Do you see yourself marrying Nami?
âM⌠Marry Nami-san?âÂ
He couldnât pretend that the idea hadnât crossed his mind before; it had, and so often did that image arise that he nearly had the whole ceremony planned out â the outfits, the location, the food and booze and who they would invite. Granted, most of it had been figured out by the time he was seventeen. âHopeless romanticâ was a severe understatement, but no one knew that he was the type to daydream about his own wedding when he was younger. The idea that she might fill that blank face in his head made his heart leap, but his joy didnât last long.
The cook shifted in his seat, eyes cast down to his feet. He bashfully tapped the tips of his shoes together, cheeks becoming crimson and fingers steepling. She wasnât in the room, but he felt that she may step in at any time and hear him. So he kept his his voice low, words never rising any higher than a mumble.
âI do,â he paused, âbut Iâm not sure that she can see herself marrying me. Sheâs⌠Iâve neverâŚâ
Silence befell him a second time, eyebrows knitting together.
âI donât think she knows â how I feel, I mean. She rolls her eyes sometimes whenever I say how I feel about her, and other times she smiles. I canât really tell if she believes me, but I do really, really like her. Sheâs smart and beautiful, and sheâs generous when she wants to be. Nami-sanâs been through a lot, just like the rest of us, and I feel like I want to make it up to her. I want to be there for her and show her how much I care.â
His fingers linked together and fell into his lap, body slouching in his seat.
âI was thinking about it. I thought, maybe, after we all got a little older, that I could ask her. But, lately, Iâve gotten this feeling that she might say no. Ah, actually⌠she would definitely say no. I donât have anything to offer her. I have no money, no home to take her to. She wants to map the world and I would gladly give the world to her, but I canât.â He didnât realize then that his hands had begun to shake, or that he was beginning to feel himself sink.
And yet, despite the growing feeling of loneliness in his chest, he smiled.
âAs much as Iâd love to be her husband, I donât think itâll happen. Nami-san can marry whoever she wants, whenever she wants, for whatever reason she sees fit. If itâs not me, then⌠it doesnât matter. Sheâll be happy, and thatâs all I want.â
Even if it killed him inside.