T1 Diabetic - Asexual - OUAT, EvilRegal, Harry Potter, Dr Who,, Buffy/Angel, P!nk (Singer), - BETA for Calliope-Plantain. Been trying to write some FanFic myself.
I think I am officially Fandom Old. I am so worn out from the arguments on who's the top or the bottom (who cares), what is allowed to be written (anything you want, bejeebus), what is Problematic (I know, just tag it), what other people Should Do (they Should live their lives free of judgment). There isn't a Right Way to do things. Tag your stuff appropriately, don't read stuff you don't want to read, and leave other people (me) alone.
There is nothing quite like the freedom of having gone through all of the Discourse and come out the other side into the promised land of Not Giving A Fuck.
i think it's bad that people of any age feel pressure to find a romantic partner. i think giggly "who's your crush" questions at age 9 are weird. i think young people getting into bad relationships because "it's what everyone does" is shit. i think that marriage should not be emphasised as the pinnacle of a relationship and frankly i think that marriage should not be expected at all from romantic relationships. i think that there needs to be more embracing of qprs and friendships and simply not getting a romantic partner. i think it's weird that half the time when you do something nice for someone people wonder if you're flirting. i think that people can and do care deeply about each other without needing to subscribe to the mainstream ideas of love. i think that there should be less of an emphasis on "love" in general. i think the idea of what is "romantic" versus "platonic" is different for everyone and therefore doesn't really have a use except to evoke vague ideas about social customs
It's easier to accept that you're aromantic once you understand that what you want isn't romance per se and it's really the companionship that appeals to you. I never actually liked the thought of being in a relationship but I liked the thought of being important to someone
I see way too many posts about being really affectionate with your friends and if you aren't hugging and kissing your friends then you don't really have friends and you should be in love with your friends a little bit and it annoys me so here's a post that shouts out non-affectionate friends. shoutout to the people who don't like affection or hugging or being super gushy with each other but still love and appreciate their friends dearly. shoutout to the people who find it really hard to be emotionally vulnerable and sweet but are still always there for you in a crisis. shoutout to people who don't have to be hugging you constantly to prove that they care about you
Telling an asexual and/or aromantic person they just havenât met the right person yet is like telling a lesbian she just hasnât met the right man yet. Itâs disrespectful and itâs weird to assume the âright personâ can âchangeâ their sexuality.
*Side note: For some people sexuality is fluid and people can experiment if they choose too, but thatâs still a weird thing to tell someone.
whenever people say "you must have so much free time" because I'm aromantic asexual I wonder where that fucking free time is. I want that free time. where are my hours where I don't know what to do with myself because I'm not dating. please point me to this free time I'm drowning in todo lists
I wish more people outside of aspec circles would understand the importance of platonic relationships and that romantic love isnât the only form of love youâre allowed to have. Like yeah I like talking to and about this person and I want to lay my head on their shoulder and talk about the things we enjoy for hours as a friend. I love them as a friend.
The automatic assumption that non-aspec people have about a platonic relationship being close clearly means they want something more is. So annoying? Like no fuck you I just think this person is really cool. Back off.
âŠ..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.Â
I love Tumblr because there are so many aro, ace and aroace people in here. It's like going to a supermarket and seeing a bunch of strangers buying the thing that only you enjoy out of everyone in the town you live in. And everyone buying it enjoys it too and it's so, so cool and it makes me really happy every time I see people with the aro, ace and aroace in their description
My reaction to romance is a lot like my reaction to moths. I can admire it from afar and say âhey, that looks cool!â but if it tries to come near me I start screaming and flapping my arms.
Old people use quotation marks to indicate emphasis, as a substitute for italics (which many of them could not produce on the old typewriters they learned to write on), whereas young people use them to indicate sarcasm or falseness. Theyâre used as âscare quotesâ.
And old people use ellipses simply to indicate a pause, or for some other incomprehensible reason Iâm not aware of. But young people use ellipses to indicate passive-aggression.
So an old person could type something like:
how are things going with your âboyfriendââŠ.
and what they mean is
How are things going with your boyfriend? [Im so excited for you, sweetie, and I wanna hear about it]
But a young person would interpret that sentence as
How are things going with your so-called boyfriendâŠ. [I say, while seething with contempt for him and possibly for you too]
2. Person wants to "level up" to romantic relationship
3. I force myself to do that and then the relationship goes to shit in a maximum of two weeks (i can't hold up my end because I find romance cheesy, corny and exasperating)
4. Break up
5. I lose a friend and they lose a 'girl friend'
6. Any friendship we had before is completely unsalvageable.
I cannot remember how many friends i lost with this kind of progression. It is so, FUCKING FRUSTRATING. đ€đ€
The fact that I pass off as straight makes this tendency of mine gives me a bitchy heart throb reputation and makes it real harder for me to find a friend :DD
"Friends don't look at friends that way" coward. You don't look at your friends with awe and adoration in your eyes? You don't look at your friends and think "this incredible human being has chosen to listen to me ramble about my hyperfixation"? You don't look at your friends and think "I want them to keep laughing forever"? Why the fuck not
I just gave a sermon at my church today about asexuality and how to be an ally. Not only did I get a lot of comments about how much people liked it (and how it was easy to understand for so many old folks), but one old lady came up to me afterwards with tears in her eyes and she said, "I'm 77 years old and I finally know what I am. Thank you." And that just made everything I've done worth it.
(also, thank you @onbearfeet for letting me use one of your blog posts. It resonated with a lot of people)
The video has been uploaded to YouTube! The sermon itself starts at 27:47, but if you are inclined I do recommend watching the whole video. There are some beautiful songs and a meditation. After my part, there is a closing song, and then some people from the audience come up and share their thoughts and comments.
Here are my notes, under the "read more":
Title: Asexuality and Inherent Worth
Summary: Asexuality is a sexual identity, like being gay, for someone who has little to no sexual attraction to any gender. This sermon will discuss the history of asexuality and how UUs can support the asexuals in their lives.
April 6 was International Asexuality Day
Read quote from article
International Asexuality Day: Why It's Important to Celebrate Asexuality
By Francesca Anelli (translated from Italian)
The visibility of asexual people in public discourse (and even within the LGBTQ+ community) is very low. The representation in the media is almost non-existent and even the information about this world seems to be scarce, especially in Italian (and in general in languages other than English). When and if you talk about it in newspapers or public spaces of public discussion, it is almost always done without giving voice to those who are on the spectrum but rather to the opinions and the bad faith of the first-lying columnist who passes. Also for this reason, those rare times that end up on the radar of the media, asexuality is perceived as a sort of âmodaâ imported from the Anglo-Saxon countries to the sound of posts by Tumblr, a whim for bored, white teenagers.
It should be superfluous to point out that reducing the way a person identifies to a passing trend is always an act of violence, particularly when their sexual or gender identity is accompanied by processes of marginalization, invisibil-ization and discrimination. But we shouldnât forget that in the constant devaluation of asexuality, what also plays a role is the deeply âWestern-centricâ gaze that Europe and the United States want as the fulcrum of world public life and a point of reference also in terms of feminist and / or queer theories and practices.
Obviously it is a very problematic vision, which also in this case reveals all its limits.
The collectives of acespec people (that is, who identify themselves within the spectrum of asexuality) are present all over the world and are often very active and followed. This is the case, for example, of Indian Aces, or even of different South American realities and in the Arabic-speaking countries. Not only that, an incorrect reading of asexuality leads to further forms of invisibil-ization for racialized people, forced to adapt to the hypersexualization of their bodies and the invalidation of their asexual identity.
To correct this distorted narrative, asexual activists from all over the world have therefore collaborated in the creation of an event â and especially of a community â that could offer a rich image and, if we want, âdecolonizedâ of asexuality. April 6th has therefore become the International Asexuality Day, or a day dedicated to making the asexual community visible in particular in non-Western countries through Activism, Celebration, Education and Solidarity.
define terms
asexuality (ace): little to no sexual attraction, a person might not want sex even though they love their partner
demisexuality (demi): one of the identities in the asexual spectrum, in which sexual attraction might happen only after a person has developed a strong emotional bond
graysexuality (gray-ace): another identity in the asexual spectrum, in which sexual attraction might be infrequent or vague
aromanticism (aro): similar to asexuality, but regards romantic attraction, a person might not want to date or marry
allosexuality: not asexual, sexual attraction is easy and fast (aka allo)
There are many more âmicrolablesâ that someone might identify with that are more detailed. We donât have time to go into that today, but you are welcome and encouraged to look into them yourself.
itâs important to include gray/demi in the overall asexual community because they can relate more to asexuality than allosexuality, and we can all benefit from inclusivity and community support
ace flag
history of creation
The flag was created by user âstandupâ of the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) community website and decided by online vote in 2010
color meanings: black = asexuality, gray = gray/demi/aspec âthe gray space in-betweenâ that falls under the aspec umbrella, white = non-asexual partners and allies, purple = community
purple was chosen because of its use as the main color of the AVEN website. The creator of the site, David Jay, referenced a legend that placing purple amethyst in a glass of wine prevents someone from getting drunk. He used it as a loose metaphor for lack of sexual desire.
history
people say that asexuality is new, but it is our current sexuality theories and studies that are new, within the last century or so, with us trying to analyze and label everything
before that, there were fewer labels and mostly talk about actions. A lack of action could be for any number of reasons.
The first known writing about asexuality was in 1869 by Karl-Maria Kertbeny, the same man who created the terms âhomosexualâ and âheterosexualâ. He wrote of what he called âmonosexualsâ, meaning people who only masturbated.
The first known use of the word âasexualâ referring to humans as a sexual identity was in 1907 by Reverend Carl Schlegal in New Orleans. He was removed from church office for advocating for equal laws regarding âhomosexuals, heterosexuals, bisexuals, [and] asexualsâ.
Knowledge of asexuality became slightly more mainstream in 1948 when the Kinsey Scale included a category for men who reported âno socio-sexual contacts or relationsâ. You may know the Kinsey Scale as one model of understanding sexuality, a sliding scale between completely straight and completely gay, with bisexuality in the middle.
The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s brought a lot of new writing and community building for asexuality.
David Jay founded the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network in 2001, which became the biggest and most well-known asexual community in the Internet Age.
Ace Week, or Asexual Awareness Week, was founded by Sara Beth Brooks in 2010. It is celebrated on the last full week of October.
The International Asexuality Day was founded in 2021 and is celebrated on April 6.
Gender-bread person, split attraction theory
biological sex: genitals, DNA, hormones (a lot more variety than people think)
gender identity: how you feel, usually man, woman, or some variation thereof
gender expression: how you act and dress, according to your culture, for example girly-girl or tomboy
sexual attraction: when there is a certain type of person or trait that arouses you and makes you desire sex with them, whether or not you know anything else about them
sexual behavior: the actions you take or donât take, regardless of desire. For example, a straight person may choose to be celibate for religious reasons, but that doesnât make them not straight.
romantic attraction: wanting to engage in romantic activity with a person or type of person (a lot harder to define)
romantic behavior: might depend on your culture, can include PDA or displays of jealousy
libido: the physical desire for sexual stimulation, unrelated to any partner a person may or may not have. A person might find a partner, masturbate, or ignore it.
misconceptions
havenât found âthe oneâ or âjust have high standardsâ
dismissive, delegitimizing, and none of your business
cold/unloving
there are many kinds of love
traumatized
I donât gatekeep and some people may choose to identify as ace even though they werenât âborn this wayâ. They are still welcome and can benefit from being part of the community. But itâs important to know that many ace people are not traumatized and donât need help âgetting over itâ.
people can identify as sex-favorable, -neutral, -indifferent, -averse, or -repulsed (not just sex, but other physical acts of affection like kissing or hand-holding)
there are many reasons to have sex, such as to enjoy the physical act or to emotionally bond with a partner
a (very informal) study showed that the best erotica novelists are asexual, because they focus on character-driven story and emotions rather than simple descriptions of the act
how asexual people are/have been discriminated against
[quote from onbearfeet]
Blog post by onbearfeet
When you don't have a word for yourself, the world will give you one, and it will not go well for you thereafter.
Every ace I know over a certain age--every one who learned their word in adulthood rather than before--had a word they discarded to take up the new one. I collect them. These words were applied in childhood, usually, and they were not words a child should have to bear.
Monster. Freak. Broken. Defective. Sick. Failure. Deficient. Wrong. Bitch. Snob. Frigid. Uptight. Prudish. And, amazingly: slut, whore, etc. from people who assumed that the ace was secretly having ALL the sex and just lying about it.
Imagine slapping one or more of those words on a literal child because the child didn't have a crush on anyone at school, or went stag to prom, or didn't dream about a wedding or failed to jerk off to Playboy in the garage.
I got slapped with half a dozen of these words, but the one I chose for myself was the kindest one I've heard so far: alien.
I started telling people I was from another planet at age 12. It was half a joke, half not. Being neurodivergent AND uninterested in boys (OR girls!) was more bearable if I just pretended I wasn't human.
I will say that again: I preferred not being human to being an unlabeled ace.
So yeah, the words matter to a lot of us. The words remind us that we're human, too. That we have options beyond just being monsters. Let us use our words. Don't be a dick about it (it's none of your business anyway, after all).
Because you and I both know what happens when people are forced to be monsters.
by straight society
not really hated as a community, but individually
pathologized, called cold or slutty, âcorrectiveâ rape, mistaken for gay
marriages expected to be romantic and sexual, little space for QPR
(I can only speak as a white American) cultural expectation of romantic and sexual relationships being prioritized over any other type
within queer spaces
the idea of queerness being defined by trauma
âstraight-passingâ
Not unique to asexuality, trans or gnc people without dysphoria are told they arenât trans, bisexual people are told to pick a side or stop complaining because they can âpassâ
how it relates to UUism
1st principle: [We affirm and promote] the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
We are whole and complete people even when we are not upholding the cultural idea of adulthood, such as marriage, sex, and children. We are not âmissing outâ, we are not âbrokenâ. We have worth and dignity even when we donât live or act as you do.
2nd principle: Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.
As the history of discrimination shows, this is sorely needed, both socially and legally.
4th principle: A free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
What is true for one person may be false or incomplete for another. I am still learning things about myself even today. We must allow each other to question and search for our own truths.
How to be an ally:
[second anecdote by onbearfeet]
Additional anecdote by onbearfeet
When I started telling people I was an alien, most of the other kids in my class began making fun of me for it.
But my best friend--arguably the most popular and well-liked boy in the class--announced that he was an alien, too.
He's straight. Married to a pretty blonde woman now, with cherubic little kids. We grew apart over the years, but I've never forgotten. It was the first experience of allyship I ever had.
Be open to learning new things, even if that means re-evaluating some long-held beliefs
Respect what someone tells you about themselves, even if you donât understand
Reach out to advocacy groups if you want to do more
Groups:
The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN) asexuality.org
The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) taaap.org
International Asexuality Day (IAD) internationalasexualityday.org
Being aroace is so cool, but so, so hard sometimes. Watching all the persons you hold dear finding *their* person. Grieving the idea of an allo relationship. Realizing that, maybe, somehow, you're the second choice fo everyone. Because friends are great, but **lovers** are the goal in our society.
Most of the time, i am sooo happy to be aroace. And then, when im alone in bed, at 3 am, i find myself crying by fear of being alone.
And I think it's normal. It's grieving a certain way of thinking. And it's hard, especially when you were raised this way, and that everyone keeps doubting your identity.
So yeah. Shout-out to all the aroace people, wanting a deeper connection, without wanting romantic love.
I love y'all
Soon we'll be 30 years old.... @scarlet-marauder - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
