Things I say a lot as a teacher: "the lord giveth and the lord taketh away" (I'm the lord). "That's capitalism, baby!".
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@sardonichistory
Things I say a lot as a teacher: "the lord giveth and the lord taketh away" (I'm the lord). "That's capitalism, baby!".
[Image ID: Tweet by harvey MILF @seapunksenorita that reads "Fantasy is when she removes her jousting helmet to reveal her luscious hair, and sci-fi is when she unzips her flightsuit to the waist to reveal her skintight tanktop". /End ID]
you know how it is with lofthouse cookies
futbol heritage
mads mikkelsen and robert pattinson need to do a movie together just because the promo interviews would be chaos personified
don't hide this in the tags say it loud and proud
Interviewer: So what makes this film good?
Rob: It sucks.
Mads: I haven’t seen it.
I wasn’t expecting much. Maybe Vader’s baritone with hints of melody. I was *not* expecting it to be a masterpiece, what the fuck, this is a million times better than I was expecting and it’s unironically really good. Turn on that volume button.
Stacys dad?!?
@sailorzeo oh look it’s your guys.
An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures
The show is called ‘All or Nothing’
Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.
my hand slipped
will reblog until this becomes an actual show
finding out that almost all other animals don’t have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester
like, hey, cat why don’t you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you
wack.
humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?
evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise*
Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:
Periods
Bad backs
Permanent breasts that do not leave once baby is weaned
Dangerously large, unprotected, and non retractable male reproductive systems
Huge brain takes up way too much energy gotta eat more sleep less
Baby brain bigger than hips guess birth is life threatening now
Takes like 25 years for big brain to even finish maturing
•Teeth are critical to living, yet not designed to last more than a few years without constant intervention and upkeep, and don’t grow back if this is not accomplished. Also, losing your teeth means the bones in your ear will shift, and your hearing will worsen.
•Breathing, eating, communication all from the same pathway, major choking hazard. Give me a dolphin style breathing tube.
•Most pleasurable nerve endings on the body locating on the filthiest parts of you, guarenteed spread of bacteria.
•knees and shoulders have almost zero capability to heal correctly, once they break, they’re basically broken forever without massive outside influence.
truer words
Wait, but why did my early childhood friend's crazy standard poodle named Ruby have her period that one time? There was blood all over the floor and no one was cleaning it up and they were like "oh shes just on her period". Was the dog just hemorrhaging and everyone casually thought it was her period? Have I been this ignorant for these 29 years?
he’s back
writing tip:
if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything
i think it was cruel to give lightning mcqueen a foot fetish, as he lives in a world where all feet are wheels. he has nothing.
sorry i wasnt talking to you i think
favorite bits of the cast interviews in the LOTR special features:
Dominic Monaghan, Billy Boyd, Elijah Wood and Viggo Mortensen all taking the piss out of Orlando Bloom for going on about a cracked rib too much, while Orlando Bloom desperately tries to wriggle out of talking about it (special mention to Elijah Wood’s “oh it hurts, babes, and I can’t ride the horse, babes” and Viggo Mortensen’s “they can be very fragile, elves, especially the…Mirkwood strain…”)
Ian McKellen commenting that “they never did find any suitable underwear for Gandalf…”
Dominic Monaghan going on and on about how Viggo Mortensen apparently had a crush on one of the Rohirrim extras (who like a lot of the Rohirrim extras was a woman in a fake beard) while Vigoo Mortensen just mutters “one could perhaps say something about Mr. Monaghan’s…proclivities…”
Dominic Monaghan’s imitation of John Rhys-Davies ordering food at a restaurant for the whole cast. “You have partridge? BRING THE PARTRIDGE!”
John Rhys-Davies talking about an incident with the Lothlorian boats and saying “if an elf and a dwarf are in a boat…and…the boat goes under…let us say that the blame was not placed on the elf” while Orlando Bloom splutters “he’s a big guy, man!”
Elijah Wood talking about how the hobbit actors shared a trailer with Ian McKellen and sometimes they would hear inarticulate bellows of protest from his side when they played loud music in the mornings
Viggo Mortensen talking about how, while filming with those same boats, Kirin Shaw (Elijah Wood’s scale double) started telling him “if the boat tips over…save yourself…I can’t swim.”
Elijah Wood describing how Sean Astin would try to direct the helicopters to land while they were on location, while the other three hobbits were screwing around and throwing pinecones at each other
Christopher Lee recounting how he had so much trouble going up some steps in Orthanc with his long robe that he stopped in the middle of the scene and said, “I cannot get up these goddamn steps, Peter.”
Viggo Mortensen mentioning that he left a weekend rehearsal and went walking down the street still swinging his sword around, and promptly got the cops called on him
I swear I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe
I hate correcting customers who call me ma'am and miss and honey over the phone, because only about 30 percent of the time do they apologize and start calling me sir, while 70 percent of the time they double down assuming I was trans and continue misgendering me on purpose to show how little respect they have for me as a human being. "Thank you, MISS."
I'm a cis man, for the record.
Whenever I correct someone and they keep it up, I simply refuse service. "Oh, I'm sorry, we're completeley booked up the day you wanted. Yeah, no, we're booked up on your backup dates too. Looks like our next opening isn't until, hmm, mid-November. Oh, but it doesn't have enough beds for your party. We could probably fit you in around New Years, but you'd have to change rooms every day. You might wanna try [more expensive motel] a few blocks north of us, they might have vacancies. Have a good day."
I've been able to dodge what few complaints we've gotten so far because they all tell my boss that they just spoke to a very nasty woman, and she has no idea who they're talking about. "You must have dialed the wrong number, because I'm the only woman here, and I didn't talk to you." That PISSES THEM OFF, and she doesn't understand why they respond with "well we've been staying there for years, but we're never coming back." They think she's protecting me, an afab trans man, and are disgusted by it, but from her perspective they're just crazy people who are complaining about made up bullshit; it doesn't even cross her mind that they're talking about me. Why would it?
My boss is like 70 or 75, and was a Republican until 2016. It's never come up in conversation, but something tells me she wouldn't exactly be a trans ally. I'm in a weird position here, and it's hilarious.
if i sell nudes to pay for top surgery can i call them limited edition
uh oh
alright fuck it. yous have blown up my notifications for three days. put your money where your mouths are.
i’m getting top surgery in january. i need to get £1500 together by christmas to have the full cost saved up. i will be taking 150 pictures of my boobs and printing them as physical photographs so this shit really is limited edition. 50 will be sexy, 50 will be goofy, and 50 will be themed. they will come with stickers and a thank you note. they will not have my face in them. these fuckers will be paying rent in their final months so help me god.
the pictures will be available for purchase from the 20th of november for one month only. details to follow.
if anybody is feeling generous before that time, my paypal is [email protected]. i really sincerely appreciate anything anyone can give, so thank you so much.
to put that big number in context, if everyone who has liked this post was able to donate £1, i would have more than enough to afford the surgery.
hey so like. if you rbd the original please also reblog this version.
JASON ISAACS as CAPTAIN JAMES HOOK in PETER PAN (2003)
#honestly sometimes i just need to evangelise sl*tty charles the second pirate god jason isaacs #again #but people need to know
@mother-entropy this seemed in your wheelhouse, so to speak.
jesus fucking CHRIST. i was NOT ready.
Childhood is being in love with Peter Pan in this movie.
Adulthood is looking at Captain Hook like this:
I didn't know. I DIDNT KNOW.
I AM PERISHING SEND HALP CHOKING
Iceland is installing electrical columns in the form of walking iron giants.
(Source)
some anthropologist far in the future is going to write so many wrong papers about this
Validation for all of us who pictured pylons as Creatures somehow