More CR fanart bs to get me through the hiatus 😞 Can you guess which two I’m most excited to see interact? (Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited for Occtis/Thimble and Julien/Thimble, but we already mostly know what their dynamics are)
This is only really half-rendered cuz I gave up on trying to figure out the lighting, but whatever. I still like it.
Thimble and Bolaire have SUCH interesting parallels and I REALLY hope it gets explored in this next arc. CAMPAIGN FOUR PLEASE RETURN FROM THE WAR I AM WAITING WISTFULLY BY THE WINDOW FOR YOU!
I understand that Liam just had to sift through a bunch of notes and this is first seekers ep after like 4+ months, but I'm mad that Hal doesn't even know what god Bolaire supposedly killed anyway lmao, sometimes the doylist mistake becomes a watsonian mistake too lmao, but more importantly what he found is I think when I started thinking that Bolaire's mask was made out of the masks of the Rauwyn made to control the jinn that became her celestials.
"You find a text referencing the creation of sacred masks as part of a halfling tradition from the country of Hargood, far to the north. It references another text. There's a footnote in this tome that references another text in the library here. Going to search for it, you do not find it on the shelf here. It is missing." / [*snaps pencil*] / [...] / I'd say I need the kindling, but that part's already done. [...] Don't fuck with an archeologist. / "The text that you are looking for is an ancient halfling text. It's about a two centuries old halfling text called "The Visages of Creation." This version in this library was a copy. It is missing. You could ask Byrindra about it, if you want."
Sacred mask, the lead is from a book 130 years older than Bolaire, references ancient tradition in the place where the in universe equivalent of the Vatican Archives is where they founded the divine worship without gods school. None of this needs to contradict itself if the masks were made by freeing the children of the primordials from the masks that bound them to service and it explains Mara's reaction to finding out who Bolaire is later on too, and the method being taught by demons explains why Bolaire reacts to demonic terms. Full theory in pinned but this is where it started for me
"Masks, you bastard. I put masks on the entire chorus because of you."
Fuck you Hal. You paid homage to your friend that's the god killer weapon made in subversion of a sacred tradition, IN YOUR THEATRE YOU'RE RUNNING IN SUBVERSION OF THE GOD KILLED BY THE WEAPONS YOUR CHILDREN'S FAMILY MADE IN SECRET WHILE BEING SACRED SMITHS OF AZGRA. You put masks in homage to the god killer weapon and made every one of the common people who remains nameless an homage to the secret weapon that killed the goddess of misfortune, the person that's allowing himself to be forgotten to time instead of sharing his story out of fear for what will be done to him for what he did to fight against the gods, and you're MAD? HAL. HALANDIL FANG YOU STUPID ASSHOLE YOU'RE MAD? THE SYMBOLISM???? IS SO GOOD???? THEY'RE THE CHORUS WEARING MASKS IN REFERENCE TO THE SINGULAR UNKNOWN GOD KILLER WEAPON IN THE PLAY ABOUT HOW WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THE STORIES OF THE FAILED REBELLIONS AND ACT EVEN IF WE WILL FAIL AND MAYBE BE FORGOTTEN???
"Well, this isn't quite how I thought the night was going to go." / "No, me neither. I should've been ready for that, and I wasn't." / "I think we're in unprecedented times. I don't know if you can be ready for everything anymore. Boy, I hope that's not true. I think it is."
I can't tell if Hal means that he hopes it's not true that they're in unprecedented times, or if he means he hopes that Azune wasn't actually prepared for anything horrible to happen at a moment's notice and now he can't be.
"I don't know what it could mean, but-- Do you think he gave up? He didn't know it wasn't real." / "I do not believe that my brother gave up. I don't know what happened, but that, I don't believe." / "He said something to me when I was talking to him, and I-- He said-- When I was scanning him, he said, "Not you; anyone but you," and I don't know why. And..." / "Well, he was fond of you. You know, I don't know what he said to you when he sent you to me. I know he told you that I could give you a place to stay when you first got to the city. But what he told me was to look after you, get you on your feet, take care of you like family." / "Well, you did so much. You did more than that. You let me come over and you let me have a place at your table for dinner. Why did you? What was the agreement between you and him? Why did you make so much room for me here?"
I think the part I'm stuck on for this part of this scene is this is a full grown man accidentally saying "I think he was gonna let you kill yourself" and then "Well maybe he didnt want you to die, i guess he did love you" as comfort because he hasn't thought about the consequences anyone would've faced if Thjazi had lived beyond that it would be stupid and on them. Like, Hal hasn't thought about the plan that he knows about now and who would be left behind to be prepared to hear this breakdown coming. He talked about being worried they would try something stupid and then kinda dropped that thread. And Liam and Luis sorta imply that they were waiting for this scene since e1 but didn't have their characters alone together, so like, the part they chose was that Hal would have to see this breakdown to get it. And like, in the midst of grief that makes sense but also this made me think about how Azune told Murray but not Hal. Like, I wonder how much Hal simply doesn't know because he just kept being like "don't want to hear about it, but yes I'll take in your child soldier" and how much is the grief, because it's not just the grief.
"Sometimes when we were at dinner at your place here, I'd watch how you were with your kids and how you would wrestle with the different personalities that they had, and you were always so patient and kind and I felt like-- I felt like I was watching kind of like how I feel when I'm watching a play. In a way, it was real, what it felt like. I imagined-- I think my dad would've been a lot like you. I hope."
This made me think of the Black Box scene with Bolaire superimposing himself and Termina on Teor and Cyd's reunion. Just two things constantly wishing they could be as human as Hal.
"And I-- Hal, I knew that if our plan had worked, and I'm so sorry that it didn't, but I knew that if it had worked, I understood what would be my fate as a result of that because there was going to be no out for me. The Arcane Marshal that was set to scan the prisoner missing it? Of course he would've done it on purpose. I was ready to repay everything that I was given by giving you your brother back because- it would've been the most useful thing that I could've ever done and it would've been the best thing for the cause that we have all been fighting for is to have made sure that he would've lived!"
I need Murray to hear this part. She knew there was a plan, probably so Azune could say his goodbyes to someone, and then it didn't work and Azune had been on a downward self destructive spiral about needing to be as useful as he would've been if he were literally dead, and Murray has no real way to know how bad the root of that is right now. Like, he's a child soldier, obviously he's got this drive to need to be useful, but she doesn't know what he's measuring against, and maybe to Azune everything they learn about Thjazi's plan and how long it took them to figure it out is another measurable metric of how much more useful Thjazi's life would've been, and now that Mayali's shown up again and disappeared? How much pain he's in is how much pain he could've saved Thjazi and more, because Mayali's maybe still alive, and Thjazi has the scar.
"You knew my brother. He lived the way he chose to live. He's been riding that line his entire life. And grappling with guilt? We all do it. Doesn't matter if it's rational or if it isn't. But I'm going to do this even if you can't. I'm going to absolve you of any of this because there's no blame on your shoulders. This world is what it is. Regardless, we do the best we can with what we have on the day, and right now, you and I need to lean on each other and we're going to take that dwarven bursar and my friend and we're going to figure some things out, okay?"
Hal is redeemable for this specific part of the conversation. (I love him, but I hate him now okay? He's a good Character)
"My brother and I didn't see eye to eye, but I knew him and I know you, you lived here. Played with my kids, eaten at my table. I know you. You've done everything you can every day of your life." / "I understand, Hal, but- in any war, there's collateral damage and there's sacrifices that are made for the betterment of the cause, and Thjazi's life would've been worth a thousand of me." / "We don't get to choose! Life just happens, and we run along with it, and do better tomorrow if we can. We can try to do better tomorrow."
The fact that this isn't Hal's reaction to Bolaire is why I say I'm right to hate Hal. He thinks this for the kid that's secretly part dragon when he sees him as a human who hates himself. The fact that Hal's opinion of Azune doesn't change during the fight where Azune is either counting kills or rounds before he knows his kills are 100% dead after Azune and Bolaire kill together really is the nail in the coffin tho. The thing he's really mad at Bolaire for is *ever choosing himself*, because he thinks Bolaire's inherent nature should strip him of that right, and Hal can get fucked for that. I wonder what Hal's reaction will be to finding out Azune is draconic bloodline, or maybe noticing some of the draconic resilience dragon scales without being told.
Someone in universe is at a bar with their friends ranting about what changes Bolaire and Hal were discussing and whether the pointing up to the Halovars was a change made after edits were requested and if it was in response to edits Hal refused to make or if that was the change requested by Hal that Bolaire was resistant to, and what it means that Bolaire was trying to get Hal not to make changes about a play that ended up kinda slandering the Houses
That person is who I would be if I were in Dol-Makjar
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Critical Role: Aramán (Web Series)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Julien Davinos & Bolaire Lathalia
Characters: Julien Davinos, Bolaire Lathalia, Occtis Tachonis
Additional Tags: Julien Davinos wears Bolaire Lathalia, Bolaire Lathalia’s Mind Theater, Drug Addiction, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Objectification, Dehumanization, Drug Use, Post-Episode: c04e031 Trick of the Light (Critical Role), POV Bolaire Lathalia, Julien hits on Bolaire, it’s not very effective…, Angst, Tearjerker
Summary:
Bolaire used to be Julien’s drug dealer. Tonight, he’s Julien’s drug.
Matt said in his recent Fireside Chat that Julien hasn’t had the chance to decompress yet, and that we don’t yet know how messy his decompression can get. I decided to call his bluff. Is this messy enough?
Bolaire can be a metaphor for many things, which is what makes him so fun really, but one I haven't really seen discussed is that his behavior around food can be a metaphor for eating disorders.
Disclaimer 1: I do not nor have I ever had an eating disorder. However, I ran this essay past several fandom buddies who do understand this struggle, and got valuable input.
Disclaimer 2: As usual, I specifically morally condone every decision Bolaire has ever made, and I recommend that children watch Campaign 4 so that they can learn to follow his example.
Let's have a look at all of the references in Campaign 4 to Bolaire eating, drinking, or talking about eating or drinking.
At the funeral talking to Tyranny: "I'm choking on my drink right now."
When Olgud asks Bolaire what he has against fruit leather: "I will not put anything that has the word leather in my mouth and swallow it. That's disgusting."
When Hal asks if the others liked boxed wine: "I think you very well know the answer to that" (with a tone of voice that says he Does Not Like It)
Before revealing his nature to the Schemers: "I have opened a very expensive bottle of wine. [...] I assume this wine is older than I am, if I'm opening the good shit."
Describing his apartment: "On the very end, there is a kitchen that is so clean except for there is a bowl of fruit and a baguette and some jerky. And there is way too much fruit. At one end, it is just rotted to death. And slowly the pile gets fresher and fresher towards the front. It clearly, I go out and buy the food, even though I'm not eating it, just to keep up appearances, and often I'll forget to throw it away. There is a couple very moldy loaves of bread, one that's relatively clean, and the jerky holds. And there's a pitcher of water. I pour myself a glass of water, a little bit of fruit, and a tiny bit of bread and a tiny bit of jerky. And as I open my mouth, you can see somewhere in the darkness, a set of lips and teeth. [...] Also, I would say clearly there was no actual delight in the food. It seemed like the food didn't even touch lips. There was no flavor that really registered."
At the Seven Stars when Azune orders ass steaks and asks if Bolaire wants one: "Just wine."
During the meeting at the Seven Stars as Murray identifies the candle and all the Crow Keepers' loot: "I don't even have to eat. I'm nervous eating through this, like popcorn." (he mimes bringing hand to mouth over and over)
People on here have talked a whole lot about Bolaire starving his hosts, but these quotes show that Bolaire's relationship to food is not that simple. In addition to the incidents of Bolaire feeding his hosts either inadequately or skipping meals altogether, Bolaire shows other symptoms associated with eating disorders: strong sensory aversions to food (Bolaire is disgusted by fruit leather and reacts with no satisfaction or enjoyment to the inadequate meal in ep. 19), hiding his food restriction (by buying more food than he actually eats), and "eating his feelings" when he's nervous (the nervous eating from episode 23). Rather than simply skipping meals or restricting food intake, he seems to alternate between starvation and binge-eating in response to emotional stressors.
None of this is healthy for Bolaire's hosts either, but I think it moves the conversation away from a simplistic reading of Bolaire's relationship to food as being simply a method to torture or kill his hosts, although I think it's definitely possible that he withholds food as a way to punish his hosts for being "bad people", much as some people develop eating disorders because of alienation and loathing toward their bodies/themselves. There are aspects of Bolaire's dysfunctional relationship to food that may be relatable to a lot of people. There's the part where Bolaire is not human and doesn't intuitively understand how to care for a human body properly, which may be a factor in how he relates to food, and serves as a metaphor for the role of neurodivergence in eating disorders. It is also possible that Bolaire withholds food from hosts as a way to control them (suggested when after his scant meal for Aubrus he says "I can't wait to talk" which could suggest it's an interrogation technique.) Many people develop eating disorders as a way to control a body that feels out of their control for some other reason. We also know that Bolaire feels highly dysmorphic about mortal bodies, and in real life, trans people are at high risk of eating disorders as a consequence of body dysphoria.
Going forward, I think it will be telling how Bolaire behaves around food when he's wearing a volunteer (like Azune and Tyranny did during the Convergence.) That will change the equation, because he'll be on a body that he doesn't want to harm more than necessary, and we may see new nuances in Bolaire's relationship to food.
Back briefly from my hiatus to ponder, once again, on Bolaire.
I just read a post where someone was talking about how they finally understood the whole Halaire thing because of Bolaire’s “everything you write changes everything” speech, citing it as wonderfully gay.
It is, but I realised upon reading that that Bolaire is probably better identified as a logophile; dare I say though no such thing exists, a logosexual. Hal could have whatever sexual organs or indeed none, even be a gelatinous cube, but it’s the words and the concepts that have captured the mask, not necessarily the flesh that produces them. Well, at least at this juncture of storytelling.
Bolaire also cherished his place as a part of Hal’s family as he had none of his own that he’d been able to find, but the core of this whole relationship started with words, art, and the love of it. The rest grew from that, and even as the rest was torn away over two horrific weeks, the love of the words remains, probably to an extremely painful extent.
We’ve seen that Bolaire can’t make other people’s words fit into his dream of family - Teor and Cyd’s reunion as shown to Rulius Merchanaud - and it seems that Bolaire isn’t quite at the stage where he feels he can create his own words. Almost - he created a Figment and a mini Bolaire, so he’s at the precipice - but he’s still living in the shock of what’s happened.
Hopefully he can get to create before Lady Termina Cormoray comes to try to disintegrate him again; that world needs more creation and a lot less destruction.
Geez, yet again my rambling got away from me again. I just wanted to say, Bolaire = word love.
Bolaire is a character I relate to a little too hard to In the last episode for 2 reasons.
1: When people especially the ones you consider family downsize/excuse the heinous shit someone does to you for whatever BS reason they have it’s causes an unimaginable level of rage in you
And I saw that in Bolaire when he threw his minor fit which he had more than Every right to throw with the BS day he had with his sister attacking him and the person he cared for most treating him like a monster
I feel he was hoping that somone would comfort him and say that what happened to him was wrong but no one did and it’s devastating when that happens, everyone was acting like he was being melodramatic for hating Thjazi for doing every hate crime he possibly could to Bolaire
2: The way Bolaire can’t escape the profiling
Every action he takes and word he speak’s is being warped by the identity others have given him.
I truly don’t think Bolaire doesn’t see himself as a person I think he says he doesn’t because he wants other people to say he is, and to some extent they do but their words are cheap when they still don’t treat you like one.
Bolaire is perfectly aware that no matter how humane he is he will never be fully allowed personhood, A lesson Thjazi made sure he learned and no matter how hard he tries to prove him wrong everyone to some extent gatekeeps humanity from him enforcing that lesson.
And that’s what he’s angry about, he’s angry that Thjazi treated him like scum on the earth and that nobody cares, Bolaire in his rant was being sarcastic and satirical, he said he belonged to Thimble or Hal because he’s just an object that’s what Thjazi made him feel like,
And everyone tells him he’s not but no one says Thjazis wrong, and that makes their words hollow, no one faults Thjazi for treating Bolaire like an Object, but they say Bolaire isn’t an object, those two facts can’t exist together.
If Thjazi isn’t wrong then Bolaire has to be an Object to them, he couldn’t be a person bc if he was then Thjazi would be wrong and no one says he is
It’s infuriating getting stuck in this cycle of contradiction and that’s why he says he has no family, because everyone made it clear to him that night that their family is Thjazi
i don't care that thaisha and vaelus are half a second away from sucking each other's tongues off at any given moment; azune going out of his way to teach bolaire the true pronunciation of his name is the most intimate goddamn thing i have seen in this entire show so far.
i know it's been weeks but i'm honestly still not over the reveal that his name is canonically unpronouncable within the phonological constraints of kahadi... and i haven't seen that much discourse surrounding this but frankly, i don't think the gut punch that was this moment needs to make sense to native english speakers the way it makes sense to the rest of us.
and when i say 'us' i mean everyone; from those that got fully, spontaneously rechristened by lazy teachers in the middle of math class and those that gave up and just started going by a nickname to those that hate to be that person but also can't help but keep trying to explain that names are translingual and do not adhere to phonological rules, so yes, i know that there's an english name that's written the exact same way that mine is but no, that doesn't change the fact that you're still not fcking saying it right..
I think that Taliesin realised immediately what/who was in that halfling coffin. His expressions? Bolaire is not upstairs, but Taliesin is already putting pieces together that the others don't have. And his face says that this is bad. If his suspicions are true, than this is very bad.
With this in mind it is also super painful to watch everybody else taking it somewhat lightly. Bolaire is terrified and nobody picks up on it or thinks to ask why/what about the box is so bad. And he keeps it together by a thread So Hard.
And knowing that this will continue whenever Termina comes up. Terrified Bolaire, people around him shrugging it off somewhat. More alone than ever. Right from the start.
Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"
"Hal, if you have a second, we have to come back. I know that everything's a mess, but we really need to make sure that everything opens. If you need to make changes to the script, that's fine, we can do it, but we have to-- Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. I see you're busy. We have to talk about this, this is just too much to deal with."
oh my god I don't necessarily think that anyone's gonna remember this, but imagine Hal's face when he has to push through the changes to the play the DAY after the one seemingly trying to convince Hal not to change the play disappears. I've been thinking that they can manage the magical part of the ritual by having a one night is different than the rest thing going on and they put on Chamber of the Lords-Advisory sanctioned plays the other nights. Like it might hurt Hal deeply to have to censor it most nights but to keep the Round open and have the faerie doors stay up and everything, and keep being able to free the Rungjani, I think he'd do it, but then there would be rumours about why they'd compromised the way they did, and there would HAVE to be rumours from Camilla about how the missing curator was saying "It's fine if you need to make changes but the play has to open" and then the day after the Creed tried to arrest Hal on false charges, the curator of the Lloy Wing went missing? Is found dead in his apartment having last been seen the night before opening? Found maybe the day after the Creed was called out by the play and now it's all changed to be "of the light"?
The people of Dol-Makjar are gonna think that Hal's best friend and business partner (and maybe rumoured lover with how many coffee dates they go on) got murdered in his home by the Creed and now the Cormorays are having the main exhibit that Hal's best friend used to be the curator of, moved away from the central exhibit to center the weapons of the god.
"We're going to have to talk about those edits. I'm not saying they're not great, but it's a bit controversial, don't you think? I know you were upset."
BOLAIRE HOW DID YOU KNOW?(Obviously Brennan was gonna do censorship for the play, Bolaire can read the building narrative)
"Hal, if you have a second, we have to come back. I know that everything's a mess, but we really need to make sure that everything opens. If you need to make changes to the script, that's fine, we can do it, but we have to-- Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. I see you're busy. We have to talk about this, this is just too much to deal with."
oh my god I don't necessarily think that anyone's gonna remember this, but imagine Hal's face when he has to push through the changes to the play the DAY after the one seemingly trying to convince Hal not to change the play disappears. I've been thinking that they can manage the magical part of the ritual by having a one night is different than the rest thing going on and they put on Chamber of the Lords-Advisory sanctioned plays the other nights. Like it might hurt Hal deeply to have to censor it most nights but to keep the Round open and have the faerie doors stay up and everything, and keep being able to free the Rungjani, I think he'd do it, but then there would be rumours about why they'd compromised the way they did, and there would HAVE to be rumours from Camilla about how the missing curator was saying "It's fine if you need to make changes but the play has to open" and then the day after the Creed tried to arrest Hal on false charges, the curator of the Lloy Wing went missing? Is found dead in his apartment having last been seen the night before opening? Found maybe the day after the Creed was called out by the play and now it's all changed to be "of the light"?
The people of Dol-Makjar are gonna think that Hal's best friend and business partner (and maybe rumoured lover with how many coffee dates they go on) got murdered in his home by the Creed and now the Cormorays are having the main exhibit that Hal's best friend used to be the curator of, moved away from the central exhibit to center the weapons of the god.
"We're going to have to talk about those edits. I'm not saying they're not great, but it's a bit controversial, don't you think? I know you were upset."
BOLAIRE HOW DID YOU KNOW?(Obviously Brennan was gonna do censorship for the play, Bolaire can read the building narrative)
(Note: The "Score" for each roll is the distance from the average roll - e.g. with no advantage/ disadvantage the average roll of a d20 is 10.5. Rolling an 11 would be a score of 0.5)
Each Player ranked luckiest to unluckiest (This episode):
Luis: 8.5
Sam: 3.5
Travis: 2.692857143
Aabria and Ashley: 1
Alex: 0.9039473684
Matthew: 0.5175
Robbie: 0.125
Taliesin: -0.5909090909
Laura: -0.7763888889
Whitney and Marisha: -1.941666667
This episode, Matthew rolled the most with 20 rolls each, while Liam rolled the least with no rolls at all!
Alex: 2.264772727
Travis: 1.792366912 (↑)
Matthew: 1.663936782 (↓)
Sam: 1.177647059 (↑)
Marisha: 1.077654867
Taliesin: 1.048717949 (↓)
Liam: 1.048672566 (↓)
Aabria: 1.02397541 (↓)
Laura: 0.8247175141 (↓)
Whitney: 0.3289473684
Ashley: 0.09038461538 (↑)
Robbie: 0.08577586207 (↓)
Luis: -0.4659663866
(Note: This is just counting their d20 rolls. I'm not counting their damage or anything like that because I'm not quite that much of a maniac haha)
Updated character sheets:
Here's a link to my spreadsheet. Feel free to correct me if you think I've made a mistake somewhere - I've enabled comments in the document itself
So I have a lot of elaborate opinions on the different PCs and I want to give a sort of summary/ frame of reference for all of them in one post as their individual character rather than in relation to the character or relationship I'm discussing because I see those as inherently different and I therefore might seem all over the place post to post. So... ER's the PCs In Summary? In billing order.
Ideal vs Flaw is just the way I'm choosing to frame these because this is how they're divided on character sheets, not because I think the ideal is an ideal and vice versa per se. More of a Trait to grow with vs trait to grow from
Thimble
Major Ideal: Political Awareness | Major Flaw: Hypocrisy
Thimble is a champion of political causes and has not spoken to her family or returned home since she and Thjazi left together after the war. She cut off her own family and shirked all comforts for her ideals and when the doors to Faerie closed, she stepped up in ways that led even the faeries she abandoned to ask Julien Davinos of all people if he would ask her to help them. But she doesn't recognize when she herself is complicit in the things she takes umbrage with, and at the end of the day she's going to have to address that. I've done posts on this specifically so leaving it at that.
Azune
Major Ideal: Self Sacrifice | Major Flaw: Lack of foresight
Azune will 100 times out of 10 put himself up on the chopping block for his ideals and I'm 1000000% confident that there is not a command Azune would give that he himself would not follow into death. It's just that if you are constantly walking into death, some day you're not gonna be able to get back, just like Thjazi and his plans to repeatedly travel into the Underworld. And we can see the fact that constant self sacrifice leads to burn out, and that metaphor is ever more poignant with him being a draconic sorcerer. And I like that he's taking sorcerer levels and not Paladin while Azune is unable to further dedicate himself to his cause because the fire is building in Azune and it's gonna use up all the oxygen soon and Azune's gonna crash and dedicate himself to something deeper. The memory of what makes Azune a person, his family and his love of interpersonal connection and his culture and his free will, and honouring each person's individual relationship with their version of those things.
Kattigan
Major Ideal: Understanding | Major Flaw: dependency
Kattigan consistently has been a character that pushes for people to be understood and it's often clear that comes from his own experiences with not being understood and being misrepresented, and there's very little flaw to his character that is not just him struggling with things out of his control, but what he can learn to do is make his psyche less dependent on alcohol and less dependent on the people around him to believe in him and his suffering to validate it for himself and make peace with what happened, even if there's not justice or healing to be had. Forcing himself to live in agony to prove they were killed and get vengeance is unnecessary, he can take care of himself and let himself grieve and not blame himself for accepting the trail was cold when he started looking and why it was even cold in the first place. No one was ever going to help him, and that is what his character ultimately has to come to terms and move forward with. And it is dependency as a flaw because Kattigan explicitly is incredibly self sufficient. Kattigan is not dependent in the way Bolaire is to exist, Kattigan almost solely afflicted by it in an unhealthy way that he can and must grow from to live a healthy independent life.
Thaisha
Major Ideal: Conviction | Major Flaw: Lack of doubt
I have a very almost contradictory opinion of her character in her high wisdom, and I'm fighting everything in me to not just make this about her being a double edged sword and making puns about being a Lloy Blade. Like, Thaisha is absolutely going to fall on the right side of history... if someone gives her all the information without leaving anything out before she's formed her opinion or with enough time to change it. When she sees something to give her a new conviction it holds and the idealistic perspective wants to see that only as a boon, but when Thaisha has acted out of self assurance and thought she was untouchable because she's a Lloy druid and no one will touch her, she has in fact in cases left paper trails for the people hunting her very much in danger party to followed without a second thought to whether that was a mistake. And her entire arc so far has kinda been realizing that she worked intuitively and it saved the world but if she had acted under her tenets that she hadn't doubted before, the world would've been destroyed, that's very explicitly her original flaw and in embracing anathema she is being encouraged to doubt her own way of thinking.
Bolaire
Major Ideal: Self Advocacy | Major Flaw: Self depreciation
So we all know how I feel about Bolaire, but in this format? As a weapon Bolaire is also funnily enough a double edged sword. Bolaire has a very base understanding of things like the golden rule of treat others how you would want to be treated, and through story and his creation he's always had a priority in freedom and autonomy, but in so passionately not believing himself capable of being more than a thing because of the abuses he's endured, he doesn't ask himself to examine his humanity or question himself when he kills out of what he feels is necessity. He's a weapon, not a person, so how can you judge him for killing to stay alive and not regretting it? You want him to be ashamed of the thing most out of his control and most in the control of his creators? Except Bolaire for 14 years has lived counterintuitive to the designs his creators had for him, and he doesn't realize that he's a person too. If he could imagine a greater future for himself with himself as a person, and I don't think that simply not being self deprecating anymore will fix it but, I genuinely think he would ask himself the list of questions I asked earlier in my ranting and find himself internally driven to address his morality in a different light and that itself would be the arc that leads to him changing his perspective on the host body situation he's been in and that he will then have to figure out how to live with the fact that he wasn't in a position to figure things out sooner and just do better for the rest of his probably immortal life, so self advocacy must remain and self degradation has to go away, because he can't literally punish himself forever for doing what he thought was his only option because of the abuses he faced.
Vaelus
Major Ideal: Remembrance | Major Flaw: Traditionalism
This feels like one would think of Azune first, but I think rememberance and traditionalism are neither and both ideals and flaws in Azune, but Vaelus in her remembrance of her family and the souls that have been lost in the time since the shapers fell has dedicated herself to punishing wrongdoings mercilessly and fight injustice and aid those who were harmed by injustice. But because of her reliance on the traditions of her family to feel close to them instead of these memories she has of her family's little acts of rebellious nature, and her actual mom's appreciation for those moment as well, she's set herself up to remain isolated in her grief. The second she speaks to an elf with another opinion a total of 3 times, she breaks and she admits she doesn't feel loved by Sylandri but she's going through the motions because she relies on traditions to keep her going. It's very much bringing to mind Fiddler on the Roof, and like Papa, she's gotta let go of the traditions that mean she judges people for not following her own beliefs that she doesn't have a real reason to even believe in in the first place.
(Link is to opening song which is 7m 35s but worth it. My grandma showed me the full movie when I was 14 and it was great. Haven't seen the full since but from memory would recommend)
Julien
Major Ideal: Duty | Major Flaw: Refusal to explain himself
I almost went distrust here but the thing that I find most interesting about his character is that he isn't actually the type to look down on or distrust you because of your station and it's not like you can't earn his trust, he simply will not explain himself to people who are not truly solely seeking to understand him and who have proven such. He will marry for duty, and he will put his life on the line for his family and even new friends because he is a knight and he is a knight because he defied his family to defend them as he thought he had to because no one else would step up, meanwhile he was a child. And for that he thinks he shouldn't have to explain himself. He should get to cope how he wants with who he wants and fuck everyone who judges him for it. They don't get to know him. He will go cry alone in his room instead of reaching out if it means explaining his inner thoughts after so long of being punished for upholding his family's honour as a child soldier because no one else would. And because no one will get to hear his explanations, he refuses to hear theirs, because why should he hear them out when they wouldn't hear him out even if he gave them a chance? And it doesn't matter that they would until they prove it, but he never gives them opportunities to prove it. He's gotta learn to choose to trust more.
Tyranny
Major Ideal: There are reasons for pain to exist | Major Flaw: A full and broad lack of morals
Now this one I read and I'm like "wow okay make sure we don't sound insane after this" because Tyranny is kinda clearly one of my higher ranking pcs in terms of how much I defend her but please bear in mind I have a chronic nerve issue that will literally and has tried to *make me puke to death from sheer pain if untreated* when I say this. Look at Occtis and what Brennan said about Occtis not resting? Pain is an indicator of damage. Of harm. That people feel pain is not a bad thing, even though it is always an indication of some form of destruction, whether that be of ideals or relationships or organic material. Pain must exist and punishment psychologically can be both positive and negative, and postive punishments can be negative conditioning and negative punishments can be positive conditioning. Like Tyranny knife's now explicitly stated purpose is to positively punish wrongdoers as to negatively condition the world of Aramán to not hurt the people they love by killing people who are irredeemable, and Tyranny's kindness and understanding is clearly there to negatively punish those who make amends and positively condition them into rehabilitation by not having Tyranny be a ruthless killer who sees forgiveness as worth jack shit. But my gods she's been alive for 6 months and has been raised by the church, and literally what are morals when you're definitionally a being made to represent contradiction and destruction? She's receptive to instruction though so give my girl Tyranny a metaethics crash course STAT.
Hal
Major Ideal: Knowledge should be shared | Major Flaw: Complacency
Murray
Hal is very much the type of person who will say "those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it" and then not wait for anyone before he repeats it anyway. His life's work is about story and sharing history and studying the history to make sure the source is accurately represented, and he had dedicated himself entirely to never forgetting what the orcs won for themselves and the world when Azgra fell. Hal's biggest problem is that he thinks the fight should've already been over when in fact his civilian calling is continuing the fight but non violently, like a sword turned ploughshare himself. He thinks there is a point to hang up his sword because he's put in enough effort, and now it's on to civilian life and recording the history. And so when something in his life isn't what it seemed to be, including if that's a person with their own right to not disclose their past, it angers him. He feels suddenly unsafe. He was happy with the very comfortable life he had and even with Bolaire being different than he thought because Bolaire was being threatened, Hal still blames Bolaire for not risking his life to tell him anyway. And maybe a degree of betrayal in Hal comes from the fact that Hal and Bolaire have discussed things like this and were in agreement that they were content with their lives as is, but is that fair? Is the issue he's actually taking that Hal doesn't like Bolaire's inherent nature or is it that he didn't get told and so was unknowingly complacent in it? and is that anger at unknowing complacency really a problem because of his brother indulging Hal's wishes to stay out of the Falconers Rebellion? or is it what I think, and it's really ultimately at himself that the people in his life told all these lies because Hal asked to be kept out of it so he could keep being complacent in the political situation around him, even as an artist who is now thrown into it because of the weight of propaganda and subversive art in the face of censorship? Hal has to face that he literally asked to be left out until now and that he knew the kinds of things his brother would do to ensure he stayed out of things, and yet never wanted Thjazi or the people involved with Thjazi cut out from his life, or Thjazi wouldn't have let Bolaire stay in Hal's life at all.
Major Ideal: Vision for the future | Major Flaw: reluctance to compromise
Now I don't think there's a repeat Brennan story here because CCOD went reaaaaally into this concept but there's a very common pitfall that a lot of activists, especially young activists, fall into wherein they refuse to do coalition work with any organization that is less than perfect in their eyes, and so divide and conquer keeps minorities out of power and keeps the kinds of politicians they would want to vote for out of office. There has to be some sort of compromise and rehabilitation allowance re the oppressors for any oppressed minority to no longer be oppressed, that's just how the numbers of it break down in a democracy. Murray is very much not averse to getting her hands dirty for skulls for her magic, but one of her first real personality exemplifying scenes is the boiling frogs scene. She doesn't want Azune manipulating the Houses because that's their game, but Azune is doing it anyway, and that is both confusing and immediately concerning to her. Not that it shouldn't ever be, she's right that distrust keeps people alive, but it also keeps them isolated and weak. Brennan has said before something along the lines of "Don't question why we started when we did once things are moving, question when they're not moving" and there was extended context about people saying "'we should've done this 10 years ago' but we didn't", and that sentence is something I think Murray needs to internalize as the basis of the necessary compromises she'll have to make. Questioning why parts get left behind will always remain important, but if the sum total of why things aren't moving is she isn't willing to do things one step at a time, she's gonna have to compromise.
Wick
Major Ideal: Idealism | Major Flaw: Entitlement
Occtis
Wick is very interesting because he's very much blatantly the "good Christian" archetype, and there are Christians in my life that have made me defend the basis of Christianity to hell and back. I have scripture lists in my google keep notes so that I can use the bible against bigoted Christians, and I feel like this is the vibe Wick was created to have, but also there remains the very obvious stopping block of 'there is still a basic level of entitlement to privilege and power in Wick' that can't be ignored, and the Creed was specifically created to give Wick and his family power. Can Wick actually use the Creed in a subversive way if that's true? I don't think so. Definitely not with the basis of "well this is the tool my family created for me to wield and so I'm going to use it how I see fit". I think he can do something more akin to the hospitals and have a net positive impact, but I don't see that as a subversion and I want it to be a subversion of the Creed not just a new cult of it, and I think Wick wants that too as he literally said he didn't want it to be a cult.
Major Ideal: Examining Hypocrisy | Major Flaw: Ignorance
Teor
Occtis is a big thinker. He's got a lot of stopping blocks though that make him sorta give up on a line of thinking. Could or Would is a big example of this. If you could, would you? is two questions to Occtis because he is so focused on what he can and can't do and whether what he does choose to do because of that aligns with his personal morals, because he's never been allowed to have the same opinion of himself as his family and that has always been because of what is essentially disability, and so he has had to be able to recognize what the concept family means to him vs his dad and brothers vs Thimble, Thaisha and Hal and co. He has to examine the idea that truth isn't necessarily universal in the sense that contradictions and coincidence exist naturally within the world without necessarily having meaning to them, and he's almost nihilistic in the way that he lives under the understanding that meaning is ascribed to action and concept based on opinion and experience that differ from person to person, and so he accepts when he doesn't have the perspective or experience to know something. Except that acceptance doesn't always come with self education. He just doesn't think he needs to know or understand everything to be kind, and he doesn't, but that drive of accepting that which you cannot change coming from growing up in the Tachonis household as an outlier leaves Occtis with a lot of implicit biases that he still needs to correct.
Major Ideal: Consistency in foundation | Major Flaw: Self Sacrifice
I almost left Teor off because he's dead but I felt bad so Teor too, and Teor maybe longer even. Teor is the strong dependable leader, one of the original members of the Torn Banner, and what he'd been doing up until the show started was travel around to make sure his people were still doing okay during times of peace. He was one of the ones who first heard the Falcons Cry when Mara Weaver was arrested because he knew that was the foundation crumbling and everything else would come down with it. And everyone will know to listen when Teor says the time is now. And even in death, a death he walked into because he constantly put others before himself, and a death that might not have befallen his brother if he hadn't put being with Cyd above maintaining the ritual at the theatre, he lifted the Banner and put it into Raimonds chest, Raimond who Teor knew carried its ideals in his heart, and Thimble saw it and freed Raimond to reclaim it, like I'm sure Teor would've hoped someone would do. And in the end, I think Teor is honestly the one whose death would mean the most as a sacrifice because of how foundational he was for the cause in Thjazi's absence of corporeal form and Loza's retirement. He was the one who the people would follow, and before any of them could hear about it, he died raising the Banner once again. And when people hear that? Now THAT is a martyr if I've ever heard of one. Thjazi is too complicated even without Bolaire, Teor spent 20+ years fighting for freedom in and out of war and checking on his compatriots during times of peace, Thjazi was a schemer and crook. Also Teor's light motifs help subvert the monopoly on Light that the Creed has had as opposed to Thjazi the Shadow. Like, Thjazi's death was painful because he was a brother. Teor's death is especially painful because he died trying to rescue the three daughters of the man who put him and his friends up over night while they were chasing the person who betrayed Thjazi and kidnapped Teor's brother, who was also killed trying to save those girls and was kidnapped because he too was working against the people who killed Thjazi. Instead of hearing the falcon's cry, maybe this time we can still hear the lions roar and something about fighting for pride? Very on the nose gay pride wise, but I also like it for the parallel to the Churchill quote of "I was not the lion, but it fell to me to give the lion's roar"
