We live in a world where most of us hate ourselves. We are told if we don’t love ourselves then we won’t be able to love anyone. I think they are wrong. People think that because we don’t know what it’s like to love ones self we don’t know how to love other people. In reality, we don’t love us so we love others way to hard. That’s where we fail.
We think that since we can’t find anything good about ourselves that no one else will see any good. In fact, it’s because of those people we can slowly see the light. They just had to prey a little more to open your eyes. Our whole lives we spend it trying to fill it with people who love us, because we are afraid to be alone. That’s where we fail.
In our lives we meet people, love them, get hurt, and hate ourselves, but we can not change how others feel! We can only change how we react to those feelings. When we decide to make a huge decision in our so called “emotional mind” we act out. Our emotions cloud out our judgements and we do things we later regret. That is where we go wrong.
Just because someone can’t love themselves due to their mental disorder , does not mean that they don’t love someone else. I loved someone so much, that I didn’t love them right. How is that possible you ask? Well let me just inform you!
I cared and loved for them so much, but since I didn’t love myself, I lost sight of what they saw. I began to assume they were using me, that they didn’t really love me, and that they were cheating. I was so scared of losing them, because I loved them too much, I started to push away. I was so fucked up in my head, that I couldn’t be happy with what was in front of me. I knew that they were such a great person, I knew he didn’t deserve my insecurities, and I definitely knew that I was always acting in my “emotional mind” that I was hurting him. Pushing away what I thought I wanted. Till the day I threw it all away.
Well in my mind, it’s all or nothing. My mood shifts from how I feel about myself and others all the time. I always try to avoid amendment (even when it’s all in my head) so I over react to the situation. I cut off from reality. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but that does not mean I didn’t love him. I knew I had to make myself happy before I could make him happy. So I left. I was cold, I was rude and I made a big mistake, but your mental health is important. I still love him to this very day, and I know I’ll never have that chance with him again, but I have been getting help so things won’t go like that again.
If you ever feel like you are suffering from a mental disorder, please seek help. Your mental health is important.
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