anonymous schizoposting

laine ↭ 27 ↭ they ↭ schizoaffective

[schizoflora]

im laine. 27. they/them.

recently diagnosed as schizoaffective. i have managed to accept it (most of the time) but i still struggle a bit with internalized (and external) stigma. i was diagnosed as bipolar for around ten years until my psychiatrist began observing psychotic symptoms outside of mood episodes and re-diagnosed me. I made this blog to cope with the new diagnosis and maybe seek some community.

[flataffectt]

Noticed that the typical Schizospec experience is not being afraid of horror + relating to it, whilst being scared of everyday things

[thankyoumoon]

Little bit of a infographic starring and (mostly) made by Fenix, the alter who experiences this the most

[schizoflora]

I was struggling to take my antipsychotic and I thought of milk-chan, and how Your Voice reminds her to take her meds. So I thought maybe a cute graphic of her could encourage me to take my mine. Thought you guys might like.

[kosmogrl]

no matter what you have tomorrow

[giritina]

To me you are the premiere schizospec blogger so I want to know if you have any recommendations for art/“““media””” that you feel represents the schizospec experience. Bonus points if the creatives making it are schizospec.

<3 anonymous schizo

That's so kind and crazay but I feel some of my old fave schizospec bloggers left so maybe im the only one left. Jk probably not. Let me try and think of some good schizospec art or psychosis art. Some by ppl with schizospectrum diagnosis and some that just feel schizo to me

Books

1. The Center Cannot Hold by Elen Saks (an essential autobiographical text on schizophrenia)

2. Possums Run Amok by Lora Lafayette

3. Jirujiru Diary by Nekojiru

5. Post-Traumatic by Chantal V Johnson

6. Y/N by Esther Yi

7. Anything by Sayaka Murata

8. Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

Games

1. Milk Inside a Bag of Milk and its sequels

2. Lunar Maiden, Riverside Angel

3. Platform 8

4. Sweet Pool

5. Anthology of the Killer

6. Sticky Zeitgeist

Music

1. Devi Mccallion

2. Rook & Nomie

3. Will Wood

4. Most vocaloid music but. Kikuo and PinoP especially. Also Masarada

5. Clipping

6. Age of Adz Sufjan Stevens

TV

1. Welcome to the NHK

2. Paranoia Agent (and other Satoshi Kon works)

3. Serial Expirements Lain (but I dont really super like this one. Digimon Tamers can also be schizo art)

I foolishly cant think of any movies. Maybe Were All Going To The Worlds Faire

This is a very biased list affected by my whiteness I feel like. I always try to support black art but it seems especially in music I have a blindspot of black + schizo art. so other people should definitely mention things they enjoy from especially black schizospec n psychosis artists

[schizoetic]

If you get schizophrenia it's not the end

[schizoflora]

I saw a post a while ago about how talking about your symptoms as someone prone to psychosis is often interpreted as “trauma dumping” even though people with other disorders are allowed to talk about their symptoms without the same stigma and god its true. I start to bring up something that necessitates talking about being sza and all of a sudden I am filled with shame even though I am only talking about sza as much as someone else might talk about their autism. I think, “you are only talking about this for attention,” and I feel icky icky icky

[schizoflora]

had a psychiatrist appointment today and it went really well. i told her paranoia was keeping me awake some nights and she didnt say "well its not real so just go back to sleep?" she said "that sounds really scary. im glad you were able to ground yourself and get back to sleep." i know people on the schizospec can sometimes struggle with psychiatrists in a variety of ways but i am glad to report that mine was very compassionate with me today. :)

[schizoflora]

can be difficult acknowledging that stigma affects how you view yourself and not just how others view you. "well you dont have to tell anyone you dont want to that youre schizospec!" yes but people are pretty vocal about how they feel about schizospec disorders even if i dont tell them. i know how they would/do feel about me, even if they dont know its how they feel about me specifically. and its hard not to take it to heart. just because they dont know theyre talking about me doesnt mean i dont know theyre talking about me .

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

“oh don’t worry you’re okay in this day and age your persecutory delusions could be true and keep you safe!” SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF REASSURING

[theautisticschizo]

[dorianbrightmusic]

What I really appreciate about the Milk duology is that it's the only piece of media I've ever seen attempting to depict the cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia while still humanising the main character.

I do not have schizophrenia, so I can't speak from experience of whether the disorganised thought shown in-game is accurate, per se. But what I find striking is the fact that Milk-chan is obviously trying so, so hard to keep it together. Her speech is often tangential, even when her thoughts are easier to follow, but even when she's tangential, she's obviously trying to follow them to a certain conclusion. The tangents aren't made out to be funny, nor to be creepy or off-putting. They're just a symptom of her psychosis.

Moreover, she struggles with other cognitive symptoms. Reading now causes her fatigue, because focus takes so much more effort than before. Her memory is jumbled and gappy. Her thoughts will just block. Decisions are hard.

And, to add to all that, although her emotions might seem disorganised to outside viewers, they're always reactions to things she's experiencing, real or not. If she suddenly becomes sad, it's in response to genuine upset. If she gets angry, it's because the world, as she perceives it, really is that terrifying. If she's overjoyed, it's because she's achieved something, however small, and she's right to feel damn proud of herself. Even though her feelings seem extreme without explanation, she's not shown to be unstable or senseless. Rather, she's reacting to her reality, as refracted through illness.

Milk-chan is so so so human and likeable. She has disorganised thought and hebephrenic tendencies, and she is still not demonised for these, nor distanced in any way from the player by her symptoms. Her illness doesn't make her act without reason, even when she struggles to stay in reality. And I don't think I've ever seen schizophrenia humanised this way in media ever before. I wish the bar weren't this low, but I'm still glad that this depiction exists.

[schizoflora]

yknow I’m starting to accept my diagnosis through a lot of conversations with my loved ones, my therapist, and my diary. in truth I had actually suspected it quietly for a long time, but I’d had a lot of people in my life shut me down when I started voicing that I thought I might have psychotic symptoms a few years ago. so I kind of just let it go. I’d have delusions about being watched, followed, persecuted, and i figured it was all just anxiety/agoraphobia. and i mostly kept it to myself. When my psychiatrist was questioning me more closely about my symptoms, after referring to this "anxiety" as paranoia for several sessions, I thought to myself “fuck she’s about to diagnose me as schizoaffective.” And then she did. And then I started looking back on my life and thinking, yknow, maybe this was more inevitable that I thought. stuff I never told my psych or my therapist. stuff I haven’t thought about in years. yet she was able to diagnose me anyways. my mom told me she remembered as a child I used to ask her frequently if I was dreaming or not. one of the results that comes up if you start googling around about that is a page about schizophrenia in children. i looked at it and saw aspects of myself in it. I dont think i was necessarily sza as a kid, but i think there were signs about what would happen later down the line. maybe it was inevitable. but i guess it doesnt really matter in the end. maybe the real schizoaffective disorder was the friends we made along the way.

[wheelie-sick]

ok ok I'm curious about something

If you are on the schizophrenia spectrum, how many biological relatives do you have that are also on the schizophrenia spectrum? (that you can name off the top of your head)(more info about nuance below the poll)

0, it's just me

1

2-3

4-5

6-7

8-10

11+

I don't know who any of my biological relatives are

Other (comment!)

I'm not on the schizophrenia spectrum

Voting ended onAug 8

If you can't think of anyone off the top of your head but you're unsure, pick 0

If you can think of some people off the top of your head but you aren't sure that you're thinking of all of them, pick the number that you can name off the top of your head

If you know some of your biological relatives' medical histories but not all (e.g you were donor conceived and only have access to the medical info of your donor/s), pick the number that you know of

If you suspect a family member is schizospec but they aren't diagnosed it's up to your discretion to decide whether you count them

If you're not diagnosed but you suspect you're schizospec you can still vote

This poll extends as far through the family as you know, even if you don't know them well. This poll can include relatives that you have never met if you have heard that they are schizospec

[schizoetic]

there's very minimal media about us, or by us schizophrenics. when people get the diagnosis they just get sent home without anything to help them accept or process it. which, to me, is disgusting. part of the reason why i created this blog

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

I've talked about my fruit box on several occasions. How since I told my mom that I just don't eat fruit because the task of buying, keeping track of and preparing it is too demanding, she has been cutting up fresh fruit for me and putting it in an easily accessible box at least once, sometimes twice a week. This week, as she was cutting away, I asked her about it. "How are you still doing this every week? It's been years. It's very nice of you, but why do you bother?" Her answer surprised me.

"You know how schizophrenics have a much lower life expectancy than the general population?" she said. We do. For a combination of various reasons that I won't get into here - that's not what this post is about - people diagnosed with schizophrenia die earlier than people without schizophrenia, statistically speaking. Apparently my mom knows this too. And she has read up on it. Why do we die. What can be done.

Most of the contributing factors are not something my mom has any shot at affecting or controlling. But one of them stood out to her. Not a major one admittedly, but still it was mentioned. A lot of us don't eat enough or don't eat varied enough. We generally don't get enough fruits and vegetables, because when you're severely mentally ill and also likely to be poor, that's just not a realistic priority for a lot of people.

My mom has felt very powerless in the face of my illness. She loves me a lot, but it hasn't solved most of the things I've been struggling with, most of the detours my mental health has taken, most of the crises I've survived. And there's a lot she can't do, while also working a full-time job, and being there for the other people in her life. A lot of it is very much out of her control. But she can cut up fresh fruit. And so she does. Every week.