BTS Encounter: Traumatizing…
I don’t say much on here, like nothing at all. I peep game and I sign off. I’ve been debating writing this experience for some years now, because I know their fangirls are fierce protectors and little keyboard warriors that will verbally castrate anyone that says anything remotely negative about their “precious boys” (ahem, grown men). But disclosing this is more so for me, a means of therapy and healing than exposing them.
I wouldn’t say I was an army, but I enjoyed their music and had been familiar with the group since discovering No More Dream back in the fall of 2013. When I first heard of their Red Bullet U.S tour I bought a ticket for the Chicago stop (summer of 2015). A few days before the concert I was on the way home from work. My bus stop was a block away from my apartment complex. I got off the the bus at my stop and saw an unusual scene before me, many Asian people crowded together and a big black van with tinted windows across the street. My neighborhood is predominately Caucasian so immediately I was a little perplexed. I saw a guy posing for pictures against a painted wall by a popular gay bar. His jawline was unmistakable, Hoseok. He was about 10 feet away. I did not approach or invade his space. I thought I said his name in my head, but I must have said it aloud because he stopped, stood up and said very curtly “Yeah, J-Hope” before sprinting back towards the van and closing the door. I was floored by his behavior, and very uncomfortable from the rude glances of the cameraman so I began walking down the street and by passing the scene heading home. As I was passing by I also saw Jimin and Jungkook headed towards the steps of one of the nicer homes on the block. They also glared, squinting their eyes at me. No smiles, nothing. Completely stoic and emotionless. I couldn’t believe it…Truth be told whoever did their makeup was awful. Their faces were white and their necks were more tan. They appeared malnourished and borderline skeletal but I digress.
About halfway down the block to my building my cellphone rang. I stopped to dig in my purse and take the call. It was my boyfriend trying to meet up for drinks. I told him briefly about what had just transpired and he also thought it was sketch, asking verbatim “who they were and what the hell is their problem” (he’s not into k-pop). In getting caught up talking to him I hardly noticed the persistent tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to come face to face with an Asian woman, early to mid twenties. She had dyed blonde hair cut into a bob and stood about 5’2-5’3. In broken English she said “you take pictures of them, give phone”. I said No, I did not I am on a call and I’m a resident on this street. I could hear my boyfriend shouting “what’s going on’ but I was so shocked by the woman’s behavior and flagrant disregard for personal space. Next she said “we try to film on this street, please go. You disturb.” I look over her to see Jungkook and Jimin, with some camera men still petulantly glaring. I have never felt more like an outsider in my own fucking neighborhood where I live and pay rent! But here is the kicker… She proceeds to say “you dark, they do not like”. I am an African American woman ok. My boyfriend is Chinese. We’ve been together 4 years and even his own family has NEVER said or done anything like this to me ever.
Update: that boyfriend is now my fiancé, soon to be husband and I couldn’t be happier, in case any of you little hateful bitches were wondering. I’ve closed the book on this and shared my truth, which is all I really wanted to do anyway. People are shitty and life goes on. I just know I’ll raise our children to be kind and accepting of everyone. ✌🏾
I turned my back on her blinking back tears threatening to fall and walked home where I promptly sold my concert ticket. There was no way I could financially support people like this. Plus it would be hard to watch any performance they put on once you see people as they truly are…when they are not “on” and showcasing their facade. I still live in the neighborhood but moved off of that block, it’s still hurtful to think about and the effects of that day are still far reaching as that day haunts me a bit. I had almost pushed this horrid memory to the back of my mind until May of last year when we were at home casually channel surfing and saw them pop up on the television screen on the red carpet of the BBMAs. I nearly choked on my drink. I suppose I had thought that intolerable people don’t get the fairytale ending but here they are mainstream and everywhere. My boyfriend said “aren’t those the little assholes you saw that day after work”. I said yep and promptly changed the channel. It felt like seeing someone that really hurt you doing fine and well. Since last year I know their popularity is just through the roof and whatever. I can’t speak for everyone’s experience but this was mine. Unplanned and coincidental and awful. I did not pay $300 for a high 5, or camp outside some venue for a meet and greet session, or pluck a leaked address off Twitter for a photoshooot… just a hard working fresh out of college girl on the way home from work and happened to see people whose lyrics inspired her to dream bigger and be better. If they can only manage to be decent human beings when you pay a ridiculous amount of money then that’s not the type of group I would actively support.
I don’t know if they are racist, if the staff they employ are or whatever but this is my unfortunate encounter with this group. I wish I had come home a few hours later, missed them completely and gone to the show as planned but it didn’t happen that way. This group leaves a bad taste in my mouth even 3 years later. I know I’ll get shit and hateful messages for this people saying I’m lying or did something disrespectful or they were tired whatever bullshit excuse they have in their repertoire but for anyone (person of color or not) who has been on the receiving end of racial microaggressions it’s not something you can simply forget.
-a disappointmented former fan
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