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@saveawretchlikeme
Guide for desktop users and tags
Pages:
The Tomb: my archive
Be Truthful: asks
DNFI: “Do not fucking interact”
Soul tunes: my playlist
Tags:
Journal entries: self explanatory
The jester: memes and jokes and shit posts
The glue: vent tag
Pretty weird: oddcore and horror related posts
Precious things: aesthetics, art, pretty things
Everything I thought was going on in her head was, and I hate that I saw it coming. I wish this was a surprise yknow, I felt so emotional about her it’s really hard to move on rn. And I’m so fucking mad but I can’t even express it. I wish she had told me everything sooner and saved me the trouble.
Yah so I finally forced her to tell me what was going on (by forced I mean I asked three times and she dodged the question the first two times) and now we aren’t togeather. All of the insecurities I was having were true! Yay! Idfk I might have to screw around and rebound to get over this shit.
I really really really want to take my mind off of everything but I’m living it. I have no one in my life that’s stable enough to be there for me in the ways that I need. Like I’m not saying my friends aren’t their for me but they’re so god damn mentally ill they really shouldn’t be worrying about me.
“Stable”
I’m describing a therapist 😭
Strangers on the internet always make me feel better than my real life mutuals
My friend telling me not to put all my faith on therapy as if that’s not the only thing keeping me going rn.
Tfw you ask your long distance gf if she wants to have a watch party while you’re both in the middle of an episode and she says no
I really really really want to take my mind off of everything but I’m living it. I have no one in my life that’s stable enough to be there for me in the ways that I need. Like I’m not saying my friends aren’t their for me but they’re so god damn mentally ill they really shouldn’t be worrying about me.
I wish everyone was as interested in my hobbies and interests as I was. Or at least one person.
My partner doesn’t talk to me as often as I wish they did but I feel selfish and needy whenever I think about saying it to them. Long distance is really hard, I wish I didn’t have to wait to be in person to get attention.
Journal Entry #2
Mon, Jan 18, 21
9:07pm
Trigger warnings: Vent, brief mention of self harm
It was my moms birthday today. She was really sad she couldn’t see my siblings, but I think she ended up having a good time. My dad started shit with her too, I wish we could just block him at this point lmfao.
I’ll make a long story short but he’s essentially punishing me for moving with my mom instead of staying with him after the divorce was announced. He lied and told me I couldn’t use his prime account because I wasn’t living with him and that that was a violation (he shifted the blame onto Amazon). I’m not an idiot and I knew that wasn’t true, he had been starting shit with me for weeks and it caused me to break down. It felt like he wanted to hurt me any way he can. He even told me it was my fault we had a bad relationship. I know Amazon prime is not a big fucking deal, it’s the fact he would lie just to restrict me unlike his other children.He’s putting me into therapy soon though, so at least I’m getting something out of him. I just want to heal, I put of therapy for wayyyy to long.
Jeff, my step dad, is my real dad. Maybe not biologically, but he treats me like his daughter despite only knowing me for three years. But he’s very—
Tuesday, Jan 19, 21
7:22 am
Sorry we packed a bowl then passed out, I slept with my contacts in.
What I was saying was that Jeff is super sensitive and he insists on fixing everyone’s problems even if it’s not possible. He thinks he has to make my moms life perfect.
My moms stressed out and Jeff takes it as her being upset at him, and she gets frustrated because his gestures that are meant to be kind end up being a hassle for her. Like she needed her car because we were going out but he decided to clean it without telling her. She wasn’t mad at him either, but he automatically thought she was.
That had an argument and I talked to him, he apologized to her and I think we ended up having a good night. I love them, families have issues but I prefer our family than my last.
Literally anything is better than living with my dad.
Speaking of dad, he texted me yesterday amongst all the birthday shit. He’s finally putting me into therapy, but the way he talks about is so holier than thou, like he’s gifting me therapy. He wants me to kiss his ass about it. Nah, you broke it you fix it.
My partner is amazing but I feel like they’ll leave me any second. They treat me so good this is literally just me being fucked up and insecure about shit my brain made up.
All your dreams are prophetic. What's written in your future?
i had a dream i was fucked by a toilet once...
Front window, Scott City KS, RA Clayton
Tw: Selfharm
My best friend is kind of shunning me because I self harmed. I made a joke about it on my main blog (which was super innapropriate and wrong of me) where I just said “oh this is the worst time to have a breakdown now I can’t wear shorts when I live in Florida.” If she had told me that was wrong I would’ve agreed with her, instead she kind of just confronted me with a vague “what the fuck Athena” and ceased talking to me until I hit her up again the next day.
It’s just such a terrible idea to ignore your friends who are struggling with something like that 😭. If I wasn’t getting help rn I’d be even more devastated by the fact she’s not speaking to me. At the end of the day I am allowed to make jokes about my own experiences, it was a shitty coping mechanism but it was still my business. I don’t know how you could get MAD at your best friend while they’re obviously struggling???
God I don’t know whether to be pissed or to be crying rn. I’ve just been kind of neutral about it. I’d appreciate some advice rn.
