Me still thinking about that domestic cyptid comedy horror Au where Ryley is a park ranger living out his days patroling the woods where an odd old lady , quirky researcher and her sibling and her girlfriend reside .
And every now and then he has to Head out and investigate reports and sightings of weird alien wendigos and robot not deers and chase off the local hippie cults (alterra) convinced aliens are trying to commune. And 100% knows Robin sam and Margaret know more then they act like.
And refuse to explain the power outages or odd glowing lights.
But its all told in like a podcast format And Ryley is 100% done with their gasslighting.
Al-an gets grounded to the couch because he caught earth's equivalent of a mild cold but also because he id acting overly pathetic about it, because he's learned that Robin will pamper him, meanwhile Sam and Danny try to reason with her not to baby him, and that he's taken over the couch and won't let anyone watch anything but the discovery channel, but she doesn't listen because she secretly likes pampering her clingy cute alien shrimp bf…
That is until margurite comes over and enlists the architect for target practice as she's accidentally shot the heads off all her plastic buck statues, which sparks an argument before the household collectively decides the best solution is to test out the illegal rifle prototype on the local park ranger's new tires…
Cryptid Au where Al-an is living on earth with Robin, margurite their land lord and Sam and Daniel in a remote cabin in the woods and Ryley's the local middling park ranger convinced their keeping a cryptid there.
when tinfoil hats become common household attire because they now live with an alien who is not shy about waging psychic warefare and manipulation for no apparent reason.
When Al-an gets too ambitious with his mental prods about how Danielle should dye her hair every other day and Margaret should buy a house ten continents away and live there because shes 'not scary', and they should use only expansive VPNs and the household starts all assuming their falling in their sleep and all jolt awake at 5:30 am sharp, his passive agressive bull shittery becomes a 9ne way ticket to tinhat time out, in which he is grounded to wearing a custom Al-an shapped tinfoil hat.
Much to the testy alien's dismay.
Because ironically tinfoil nullifies all his psychic alien powers lol
Meanwhile Ryley is just thinking they may all have cabin fever and are all collectively batshit insane, when they insist he wears these tin hats anytime the poor park ranger has to so much as step on their property.
"You'd best cast your votes wisely, I aint sparing you rent, if you fall short again." Margurite gritted around the rolled cigar clenched in her teeth as she loaded the new rifle prototype.
"It's a no go for me, one twenty-five, the force trajectory couldn't possibly reach that far.." Sam protested in obvious skeptism, exhaling on Danny's swiftly flushing fingers, she wasn't use to the cold like they were.
Margurite just snorted as she aimed the down sights on the rifle, her sharp eyes narrowing as she fixed on a dark stretch of road across the lake.
"Should we really be doing this..? I means it's dangerous and we could be arrested..not that I'm saying I dont think she'll get the shot but what then?!" Danny worried, huddling closer to Sam, but despite her obvious reservations she quickly follows up with a shame filled "I-i think she'll miss..eighty, no twenties or change"
"Have you nitwits any faith in this old girl?" Margurite groaned obviously tired of the Indecisiveness.
"She'll hit, she never misses, I'll bet one-hundr-wait!…Al-an what are the chances of the bullet reaching it's mark..?" Robin suddenly asked shamelessly, glancing back to the silly architect currently rolling around in the pile of snow the group had shoveled together for that vary purpose.
She couldnt fight the warm smile that tug at her lips watching her architect simply enjoy himself in yhe harmless white fluff, it clung to his vessl in thin snowy sheets making him look utterly ridiculous.
He had been out there for hours simply playing in the soft frosty downpour, not that she cared one bit, of Al-an wanted to make a snowman damn it they would make a snowman!
Upon hearing her inquiry, her architect scrambled to right himself, sitting up maturely as if he was indeed paying attention the the morally dubious gambling takeing place.
"I am aware of the answer to your inquiry Robin, but would it be fair tol disclose such data that would effectively alter the outcome of a otherwise fair speculation? Wouldn't such behaviour be considered as unethical..?" Her precursor pointed out, the ever green hue dancing around his vessel flaring as he attempted to make a snow ball using his front legs to steady the mound of snow as he attempted to even it out with his claws.
God, he was going to be so depressed when the snow melted..
"We can talk unethical next time you want me to give you a hand with your recalibrations on the couch…".
"WHAT?! WE SIT ON THAT!" Danny squeaked in disgust, glancing back to the house with horror.
Al-an however was unimpressed with the threat, his rapidly shifting soure hue said as much, but this doesn't stop her architect from yielding to threat of no late night couch booty calls.
"…There is a-"
"If you don't shut your biolimineacent ass up I'll use you as fishing bait, now get over here and start counting!" Margurite snapped putting an end to the couple's conspiring.
"Am I not allowed the privlige to participate in your species uncivilized games of chance..?" Al-an sniffed but still complied to the older woman's command, standing up to shake the snow from his dark vessel only to settle down beside her on the haunchs of his back legs.
"No." Margurite grunted, knowing full well the alien was aware of the answer all along..
"Of course you can Al, what do you want to bet..?" She asked curiously, Al-an possessed many strange things from his planet but didn't often share them with anyone else but her."
"Officer Ryley will arrive in approximately two-hundred and eighty of your planet's earth seconds, I would suggest such commitments be stated befoee his arrival..might I suggest offering the couch on my behalf, I am more then confident the tire will not withstand Margurite's wraith."
"No, the couch belongs to us all!" Sam denied.
"We share that!" Danny cried.
"Sure you guys will still want it after he tells you what we've used it for…?" Robin sneered over her hot cocoa, her eyebrows wagging suggestivly.
"Gross, too much information Robin!" Sam scowled in disgust.
"See idiots this is why I said no, damn aliens…"
"Hey its not my fault space boys are easy, cut me some slack!" Robin snorted smugly.
"Hm, am I considered easy Robin…? should i perhaps provide more coy resistance next time you seek me out in hopes of gleaning intima-"
"OH GOD! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!!!" Danny yelped in dismay covering her crimson rapidly flushing face.
Al-an simply huffed before turning to Margurite. "Should I begin counting down Margurite? it is imperative your timing and reflexs be astute…" Al-an inquired, his claw suddenly resting deliberatly on the rifles barrel to shift it to the left ever so slightly into another position.
Calmly clarifying his action upon the older woman's confused glance.
"It should be here, you will need to wait a zero point three second delay before pulling the trigger or your bullet will be deflected.." The idiot was serious about solidifying his control over the couch.
"Yeah, whatever count away." Margurite allowed, pulling her attention away from the alien beside her and setting her sights back through the scope, still she couldn't help the small smile curling at the ends of her usually scowling face.
"Officer Robinson's vehicle approaching in twenty…thirteen…ten" Al-an announced calmly as everyone huddled closer to watch, the heavy weight of apprehension making the fidgit air feel far warmer then they know to be true.
"Eight.."
Margurite's finger flexes contemplating Al-an's earlier suggestion and sceening the dark forest for any sign of the awaited car.
Someone's night was about to get shittier, but it sure as hell wasn't about to be theirs…
Nipping cold stung her cheeks, begging her to rouse from her sleep, it had been getting progressively colder rapidly bleeding inti the researcher's dreams.
But it's not until a wayward snowflake lands and melts against her temple does Robin jolts free from her tainious slumber.
Momentary confusion quickly escalated to panic when her drowsy eyes made out the outline of the dark late November forest slowly shifting passed, above the sky was abnormally light, rippling with reds, yellows and organges.
A breathtakingly beautiful but vary unnatural display.
She was outsite in the woods.
What.
What the hell.
Its only then Robin realizes she's being carried, warm claws gripped her back and legs, steady ferrying her through the pine and birch.
"Al-an..?"
"You are awake, how unfortunate I hoped to return you to your bed before you roused, my appologies if I've awoken you…"
"Where the hell are we?! I was sleeping in my bed how'd we get out here?!"
"We are in the woods Robin…you left your window open before retiring, unfortunately the network was feeling rambunctious tonight and eagerly took advantage of this mistake and attempted to summon your audience, whether your were lucid or otherwise." Al-an hissed softly, yellow rippling down her architect's throax.
"Your sibling is very upset as she witnessed them loose hold on you…"
"T-they dropped me?!"
"Yes, they became distracted by a moose, and collided with what I believe your species would refer to as a powerline, i managed to catch you but they managed to make quite a ruckus fleeing…"
Sam: Have you talked to him yet..?
Robin: Yes! Thirteen fucking times! Everytime I so much as take a step in there he starts growling then getting upset and apologising! he's so sad Sam!
Sam: Damn, well Dani's got the truck ready..we should probably get rid of her as soon as possible..and by that i mean tonight.
Robin: I know I know! But what the hell am i supposed to do?! He'll never forgive me if i take her from him!
Sam: Calm down Robin, he's just going through a phase, it's likely he saw dark skin, curly hair and his little alien heart just went pitter patter-
Robin: Three.
Sam: What..?
Robin: Al-an has three hearts, and they look nothing like me!
Sam: Right Right! Look, the point is he'll get over it, sure he'll be sad for a while but he'll come to his senses eventually and recognize that it was just his misfiring parental instincts rearing for the vary first time.
Robin: I don't know…he's never acted like this before..
Sam: we can't let him keep her Robin, she has a family, they've been tearing up town and the surrounding woods looking for her! …you haven't seen the faces of her family as they staple her flyers to every damn tree..
Robin: I know! It's just…ugh.
Sam: it'll be hard I know, just the sedatives-
Robin: You mean tranquilizers…
Sam: Robi…Im giving you the option to do this the easy way, one word and i can have Margurite do it for you..we need to take her back and we need to do it tonight when that idiot is on patrol, anyone else would be too risky.."
Robin: I'll handle it okay?! I doubt I'll need the tranqs, besides we need him awake to insure she doesn't squeal. And don't call me that I'm not a kid! I just need to figure out what to say to him after…
Sam: Your certain he can remove everything..? All traces of us..? She can't remember anything..
Robin: Yeah, he can…anything she does recall she won't be able to decipher enough to sense of this whole mess, Just get the bag and tell Danielle to have the van ready.
Sam: on a lighter note, Magurite is having a field day with those ransom notes, says that idiots been loosing sleep over her demands.."
Robin: fifty thousand dollars, seriously? is it right to pick on him like this?
Sam: Yes, Robi or do you not recall last christmas when that hopeless jackass tried to break into our lodge with his fake warrent..
Robin: I said don't call me that, and yeah, I'll admit that was pretty damn funny, but to be fair we did shoot his tires out.
Sam: what officer Ryley doesn't know Officer Ryley can't prove.
Robin: okay enough chit chat, this won't get done by being idle, I'm going to go tell him to wipe her, wish me luck.
Sam: Good luck…tell him we won't even complain if he mopes on the couch for a few days.
Robin: Really Sam?
Sam: What?! I was trying to be supportive!
