A Ruffled Fanfic: When a Bluejay is, indeed, Obnoxious.
Disclaimer: Ruffled is a Murder Mystery Audio Drama created by Michaela Laws, which can be found on under her channel of the same name on Youtube, which I shall leave a link here. This piece of fanfiction is done purely for fun by me as a fan, and NOT for profit in any way.
Timeline: Takes place after Season 1, but before Season 2.
BEWARE SPOILERS FOR RUFFLED’S SEASON 1!!
Beware of one additional Season 2 spoiler regarding a canonical pairing.
“Ohhhh yeah baby!” Jay rubbed his hands together eagerly, his gaze pinned on the silver tray that the waitress heading their way was balancing perfectly on one hand. “Here comes the treats! The best part of the meal!
With their dinner plates having been taken away a while ago, their table has more than enough room for the waitress to place their desserts down in front of them. A slice of the Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake for Jay, and a hot fudge sundae for Ted. Jay couldn’t help but shake his head in what appeared to be sympathy at Ted as the waitress wandered away.
“Man, I can’t believe you ordered ice cream over the cheesecakes here.” Jay pointed his dessert spoon at the dessert cup in front of Jay. “We’re at the freaking Cheesecake Factory, man.”
“What?” Ted asked without any heat, already digging his spoon into the vanilla ice cream. “After the steak I had, I wanted something simple for dessert.” It was Ted’s turn to shoot a look at his friend’s own dessert, his eyebrows lifted. “You, on the other hand…. I don’t know how you could still eat after your steak.”
Both men had ordered steaks prior to their desserts, with Jay having the Carne Asda Steak, and Ted the Hibachi Steak. As Ted had expected, Jay had more or less *nhaled his food, while he took a more leisurely approach to eating his. Not that Jay seemed to mind his slower progress. With his mouth free of any food, Jay could talk to him about seemingly almost everything and anything as he ate. One of the many things he talked about included his disappointment at Kassum not being able to make it, being tied up with his work as a con-man. Kassum himself had sent his genuine apologies to the both of them over test and taking a raincheck for another day.
Getting together and having mainly steaks for lunch has become a thing for the three of them after the incident at Annabelle’s mansion, where Marian was murdered and Lawrence tried to kill them all. While Ted knew that the rest of the Birdcage were grateful to him from the bottom of their hearts, he still found it hard to believe that their sentiments had included the desire for friendship as well. It would be easy for them to clean their hands of him after the life-changing offers they gave him, but they all also wanted to keep in touch and stick around in his life. It was almost- emphasis on almost- easy for him to forget they’re all crimelords in their own way. Even though they all worked in shady businesses, they were still decent human beings that only wanted to get by in life.
It all proved to Ted that he made the right choice to defend them all against Lawrence, who he thought was a friend. Any darkness that was left in his heart after being forced to kill Lawrence, however unintentional it may be, was blown away when Jay had contacted him after everyone freed him from police custody and had parted ways to go back to their own lives.
It was a simple text, with a simple question that was so casual, that Ted had to stare at his phone for a long while, wondering if the younger man had asked a trick question.
“So… the big guy and I were wondering… do you like steak?”
But no, unlike a certain informant, Ted knew that it was not in Jay’s nature to be deceptive or manipulative. Not subtly, anyway. The guy was such an open book, even kids would be able to tell if Jay was lying.
Not that it was a bad thing. Ted liked Jay’s straightforwardness. He always preferred people he could take at face value than people he had to make a point to analyze and evaluate in great detail.
…Which… makes things rather ironic considering the person he’s dating now.
…Well, Ted supposed he would be kept on his toes and mentally stimulated.
That aside, that was how he, Kassum and Jay had formed their little ‘Steak Lover Club’ between the three of them, and they could occasionally meet up at different steak joints throughout the city, each of them giving their own score of the steaks of their respective restaurants with the aim of deciding which place in the entire city served the best steak. It was from those get togethers that Ted had grown closer to both Kassum and Jay as friends.
“Hey,” Jay was saying in response, jabbing his spoon in Ted’s direction again. “People always a second stomach for dessert, man.” He then made a show of huffing out a sigh before finally jabbing his spoon into his cheesecake to cut off a small slice. “It actually makes me sad when they don’t want to do anything about it. The big guy especially. Watching him never getting any desserts actually hurts me, man.”
“Damn,” Ted deadpanned in mock sympathy, resting his chin on the fist with the dessert spoon. “That’s serious. Remind me to bring a first aid kid next time then.”
“Man, fuck you,” Jay retorted without any real heat, raising his free hand to give Ted the middle finger. “And eat your ice cream. It’s melting.”
When Ted glanced down, he saw that the surface of his ice cream was, indeed, starting to melt and slide down to the bottom of the bowl in white creamy droplets. Flipping the spoon in his hand so that it’s angled towards his dish, Ted quickly began to eat.
“Might as well get milkshake if you’re gonna let it die.” With his final grumble finished, Jay dropped his arm and finally brought the spoon holding the piece of his cheesecake up to his mouth. Once the spoon was in his mouth, Jay’s eyes grew wide with euphoria. As if struck by a spell, Jay brought the spoon out of his mouth before slumping back in his seat, letting out a long and shaky moan of delight even as he chewed.
“Ohh, yeah,” he said in between chews, his words slightly garbled due to talking with a full mouth. “Screw Kassum, man. He’s really missing out. Every time.”
While quietly eating his own dessert, Ted quirked an eyebrow at the other man. In his mind, the reaction Jay had just now was a bit too extreme over a simple piece of cheesecake. The food at the Cheesecake Factory were all good, sure, but not enough to warrant that kind of reaction. It also didn’t help that Jay’s reaction just now reminded him of the kind of reactions people would do when doing… other things.
After a spoonful of ice cream, Ted hummed thoughtfully in his throat. “Mm, I don’t think so. If he wanted that kind of reaction, I think Ingrid has him covered.”
He swiftly tilted his head to the side to avoid the stray spoon that was violently thrown his way, courtesy of the man sitting across from him.
“Oh, FUCK you, Ted!” Jay snapped indignantly, the dreamy expression that was previously on his face now gone. Upon realizing what he said, his eyes narrowed as his lips twisted in disgust. “And no, not like that way either!”
In response, Ted tossed Jay a fleeting grin as his free hand rose up to gesture at a waitress nearby. “Can we have another dessert spoon here, please? My friend kind of dropped his.”
“And whose fault is that, asshole?” Jay grumbled in a hiss, throwing himself back into his seat with his arms crossed as he waited for his new spoon. It wasn’t long before their waitress returned with a new spoon for Jay, and once she was gone, the younger man let out a tired sigh as he resumed eating.
“So, what’s new with you?” Jay asked, as if he never had an outburst to begin with. Ted was used to that: Jay’s temper was like a firecracker with how fast it comes and goes. It also helped that Jay was not the type to hold a grudge, as far as Ted knew. Jay’s shows of anger were just that: a show.
“Have you heard anything from the sociopath?” he continued, sounding like he wasn’t expecting much. “Tried to get a hold of the man, but he either gave me a fake number, has a different phone, or the ass is ignoring me.”
“Yeeeaaah…” Ted had the decently to look apologetic for that, even if he was sure that the person in question would feel less guilt about the matter. “He’s… different phone, definitely. He has a few different ones for different purposes. He never uses the one for social calls.”
Jay let out a derisive snort at that, rolling his eyes. “Why am I not surprised? Yeah, I figured he’s one of those sorta guys.”
It was not unusual for a criminal- especially an overly cautious one- that wanted their identity hidden to use different phones in order to avoid getting tracked. If not for that particular reason, then the criminal in question did not want to be the type that’s easily found by anyone. It was both a tactic and a behavioral trait that both Jay and Ted were familiar with.
Upon realization that Ted knew about Robin’s multiple phones and which ones he used- or didn’t use at all- Jay gave Ted a curious look with a raised brow. “Wait, so you guys hang out still?”
Ted’s gaze was now focused on his still melting ice cream. It wasn’t out of embarrassment or out of shame, but simply the want to actually finish the damn thing before it became reality that he wasted money for a dessert that he could not even finish in time.
The former cop nodded once as he began to scoop spoonfuls of ice cream into his mouth. After swallowing once, he replied in an offhanded manner, “Yeah, that and more.”
Jay laughed through his nose at that, his spoon digging into his cheesecake for another bite. “What do you mean, ‘that and more’?” he asked with prominent amusement, grinning. “Dude, what more can you guys do besides hang out? It’s not like you’re sleeping together or anything.”
“Oh, no, we are now, actually,” Ted replied casually, just as he popped another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.
Another few spoonfuls later, he realized that it was uncharacteristically dead silent from Jay’s side of the table. When the former cop looked up, he saw that Jay was seemingly frozen in place with how still he was, staring at Ted with wide eyes and his mouth gaping wide open.
As if Ted’s gaze on him broke him out of the shock he was in, Jay’s mouth opened and closed a few times like a goldfish struggling for air. It was as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words to say. Ted knew it wouldn’t last long however, and he began to do a countdown in his head until he believed Jay could finally regain his composure.
Right on time, Jay’s mouth opened wide just as Ted reached ‘zero’ in his mind.
The other patrons in the restaurant were startled when Jay suddenly stood up and slammed both his hands down on the table. Even with the eyes of everyone on him, Jay kept his shock-filled face directed in Ted’s direction as he yelled,
“YOU’RE DATING THE SOCIOPATH!?”
Unphased by Jay’s loud horror- he had been fully expecting it, honestly- Ted simply nodded once in confirmation, which only made Jay look even more horrified when he realized that he wasn’t joking.
“Yeeep,” Ted said in an easygoing drawl, even popping the ‘p’ for emphasis. Now it was Ted’s turn to point his utensil at the other man’s dessert. “Eat your cheesecake. It’s not good to leave it out in the open air for too long.”
Even despite his passionate love for desserts and Ted’s advice, which Jay would wholeheartedly agree with on a normal day, the younger man remained standing for a while longer. He continued to stare and gape at Ted, until his brain finally seemed to register the older man’s command and he slumped helplessly back down into his seat, looking dizzy all of a sudden.
“Dude,” Jay said, uncharacteristically quiet.
Finally looking like he regained his composure, Jay looked at Ted with a somber look on his face. Then, with all the seriousness in the world, and with a voice full of worry, Jay asked;
Without skipping a beat, and not even offended by the question, since Ted knew very well where Jay was coming from, he offered the younger man a pleased- almost smug- smirk.
“Never better. I’ve actually been sleeping well even, thanks to him-”
Jay suddenly threw his arms out and began waving them frantically as he shook his head rapidly. “Stop! Stopstopstopstop- I don’t want to know THAT!”
Jay then squeezed his eyes shut, before letting out a groan as he brought his hands back to his face, scrubbing at his eyelids as if trying to rid himself of an unwanted image that only he could see.
Ted only quirked an eyebrow at his reaction, his grin still firmly in place. “You did ask.”
Jay ripped his hands away from his face with so much force, Ted was almost worried that he might yank his arms out of his sockets, even as unlikely as that may be. Jay’s lack of wincing proved that he was fine however, especially as he glared at Ted. If looks could kill, Ted had a feeling he would be on fire right about now.
“Not about THAT, numbskull!” Jay snapped, before grimacing and bringing a hand back to his face to scrub at it again. “Ugh, gross… maaaan, I don’t want this picture in my miiiind.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to sound like a total girl, man… but gross.”
“Oh, trust me, Jay.” Though his smile was now gone, Ted’s amusement was still radiating off of him in waves. “I know. If you were one of the girls, you would be asking for more details instead of telling me to shut up.”
“Man, I hope Ven slaps you if you talk all perverted with her like you did with me just now.” Jay stared at Ted through an opened between his fingers. He finally allowed himself to snort with humor, and his hand fell away from his face. “Ingrid might get off from the details. I dunno.”
Jay then let out a sigh, before giving Ted a mock look of disappointment. “But Ted? Anyone ever tell you that your choice in guys suck?”
He realized what he had just said too late. Upon seeing how Ted’s lips twitched in a sign that he was about to smile again, Jay quickly shot an arm out in the other man’s direction in a gesture to stop him.
“No,” Jay insisted, glaring at Ted in a knowing manner. “I know what I said, and I know what’s coming next.” His voice dropped to a low growl of warning. “Don’t even go there with me, bro, or I’ll shank ya.”
“You can try.” Completely undaunted by the threat, Ted only shrugged. “Not like I need anything myself to take you down.”
“Wow.” Jay gave Ted a dry look. The worst thing was that Jay also knew Ted could easily take him down if he wanted to, even unarmed. Kassum was bigger and taller than he was, and Ted had no issue manhandling the guy at all, so what hope did Jay have? “Wow, dude, wow. Way to bruise a guy’s ego.”
To Jay’s mild ire, Ted gave him one of those infuriatingly cheeky smirks once again.
“Hm.” Ted made a show of looking away, as if he was deep in thought. “You get hurt easily, huh? Looks like I have to start bringing a first aid kit after all-”
