Ok, I wasnât going to comment about this, because there was no way of doing it without talking about a part of my life I really didnât want to. But fuck that, there be young girls out there who need a hand.
So I used to be hot when I was young. I mean, model hot, because I actually used to model. Even now, Iâve let myself go on purpose because I was tired of the harassment. But I fit a UK size 6 with a pert ass from volleyball and a cup c breast. As you can imagine, I couldnât wear anything or go ANYWHERE without being harassed. I sometimes even happened in church.
Anyway, Iâm not a shrinking lily, and when I get angry enough I can do some crazy shit. So here are some of my coping mechanisms:
1) find a matronly looking lady, run up to her with âaunt may! I havenât seen you in ages! â then whisper âplease help heâs harassing me!â. 99.9 times out of 100, she will be scandalised and help you anyway even if sheâs annoyed or in a hurry. If no older lady is available, find a younger one, or a nun, or a trans lady. We of the sisterhood know what it is to be harnessed, and I guarantee if you look frightened enough, they will help.
2) If you are out alone at night, and someone is following you, spot a house or apartment where the lights are on and knock, asking âmumâ or âdadâ or âjohnâ to let you in. Even if the people inside are annoyed, odds are they wonât turn you away, and you can phone someone to pick you up, or phone the police from a safe space
3) Make noise. Cry and scream loudly, call them out âi donât know you and you are terrifying me! Please get away from me!â if there are people around. Even if they donât help directly for fear of their own safety, someone around you is calling security or 911.
4) speak a foreign language. If you know it, speak the language to them fast and incessantly, like you have just met someone you knew and youâre just giving the best performance rant of why your OTP is the best OTP. Make yourself ANNOYING. Think about what would be awkward and annoying to you and make it what you do to them. If you make them think YOU are something to get away from they will leave you in peace.
Now beware, the following ones are the CRAZY ones and may not always work. But they are a valid last resort:
5) stare at them. Stare at them like youâre hungry and they are a hapless deer youâre going to tear to pieces. Like yours the girl from the ring emerging from the TV to kill them. Donât smile, donât change your expression. DONâT BLINK. Hold their state like youâre Wednesday Adams about to do unspeakable things to a spider, and they are the spider. Even the most courageous of stalkers balk at this, but if they donâtâŠ
6) Use the Hannibal Lector. After staring at them for and extended period of time (imagine all the things that have made you scared, imagine you could get revenge on them for putting you here, thatâs the thought you need to have), if they are getting closer to you, whisper something like âi would fry your liver in garlicâ. Even the hardiest ones will be taken aback, but keep it up while making sure you donât let the others hear you. Things like, occult star readings requiring blood, wondering whether he is the offering the spirits sent. If youâre on this site youâve read some weird shit at least once. Tell him that. Tell him you would like him to meet your lord, Vlad the Impaler, who requires much blood to be appeased. Be a stereotypical âcrazy bitchâ like they see in the movies. Believe it or not, this has worked for me twice.
Above all, banish the notion that you have to be polite.
They were impolite by approaching you. If you can, ignore them. If you are not alone, pointedly put headphones in your ear, and donât make eye contact, wait for them to realise that âyoure a bitch anywayâ and move away. If you are alone, evade and find places and ways to fix that as soon as POSSIBLE.
And if all else fails, summon Satan.
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