T(fancy)he

26, dude, bi, teacher, married to an amazing asshole

[orchres]

Increasingly seeing posts by queer children and teens about how they've gotten kicked out for coming out to their parents and you can't convince me there's no coincidence btwn that and this very white American cisgay narrative of "coming out" and how it's the one thing that really proves you're LGBT but like babes..... we don't owe anyone that. Your identity is your business. Your safety is your primary concerns, especially as a minor and an 18/19 year old, is needing time in a stable(ish) living situation and to get a bit of financial freedom and also prepare adequately emotionally to deal with the consequences of outing yourself to your parents and/guardians. We live in a society. the outcome is overwhelmingly going to be negative and I hate that this idea is pushed soooo hard in tv shows and books geared towards child and teen LGBTs

[blazinbunnyrabbit]

This probably isn’t necessary to tack on but...

I BEG that if you really really want to tell your parents/family that you’re a part of the LGBT community, don’t come out to them unless you’ve confirmed two things:

1) They have shown and told you that they are accepting of queer people and it’s not performative.

2) They have told you, specifically, that if you were part of the community they’d be okay with it. (Because supportive ‘ally’ parents can still flip shit if it’s their child).

I did not come out to my parents until I was 19. I only told my mom, who assured me the two things above, and I begged her not to tell my dad until I was 22 and I could actually move out if needed since he has been openly homophobic. (I didn’t even want to tell it to him. I wanted her to do it, because I was scared of getting hit).

It’s perfectly acceptable to never tell them (even if they’ve shown their support), or to wait to tell them when you have a safety net in place in case shit hits the fan. Please stay safe. You don’t owe anyone anything.

[a-place-to-be-panace]

I feel the need to share my own story, just to really drive this point home.

I grew up in a homophobic, painfully religious household, and I was homeschooled K-12. So you can imagine how little of an escape I had, and how little chance I had to learn about things not controlled by my mother.

I didn't figure out gay people even existed until I was 13, and it took another two years for me to find out there was anything other than gay and straight (aka the BTQ+ part of the acronym).

I figured out my own sexuality at 19.

I didn't come out to anyone for two years. Anyone. At all. I had this blog, which has never had anything that could tie me to my irl self because I was petrified of being outed, especially to my mother. Eventually after two years I came out to my best friend via tearful text word vomit essay, thankfully to open arms and full support and acceptance, as well as complete understanding as to why I hadn't come out yet and full support of helping me stay closeted.

I played that role for another two and a half years.

When I finally did come out to my mom, I was away at college, and I did it through an email (very modern-day Fun Home of me, I know). I had spent the last seven or so years slowly, subtly, trying to get my mom to be less homophobic. We had got from immediate vilification "gay is a sin" to uncomfortable silence, and I wasn't sure it would ever get any better.

So, before I sent anything, I told my friends what I was doing. Two friends were ready to take me in if I got kicked out, and a third was ready to help drive me to wherever if I needed a ride. I spent a week drafting the email, and cried the entire night I sent it because I was so scared.

In my case, I got lucky, and it ended up working out. But remember, it took four years of work after I came out to myself, and an additional 3/4 years when I just thought I was an ally before it was even a little safe for me to come out. And it took an additional three months to tell my extended family.

Coming out is never mandatory. Ever. Even if you know it's safe. Even if you know you could do it and get only positive responses. And especially if that's not the case.

No one is owed your truth. And more important than anything is your safety. You are valid in your truth even when no one but you knows about it. And the rest of us want you to be safe until you can get out and be independent, because we want you in this world with us. You will always be part of the community, even if you can't post. Even if you can't go to meet ups or pride. Even if you can't fully engage with us online because someone is always watching. One day you'll be free of that, and we'll be here to celebrate with you when that time comes, because visibility does not determine your place in the community. Your place is immutable. You belong here. So stay safe until you can come join us at the table, okay? Your chair will be waiting for you.

[kaity--did]

Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk

“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”

[kaity--did]

Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?

Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby

Husband: RIVETING!

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️

Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!

[kaity--did]

Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk

All of tumblr collectively at my husband:

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream

Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!

Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued

Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.

[kaity--did]

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays

Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.

????

[kaity--did]

Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave

Husband: you see Penny Rose! This was the M. Night Shyamalan twist! You were mirror baby all along!

[guerrillatech]

[catchymemes]

[breakfast-sandwich-deactivated2]

What really fucks me up about a 40 hour work week and I’ve tried to explain to people over and over is that like of you do the math you have maybe 3 hours every day to just like. Rest and be with your family. And that’s kind of it

Like the average adult needs about 8 hours of sleep every night, so that cuts your 24 hours to 16 right off the bat.

You’re working for 8 hours, so 8 left.

But you actually work 8 to 5 at most offices, not 9 to 5, and that lunch is basically just long enough to retrieve food and eat. 7.

It took you 20 minutes to shower this morning, 10 to get dressed, and 45 to make a bowl of oatmeal and eat it. We’ll say 15 to get your stuff together and out to your car. 5 and a half.

You get home and have to cook dinner, 30 minutes min for that, probably more like an hour, so somewhere between 5 and 4.5 hrs left. And then you’ve got to eat it, 30 minutes if you’re being healthy about it.

So at best you’ve MAYBE got 4/4.5 hours left every week day and that’s assuming you ran exactly zero errands, didn’t stop by the gym after work, didn’t have to stay late, have a wicked fast transition time between tasks AND a commute of like 5 minutes by car. If you have to go to the store after a quick run at the gym, pick your kids up from soccer across town, and you factor in a 30 minute commute both ways, you’ve got enough free time for like one episode of show Monday through Friday. And weekends have got to be for cleaning the house and going to visit your mom for a few hours.

When do you write, or paint, or read or sew or go on hikes? When do you go on spur of the moment adventures with your wife and try to perfect your grandma’s soda bread? What happens when it rains on Saturday after being sunny all the rest of the week so you can’t go to the zoo that day and you don’t have enough money for the museum? Why are we all just content to postpone our whole lives, put off “happy” and “healthy” for a miniscule amount of extra value we’re producing for someone else?

And it’s also a thing that fascinates me about hustle culture like. When do y'all rest? When do sleep and food happen? How do you make 3 different jobs work without dying?

Idk idk like I said I’m real fucked up about it. It amazes me that more office workers aren’t great big socialists because we have this miserable job where we’re monitored constantly and just have to sit. Still. And maintain focus on ONE THING for EIGHT HOURS in a BORING GRAY ROOM with exactly two short breaks at designated times and I just?? How does that not suck for literally everyone else?? You said yourself, Angie, you’re useless after 3 pm so just?? Organize with me and negotiate for shorter days??? Like you’re literally already only producing 6 hours of value, you don’t need to be sitting there for longer than that.

[mckitterick]

…then add the Neurodivergent Tax of taking more time to do these things and recovery time afterward, and you’re looking at a deficit that has to come from somewhere

[futureevilscientist]

I saw a discussion of this on Twitter and honestly people defending hustle culture blow my mind. There were so many responses along the lines of “who needs 45 minutes for a bowl of oatmeal?!” and just… missing the point.

Of course you don’t need to take 45 minutes to cook a basic meal and eat it. You could hustle it. You could, say, “optimise” your lifestyle by taking time once a week to cook a batch of nutritious paste or whatever and just grab it out of the fridge each morning and stuff it into your mouth, chew while getting dressed, and be out the door in five minutes.

But is that any way to live? Did we, as a species, spend thousands of years developing the culinary arts and recipes so that most of the population could eat nutripaste each day?

Cooking is an art and a social activity, eating food is a social activity.

Hustle culture defenders are so ready to speedrun every aspect of their lives that doesn’t relate to work and it’s honestly horrifying. Why are you all content to just… not live?

[rimonoroni]

God, as somebody that grew up in a largely jewish community, holocaust denial is like... so fucking weird.

Because I don’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t terrified of swastika’s, including when I was so young that I didn’t even know what a swastika was.

Because it’s such a strangely specific feeling to be born in the wake of a tragedy so massive that you can still feel it’s reverberations and were born with a weird sense of survivors guilt that will shadow you forever

Because when we were younger and our parents refused to tell us exactly what the holocaust was, we would trade our grandparents horrific experiences like they were scary stories across the camp fire, repeating them over and over to ourselves and eachother so we could figure out what it all meant.

Because I’d see those books with grey photos of Auschtwitz prisoners on the cover and feel like they were looking straight fucking at me.

Because every single Yom HaShoah you’d hear grade school children get up and say “my grandmother was the only one left of her family” or “they barely got out before it started” or “they managed to hide in an attic for months on end” or “my great grandmother managed to jump off one of the trains with her daughter in her arms” or “my grandfather has numbers on his arms but he won’t talk about it” or “my great aunt was shot just before the liberation so she couldn’t get out,” like it was normal.

Because we were always taught to run if we were in a group of non-jews that started making nazi jokes, to laugh along and then take the fuck off to stay safe.

Because the question always lingered over our heads, “what if it happens again? what if it happens to us?”

.... and them some stupid fucking college age white trash dickhead stands up and says “it didn’t happen” or “it wasn’t that bad” and I just can’t... fathom that? Like how the fuck wasn’t this part of your life? How is this not etched into your bones?

And its because it’s not. Like people didn’t grow up with this shit, some people can afford to deny the holocaust and deny antisemitism because it won’t hurt them.

It’s just... fucking wild.

(please reblog)

[jennamourey-marbles]

okay, so, i wanted to let y'all know about something. and i was thinking about where i wanted to announce it or how i wanted to announce it, and i was thinking like, "do i post on twitter?" [that place sucks and i'm off of it now.] the stream is where i exist now, it's my happy place. i figured it would announce it here. [so...] a little while ago i asked jenna to marry me and she said 'yes' so we are engaged. it feels good to kind of get the words out because i've wanted to tell you for a while and i didn't because it was giving me anxiety [so i kinda held onto it for a while] and i think today i realized it was kinda flipped and it was giving me more anxiety to hold onto it. she is still off line as you know but still very much a part of my life. now it's official.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

“kids these days are always on their phones, kids these days never go outside” ok how about kids these days have less freedom of movement & access to public spaces than any previous generation, forcing them indoors, forcing them to rely on electronics, when many would prefer to be outdoors hanging out with friends

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this isn’t about the pandemic btw, this trend has been going on for like. 20 years now. it started with millennials and gen Z only has it worse

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

kids these days:

less unstructured time than ever, constant ‘extracurricular’ obligations cutting into time spent socializing, exploring, relaxing.

more supervised than ever, not allowed to take public transport or spend time alone in public spaces (previously the norm for teens and pre-teens, until media sensationalism made hypervigilance the norm). not allowed to be around peers except when adults are available to supervise/drive.

(despite the fact their parents are working more than ever? bc our whole culture around employment is abusive and exploitive. fewer and fewer families can afford to have parents at home, even as kids are allowed to do less and less without adults around.)

capitalism run amuck + defunding of parks, libraries, etc means it costs money just to exist in public, which is fucking nuts. (it also costs money just to get to public spaces. our world is less walkable than ever and public transport programs are constantly sabatoged. no wonder that some kids are desperate to get their driver’s permit–at extra expense and risk.)

and when kids do try to spend time away from home, they gets accused of loitering???

you’ve built an environment composed of nothing but soulless strip malls and chain coffeeshops, and decreed that kids who spend time there are a “nuisance.” literally where the FUCK else are they supposed to exist? at the libraries you closed on weekends? at the parks & sports fields you stopped funding, the woods you tore down, the backyards that get smaller with every development? at the movie theaters & arcades & restaurants they can’t afford? on the streets they cannot drive on, on the sidewalks that lead nowhere, and where you have banned bicycling & skateboarding & rollerblading & existing for any length of time?

kids these days want to spend time outside, time in public, time hanging out with friends in person. kids these days do not want to constantly rely on the internet as their main source of socialization & leisure. but you have stolen all their options.

you have locked entire generations indoors and thrown away the keys, and you have the audacity to complain that the prisoners spend too much time in their cells.

[guerrillatech]

[guerrillatech]

[stargiirl27]

toxic mothers are wild they'll really be like "I never said that" like ma'am yes you did cause it's been ingrained in my head since I was twelve

[afriblaq]

[milkboydotnet]

“Instead of covering the naked, and feeding the hungry, you set out laws to punish them, my heart bleeds to think of the hard usage of my poor fellow creatures who have no abiding…if a poor creature steal a horse, ox, or sheep, he is either put to death or burned in the hand; but you never consider how many horses, oxen or sheep you steal from the Lord…O you great men of the earth, it is along of you that there is so many thieves, for you hold the creation in your hands, and by all means go about to defraud the poor.”

— Benjamin Nicholson, early Quaker

[guerrillatech]

[flipocrite]

The modern education system was designed during the Industrial Revolution to force children into a workplace environment (“Shut up, sit down, do your busywork, obey authority without question, no bathroom breaks, you are dismissed by the bell”) and has not been updated since. Rich kids in private school get to sit in circles and discuss literature theory like businessmen exchanging ideas. Middle-class kids sit in arrays of desks like assembly lines or cubicles. Poor kids attend schools with armed security guards and metal detectors, ready for a lifetime of prison labor. What we’re seeing now is that teachers try sending these attitudes home with their students and parents don’t remember the authoritarian aspects being so overt.

[glitteringhellspawn]

If I were a parent I simply wouldn’t take my anger out on my kids and then ask them why they’re upset

[glitteringhellspawn]

Rip to my mom but I’m different

[fieldtomatoes]

happy fall

[official-lucifers-child]

they chonky

[slopmaster9000]

You look like Brian David Gilbert

[official-lucifers-child]

so i’ve heard

[mjalti]

sometimes im like “tone down the Self to fit in” and other times, the voice of God comes to me in a dream and says “I didn’t make you crazy for no reason”

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

me, an autonomous adult in college: *looks up tips for managing adhd on a deadline*

every single result: AS A PARENT to help YOUR CHILD WITH ADHD monitor YOUR CHILD'S behavior and reward HIM for doing work because CHILDREN WITH ADHD need constant support-

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

I'm not even exaggerating.

[sophiamcdougall]

YEP. As far as I can guess, we're supposed to either "grow out of it" and become perfect facsimiles of neurotypical people, or else assumed to be so impaired we're incapable of living independently or using the internet. That we might be adults reading this shit doesn't occur. The only people who actually talk about ADHD to people with ADHD are ... people with ADHD.

[sar-kalu]

Something I learned talking to other adults with adhd is to get into routines - but not like, wake up, exercise, breakfast, then work sort of routines; but more

Wake up to your phone on the other side of the room so you're forced to get out of bed to grab it and do your morning scroll for social media

Have your meds in a visible area like in the fridge next to the milk or juice that you drink every morning or beside the coffee pot so you take them with your morning coffee

When you want to do homework, tidy your space, get a drink, put shoes on, then start work - do this every time until your brain registers the physicality of that routine of tidy, drink, shoes to equal 'work now'

If you have a pet, feed them around the time you want to have dinner each night - that animal will register the routine and help you stick to it.

Want to remember something but apps, reminders, and notes don't seem to work? Write them on your bathroom mirror or buy a whiteboard and stick it in your kitchen. And dont write in black - write in your favourite colours,or in multiple colours, and don't deny yourself the chance to be silly with the whiteboard. If you designate it a work only space, you'll never use it - so draw on it, write quotes on it, be silly with friends. The more you use your whiteboard, the more likely you are to read the important reminders on it. :)

People with ADHD need routine but neurotypical routines don't work for us because a lot of NT routines inherently rely on having the executive function to get moving - we don't have that. We need mental triggers to spark that, something that grounds us in the moment and helps spark the intention into productivity.

.

Also, hack for motivation to clean?

Set a timer. How many things can you clean up in the space of five minutes. Race that clock. Get free serotonin in beating a timer while also maintaining your space.

[cwicseolfor]

I don’t remember what wonderful person noticed this but since ADHD was thought of as a boys’ and young men’s problem for so long there was an expectation they’d grow out of it, and maybe the reason their symptoms seemed to vanish on adulthood was because adulthood coincided in most young men with getting married to a woman whose duties initially chiefly concerned organizing his life.

Since women and girls have only been getting the Dx for so long, there’s no track record indicating it doesn’t spontaneously resolve in most of the affected population.