shitposting so I can show my friends later

what the title said. For now. also is CoffeeAddictAF's blog for saving shitposts.

[fiti-vation]

[asita7]

Yep.

[infectious-awareness]

May the universe bless you for providing the world with such comprehensive/visual list!!!

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

concept: woman makes deal with demon to have it’s child in exchange for eternal life or some shit

woman then makes deal with witch and offers her first born for like, riches or something

woman dumps demon baby on witch, absconds with her winnings and leaves witch and demon fighting for custody

half demon baby grows up learning magic and visiting hell on weekends and every second christmas

[sepulchritude]

does the woman act as a sort of vodka aunt who shows up sometimes to teach the child how to work the system?

“here you go timmy, have a new xbox. this year I’m going to teach you the ins and outs of magical tax evasion”

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

SHE DOES NOW

[trickthekick]

“I’m just going to watch Shrek in my head.”

As a little kid, I was SOOOOOO damn obsessed with Shrek.

I mean the kind of obsessed where I’d watch it over and over again days in a row. It was all I ever wanted to watch.

It got to the point where I had memorised it word-for-word, and beat-for-beat. This meant that, somehow, I could watch it in my head—timed perfectly. No fast forwarding, no skipping.

Now this was fine for car trips and such, because my dad would be like “Hey do you want some colouring-in to do?” And id be like “Nah, I’m going to watch Shrek in my head.”

Ocassionally my dad would ask where I was up to in the movie—just to check on me.

Youre probably thinking Huh that’s weird but cool I guess?

Wrong. Sort of.

It got so bad that I’d watch it in my head at night before I went to sleep. My dad would literally check on me at night, notice I was blankly staring up at the ceiling, and have to yell “Stop watching Shrek and go to sleep!”

I cant remember how this faded from being one of my abilities, but it sure was cool while it lasted.

But for a while, Shrek really WAS my life.

[norothythefilmmaker]

in case this wasn’t enough

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Back in the woods again

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Ok so……there’s this big stick just like ..sitting in the woods right…and there’s a bunch of thorns that have grown around it right in a wide radius so I crawled under them to get to the spot and my fingers are cold typing this but….I'mma touch it

[frogeyedape]

I hope you end up inheriting some eldritch power for pulling The Forbidden Stick out of The Woods

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

so I did take it and high-key recorded it just in case anything weird happened but the only thing that really feels different is I just feel warm but that’s probably from adrenaline

Probably

but the interesting thing is I realize the area it was in I actually passed on my way down but I didn’t see it at all for some reason! and it was like stuck in there pretty well which I guess could have come from falling downwards but….??

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Also during my journey on return home with the …thing…I found a random patch of grass… just in a circle, no snow….and it was warm to sit in the spot 😂 y'all this is getting to be a bit much

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

This also isn’t the first one I’ve found in the past year….if you’ve been here awhile you probably recognize these two >_>

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

Someone is trying to give you a magical destiny

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

I’m ready

[mianewarcher]

Who is this modern Druid person?!

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Back in the woods again

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Ok so……there’s this big stick just like ..sitting in the woods right…and there’s a bunch of thorns that have grown around it right in a wide radius so I crawled under them to get to the spot and my fingers are cold typing this but….I'mma touch it

[frogeyedape]

I hope you end up inheriting some eldritch power for pulling The Forbidden Stick out of The Woods

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

so I did take it and high-key recorded it just in case anything weird happened but the only thing that really feels different is I just feel warm but that’s probably from adrenaline

Probably

but the interesting thing is I realize the area it was in I actually passed on my way down but I didn’t see it at all for some reason! and it was like stuck in there pretty well which I guess could have come from falling downwards but….??

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

Also during my journey on return home with the …thing…I found a random patch of grass… just in a circle, no snow….and it was warm to sit in the spot 😂 y'all this is getting to be a bit much

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

This also isn’t the first one I’ve found in the past year….if you’ve been here awhile you probably recognize these two >_>

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

Someone is trying to give you a magical destiny

[irresponsible-black-unicorn-dea]

I’m ready

[mianewarcher]

Who is this modern Druid person?!

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[niggazinmoscow]

I’ve rewatched the ad at least three times to try and figure out why some folks are angry with it and I’m at a loss.  All I see here is: Be a better human. Set a better example. Encouraging strength of character and integrity over typical “machismo”.

[anomannymous]

i’m literally fending off two of these bros on a friend’s facebook page right now. they jumped on me after just saying this:

[thedevilsrain]

when your friends are all from different timezones but youre online

[mels-rp-memes]

Send ❀ to find my muse curled up to yours in bed. 

Send ➷ to find my muse injured. 

Send ☍ to find my muse tied up like a present. 

Send ❤ for my muse to react to being kissed by yours. 

Send ✘ for my muse to console yours. 

Send ♛ for my muse to ask yours on a date. 

Send ♫ to catch my muse singing.

Send ⇆ for our muses to swap bodies / powers (specify).

send me □ for my muse to fall on yours and land on top of them

Send ⁂ for our muses to run into each other. Literally!

Add ↺ to any of them for the opposite!

[arrghigiveup]

Chinese Kids Are Getting Their Parents, Their Parents’ Parents, And Their Parents’ Parents’ Parents Involved In A Meme

There’s a new meme in China, and it’s very wholesome. The challenge, called “four generations,” includes four generations of family members making an appearance, from youngest to oldest. A son would call his dad, who then calls his dad, who then calls his dad. And a daughter would call her mom, who calls her mom, who calls her mom. The results are super cute.

The videos are being shared on video app Douyin, the Chinese version of TikTok, under the challenge name, “Four generations under one roof.”

[source] [vid source]

This is legit the cutest and most wholesome meme omg

[such-justice-wow]

This fucking adorable wtf

[dashaibo]

This fits:

[such-justice-wow]

Its true but you shouldn’t say it

[butt-x-fucked-blog-deactivated2]

It fits so well 😂

Credit to: soft_deviant ( ? )

[mystic-messenger-editing]

Mystic Messenger Artists Masterlist

Here we go AGAIN, the ultimate fan artists list #4. (You might have seen this on my former blog yooshixlucy)

Over 450 names on the list! (And more to come) There might be holes in it. I will be updating this once per month. If you know of any artists that are missing or you do MM art yourself please write an ask to me or a comment on this list with the name and I will make sure to add it on the next update.  

I’ve added the Do not Repost tag to a lot of the artist Tumblrs on this list. Big thanks to the creator of this list in amino for letting me use it!

Just because a Tumblr page doesn’t have this tag, doesn’t make it ok to repost, edit or use their art in something. The best way to make sure if it’s ok to do any of this is to check the artist’s page and/or ask them. If they say no or clearly state on their page that they don’t want it. Then please respect their wishes! Too many great artists have quit because of art abuse. (I’m looking at you AMV people!)

Sincerely, @yooseven-heaven​

// Lolkat

OBS: In order to be featured on this list. The artist will have to at some point have made MM art. Please don’t abuse artists art. Respect each artist’s rules. <3

We all love the MM community! Some of the artists haven’t posted MM art in a while, but if you dig a little you will find gems.

Guide to get the most out of Masterlist

1. Go to artists blog

2. Check for art tag, if there’s none then > Write /archive behind the link in the address bar

3. Enjoy the search!

4. Be appreciative! if you like something please reblog it or leave a positive comment for the artist! ^_^

Don’ts

Don’t use an artists art by reposting it without making sure it’s ok.

Don’t leave a negative comment on artists work because you don’t like the art.

Don’t steal artists art for your own creations/Edits/AMWs, all you do is hurting the people who made the art and it’s disrespectful AF!

Cheritz Official Tumblr https://cheritzteam.tumblr.com/

Keep reading

[mystic-messenger-editing]

I need to update this list after the purge. There’s a lot of people who left and a lot of new artists too

[stream]

[ruinedchildhood]

Childish Gambino - Feels Like Summer

[violetwolfraven]

So I just had a thought

What if supernatural creatures don’t exist anymore? What if they did once, but through the years, they slowly mixed in with humans?

You can see the blood of fairies in the way a ballet dancer hovers in mid air before he or she hits the ground. You can see it in the way that middle school girl never forgets when someone makes her a promise. You can see it in how that one little boy in the kindergarten class seems more comfortable in the forest on that field trip than the others.

You can see the blood of dryads in hikers who never trip over roots. You can see it in that suburban grandmother never lets any of her garden die. You can see it in that one kid who climbs a tree faster than his friends, barely looking at the branches as he goes.

You can see the blood of naiads in the way a professional swimmer seems to command the water to help them. You can see it in how a cross country runner needs a water break more often than his teammates. You can see it in the way that one girl in your class always has a water bottle on her desk.

You can see the blood of mermaids in a surfer who can be tossed around underwater for a long time without drowning. You can see it in a teenage boy who doesn’t have to pretend to be unbothered by the pressure when he races his friends to the bottom of a swimming pool. You can see it in the little girl who wades into every stream she sees on a hike without quite knowing why.

You can see the blood of sirens in people who never have a problem with getting people to date them. You can see it in that soprano who can hit notes most of her fellows can only dream of. You can see it in the camp counselor who all the straight girls have a crush on, who can play guitar and sing better than any of the others.

You can see the blood of shapeshifters in the way an actor adjusts their personality to become their character with scary accuracy. You can see it in the subconscious, barely noticeable changes a tween girl’s eyes make to match her outfit better. You can see it in the way you always lose that one friend in a crowd if you’re not careful, because he’s just too good at blending in.

People who carry the blood of werewolves don’t change with the full moon anymore, but you can still see it in the way your best friend always knows something is wrong, though even they don’t know they’re smelling the changes in your body chemistry. You can see it in the way that one guy always seems to eat more than the reasonable amount of red meat at an all-you-can-eat buffet. You can see it in the way that one werido never has a problem when the teacher turns off the lights before a PowerPoint presentation because her eyes adjust quicker and better than yours.

The blood of supernatural creatures may have mostly faded away. But if you look closely, you can still see it.

[thatsthat24]

Those Confusing Adjustors 🔗

[k-eke]

Chilling.

Song