasons… But ya still like ‘em somehow, and that’s fine

It’s not required to write a 20+ page essay defending why you enjoy something shitty, you can just… Enjoy shitty things

Not all content is made equally and you’re allowed to like things that are far from perfect

Like, just, “This show sucks, but I like it anyway” is a totally valid response

[dezdemonomania]

“It’s comforting,” is a legit answer.

“I like reading about clothes,” is a legit answer.

“it’s brain popcorn, and I don’t feel like delving into something deep,” is a legit answer.

“I’ve read it so many times I can basically recite it, and it relaxes me by being familiar,” is a legit answer.

You don’t need to justify your taste.  Stop feeling guilty about liking things, or liking the “wrong” things.  Life is hard and bleak right now, get fun where you can.