titty man

tryin my fuckin best 👼🏻💫

[blackarachnya]

remember being 5 and your parents insinuating to you that jumping on the bed is the most heinous fucked up evil shit a human being can possibly do 

[sashacoki]

[blackfitnessrocks]

I’m

[brunhiddensmusings]

[cungadero]

me about to show a genuine emotion to another human being

[luntfontanne]

siri do my pets know i’m cleaning out their eye boogs or do they think i just like poking them in the corneas for fun all the time

[averagefairy]

my favorite version of myself is when i get out of the shower and the mirror is so steamy i am just a blurry mass of color with no identity or defining physical characteristics. she kills it

[mysillycomics]

[inkskinned]

when someone loves you - really loves you - treat them gently. text your best friend back when you can. tell your mother you noticed her haircut and that she was right about that recipe. tell your grandfather that the boats in his bottles are the best things you’ve ever seen. be good to the people who are good to you. it’s the least you can do.

[cwote]

This post makes me feel warm :)

[arthriticjester]

I’ve been scamming the Dominos app promotion where you take a picture of any pizza for free points. For three weeks in row, not only has their shitty camera always interpreted any photo of my cat as pizza, I always tell them it was “the worst I’ve ever had” and “made at home”.

[pinksoudafizz]

Excuse me @crooked-fingers may i see a picture of your cat plz? This sounds genuinely awesome.

And I just love cats

[arthriticjester]

Here he is, the Pizza Boy

[arthriticjester]

And so it continues

[arthriticjester]

Mmmm, another week, another delicious pizza.

[arthriticjester]

That’s all, folks. Six cat pictures within six weeks, and for a total of 60 Dominos points, redeemable for a medium 2-topping pizza of my choosing. I will be getting pepperoni and chicken, mine and Charlie’s respective favorites. He will be given many tiny pieces of chicken for being a perfect little model pizza boy, and also for aiding me in tricking a multimillion dollar company into giving me free food. Thanks for giving him the love and attention you all have given this post! He’s gonna try to stay humble.

[lilnasxvevo]

other things that make me laugh every time i remember them: the picture i took of my cat last summer when he was on his way back from his first ever visit to the groomer’s and looked more thoroughly betrayed than i have ever seen a cat look

[lilnasxvevo]

My cat normally:

My cat on his way home from the groomers:

[killowave]

[zamisriza-the-resurrection]

Reblog the 500,000 dollar written check from Seto Kaiba and money will come your way.

[bitchycode]

[emolumentsclause-deactivated201]

roses are red america hates females we could’ve avoided all this

[wormweb]

[3rdeyechakra]

Waves on full swim

[saxophonemama]

hiiii

[cannibalchicken]

4 horsemen of the apocalypse

[dr-bebber-deactivated20190505]

4 tennants of my religion

[greelin]

openly lusting for kitchenware and home goods that you will never be able to afford