Jeffrey Kaplan has personally cursed my crops

i'm no longer using this site, i'm free.

[schmedzageddon]

happy homestuck day to all who celebrate

[flyin-shark]

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

[felixcloud6288]

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

[flyin-shark]

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

[felixcloud6288]

Fellas (gender neutral), you heard him. Ready the catapults.

[calware]

[calware]

ok there. are you guys happy now

[gasterofficial]

can you take away the homestuck blood actually. thanks.

[calware]

ok

[ampervadasz]

The winner

[r4cs0]

[helloitsbees]

the jumbotron operator:

[narwhalsarefalling]

can axolotls survive in a gallon bucket of sprite

Yeah they can but you really shouldn't.

[evilvillain123456789]

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

[mtfoss]

Okay so normal rules then

[glyphsmash]

cosmo wanda i wish the snickers dick vein was 23% more prominent on every bar

[infinitebutthurt]

There is nothing funnier to me than the fact that DJ Khaled announced that he wouldn't eat pussy then less than a week later did THIS at an owl performance

[raptorific]

I want you to know that I was in the live audience for this and not only was it very obvious that nobody told him what he was performing at (which is why he kept saying shit like "WHEN I WAS ASKED TO PERFORM AT... THIS EVENT. I KNEW I HAD TO BE PART OF IT!") but this man does not know how to work a crowd of people who are not already fans of his. It was absolutely dead silence from the crowd. At one point he yelled "WHEN I SAY DJ, YOU SAY KHALED! DJ!" and awaited a response that did not come from absolutely anyone, and then, by some desperate hope, once again yelled "DJ!" and someone yelled back "WHY DON'T YOU EAT PUSSY" and it was so quiet otherwise that it would've been impossible for him to not hear it. However uncomfortable the broadcast of this was, the live performance was a thousand times worse. If I were a famous musician and ever gotten an audience reception that bad, I would retire from the public eye completely and forever

[raptorific]

@miah-but-horny

Sorry you somehow find it unbelievable that someone online went to a sporting event and heard someone yell something funny at the stage, but this one's real. Here's a photograph I took from the audience:

Here's a photograph of me, in the audience, with a cosplayer working the event:

Here's a timestamped screenshot of me describing this terrible performance to my girlfriend, live from the audience:

Here's my ticket to the event with sensitive information about my friend who bought it redacted out:

So if you have some doubt that in a stadium full of 20,000 nerds, almost all of whom knew DJ Khaled ONLY from the Eating Pussy discourse that had literally just happened, one of them loudly referenced it during his performance, that's a YOU problem.

[citrineghost]

Absolutely SLAMMED with those receipts

[antirpg]

I’m glad ppl on tiktok are doing ok

[ofide]

good lord

[lifeofcynch]

[ghostaquarius]

[normal-horoscopes]

YEAH I GOT NOTHING

[vonlipvig]

i don’t understand a single sentence in this and i’m ok with that

[xek-xek]

[cavalierprimetime]

I haven’t stopped saying “it’s called quantum jumping, babe”

[arirna]

[thebuttkingpost-deactivated2021]

I would genuinely like to know who to blame for making these children so disconnected from the concept of imagination that they think the simpler explanation for what they’re doing is that they’re projecting their consciousness into one of infinite realities where fictional characters are real.

[esoanem]

[charlesoberonn]

"Oh you had a plague? Come back to us when you had a World War, brand new unconventional weapons, and a new international order."

[charlesoberonn]

I apologize.

[noroquian]

[demareth]

insert that YOU chihuahua post where theyre being pinned down i cant for the life of me find it

[charlesoberonn]

This one?

[schwazombie]

[ruffboi-mags]

Oh, Charles. The hubris. Honey. You had to know this was a possibility. Why would you tempt Apollo like that.

[dzamie]

I love how we don't even need Apollo to be captioned, it's just "he's holding a dodgeball and looks Greek statue, of COURSE it's Apollo delivering the gift of prophecy unto unsuspecting tumblr users"

[nebulous-nebuli]

[sour-charity]

[orpheusilver]

hyperfixating on this is not enough i need to eat it

[heartshop]

Christians with jesus christ

[calware]

[aquarian-valerian]

I looked up the deleted post and the husband literally made fake websites and used homestuck lore from vriska's name origin to trick his wife into thinking it was to do with her interest in astrology.

This man is on a other level.

[calware]

[bat-demon]

@boychic HOLY FUCK

[boychic-deactivated20230922]

okay, horrible, but not unsurprising considering what vriska is like

[rainbow-femme]

Considering the declining retention rate I don’t feel like they have the room to lose 20 years of Catholics, pope should just right them a note to give to St. Peter saying they’re excused

[fun-n-fashion]

 what about the people who were baptised by him and then died in the intervening 20 years? do their families just have to accept that their loved one is going to hell because some dude fucked up the paperwork?

[rainbow-femme]

[dusky-phantom]

The funniest outcome I have seen from this whole issue is a handful of priests have come forward also stating they used “We”

THEN a whole different priest saw his own baptism video and saw his OWN baptism was done wrong as well so he isn’t technically baptized....which to be a priest you have to be baptized, so he isn’t even a real priest any more!

[irelyre]

this is a whole fucking thing going back to the age of thomas aquinas and there's been more than one war fought at least a bit about it. quad mus sumit, et cetera

[argumate]

certainly the most important thing Jesus said is that you have to use the exact words when you perform ritual actions or they don't work and you go to hell

[schmedzageddon]

i hope all my old tekko friends are doing well

[sparkleyiff]

Little German boy washing his hands with söapenvwater to remove the grimengünk and keep himself safe from nasty diseäsenspiel

[sparkleyiff]

now little german boy is playing minenkrafften

[sparkleyiff]

update: he just died in the nether

[assdare]

[schmedzageddon]

i sucked god’s dick and she gave me the opportunity to buy an xbox series x on walmart dot com