𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗌, 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗉𝖾𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗌
ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES PATREON
Note: not everything needs to resonate for this to be your reading.
Throughout life, you’ve dealt with a lot of exclusion. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of you come from broken families or just families that are unstable in some way and not happy. I just heard ‘language of the poor’ and I don’t mean that you were poor growing up or are poor, I am referring to more of a lack of abundance. The term to me means ‘people who talk and think about life as if it’s against them’ and just have a very helpless way of thinking, and speaking. “No one has a worst life than me” is something that they might say for example or if someone talks about their worries, they might make their own problems seem larger because they naturally think that way. You might have grown up around such people, though that doesn’t have to resonate for all of you. In the past, there was a situation in which, you were left out and treated poorly by loved ones. Could have been anyone - family, friends, classmates, work colleagues but the main thing that I’m getting is how things were falling apart for you at that time. Something like when a family member was sick and you were going bankrupt, your friends could have been turning against you and treating you poorly, and they don’t have to have known about it but they were just not understanding you. The truth about love is that we want to believe in the other person so we really try to but these people, they could have been really angry at you in some way? I’m not sure what it is about but if this is your pile, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even before everything fell apart, you were aware that you were not on the same wavelength as them. Your values vastly contrasted from theirs but due to the attachment that you had towards them, despite all the inner turmoil that you were experiencing, you were still connected to them. However, things fell apart and they had to, you’ve grown so much since, and don’t have to betray your own values for connection anymore and know how to be alone. You feel very comfortable by yourself actually and that’s a big pro on your part. Also, when things fell apart, multiple things were falling apart or were going to fall apart soon after, or had fallen apart a while before, however, these connections weren’t the only thing and you were traumatised. You had to start from zero, in fact, you sorta had to start from a negative point because people were very adamant on making your life hell and you were not doing well because you’re only human, and are not completely immune to external events but the way you’ve built yourself up, it’s shocking. You’ve changed a surprising amount in some way and those negative experiences, with how extreme they were, they have stuck with you but also, you’ve changed so much and become so different, you do not resonate with what happened anymore. One of your pros is that you know how to adapt to extreme changes because you have experienced them. You’re also aware that the only constant in life is change and that it can change at any moment so you do not let anything get to your head too much. Also, the things that touch your heart, you’re able to accept that they might not last forever but that you’ll be fine no matter what. When things fell apart, some of you may have been wanting to rely on others but you didn’t find anyone to rely on. Instead, when you couldn’t provide them with the value that you were previously providing them with because you were obviously struggling, they could have started looking down on you and treating you as if you were a burden, and lesser than them. So you had no choice but to be alone at some point and I believe that you could have isolated yourself for an extended period of time i.e. at least a few months to a year. Realistically speaking, not everyone has the privilege of disappearing for such a long time so while some of you could have been alone without any or many people around, some of you could have been around others but were still isolated and isolating.
This period of isolation had you become very internally focused and you realised in hindsight that many, if not all your connections were very one sided, and not respectful to you at all. You saw where you were accepting less than what you deserved and outright disrespecting yourself to stay connected to them. I just heard “the people you fold your wings for will mock you for not flying.” You became really comfortable with yourself overtime and learned how to live with yourself, being true to yourself. I’m getting that many of you would rather be alone than be with people who you have to change your values and self for. “Share my life, take me for what I am cause I’ll never change all my colours for you.” You’re also very sure about what you want. One thing that you really want and value in a partner or anyone really is the ability to be alone. You have a really rich inner world and it helps you through life - the best parts of it and the worst parts of it. I just heard that some of you have seen things that affected you emotionally that you don’t talk about but have managed to find your own path and life, and are not too shaken by things anymore. Things that previously scared you only push you to soul search deeper and get to know yourself better now. You derive lessons from everything, that’s another pro. The thing about the world and the people within it is that we complicate everything. We desire things instead of being satisfied with what we have and especially connection wise, we are often unable to accept that we were born alone, and will die alone. However, you have experienced so much low in your life and you were alone through it. Even the ‘established connections’ that you thought you could rely on gravely disappointed you so it has become your natural state to function from a sense of comfort with being alone? You do not care to be accepted or loved, you don’t even try to fit in. It feels the best to you to just be yourself and that’s your guiding light. Also, for you, the end all be all is you, it’s your life and you know it so even when things fall apart, you just let them, it doesn’t bother you too much or even if it does bother you, it doesn’t stay that way for too long. I just heard that you’re aware that you are disrespected and excluded in certain environments, it is almost as if people look down on you. I don’t understand why they’re bothered by you but because you know yourself, you don’t let it get to you too much. I just heard that there are better energies to extend that energy towards. The way things fell apart in the past and you had no one to rely on was quite surprising to you, not a positive surprise at that. You thought that the bonds that you had were way more solid than that. It was mostly because you had been there for them, you had expected the same in return unconsciously but when your life was quite literally in shackles and you were alone, and could finally see how you weren’t a part of their life and how one sided it was, and how they had kept you around without really wanting you around, you felt disappointed and hurt because the attachment seems to have been pretty deep for your past self. Now, your definition of love may have changed so with the acceptance that they didn’t love and value you the same way, you may think that “it was not that deep” but the truth is that back then it hurt and at a devastating level so now you prefer seeing the truth even if it hurts. You cut through bullshit and end connections on your own if you have to but there’s not much tolerance for anyone’s shit and issues. I just heard that you value yourself too much for that. You’ve spent a lot of time alone and know what you want, what you don’t want, and who you are and one other thing that you know is that you’d rather be loved for who you are, and frankly, you’re comfortable with the idea of a life by yourself. Obviously, you still want connections but you’re fine without personal attachments is what I meant i.e. romance for one.
You’re also very honest with yourself about other people’s intentions and actions, and your own intentions, actions and who you are. You function with integrity and honesty, and are a highly apologetic person when in connections. If you feel like you did something that could hurt someone, you’re unable to keep it in, you will apologise for it and explain the details honestly even if it costs for the connection to fall apart. You do not really do things that could lead to you having to deal with this though because you act out with a lot of compassion and love for others, and are highly self controlled. One thing that I find to be really interesting is that because of how comfortable you are by yourself, when you are interested in someone, you naturally consider them and don’t have the mentality of “technically, I’m not with them so I can do what I want.” This is very basic actually, everyone should be this way instead of having their eyes, mouth and hands everywhere but sadly enough, that’s not the world we live in. Wandering eyes have been normalised and as if that’s not enough, technicalities are used as an excuse for lack of compassion and honestly, just decency but moving past my rant, you are not like this so you won’t accept behaviour like this either.
If you enjoyed this reading, you may join me for the extended reading on Patreon. This pile was 1,713 words, the extended is 4,160 words, totalling to 5,873 words and contains the following topics:
꒰ More details on your life experiences and pros ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s life experiences, and pros and cons in general ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s pros and cons in a relationship/within marriage with you ꒱
As a person, you’re very ruthless. I won’t say that you’re selfish because that’s not the case at all but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve been villainised for this quality of yours. You’re highly passionate and whatever you feel passionately about makes you feel free so not anything personal but you go for it. You do not think about humanity at large or other people when it comes to your passions. I’m getting that some of you think about other people a lot and feel conflicted but it’s more of a learned trait. Usually, you’re good at breaking free from misunderstandings, fights, aggression, etc. by passionately moving forward with your own life. I was picking up on really specific scenarios in the previous pile and the same is coming through here. When you were a kid, there was so much that you wanted to become. You wanted to become exceptionally skilled. Some of you grew up with limited resources or had limited resources at some point. No matter what, you were unable to make the most out of your potential. I heard “nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter.” You’ve been emotionally heavily unnurtured and your relationship with your mother or both your parents, or the lack of them caused you a lot of sorrow. You had a lot of love to give but were unable to find the right people and spaces to extend it towards, you’ve likely cried a lot when you were younger. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you still cry when you’re reminded of those days but you’ve broken free and know that logically, you’re over it, it’s just that… the fact that you even experienced such troublesome moments is sorrowful to you. I’m not sure whether to blame or thank your poor development for this but many adults forget how to feel and act instinctively, you on the other hand are very connected to your instincts and know how to live passionately. You’ve broken free from feelings of worthlessness, have been villainised and starved of basic affection, all while lacking basic resources but like I said, have broken free from it and no longer function from a place of trauma, and lack but it’s almost as if your childhood never left you or it’s catching upto you and I don’t mean the childhood that traumatised you but the childhood that you missed out on that you deserved. First of all, you probably cry fairly easily at least when you’re alone but you know how to live passionately day to day and don’t waste your life away in melancholy. I keep on picking up on mother issues, some of you felt quite betrayed by whoever raised you, it doesn’t even have to be your mother but when it comes to those of you who have experienced issues with your mother, you were highly understanding but as you were growing older, especially during your teenage years, you started breaking free and seeing through her bullshit. There’s a little bit of a theme of rebellion. The reason that I’m saying ‘a little bit’ is because you were not rebelling to be a rebel, you were rebelling for a very solid cause, whatever that was. I keep on hearing the lyrics “I want to live and not just survive” from ‘easy on me’ by Adele. You could have held a lot of respect and fear towards your mother or whoever this ‘should be’ nurturing figure was but you had a realisation of how ridiculous, aggressive, controlling and dictator-like this person was, and you had to fight for your right to live. You experienced a lot of intensity back then, your thoughts and emotions were out of control, not to mention the limited resources and the instability that came with it plus the multiple duties placed upon you but you broke free from it all. In fact, you think that while your circumstances were very hard on you, a lot of it was mental too and you’re not disregarding the pain but you’ve developed the mental strength to deal with such situations and not fall victim to life, and because you’ve unlearned helplessness, you feel like with enough mental strength, one can temper anything. Now, you’re very detached in your own ways. Mentally, you are almost stoic.
You’ve felt extremely helpless due to aggression from multiple people in the past. There’s an extremely strong theme of dictatorship. Not only did this parental figure or guardian act like a dictator but also other people. Other girls and possibly even guys could have made you feel worthless, and ugly during your middle school or high school days. You felt helpless to the point of almost entering a depressive state back then, you’ve recovered extremely well and are actively choosing a life of passion, and activity. You may have regrets about wasting so much time back then. Like, you could have been enjoying life and living well but you didn’t, and those days will never come back, you won’t be back in school ever again, back in university or back to your teen years and you don’t want to feel that way about the rest of your life so you try to live each day passionately. You may cry easily but you’ve cried so much, you have a very strong mindset and a very good, and passionate approach to life. You move on from things faster or even if you’re emotionally sad, there’s an awareness that it will pass and you don’t pause your life physically due to mental, and emotional troubles. With that out of the way, as a partner, you can be both emotionally really suffocated as well as expressive. I think that you guys had issues with affection and emotions when you were younger but have simply just grown to become a highly emotional yet oddly detached and stoic individual who is not easily negatively affected, and influenced by life’s circumstances. You know the kind of person you seem like to me? Someone dutiful who gets things done even if it is tough. I’m picking up on a lot of stress when you feel like you didn’t work with focus or as much as you may have liked but usually, by the deadline, you manage to get it done and if you’re hurt, you may try to hold it in but you are very soft and let it spill out in the end, you may cry your eyes out but you don’t let it interrupt your work, and activities and end up unaffected, moving on from it, and dealing with it in a more stoic fashion. I know that stoicism likely has a different definition than my own but when I say it, it doesn’t mean not feeling or not showing, it’s about having a mindset of not letting emotions affect your negatively and letting yourself be peaceful with focus on what you can control rather than what you cannot. In a relationship, you may try to hold your emotions in but might cry or get very melancholic and emotional when comfortable but are likely touchy, passionate, sexual, and value living. Someone who wants a fun and passionate life, and love and a nurturing mother, and an emotional cry baby who is good at breaking free from negative thoughts and trauma, and always finds a zest for life and is stoic yet emotional, and gets things done even if it’s just by a delicate balance is going to love you xD. Those cards were giving me more about your life experiences than pros so I pulled another set of cards and I’m in awe. You are highly sexual, extremely so and you probably cracked a lot of adult jokes when you were a kid, you still might actually but I’m picking up on a more grounded personality in which you try to have more tact now. When you love someone, you get obsessed with them and you seriously enjoy that feeling of not being able to get someone off your mind. I’m literally picking up on an image of you smiling at the mere thought of your partner. You get consumed by love, you get obsessed and addicted, and it’s a very deep feeling for you but despite how you’re completely consumed, the way you naturally experience romance is very well meaning and healthy. Your obsession and the feeling of being utterly consumed does not result in you wanting to give into weird negative patterns.
You might deal with really intense thoughts and have likely dealt with extremely negative patterns dealing with the giving of affection and acceptance of it, and even just understanding and dealing with your own emotions if you’ve experienced romance at all but one thing that is absolute is how pure your intentions were, and how much you loved them. When you love, you love deeply and devote yourself to your partner, and are extremely faithful. Your commitment is unwavering once you set your eyes on someone and you’re an old school romantic in certain ways. I won’t use the word ‘traditional’ because the quote unquote traditional men tend to look at much younger girls while they have whole families to go home to ✋🏻😔. You have the whole “my eyes won’t wander, let alone my heart, it’s you and only you” thing going for you so that’s how your obsessiveness is a pro. You’re naturally very good at relationships. Many people tend to struggle with understanding the other person, making necessary compromises and just changing the way they function when in a relationship to suit the relationship more but you naturally change to accommodate your partner, and play your role in the relationship so that makes you a really reliable, stable, understanding and secure partner. Also, you’re very secure as you are by yourself and might avoid acting out of character even when you’re single so it is not even like you’re necessarily changing for the relationship. You think that you can have moments when you’re tempted or act out in ways that are not helpful to you based on passion, or even just… fun? But because you’re aware of these tendencies, you do not give into them. I think that many of you are very charming and attractive, there’s this irresistible flirtatious thing about you that can almost hypnotise people but being aware of this quality of yours, you try not to give the wrong impression and especially, not unintentionally hurt yourself or others.
If you enjoyed this reading, you may join me for the extended reading on Patreon. This pile was 1,750 words, the extended is 4,623 words, totalling to 6,373 words and contains the following topics:
꒰ More details on your life experiences and pros ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s life experiences, and pros and cons in general ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s pros and cons in a relationship/within marriage with you ꒱
In connections, it’s very important to act as is required of you. Not in a way that strips you off your identity and authenticity but to do for the connection in ways that may not allow you to be in your comfort zone so to say. I think a more appropriate way for me to put it is by saying that you know how to inconvenience yourself for other people not out of people pleasing tendencies but because you know how to maintain connections. Most people, when they imagine romance, they think about the butterflies, the crushing, the sex, handholding and all the wholesome moments that make up the honeymoon phase but the truth is that, love is when they fall sick at midnight, on a cold winter night and you have to get them to the hospital so you do it despite it being inconvenient for you. You know how to make necessary sacrifices for other people and your connections. Some of you could be people pleasers or have undergone that phase in your past so your ability to sacrifice for connections does from a place of childhood wounds in some ways but it’s still a pro because it helps your connections. In your childhood, you were made to feel guilty when you didn’t consider other people and possibly even when you did anything for you so you naturally grew up to be very considerate, look at things from other people’s perspective and put yourself in their shoes. I just heard ‘labour of love’. You do not try to avoid or escape your duties, you simply just embrace them and do a lot for your loved ones especially in times of need. I just got an intense download. You likely grew up in a family that didn’t appreciate you. You used to be there for them when they needed you but they used to fight with you, scold you and there was just ongoing aggression from their side. It’s almost as if they didn’t like you as a person and made you feel guilty, and like a bad person for everything that you did. It could have been anyone - mother, father, guardian, etc. You could have grown up in an environment that had fights, aggression, resentments, micro aggression and people scheming against each other, and were pulled in between all of that. I remember when one night during Dussehra, my mother randomly shut the door on my sister and I when we were around 12, and 9? Locking us out of our house because she had some sort of resentment towards my father’s sister who we had gone out with that day as a part of festivities. Also, I don’t mean to sound like a jerk here but I had completely forgotten about this until I got reminded of it today and I genuinely understand why my mother is lonely, sick, and miserable, she’s overall, just not a healthy person to be around. Another thing that happened during my childhood, in fact, it used to happen until a few years ago and maybe happens now too but I just don’t notice is that she used to fight, and treat my sister and I like shit when we were going out of our way to help her. My sister gave all her Dussehra money to her when our brother got sick knowing that it was guaranteed that she’d never get it back, she was 13 at that time and when my brother was sick at another time, she always had a dark look over her face, and I was highly present to help her out at the hospital but she used to scold me and not for any particular reason. “I don’t even understand why you’re here” or other biting comments that were way harsher than what I’ve written but I was supposed to be present or was villainised. One time, she insulted me in front of everyone at the hospital while my brother was sick and I had been running back, and forth to help her, I was a teen and I had had enough of her shit. I went to my aunt’s place and after a while, my sister called me, calling me ‘selfish’ and all that, I went back to the hospital by foot at night because I also felt a lot of turmoil, not being there at such a critical time but her being the kind of person that she was.
Carelessly, at really late at night, forced a sixteen or seventeen year old me to frantically run around from one hospital to another even in zones where drug addicts would have been lurking because she got mad at me as if it was my fault that certain medicines weren’t available at the hospital medical store. One could argue that she was just stressed but the thing is, my brother was not even born when she locked my sister and I out of the house. Also, she used to get triggered by things and beat us a lot as children without much reason at all. I remember whenever she came back home, between my sister and I, if one of us saw her first, we asked the other how her mood was because she would scold and beat us. She was just a mentally unwell mother and I don’t think it is even bpd or anything, maybe more of a psycho or sociopath and of course, a narcissist considering that she thinks that she’s the victim in every situation, doesn’t take accountability for anything, blatantly lies about the situation or omits important details to show herself as the good one when that’s far from the truth. I’m sorry for that rant, these days I have a fairly cordial relationship with her actually so this rant was supposed to be more of an example for how you’ve likely dealt with similar themes during your childhood and it doesn’t have to be with your mother but more so how you were pointed fingers at, humiliated, had to deal with someone extremely angry who fought with you, had problems with you for no reason, could simply just not accept you as the person that you were and lacked tolerance for you despite you being one of the only people who was there for them during hard times. Even when they treated you like shit and didn’t appreciate you, you did your lot. It’s a good quality of yours because if you can be this dutiful and sacrificial in something so obviously unhealthy, imagine how you’d be in an actual loving and healthy connection. You feel really scrutinised by people because of some experiences that you had with either peers or family, or well, both. You might assume that people are irritated, annoyed, angered by you or simply just dislike you and that’s because of how much aggression you tend to receive from others. I don’t understand why people just don’t like you as a person but because of how it’s been a recurring life theme for you, you’re able to pick yourself up and recover or not even fall at all. In a relationship, you’re going to be a paranoid and fearful person, and will feel guilty very easily because of your childhood wounds but because of how you grew up amidst conflict, you know how to deal with them. You’re very interesting, despite having been disliked for who you are and attacked, and unaccepted and being very sacrificing, and doing a lot for your loved ones, you continue being an individual. You have an ability to change yourself, your thoughts and beliefs to an extreme if it is required, like you know how to question things but also maintain your individuality. You continue being yourself even if it pisses other people off causing them to treat you unkindly. Also, when it comes to fights, you are able to use it for the greater good within yourself as a person and within the relationship instead of letting it end things. You know that fights are normal and you also know what kind of conflict, and fighting is not normal so you understand the nuances of dealing with conflict and what you should not be dealing with at all, what you should not be tolerating at all. You are a highly passionate person who is attracted to warm, lively, generous and kind people who are fun, and make you feel hot 🫣. For you, one quality that you consciously or unconsciously look for in a partner is unabashedness mixed with good leadership skills and assertiveness without force. You want them to be hot in a warm and efficient leader kind of way.
Dominant but not a dictator basically but you also have these qualities so you are likely to clash with ‘your type’, but like I said earlier, you know how to deal with conflicts and use them to add passion into your relationship, and also change yourself if need be there. For example, if your partner were to not like something about you, you’d try to look at why it must be affecting them and go from there rather than acting as though they’re trying to suppress, suffocate, control or change you but you may also engage in play fighting and more so, might really enjoy rage baiting just because you’re a very dramatic lover who grew up around conflict and enjoys it a little bit but you’re able to temper it before it causes serious issues. I pulled more cards for your pros and at your core, you’re a very intentional person who is a go getter. I wanted to look at your pros in a romantic relationship but much like in the previous piles, many general character pros are coming through because like I said in the previous piles ‘who you are as a person will inevitably spill into your interpersonal connections including romance’. I am getting more about your life experiences, at some point, you dealt with major instability? Either just one thing fell apart or many things fell apart altogether, or during a short period of time. To be honest, many of you could have not had a stable life to begin with, at least mentally and emotionally. Also, when it comes to romance, you are very mentally open to your partner. You have just gone through so much that you don’t voice out so having a partner get to know about you, about your life experiences, it feels extremely soulful to you.
If you enjoyed this reading, you may join me for the extended reading on Patreon. This pile was 1,758 words, the extended is 4,195 words, totalling to 5,953 words and contains the following topics:
꒰ More details on your life experiences and pros ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s life experiences, and pros and cons in general ꒱
꒰ Your future spouse’s pros and cons in a relationship/within marriage with you ꒱
gracieabrams
origamiaround
gummygunk
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
amandla
prguitarman
