hi ! you can call me hope, and i'm really excited to bring forth to you all sebastian choi. he may seem cold and reserved at first, he tends to be quite asocial, but deep down, he's a very soft boy looking to make deep and meaningful connections, while also focusing on reaching his goals in life. he's twenty years old, born in 2002, and is a singer, composer and songwriter; he dreams of debuting in a band, and is the hugest day6, bastille and the 1975 fan. i can go on for ages about him, so i'll post some info below the cut; you can find his profile and his background information right here! if interested in plotting, please give this post a like, and i'll come barreling into your dms. if discord is preferred, please let me know !
sebastian was born and raised in united kingdom, more specifically manchester, england; he does in fact have a rather strong accent when he speaks english, and it carries through to his korean.
he learned korean rather late in his life, around his teenaged years when he was living with his grandparents, they taught him the language, he never really paid too close attention to his classes or notes, always rather focus on learning music and new instruments– now at the age of twenty, his korean isn't as perfect as it should be, considered on the low-intermediate level, he can converse pretty well, but when it comes to reading and fast paced conversations, he stumbles and has a hard time.
his main instrument of choice is his voice. he loves singing, and thinks that his timber and tone is quite unique, and would bring something different and new to the industry.
he never received any proper training, picking everything up by ear and sound first, his grandparents taught him how to read music, everything he knows and loves is mainly self-taught or showed under the guidance of his guardians
he has an extremely sour relationship with his parents, currently estranged, he was neglected as a child, being left to be raised by nannies instead, while also being forced to take etiquette classes and private lessons in hopes to eventually take over their law firm which sebastian had little to no interest in partaking; he cut off all contact after coming out to them as a late teen, and no longer speaks of them. his grandparents have legal guardianship over him.
is diagnosed with atypical depression and generalized anxiety disorder; currently medicated and goes to therapy, it's one of his biggest struggles and actually never talks about it
has many hobbies, but his favorite by far would be video games and reading novels. he enjoys a lot of rpg like games such as pokemon, final fantasy, ni no kuni, octopath traveler, but also lowkey and chill games like stardew valley and harvest moon. for books, anything fantasy or sci-fi is his usual go to. he also really likes poetry and finds inspiration for his songwriting there.
his music taste wildly varies, he wouldn't stick to just one genre, but the one he leans to the most is alternative rock, lofi, r&b and indie type sounds.
he lives, loves and breathes fashion. every day he can be seen wearing something new or different, always testing the limits and defying gender norms; his closet is filled with soft fabrics, lace, silk, hoodies, jeans, skirts and dresses, corsets, thigh highs, high heeled shoes, boots, platform anything- whatever he finds pretty at the moment and he thinks will look good on his skin and empower him, he will wear it.
skin care buff, he struggles with self-care and is trying to instill it slowly into his life which is why he can be also seen going on morning walks and doing yoga, and taking care of his plant babies; he's trying to focus on things that make him happy and bring him peace of mind.
moving into a new apartment, debuting. all things sebastian wasn’t sure he would ever have, and yet here he was, packing his bags and closing a chapter, starting a new one. it felt crazy to think that so much changed in the last few months, and he was now getting to make his own music. sing. still, it felt like the end of an era. he had mixed feelings for sure. he bit at his lower lip as he stared at all the items that were left askew in his dorm room, and moved to pick them up, carefully, one at a time. he was waiting for jae to come join him, the younger male offering to help him move. it was sweet of him, and he would never say no to seeing more of him, not when it made his heart full, and lips curl up, smile so wide.
when he heard the knock on the door, and the text signifying that jae had arrived, he quickly opened the door for him and let the taller male in, cheeks rosy, and smile so soft, “hey, you made it.” he breathed out in english, their shared language, fingers reaching out to hold his hand, fingers easily slipping between the spaces so they could lace together instead, palms resting comfortably against each other. “i missed you.” he let out softly, feeling his cheeks burn, in the past he would cringe for letting such words out, but as time kept moving, he found himself growing more used to such words, and looking forward to saying them to jae.
“thank you for coming. i need to just pack everything away, and i’d be ready to move out.” he voiced out his thoughts softly, licking his lower lip as he ducked his head before leaning in to press a soft kiss onto his cheek, lips quirking upwards into a small smile, “are you excited about the group announcement and the fact that we’re all going to have our own space now? it’s exciting but- also we aren’t roommates…” he trailed off, cheeks jutting out and lower lip forming into a small, cute pout, “that’s okay though, we’ll just have to sneak into each other’s apartments then.” sebastian laughed, eyes bright and playful.
Jae keenly anticipated his date with Sebastian and was thrilled to see him again. When he noticed Sebastian wearing a skirt, he was pleasantly surprised and admired his confidence and willingness to be vulnerable. Jae observed how the blond cutie's demeanor embodied a sense of comfort and authenticity as if they were unafraid to reveal their genuine self — to Jae. This sincerity captivated Jae, and he couldn't help but appreciate Sebastian's look, finding it truly charming. Jae's admiration for Sebastian extended beyond just his physical appearance, as he cherished him for his essence and was warmed to see him express himself freely without any inhibitions. As they grew closer, Jaeyoung became increasingly attracted to Sebastian's kind heart and sensitive nature.
Jae's heart raced as he looked into Sebastian's eyes. The way their lips met ignited something deep within him, something henever fought to ignore. He felt a rush of passion he hadn't experienced in a long time. Sebastian was different, unique. Jaeyoung knew he wanted to explore this connection and trace every moment they shared. The thought of being hurt again faded away as he lost himself in the intensity of their kiss. This was what it meant to feel alive, to feel truly passionate.
Jae felt excited as he arranged the blankets for the picnic with Sebastian. He envisioned a cozy and romantic ambiance once everything was set up. Jae kept a smile as he looked forward to seeing Sebastian's reaction when he completed his plan. He was determined to make it perfect.
Jae felt this completeness as he carefully arranged the blankets and lights for the picnic. He wanted everything to be just right for Sebastian, whom he had grown to care for deeply. As he worked, he stoles glances at his blond crush, feeling his heart flutter at the sight of his smile. When Sebastian offered to help, he smirked boyishly back at him. "Thank you, Sebby. But let me take care of this; you just sit and look pretty as you say," he replied mockingly, with a big grin. Teasing was a part of Jae's love language; it was how he showed 'admiration.'
Jae blushed as Sebastian teased him softly and moved closer to him. At first, he was distracted by the kisses; he almost fell out of his macho bravado. "Hey, don't hate on my fairy lights..." He smiled at how cute Sebastian reacted when he pulled out his string lights. Sebastian's soft cup on his face just before suggesting making a cozy blanket fort and cuddling while watching a movie... Jae's heart skipped a beat. "Absolutely, I like those change of plans. I just need to rearrange some things." Jae quickly re-envisioned his motif to fit the new request. He couldn't believe how sweet and romantic Sebastian was being. Well, actually, he could. Jae felt Sebastian hold his wrist, and his heart melted as Sebastian expressed how happy he was when they were together. He knew then that he was falling even deeper in love with Sebastian. The words burned on his lips as he stared into his beau's captivating eyes — should he say it? He wants to say it? Is it too soon? Questions bounced around his brain, his face probably showing what he was thinking before he softly said, "And you should know that I'm the most happiest when I'm with you..." A rush of emotions pulsated through his body, showing itself on the tips of his ears. "C'mon babe, let me get this set up so we can get cozy." Jae had to distract his emotional thoughts some how.
sebastian knew jaeyoung intimately through their time spent together in england. he knew him when he was dressed pretty and elegantly in the night light, shining under bright lights of the fashion show, he knew how he felt presesed against him, cheeks flushed from the kissing no matter how bad it was. seeing the taller boy in front of him be so earnest, it was sweet. he settled comfortable on the couch, deciding to make a show out of looking pretty, just like jae had asked. he hugged his knees to his chest, lips curling upwards into a soft smile, unable to hide just how fond he felt in the current moment. if he was told that in the future he would be having a cosy date with the boy he had met on a whim in england during fashion week, he wouldn't have believed it. back then he wasn't the type of person to hold onto bonds tightly, and would rather let them go, and watch them slip away rather than get too attached and hurt himself, it was a mantra, a self-defense he had practiced ever since being a kid.
now, he was sitting in the apartment of the same boy he shared kisses with in the darkest of nights, when he had felt the loneliest and had decided to go distract himself with fashion. it was something he hadn't addressed with the younger male yet. how could he tell him that he had helped him stay afloat when he was drowning? it felt too honest, too intimate, and he wasn't sure how to even bring up the topic.
he smiled softly at the kisses they shared, and found himself getting further relaxed, so much more at ease. he hadn't know he could trust someone so easily, someone who wasn't his grandparents, and yet, here he was, and he couldn't be happier. he moved to stand up, reaching out to help jaeyoung with the blankets and pillows, carefully setting them to the ground, making sure they were fluffed up enough so they could be extra comfortble when cuddling, watching as his date set up the lights, and made the room illuminate so prettily, it was gorgeous. "it's pretty."
he complimented the dark haired boy softly, taking in his expression, how his eyes shone, and sebastian felt his lips part, he had never seen him look at him like that before, with so much... affection, it makes his cheeks flush, competely flustered, he ducked his head, unable to hide the smile that was growing on his lips, "okay. let's get cosy, i think this is perfect the way it is. i want to get settled into your arms and feed you these yummy treats i made." he teased his friend softly, moving to grab the bag that was filled with tupperwares out, biting at his lower lip, "how about you pick out a movie for us to watch while i heat up the food for us?" his voice was soft as he spoke to jae, reaching out to lightly runs his fingertips against his cheek, smiling wider now, "and after i feed you, we can spoon. do you have a hoodie of yours i could wear? if we're doing this, we should commit to it a hundred percent and be super extra with it." he doesn't add more, not wanting to reveal that he wanted to wear jae's clothes, that they looked comfortable and that he loved his smell- instead he turned on his heels to quickly make his way to the kitchen, heating up the food with a flush on his cheeks. after, he quickly made his way back to his date, carrying the warm food in his arms, "honey, i'm back~" he crooned softly in english, eyes shining, "want to help me, love?"
he pushed through the building emotions inside of him, the fondness that was growing, threatening to spill over, and instead focused on jaeyoung despite the flush reaching the tips of his ears, settling beside his date, and leaning in to press a soft kiss onto his cheek, "i prepared some of your favorite food and even baked some cookies and cupcakes for us. i hope you like them..."
Sebastian’s mysterious persona always intrigued Jaeyoung. He was someone of few words who kept his emotions closely guarded to his heart, but there were unique moments that captivated Jaeyoung to him in ways more than words could say. Perhaps it was the stardust sparks in Sebastian’s eyes when he talked about his interests or the gentle touch he placed on Jaeyoung’s arm during their conversations. Many reasons to name, Jaeyoung found himself drawn to Sebastian like a bee to sweet honey, wanting to spend more and more time with him. And as they spend these fruitful hours together, Jaeyoung began to realize that Sebastian was a complex and enigmatic person, and would infinitely be intrigued by.
As he looked deep into Sebastian’s eyes, a sudden surge of warmth filled his chest, enveloping him in a sense of comfort and security. Despite his usual tough exterior, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of tenderness towards the vulnerable and beautiful figure before him. Sebastian had a unique ability to see unguard all of Jae’s layers and truly understand him… or at least it’s how Jae felt. It made his lust and longing to want to be near Sebastian tolerable, the two feelings colliding.
Watching his blonde lover’s lips as he complimented him back, his eyes slightly rolling towards the back of his head as fingers raced through his scalp — Jaeyoung couldn’t help but let out a soft grunt in pleasure as his hair was pulled. Then suddenly melting in pure bliss as Sebastian teased his neck. A tickling, tingly feeling swirled in the bottom of his stomach; he knew he was enjoying himself. With a bated breath close to Sebastian’s mouth, he smirked before responding, “It’s cute seeing you tease me like this — you have no idea how bad I want you.” Jaeyoung winked as he made his bulge jump in his shorts.
Jaeyoung couldn’t help closing his eyes and curling his toes while feeling Sebastian so close. He relished in the warmth of his embrace and the softness of Sebastian’s lips on his skin. With a passionate touch, Jaeyoung ran his hands up and down Sebastian’s back; the warmth that radiated from his lover’s skin made his skin feel super soft. Jaeyoung wished it could last forever, that time would stand still, and they could stay like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms. The world outside didn’t matter, the company didn’t matter; all that mattered was this moment. Jaeyoung was grateful for the chapstick within reach, knowing that he wanted nothing to hinder his desire to kiss Sebby for as long as possible.
Feeling Sebby’s hardness rub against his own while staring at his soft facial features made Jae bite his bottom lip. “Oh yea’?” Jaeyoung’s response to Sebastian’s statement caused him to raise his eyebrows excitedly instantly. With a smirk, Jae wrapped his long arms around Sebby’s legs, securing them around his waist to flip them over, placing Jaeyoung on top. Sebastian’s legs held to Jae’s side by him, “Do more like what?” Jaeyoung whispered softly in Sebby’s ear, tracing the divets of his ear with his tongue. His hands slowly moved from his lover’s waist up his torso, stopping at his nipples to gently acknowledge them. “I mean… I have an idea or two.”
"if you can tease me back and wink then that means i'm not doing a good job." sebastian muttered with a small huff, letting his cheeks puff out as he peered at jaeyoung from under his lashes, lips quirking upwards into a small smile. it wasn't as if he would have it any other way regardless. this kind of banter was what he lived off on, and what he got off to as well. he huffed softly when they were flipped over, changing their positions and sebastian found himself under the taller male instead. he blinked a few times, surprised, but his smile stayed ever so present on his lips, unable to help the little giggle escape his lips. this was where things got exciting. "it's cute seeing you think you can take control of the situation just because you flipped us over." he tilted his head to the side and let out a soft, amused laugh, reaching out to pull the male closer, his breath hitching ever so slightly when he felt his fingers run over his chest.
"if you can tease me back and wink then that means i'm not doing a good job." sebastian muttered with a small huff, letting his cheeks puff out as he peered at jaeyoung from under his lashes, lips quirking upwards into a small smile. it wasn't as if he would have it any other way regardless. this kind of banter was what he lived off on, and what he got off to as well. he huffed softly when they were flipped over, changing their positions and sebastian found himself under the taller male instead. he blinked a few times, surprised, but his smile stayed ever so present on his lips, unable to help the little giggle escape his lips. this was where things got exciting. "it's cute seeing you think you can take control of the situation just because you flipped us over." he tilted his head to the side and let out a soft, amused laugh, reaching out to pull the male closer, his breath hitching ever so slightly when he felt his fingers run over his chest.
he bit at his lower lip, lashes fluttering, closing his eyes to collect himself, not wanting to lose control so easily, not when they had barely started after all. he shifted from under jae, and peered at the taller male from under his lashes, sighing at the feeling of his tongue moving against his ear, the feeling sends shivers down his spine, toys curling, he was always sensitive to touch, more so when it was being done by someone he trusted. this reminded him of their past, the last time they were intimate in bed, a few years ago- it was crazy how they had found their way back to each other, and they were back into each other's arms. it was everything to sebastian in this moment. "yeah? you have an idea or two?" he teased the younger male softly, reaching out to wrap his arms around jae's neck, gently pulling him closer to press their lips together, kissing him slowly, teasingly. he shifted just enough to hook his leg over his lithe waist, heel digging into his lower back, keeping him close as he arched his back just enough to press his chest against the other's, and he rolled his hips just enough to press his clothed length against jae's hardness. he let out a small sound, a breath, lashes fluttering, and cheeks dusting pink, he can't take his eyes away from his lover, not when he had him so close like this again. "i missed you." he breathed out softly, voice thick with feeling as he peered at jaeyoung, eyes searching for his. he paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, his own hands reaching out to explore the other's chest, slipping past his shirt to touch his navel, nails digging into the skin there.
"i-" he paused, shifting against the younger male, feeling his cheeks burn from just how much he was feeling at the moment, "i was sad to see you go." sebastian admitted softly, finding comfort in speaking in their shared language, not having to search and try to find the words to express what he truly meant. it was easier this way. simpler. he was able to mean what he said. he tightened his leg around jae's waist and kept him close, shifting to do the same with his other leg, his eyes getting wet with so much emotion, he just couldn't help himself when this was everything he could have ever wanted and more, falling simply into the palm of his hands.
"i've wanted you ever since we had first met." the words fell almost like a confession, letting their noses nudge together, his forehead pressing against jae's, hand trembling as he reached out to curl his finger and thumb under his chin, tilting his head up just enough to lean in and peck at his lower lip, teeth nipping at the skin, tugging slowly, "do you understand what i'm saying?"
Seeing the visibly emotional person so vulnerable was something somewhat familiar to Molan. By their body movements and shock being startled, they obviously didn't want to be found. As she listened to speak, she couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity wash over her. Memories flooded her mind of similar moments being gently interrupted by her mother, who always knew just the right thing to say to make her feel better. Despite her own emotional reserve, she couldn't help but admire the man's courage in expressing himself so openly and vulnerably. It was a quality she wished she possessed herself, but found difficult to cultivate.
Despite her struggles with emotional expression, she felt a strong urge to offer support and comfort to the man. It was a rare opportunity for her to connect with someone willing to be vulnerable and share their emotions so openly. She knew how difficult it could be to let down one's guard and reveal the deepest parts of oneself, and she wanted to be there to offer a listening ear and a kind word. A slight tear welled in her eyes, seeing him try to muster the courage to speak on his feelings. "It's okay… You don't have to if you don't want to." Feeling invested, Molan slowly crouched in a similar position to him to offer comfort. Softly placing her palm on her heart as she heard his reasoning for the tears - homesickness. Hearing the word 'home' spoke volumes to her as well. Quickly she reminisced about times with her mother when the two of them would spend the entire day away from their home. Somehow as Molan grew up, the focus on enjoying life faded compared to her potential to become a star.
Molan, trying to conceal her emotions, gently brushed away a solitary tear that had escaped her eye and then lowered her Nike cap, casting a shadow over most of her face. "I soo understand what your going through." Molan softly suggested her arm to caress his back, offering comforting rubs. "I've come to realize, in this industry at our positions - it's easy to lose yourself amid all of this. But, amazingly, you have moments like this; I look at it as a reminder of who you are… where you come from." Molan had hoped it made sense to her newfound friend, unbeknownst to him. Slightly regretting what she said after she said it, "…I wasn't too deep, was I?"
sebastian was worried at first that he would be judged for being so vulnerable, but he had to remember that not everyone was cruel, and most of the time, they were kind. he peered at the woman in front of him, his lips parting as she spoke, and he found a sense of calmness wash over him, relaxing his shoulders. though his heart still felt heavy, his mind filled with thoughts, so many of them, that it made his head ache, and his chest hurt, he allowed himself to be comforted, and let her soothe his worries away.
he smiled slowly as she spoke, his cheeks flushing, not because he felt embarrassed, but he felt rather fond of this person he hadn’t really known well who was offering kind words regardless. sebastian let out a small sound in surprise when he noticed her eyes well up with tears, his lips parting, and he carefully untangled himself from his crouched position, letting go of his knees to crawl forward, reaching out to lightly press his hand on his arm, squeezing gently, “you’re really kind.” he voiced off softly, quietly, nearly in awe at that fact, like he couldn’t believe he was receiving such kindness, “it makes you ache all over, doesn’t it, when you miss home, but can’t go back yet?” he voiced his thoughts softly, licking at his lower lip that was chapped from worrying the skin too much, teeth sinking into the flesh, breaking the skin out of nervous habit, “but.. i look forward to being able to go back one day, and show them all just how much i grew.” he knew he probably wasn’t making much sense, being too vague, not precise enough, he can’t find it in himself to name his parents, though, and knew that if he even spoke about them, he would burst into tears.
“you’re right.” he breathed after gaining more of his composure, his lips curling upwards into a shy smile, he couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped his lips, now feeling a bit shy, but glad that he was found, and that it was someone who was so understanding, who could see him. he was so seen, wasn’t he? it felt amazing to be understood, and not judged for it at all, “moments like these remind us of what we truly miss, and just how much it makes us human. have you…” sebastian hesitated, swallowing slowly around the words before letting them out, careful in his approach, “do you miss home too, sometimes, like this? so much that it hurts?”
“Hm. You have a point there. He’s a pretty shitty cook…” Sungho feigned to be lost in contemplation, trying to amuse the blond or simply lacking any other choices in the culinary arts. Sungho’s lips parted, emitting laughter that dissipated just as quickly as it had emerged after noticing the faint rosy hue on Sebastian’s cheeks. He grew silent. It was one thing to see Jaeyoung smitten, another to catch Sebastian melting over the mere thought of the other… It made his full lips veer from a confused pout to a genuine smile.
Sungho didn’t want to embarrass or make Sebastian feel too shy, so he kept his eyes and smile downcast and let the topic naturally fade, too. It was nice, Sebastian in good spirits again and being there to see him. As Sungho’s friendship with Sebastian progressed and deepened, it became increasingly apparent that the latter’s unwaveringly sunny outlook on life served to cement and strengthen their bond. As of late, he felt he should be repaying him, somehow. Despite any surface-level disparities the world may see between the two, they could rely on one another with a balanced sense of trust. The presence of blond in his life has been nothing short of a new beginning. He leaned into the slight nudge from Sebastian, bumping his waist to his, too, “What can I say, I’m a spoiled guy. But nah, you shouldn’t worry, I can whip up a mean egg and noodles combo.
And alright, will do that, but uh… You got me. I know it’s a trick question, in terms of which Bleach we’re talking about, but… Fuck, no?” He chuckled in a way that didn’t match his previous claims of being an expert, lighthearted as he switched over to the sink. He laid the colander down at the bottom as water began to pour over their ingredients. He made sure to run a hand over the veggies to ensure they were adequately cleaned as such. He spoke over his shoulders, “Wait, I just noticed… I’m doing the grunt work, while you’re just giving me orders…”
“as i am the best cook out of the two of us, of course i’m going to use this most opportune moment to teach you a thing or two.” sebastian huffed in faux haughtiness, unable to hide his lips that were twitching upwards, forming a small smile, a little giggle escaping his lips, “i can’t believe out of you and jae, i’m the most put together in the kitchen.” he sighed out, almost as though the idea was truly ruining him, the mere thought shaking his existence and soul to the core.
he watched sungho as he moved around the kitchen, washing the vegetables and chopping them, there was a warmth that was building inside of him, feeling glad he had a friend like him, and feeling fond knowing that he could rely on the male to be his friend and hang out with him whenever he just needed fresh air- or company. “gotta whip you into shape, you can’t be spoiled forever.” his voice was soft, letting out a small laugh, moving to nudge their hips together, eyes bright and shining as he peered at his friend, and he moved to reach out for the knife in his friend’s hand, fingers curling around the handle to grasp it comfortably, gently nudging sungho away so he could finish up with the meal prep. “here, let me finish it up for you. do you want to take out a pan so we can cook them?”
he tilted his head and smiled softly at sungho, reaching out to gently tug on his wrist, eyes bright, “how do you feel about making rice? we can use the rice cooker or boil it and then steam it…” he mumbled softly, “and if we make a lot, we can keep some for left overs and even save some for others.” he trailed off, ideas forming in his mind, “oh! what if we make bentos?” he breathed out, vibrating in excitement, “it was… um- episode nine i believe? but don’t quote me on that!”
“as i am the best cook out of the two of us, of course i’m going to use this most opportune moment to teach you a thing or two.” sebastian huffed in faux haughtiness, unable to hide his lips that were twitching upwards, forming a small smile, a little giggle escaping his lips, “i can’t believe out of you and jae, i’m the most put together in the kitchen.” he sighed out, almost as though the idea was truly ruining him, the mere thought shaking his existence and soul to the core.
he watched sungho as he moved around the kitchen, washing the vegetables and chopping them, there was a warmth that was building inside of him, feeling glad he had a friend like him, and feeling fond knowing that he could rely on the male to be his friend and hang out with him whenever he just needed fresh air- or company. “gotta whip you into shape, you can’t be spoiled forever.” his voice was soft, letting out a small laugh, moving to nudge their hips together, eyes bright and shining as he peered at his friend, and he moved to reach out for the knife in his friend’s hand, fingers curling around the handle to grasp it comfortably, gently nudging sungho away so he could finish up with the meal prep. “here, let me finish it up for you. do you want to take out a pan so we can cook them?”
he tilted his head and smiled softly at sungho, reaching out to gently tug on his wrist, eyes bright, “how do you feel about making rice? we can use the rice cooker or boil it and then steam it…” he mumbled softly, “and if we make a lot, we can keep some for left overs and even save some for others.” he trailed off, ideas forming in his mind, “oh! what if we make bentos?” he breathed out, vibrating in excitement, “it was… um- episode nine i believe? but don’t quote me on that!”
Jaeyoung bravely took a leap of faith by initiating a kiss with Sebastian, despite the potential risks. It was a bold move, but he followed his heart, knowing that this time was different. Throughout his life, Jaeyoung had been in numerous relationships, yet very few had ever truly resonated with him on a deep level. But with Sebastian, it was different. Jaeyoung could sense the intensity of Sebastian’s desire for affection, knowing that he had to take the lead in demonstrating his love and commitment. Jae could sense Sebastian’s hesitation and fear back in the UK, but he didn’t know how to break through to him. Only years later, when they reunited, Jae saw the full extent of Sebastian’s emotions. He could feel the passion and love that Sebastian had held back for so long, and Jae knew that he had to make sure Sebastian never felt like he didn’t deserve happiness and kindness, especially from him. Jae made a heartfelt commitment to be a constant presence in Sebastian’s life, entirely dedicated to showering him with the love and affection he undeniably deserved. Additionally, the fact that they both worked for the same label was a welcomed added bonus, as it allowed them to further strengthen their bond and continually support one another in their personal and professional endeavors.
Sebastian’s embrace tightened around Jaeyoung’s body, igniting a fiery passion within him. The warmth of Sebastian’s touch sent waves of pleasure down his spine, and his heart raced as Sebastian’s lips met his own in a sensual and tender kiss. Jae knew at this moment that he was exactly where he belonged, wrapped in Sebastian’s loving embrace. As they continued to hold each other, Jaeyoung felt a sense of security and comfort over him, like he was finally home after a long journey. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of Sebastian’s soft kisses and arms around him, and let out a contented moan in his lover’s mouth. He would treasure moments like these forever, moments that made all the struggles and hardships worth it. The sensation of Sebastian’s hands caressing his body sent waves of pleasure through Jae’s veins. He let out a soft moan as their bodies pressed closer, lost in the sensual moment. Jae could feel his desire for Sebastian growing with each passing second, overwhelmed by the intensity of their connection.
They continue to kiss passionately, demonstrating signs of wanting each other. Cradled by the heaviness of the goose down feathers in the comforter - trapping their body heat amongst each other. Jaeyoung tried to keep his swollen member concealed between his legs, gripping Sebastians’ going up and down his upper thigh area. Jaeyoung’s tongue swirled tenderly inside his lover’s mouth like a dance - he felt an intense longing inside him. It was as if a magnetic pull was drawing him nearer, closer to the object of his desire. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, pounding with a rhythm that seemed to match Sebastian’s own. Without hesitation, Jaeyoung pulled in Sebastian’s body to be on top of him, with his left hand, with an intent pressure that soon grew more intense. It was like a bolt of lightning coursing through his veins, electrifying his every nerve ending. He held Sebastian’s face tenderly in his right hand, savoring the feel of their connection, the warmth of their shared breath. Time seemed to stand still as they lingered in this moment of pure, unadulterated passion. For Jaeyoung, it was a memory that would be etched forever in his mind, a moment he would treasure always.
Jaeyoung managed to separate their mouths for a minute, to stare into Sebastians’ eyes. “You’re so beautiful… and sweet,” Jaeyoung said with his lips curved into a smile. “I would ask you to make something sweet and delicious, but my sweet tooth is satisfied right now,” Jaeyoung spoke with smoldering, lusting eyes, slowly caressing Sebastian’s ass. He couldn’t resist the delicious aroma of Sebastian’s baked goods, but he craved the warmth of Sebastian’s touch and the intensity of his kisses. For Jae, there was nothing more important than being with Sebastian. He would do anything to make him happy, to see that smile light up his face and those beautiful eyes sparkle with joy. Jae leaned close to Sebastian’s lips to whisper, “Is it okay if I keep kissing you…baby?” He knew he was where he belonged, wrapped up in Sebastian’s loving embrace.
affection was something sebastian had grown up craving. it was the sort of thing he wished he had when he was so much younger, but never could have had. it made him grow up to become distant, unsure of himself when it came to receiving it, and even offering it. he grew to love it within time, it settled his heart, made the hurt mend for a little bit of time, sort of like a bandage, the more he basked in it, the more he had wanted. still, he was never good at asking for what he had wanted. it was intimidating to make oneself appear vulnerable, to open his heart to someone else, and offer himself, mind and body, to be touched and taken cared of. it was something he struggled with. still, all those doubts in his mind came to a half when he was faced with jaeyoung's affection. he never doubted that the taller male had wanted him, not with the way he looked at him, eyes heavy, peering at him from under his lashes; it made him shiver, a heat growing inside of him, warmth. was this what it felt to be needed? wanted?
the kiss was hot, it made him burn all over. fingers reaching out to curl into the hem of jaeyoung's shirt, he returned the kisses slowly, lips parting and tongue meeting the other's half way, the interaction made his toes curl, more than happy to be close to his friend this way; it reminded him partly of their time in uk, their nights spent together in bed, the inexperienced, rushed actions and movements they made, it wasn't perfect, but at the moment it felt like there was nothing better. it couldn't compare to the closeness they were sharing right now. part of him was glad he had chapstick close by just in case they spent way too much time kissing, lips bruising and becoming chapped— he had a feeling they would both need it. his cheeks flush when jae pulled him closer, and sebastian found himself straddling his waist, on top of him with his cheeks burning, the first thing to cross his mind was just how pretty jaeyoung was, unfairly so, really.
he couldn't help the small sound that escaped his lips, disappointed they had to stop kissing, and yet, it was replaced by excitement when jaeyoung spoke, he couldn't help the little giggle that escaped his lips, clearly amused by the words being chosen— "you're being cheesy." the words escape him with a soft sigh, fond. sebastian reached out with his smaller hands to rest them on jaeyoung's broad shoulders, squeezing as he pretended to think, cheeks puffing out, almost as if he was playing with the idea to deny him of kissing him, like sebastian could ever deny such a thing, not when he wanted it just as much, if not more. "you don't have to ask. you can kiss me whenever you want." he spoke softly, loud enough to be heard as he shifted closer, letting their hips brush lightly, the flush on his cheeks reaching his ears, and he was pretty sure they were turning pink as well. he wasn't going to say anything about the other's arousal, not at first. it was a common response to making out after all, and just because jaeyoung got excited didn't mean he would want to do more— but sebastian wanted to show the taller male just how much everything was reciprocated. he could handle being braver.
he shifted closer, letting his hand squeeze jaeyoung's shoulder, raising his free hand to cup his cheek, fingers running over the smooth skin there, fingertips tracing over any blemishes reverently, leaning in to brush his lips against the skin there, peppering over the moles, any acne scarring present, "you're beautiful." he complimented jae softly, his eyes softening as he peered at him from under his lashes, his lips curling upwards into a shy smile, letting his fingertips trail up to finally tangle into his soft hair, fingers running through the strands before letting them tangle around his digits, playfully tugging on them to tilt his head back just enough to playfully nip at his neck, teeth sinking into the soft skin, but not hard enough to mark, not yet. after all, two can play at this game, and sebastian was feeling like being a tease.
"you're cute. it's cute seeing you want me so much, like you don't know just how much i want you too." he lowered his voice as he spoke, lips trailing up the other's neck to press against his earlobe, right where one of his earrings were, and he let his teeth tug on the jewelry, nipping at his earlobe before suckling lightly at the skin, letting out a breathless giggle, and then a content sigh as he rolled his hips forward, pressing his own arousal purposefully against jae's with a soft hum, "do you feel that? you're not the only one to feel this way. we can do more than kissing if you like, baby."
Jae was filled with an sweeping sense of excitement as he saw Sebastian again. The anticipation leading up to this date had been building up inside him for weeks, and now that he was finally here, Jae's heart was dashingwith joy. Seeing Sebastian standing there in a skirt, he immediately got turned on, slightly biting his bottom lip; but also couldn't help but feel an immense sense of admiration for the bravery and confidence that he was displaying. Despite being nervous, Jae knew he had found someone exceptional ilike Sebby. Jae shifted them towards the kitchen table as they engaged in conversation. He was determined to make this night unforgettable for the both of them, no matter what.
His chest deflated in relief as he noticed Sebby's nervousness gradually dissipate. A gentle smile graced his lips as he savored Sebby's adorable giggle, his own heart racing with excitement as Sebby leaned in for a tender kiss on his lips, followed by a peck on his cheek. The connection they shared was nothing short of kismit, and Jae felt incredibly fortunate to have such a comfortable and easygoing relationship with Sebby. As his gaze lingered on Sebby's face, he admired his strikingly handsome features, especially the mesmerizing sparkle in his eyes that dotted in his frenckles. Every moment spent with Sebby was a blessing, and Jae cherished every second. He noticed how 'soft' he was called to be while with Sebby, and he liked it. When Sebby reached out to hold his hand, Jae's heart skipped a beat, and he felt a surge of affection toward his beloved partner. He returned the gesture by squeezing Sebby's hand and offering him gentle and warm words of appreciation. "You always make me feel good… Sebby."
Jae smirked with relief when Sebastian complimented his apartment. He had spent all day cleaning and preparing, hoping to make a good impression on his date. Seeing the smile on Sebastian's face and the twinkle in his eye made all the effort worthwhile. He had been nervous about this date, but now he felt at ease in his company. "I'm glad you like it," Jae said, trying to hide the slight quiver in his voice. "I wanted to make it special." As he watched Sebastian settle onto the couch, Jae couldn't help but feel a sense of hope. Maybe this could be the start of something new and wonderful.
Jae's face lit up at the thought of a picnic, knowing that Sebastian had gone to great lengths to prepare his favorite dishes. He fondly remembered how he used to admire Sebby's unwavering passion for cooking, a memory that Jae dearly missed and hoped to regain. Sebastian's touch was gentle yet firm, and Jae found himself leaning into it. When their foreheads knocked together, Jae immediately wanted to laugh, but he stopped himself, thinking that Sebastian would be embarrassed.
Jae nodded eagerly at Sebastian's suggestions of a park or a cozy blanket fort. The thought of cuddling under fairy lights sounded like a dream come true. He felt a warmth spread through his chest as Sebastian mentioned being affectionate. It was something that Jae craved, and he knew that with Sebastian, he could let his guard down and be himself.
"I would love that," Jae said softly, his eyes meeting Sebastian's. "In fact, I have some in my room. Let me go get them." As he walked towards his room, he kept his calm demeanor until he was out of Sebby's sight - he turned the corner holding his heart while biting his bottom lip in smittenness. Quickly he grabbed the lights, a few blankets, and such and made his way back to his date. His excitement calmed once more as he flashed a flirty smile, "I hope you didn't miss me too much; here let me set us up."
he felt partially silly for worrying about what jaeyoung would say when seeing him in a skirt. he had to admit that it was unnerving, something that made him worry- he had spent too much of his adolescence trying to be someone he wasn't, and sebastian had told himself that if the person he was interested in couldn't accept himself as he was, then they wouldn't be worth it. he liked to pretend he was uncaring, that nothing could faze him, a lie, clearly, he always had his heart on his sleeve, something he couldn't get rid of, something he couldn't really let go of. he was sensitive, empathetic, emotional, and always felt a little too much, more than he should. he felt immensely relieved when he noticed jae appreciate him and his efforts, taking in his stature, eyes straying over his skirt, and then moving to reach his face, his eyes and freckles. it made his heart skip a beat, cheeks flushing, happy.
the kiss was soft, and sweet. though it wasn't long or deep, it was enough to send his heart aflutter. he may not seem like it, he liked to pretend that he wasn't, but sebastian was a romantic at heart, and loved loved. if possible, he wanted to drown in that feeling of happiness, and make a home out of it, something he had never thought he would even consider, but he supposed that feelings were something he couldn't erase. it wasn't something he could get rid of easily, so he might as well bask in it, and let the feeling wash over him, comfort him.
jaeyoung hadn't done anything to warrant any cold shoulder, nor any contempt. sebastian hadn't felt this safe with anyone other than his grandparents. it was an odd sort of feeling, something he hadn't thought he would feel in ages. and yet, here he was.
he sat back and watched as the younger male moved around his apartment, getting a few blankets for him and lights to make the perfect date for the picnic he had set up, and the blond male felt so fond. he couldn't help the soft smile that found its way on his lips, watching as the taller male made sure he had gotten the softest of blankets. the lights looked pretty, and he wondered what color they would be when turned on. would they be soft and pastel like, or more so bright and shining? he supposed they would find out.
he carefully stood up, smoothing down his skirt as he made his way to his date, giggling softly at the boy's words, feeling increasingly fond the more he spoke, "do you need help setting it up, or would you prefer i sit and look pretty for you?"
his voice was soft as he teased jaeyoung, head tilting to the side, his bangs falling into his eyes as he moved and he shifted closer to the taller male, leaning on his toes to press an other sweet kiss onto his cheek, and then right on his cheekbone, smile brightening, "did you always have those fairy lights in your room for random use? i admit, it's a really cute idea. i always wanted to make a blanket fort, get all cozy and hang up some pretty lights while watching a movie, getting all sleepy." his voice was soft, longing to do such a thing with the boy in front of him; his cheeks flushed, hesitating before speaking up his idea, raising his hands to press his palms against his warm cheeks, almost as if it was enough to hide away how shy he actually felt, "do you want to do that? make a blanket fort? we could feed each other and then cuddle while watching a movie, or something." he offered softly, hand reaching out to curl his fingers around jaeyoung's wrist, fingers smoothing over the skin, gently pressing against his pulse, his expression softening, the flush reaching the tips of his ears as he all but confessed, "you should know that i'm always happy when with you."
despite the fact that sebastian has been a trainee for a few long months, the korean language still seemed daunting at times. sure, he could communicate using basic words, and he understood conversations when he was included in them, but when it came to reading novels, or being present during a rapid fire conversation, he found himself lost, struggling to even understand. it was the same with his classes. at times whenever he felt overwhelmed or just purely exhausted and tired, the characters melted together and became one, and suddenly he couldn’t read or even understand the language, back to basics, literally.
he stared blankly at his notebook, trying to decipher whatever was being written, and trying to remember what their instructor had said, today just seemed like a day where nothing went well, and everything went wrong. he blinked at the question that was asked, looking at miru, eyes taking in her expression, she looked exactly how he felt, exasperated, desperate and over this lesson. “um, if i’m honest… i don’t really remember. i kind of zoned out. he was speaking and it was all just… gibberish to me.” he said the last part in english, waving his hands around with a furrow of his eyebrows and a frown on his lips, cheeks puffing out. he felt a bit bad he couldn’t help his friend, and gently nudged her shoulder with his own, perking up slightly as his next idea.
“maybe we can use google and hope for the best?” he voiced his next thought rather hesitantly, knowing exactly how unhelpful it will be, but hey, at least they tried- “i’m sure there’s the answer in our course book too.. we just need to find it…”
when miru first arrived in korea and started training, she had learned korean like she was in survival mode. well, that was partially true. she felt like she had to pick it up quickly to be able to debut. while everything came tumbling down, she was pretty proud for being able to understand most korean. however, because she learned it with such a mindset, she had never properly gotten any lessons. that’s why she still struggled with some of the assignments that were given to her here at hydra.
she chuckles at sebastian’s answer before nodding because it’s not like she was feeling much differently.·“he does have a voice that puts you to sleep,” she admits in a whisper just in case someone was too close to hear their conversation.·“guess we’ll have to look it up ourselves, huh?” with that, she whipped out her phone before looking down at the sheet in front of her. another problem was that even searching something up required some kind of basic knowledge. right now, miru wasn’t sure what to look up.
letting out another frustrated sigh, she couldn’t help but laugh at the situation they were in.·“hmm, how about we do this tomorrow?” with that, she looked over at her friend with desperation in her eyes.·“maybe i’ll come back to us? i don’t know. i just don’t feel like i can sit here for another five minutes while looking at these sheets of paper.” her head understands that she shouldn’t be expecting perfection of a language that isn’t her first, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt some kind of exasperation at not being able to complete the assignment.
sebastian could understand the frustration when it came to learning korean, after all, he was on the same boat. most of the time it felt like he was reading gibberish, the characters and the alphabet couldn’t be any more different; he remembered reading how it was one of the hardest languages to learn when he was younger, and though he wanted to push through and actually finish the homework and think of something else, he knew that if they stayed like this, and agonized over their homework, they wouldn’t get anything done either.
“yeah.. i believe you’re right. i can feel my brain start to melt and like gush past and through my ears- that’s kind of a very vivid image but- i don’t think trying any longer would do us any good.” he shrugged his shoulders, turning to face miru, offering her a small smile, “maybe we could do something else instead?” he asked softly, mostly to himself as he started to put his notebooks away, reminding himself to maybe ask one of his friends if they could help them out later-
“wanna grab something to eat? food powers the brain, and i mean, we can have fun while getting something yummy to eat, and if we do end up remembering, than that’s just great.” he shrugged his shoulders, gaze resting on miru as he offered her a shy smile, “we should at least finish our little study session on a positive note! though i admit, i am not sure what kind of food you like- we could always just walk around and stop when we see something we both like?”
“i’m glad…” sebastian trailed off, feeling his cheeks flush, a tad bit embarrassed from the words he let out, but not stepping down or taking them back, after all, he meant every word he had said, he was just not used to speaking so honestly. “just..” he hesitated, staring intently at the mug he had placed in front of him, and if he stared any harder, he worried he would have set it on fire with how much he was glaring at it, stewing over his words, “sometimes the sun can get tired of shining. so– i guess what i’m trying to say is to not to be too hard on yourself if there are days where you feel like you can’t be as bright as you wish to be.”
there, he had said it, it wasn’t too hard, was it? he let his eyes dart to the side, peering at dayeon, offering her a small smile before grabbing a smaller paintbrush to dip in the paint, deciding to try and make some flowers and some butterflies. after all, both would look cute- but she was right, maybe starting with the flowers would be easier, after all. that was exactly what he did, lining the bottom of the mug with green lines, they would be the stems on with the flowers would rest on.
“i don’t think i would manage to make a mug either. i think it would end up just being a sort of pancake mug, or like- a smooshed plate.” he snorted, pausing from when he was just about to start drawing the bulbs of the flowers- he had decided to go with roses, they would contrast nicely against the baby blue sky he had previously made, and look pretty on the mugs if he drew them nicely enough- “besides, i think it would just be fun to experience that with friends. it would be kind of funny if we both ended up making frankenstein sort of creations rather than the mugs we were hoping to make. and- i heard that playing with clay was sort of therapeutic. it could be fun!”
ever since dayeon was young, she hadn’t been afraid of being true to her emotions, and while she continued to keep that belief, she had seen firsthand how some of her fellow trainees seemed to mistake emotions as weaknesses. frankly, dayeon understands where they’re coming from. really, she does from a fundamental point of view. it’s the idea that emotions end up making someone vulnerable which is pretty fatal for a trainee. there are some people out there praying for everybody else’s downfall.
that’s why it’s that much more refreshing to be out with sebastian because he really seems to get where she’s coming from. he doesn’t say anything nasty when she’s completely honest with him, and she genuinely appreciates that. “i’ll definitely keep that in mind,” she tells him before giving him a playful wink and taking a look back down at her mug.
“yes, i heard that too! it’s like how babies play with sand and stuff to help their sense of touch. we should go do that next time! return to our childhoods and whatnot.” it felt a bit weird to say that considering they were both pretty young right now, but it also seemed like time was ticking by as trainees. “before we really start getting busy!” this is dayeon’s way of saying that she’s certain that the company will have plans for both of us, and by plans she means a debut.
he nudged his shoulder with hers, and sebastian felt himself relax when dayeon seemed to take his words well, his own lips curling upwards into a soft smile. it was something he had to remind himself as well. he had spent too much time trying to be someone he was not when younger, and a smile on his lips was the easiest thing to fake. now, much older, he had an other facade on, a mask of coldness, and though it might not be the same thing, he was learning to let it melt away, reminding himself to be kind to himself and others. it was easy to offer advice, and easier to ignore it as well.
“i’ll keep it in mind as well.” he promised softly, feeling comfortable in the atmosphere they had seemed to build together. he can’t remember the last time he did something for fun, the last time he wasn’t thinking about practice and improving himself further, even more. it was nice.
“sort of like kinetic sand.” sebastian perked up, remembering how he used to play with it when he was younger, “i had some when i was a kid. it was really relaxing honestly. sometimes, i wished i had some with me at all times. but it wouldn’t be really convenient. could you imagine carrying a small box filled with sand, and when you start feeling a sort of way, you take it out in front of everyone and start squishing it? i’m afraid people would think we’ve grown a second head, or something.” he snorted, letting his mug rest on the table to dry before starting to add more details, immediately catching onto what dayeon hinted at, feeling his heart skip a beat, and then two. “yeah… i- i would like that.” he breathed out, hands trembling, he couldn’t believe at times how close he was to his dream, “even when we start getting busy, let’s try and meet up to do something like this again. it’s nice to be grounded and humbled sometimes, don’t you think?”
while he’s uncertain of the cleanliness of the air, robby inhales a deep breath of it; the scent of the metropolitan area around him fueling his excitement as if it were gasoline being pumped into his engine. he knows that nights like this won’t come often once he debuts, so he wants to make the most of them now; wants to cement these memories into his mind whenever his career path brings inevitable loneliness, anxiety, and stress. while he’s never been one to live in the past, recollecting times like this, especially when the blueness is hard to escape, will guide him like they’re a northern star of some sort. so, giving himself fully to the moment, he escapes the confines of his mind and hones in on his comrade; grinning as his cheek is poked. he pretends to “wipe off” the physical affection, then sticks his tongue out toward his senior—adoring that neither of them subscribe to the societal norms korea enforces.
“well, i’m glad you think i look nice, too,” robby begins, nudging sebby with his elbow. “believe it or not, i can pull a look together. i’ve got taste.” though, when his lip gloss is mentioned, he playfully rolls his eyes and puckers his lips toward his pal. “tastes like passionfruit, if you wanna give it a go...” robby teases, emphasizing his facetiousness with a wink. his flirtation toward his cohorts is often non-serious, and he’s typically pretty straightforward if it ever is, but with sebby, there’s a stronger sense of brotherhood as opposed to romantic inclinations. at least in robby’s point of view. “you’re definitely the makeup fiend, but what if i just wanted to look nice for you, huh? what if i didn’t want you to one-up me, so i put more effort into myself?” both are valid points, and both are true. sebby’s beautiful, he’s gotta keep up.
as they go through the motions to gain entrance into their destination, robby shrugs at sebby’s sweetness; offering him a smile. “i mean it, though. i’m glad you think it’s cute, but believe me when i say that nothing’ll happen to you if i’m around.” nodding at the reassurance, his grin widens at the other’s shyness; finding it adorable. there’s a slight temptation to lean in and give him a peck on the cheek, but robby refrains; knowing that they’re in public and displays of affection aren’t exactly treated with kindness as far as he’s aware. “it’s my pleasure, babe. thank you for agreeing to come with me. i know this isn’t really your vibe a lot of the time, but i have a feeling you’ll have a good time. if you don’t, we’ll never do this again and you can say you’ve at least tried it.” suddenly, he feels a tight grip on his hand, and as they’re allowed entry, he’s tugged into the moody interior—the music already making his limbs groove.
before he knows it, he’s smackdab in the center of the floor with sebby before him, and at the question presented, he nods; immediately into the idea. “oh, you know it,” robby lilts, hands motioning forward to possessively grab onto his friend’s hips, pulling him closer. the song that’s playing is paced in a manner that’s not too fast, or too slow, and the instant the beat registers in his musculature, he begins to move—knowing sebby will fall into syncopation shortly thereafter, their training boosting their synergy. “let’s make all these dudes wish they could go home with us tonight.”
there was something about the current moment that nearly seemed sacred. sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he had went out for fun, for himself. as robby had said, this wasn’t his usual sort of scene. not for lack of interest, more so far lack of freedom, and the state of fear he had lived in while growing up. he wouldn’t have ever been able to head out dressed like this, cheekbones bright with highlighter, lips lined and shiny. his parents would have simultaneously thrown a fit, and thrown him out as well. he wouldn’t think of it. he didn’t live with them any longer, and it had been a long time since he had last seen them, spoken to them. still, scars like that would take ages to heal, at least that was what his therapist had said, and if he was a little younger, he would have scoffed and turned his head the other way, but ever since moving to south korea he had steeled himself, and steadied himself as he tried to walk on the road of self-healing and acceptance– and well– somehow along the way, he had found himself with one of his friends at a club. a place he would have never seen himself in prior, but it was always something he had wanted to experience at least once.
he couldn’t have done it with anyone else.
the compliment didn’t go unnoticed. this was also something he struggled with at times. accepting that he liked to be called pretty, beautiful, after all these years of pushing it away, folding it neatly into a box and locking it up. it was hard to express what he needed, robby seemed to offer affirmation as easy at it was to breathe. he wished he could thank him, offer him the words that would express how they seem to settle his rapidly beating heart, the anxiety that was coiling up and twisting soon relaxing and settling into his bones, a heaviness that was grounding, and despite the eyes on him, on both of them, the usual feeling of distaste melted away, and instead was replaced with confidence, matching the younger male who was right in front of him, hands on his hips, steadying him and reminding him of just where they were, and with who he was with. his friend.
“it’s not a competition.” he spoke softly, but just loud enough to be heard over the music, the thrumming bass. he let his arms hook around robby’s shoulders, and stepped forward to close the distance between them, lips quirking upwards into a coy smile, eyes shining bright as he had them sway side to side before swivelling his hips with purpose, now this type of dancing, he could do. “thank you, though. you look just as pretty as i do, if not more.” he complimented his friend softly, and as they moved to the music, he peered over his friend’s shoulder to take in their surroundings, catching the gazes of a few onlookers, eyes on them, and not straying as they danced, it gave him an idea, robby’s words lighting him up and ushering him forward with purpose.
he tugged the red haired male forward and let their foreheads rest together, and now they were close enough for their chests to touch, hips barely grazing each other, and he leaned in, ducking his head to rest his chin on his shoulder, fingers splayed firmly onto his shoulders, “don’t look just yet, but we have some guys checking us out, but that’s not nearly enough. i think we need to be a bit more bold. what do you think?” his actions were coy now as he pulled away, eyes dancing with mirth as he leaned in to catch one of their spectator’s gaze, letting his lips brush against robby’s cheek, giggling softly.
At first, there had been such hope when she had half-auditioned and that had wanted to see more-- wanted to fly her away from everything she knew and have her train to be a performer. It almost seemed too good to be true, and in a way... it was. She never realized until she arrived that she was essentially a drop in a very big pond. Granted-- a hand selected drop, but a drop nonetheless. She was good, but she wasn't great. Aka, there was no way she could debut unless she proved it, and after getting this far, she wasn't about to give up.
There's always a room empty usually, and as usual she finds herself occupied with honing her vocal skills the best she could, meticulous vocal warmups followed by attempting to hit notes she had seen other trainees do. She was actually pretty good at hiding her frustration when Sebastian had stepped in, but she wasn't upset by the company. Seb was good, especially where vocals were concerned. And she hadn't realized time has passed so quickly, offering a stretch of long limbs as she sits beside him, taking a gulp of water from her bottle, not realizing her throat was so dry anyway. She sighs a bit, a small smile forming on her features. "I hope so. I feel... like I'm running out of time maybe." There's a biting of her lip, nervousness gracing her features. "How... how long did it take you? To get good, I mean."
sebastian knew how it felt to feel frustrated, upset with his lack of growth. it was something he had struggled with for a while, still did when it came to dancing, and other areas of performances that didn’t touch singing. he was just good at hiding it, faking it until he made it, he supposed. still, it was hard to see someone else feeling so low, being so hard on themselves. the blond hesitated, unsure of what to say at first. words weren’t his strong suit, he always stumbled, had a hard time sharing what he felt; he could try though.
“i practiced a lot.” he admitted after a little while, licking at his lower lip slowly, feeling his cheeks flush, almost as if ashamed of the memories that were running through his mind, “i wasn’t good at first. really. i started off with instruments at a young age. my grandparents were the ones who taught me. singing came much later. i wasn’t very good at it.” he shifted closer to gia and offered her a small, hesitant smile, lightly nudging their knees together in silent comfort, making sure she knew she had a kindred spirit in him. “it was hard to find the right balance. i tried to do it alone, but ended up needing a teacher. at the end, i was hard on myself as well, very judgemental too. i was my worst critic, and i somehow managed to hold myself back instead of improving. you’re doing really well, and there’s always enough time. there’s no time limit with these things. your singing isn’t your sole talent either, is it? and to be honest… i’m still learning and getting better. there’s so much for me to improve on. it helps when you have people to rely on and someone there with you, though. do you have… something like that?”
Sungho paid close attention to Sebastian’s words, but noticed the blonde’s quick and almost imperceptible glances towards his disheveled chopped vegetables on the cutting board. Despite this, Sungho didn’t take offense and found the situation quite amusing. He had his best friend back, and he wouldn’t be jeopardizing that again. “At least you admit it’ll be crappy,” he playfully grumbled, throwing a sideways glance at the other with his crooked grin. He minded his time (and tongue) by slicing the vegetables into smaller pieces, hoping the last-minute touches were enough.
“Feed me? My many chefs and their cooks. Or Jae will cook for me, I don’t know. I’ll learn the basics, don’t worry, I won’t be completely useless.” Sungho laughed along with him, “Nah, don’t worry.” After the conclusion of the show, it dawned on him that he had become excessively self-satisfied what’s familiar to him and now he was confronted the potential of being left to his own devices. Since throughout his time as a trainee, he heavily relied on the safety net it offered. A comfort that was soon to be absent. The goal and hope of Sungho’s, of course. And leave it to Sebastian to be a real-life reminder Sungho should probably tighten up, get ahead of the game.
So, he did as instructed, oiled up the pan set aside for him, slid the vegetables over from the cutting board, and got a wooden spoon to stir everything together. “—And wait, my precious son born in the dark.” He said in unison, gloating as he stood over Sebastian, laughing, "I told you, I’m a pro. But um, should I add any spices?”
“you’re going to rely on jae to cook for you?” sebastian’s voice was rather disbelieving as he turned to peer at sungho, raising an eyebrow, unable to hide the snort escaped him, honestly quite amused at thought of seeing their friend in the kitchen trying to cook something up- “he isn’t- i mean, he’s all right, but he isn’t the best either. i’m pretty sure i saw him burn toast once, or something by accident.” he muttered the last bit to himself with a quiet laugh, expression growing fond, feeling his cheeks flush when he thought of the taller male too much.
he shook his head and turned his attention back to his friend, his best friend, and felt himself soften even more if possible. quite embarrassing, but this was one of the few people he kept close to his heart, and wanted to have beside him for a long time. friendships were weird like that, and call him a bit clingy, but he made it one of his life long goals to create bonds that would last forever. a wild dream, wasn’t it? still, standing beside sungho, he felt thankful he was able to have this easy sort of companionship, the push and pull was natural, and it spoke levels of just how comfortable they had become when together with each other. he nudged their shoulders together lightly, gently chastising his friend, voice soft, and filled with warmth regardless, “cooking is a skill, even if it’s not used to impress others, i would be worried if you didn’t know how to at least make basic meals.”
he trailed off at the end, peering at the chopped vegetables, nodding his head and offering the male a sponge so he could clean the cutting board, “perfect, now wash it, and we can go ahead and start chopping up the chicken for this fried rice dish we’re going to make.” he smiled slowly, lips twitching upwards at the corner, eyes bright with amusement when sungho completed his quote and met him half way, visibly please, “do you know what episode it was from, though?"
“you’re going to rely on jae to cook for you?” sebastian’s voice was rather disbelieving as he turned to peer at sungho, raising an eyebrow, unable to hide the snort escaped him, honestly quite amused at thought of seeing their friend in the kitchen trying to cook something up- “he isn’t- i mean, he’s all right, but he isn’t the best either. i’m pretty sure i saw him burn toast once, or something by accident.” he muttered the last bit to himself with a quiet laugh, expression growing fond, feeling his cheeks flush when he thought of the taller male too much.
he shook his head and turned his attention back to his friend, his best friend, and felt himself soften even more if possible. quite embarrassing, but this was one of the few people he kept close to his heart, and wanted to have beside him for a long time. friendships were weird like that, and call him a bit clingy, but he made it one of his life long goals to create bonds that would last forever. a wild dream, wasn’t it? still, standing beside sungho, he felt thankful he was able to have this easy sort of companionship, the push and pull was natural, and it spoke levels of just how comfortable they had become when together with each other. he nudged their shoulders together lightly, gently chastising his friend, voice soft, and filled with warmth regardless, “cooking is a skill, even if it’s not used to impress others, i would be worried if you didn’t know how to at least make basic meals.”
he trailed off at the end, peering at the chopped vegetables, nodding his head and offering the male a sponge so he could clean the cutting board, “perfect, now wash it, and we can go ahead and start chopping up the chicken for this fried rice dish we’re going to make.” he smiled slowly, lips twitching upwards at the corner, eyes bright with amusement when sungho completed his quote and met him half way, visibly please, “do you know what episode it was from, though?"
“yellow really is a pretty color.” sebastian complimented her gently, honest with the words being said, he really enjoyed it, almost as much as he enjoyed pastel colors, blue and greens. it reminded him of spring time, happiness and joy, something soft and tender. if he could, he’d make his own mug yellow as well, but he steeled himself, his grandparents loved blue, and loved the sky, star gazing. he spent many nights with them cloud watching, going on picnics with them. he missed them. the heart truly did miss its loved ones strongly.
he decided not to think of it. he would get to see them soon, he spoke to them nearly every day, calling them, sending cute messages, face timing- he wasn’t with them physically, but he could be with them like this. they had made a bunch of plans for his next day off, and he couldn’t wait to be with them. “yellow always reminded me of sunshine. it feels fitting for you.” he said instead, complimenting her softly, he peered at his own mug, he wasn’t the best at painting, but it was fun, and he thought it was cute. the ceramic was covered in blue, and he slowly added the clouds, white spanning over the top where the rim was.
“do you think this looks good? should i add butterflies or flowers?” he asked dayeon softly, feeling his own cheeks flush at the thought of having a friend and being able to hang out like this more often. “yeah, next time. there’s this cute cafe where you can actually make mugs from scratch too. pottery? i think it would be fun. i heard that using your hands to make things can be really satisfying and also stress reducing. anxiety inducing? maybe we can do that together, if you like? we could exchange the mugs too, it would be a sort of cute souvenir for our friendship. i mean- if you’d like! of course.”
when dayeon came up to seoul on her own, she made a promise to both herself and her family that she’ll do her best to remain positive. that was a personal motto she kept for herself ever since she learned that the only thing she could possibly control in this world was her own emotions. it made sense on the surface, but it was difficult to execute. dayeon struggled with it herself at times, but she still made sure that she tried her best to have a good outlook on her life.
that’s why she’s kind of proud when sebastian mentions that he reminds her of sunshine. that means that she’s been living the way that she’s been wanting. despite the trainee life being rough and quite demanding, dayeon’s been able to remain true to herself. that was something to be proud of, right? “thank you! it may sound a little cliche, but i kind of really like hearing that,” she tells him with a scrunch of her nose. his words are the last piece of confirmation she needs before she reaches over and grabs the sunshine yellow color that’s laid out in front of them.
upon hearing his question, she looks over at his own mug and lets out a hum. “i think butterflies would be a great touch! although, flowers might be easier to draw? i’m just not talented enough, so i’d go with flowers, but my actual vote is butterflies,” she tells him once more with a nod of her head. her eyes widen at the cafe that he talks about, and she’s already excited and making plans in her head. “i would love that! oooh, that sounds like so much fun!” it practically leaves her lips as a squeal, but she’s so happy with merely the thought. “i don’t know how good i’d be though. you’ll probably end up with like a squashed up mug.”
“i’m glad…” sebastian trailed off, feeling his cheeks flush, a tad bit embarrassed from the words he let out, but not stepping down or taking them back, after all, he meant every word he had said, he was just not used to speaking so honestly. “just..” he hesitated, staring intently at the mug he had placed in front of him, and if he stared any harder, he worried he would have set it on fire with how much he was glaring at it, stewing over his words, “sometimes the sun can get tired of shining. so– i guess what i’m trying to say is to not to be too hard on yourself if there are days where you feel like you can’t be as bright as you wish to be.”
there, he had said it, it wasn’t too hard, was it? he let his eyes dart to the side, peering at dayeon, offering her a small smile before grabbing a smaller paintbrush to dip in the paint, deciding to try and make some flowers and some butterflies. after all, both would look cute- but she was right, maybe starting with the flowers would be easier, after all. that was exactly what he did, lining the bottom of the mug with green lines, they would be the stems on with the flowers would rest on.
“i don’t think i would manage to make a mug either. i think it would end up just being a sort of pancake mug, or like- a smooshed plate.” he snorted, pausing from when he was just about to start drawing the bulbs of the flowers- he had decided to go with roses, they would contrast nicely against the baby blue sky he had previously made, and look pretty on the mugs if he drew them nicely enough- “besides, i think it would just be fun to experience that with friends. it would be kind of funny if we both ended up making frankenstein sort of creations rather than the mugs we were hoping to make. and- i heard that playing with clay was sort of therapeutic. it could be fun!”
Still indifferent, Chaeyeon flicked her thick hair back, as if it was a trouble to her. Engaging in casual conversation and exchanging pleasantries with unfamiliar people did not pique her interest; not so early in the morning. However, she found delight in receiving flattering remarks as they heightened her self-confidence and brightened her fox-like features, much like the way she felt when the blonde paid her a compliment. 'Tap, tap, tap,' A finger laid on her headphones. "I couldn't hear you." She said plainly, "But I'm all ears, now." Chaeyeon was utterly ignorant of the chance she’s capable of wrongdoing. And she doesn't mind keeping the conversation going. She looked back to see how far the line moved and took a step back and a half back while facing Sebastian.
Once he pokes Chaeyeon, it's a game to her. She could be sickly sweet if tempted enough, and the blonde seemed to have a bite to him, much to her amusement. "Not many have a good eye, like yours. It's a vintage Rolex timepiece, with original leather bands." A gift she should cherish more, but looking down at the watch, emotions did not bubble up inside her. She shrugged, "Oh, let's talk after you order? One second." After placing her order and collecting her coffee, she gave him a brief smile before stepping aside. When they met again, she tilted her head and smiled once more. "Hm, what's your name? I'm Kim Chaeyeon."
there was something about the woman in front of him that intrigued sebastian. he wondered if it was her personality, the expressions on her face, though minuscule and flighty, he wondered if she was disinterested, or didn’t care all together about what he had to say. it was oddly amusing. he hadn’t met anyone like that in a while. though he liked to pretend that much didn’t phase him, it was a half truth. in fact, he had way too many feelings, too sensitive and at times the mask he had perfectly constructed would break and fall, crumbling to the ground. he prided himself in the coldness in which he stood, in how he froze whatever he touched, but it was a ruse, and he was simply waiting for someone to call him out for it.
he stepped forward and took his order, a chocolate filled croissant, and a french vanilla, craving something sweet. he stepped forward to stand beside the dark haired female, eyes dropping onto the watch she had spoken of, taking in the leather band, and the piece of jewellery, he wondered if it had history, if there was a meaning to wearing such statement piece, or if it was just for the fashion of it all. he supposed he would figure that out sooner than later, regardless. “my name is sebastian choi. it’s nice to meet you.” he offered her a matching grin, his head tilting to the side as well, “do you enjoy wearing vintage pieces to express yourself? i find that an interesting choice, if so.”
Jae started his day early with a meditation session. He was introduced to meditation at a young age as a way to cope with the passive-aggressive tension in his household. Despite initially being wary of the "rough" boys he hung out with, they never turned on him and eventually welcomed him as a bro. However, his mother was not fond of this crowd and introduced him to meditation as a means of calming his mind. To Jae, meditation was more than just a way to give thanks; it was a way to unlock something within himself and don his armor for the day ahead. This routine has since become a daily morning ritual for him.
Earlier this morning, Jae enjoyed a brief yet satisfying breakfast before embarking on his day's activities. With ample time remaining in his schedule, he intended to incorporate a workout routine into his schedule. The prospect of meeting up with Sebastian inspired a sense of excitement within him, imbuing him with an invigorating sensation.
Jae, coming back home from his workout, time dwindles down until his 'crush' arrived. It should bear no secret of the lust and admiration Jae has for Sebastian. His nerves evolved into anxiousness. Jae's heart raced with anticipation as he eagerly anticipated Sebby's arrival. The warmth of Sebby's smile and the inviting twinkle in his eyes was enough to make Jae feel like he was on top of the world. After a quick shower, Jae slipped into a pair of stylish Cavalli pants and a crisp white button-up shirt, leaving the top six buttons undone to reveal his toned chest. Before leaving, he indulged in a spritz of his favorite cologne, Gypsy Water, which had a warm and enticing scent that was perfect for the occasion. As he waited for Sebby to arrive, Jae went the extra mile to prepare the atmosphere, making sure that everything was just right. He found himself checking his phone every few minutes, eager for any updates from Sebby and excited for what the night might bring.
As soon as he caught sight of the message, he hastened to the entrance. He meticulously inspected his reflection in the mirror, and in a matter of moments, he felt a presence drawing near. The beast within him stirred, a sign of the person's proximity. Despite feeling nervous, he couldn't help but flash an amused grin, showcasing his dazzlingly white teeth that only added to his irresistible charm.
As he held the door open for his date, his eyes never left Sebastian's. His countenance remained neutral for a moment, but gradually a smile emerged, spreading across his face. "Welcome, my dear," he said softly, taking Sebastian's hand and lightly kissing the back of it. "Can I grab those from you?" he asked kindly, gesturing towards Sebastian's belongings. Before taking them, he tenderly lifted Sebastian's chin with his hand. "You take my breath away," he whispered, gazing deeply into Sebastian's eyes. With a gentle touch, he led Sebastian into his abode, where the air was filled with soft music and the sweet scent of roses. In the kitchen, he opened his arms wide and grinned. "Sooo, what do you think?" he inquired, eager for Sebastian's response.
as soon as the door opened, sebastian let the fragility of the moment wash over him. this was something new, different for the both of them. sure, in england they had some impromptu dates, but that was before when they both knew that the time they had shared together was temporary. this was lasting. this was something they both had wanted to be done repetitively, at least he had hoped so. he felt his cheeks burn when jae tilted his chin up, his words washing through him, and he remembered how nervous he was to have put on a skirt in the first place, he should have known that he had nothing to worry about, not when the taller male was so into fashion just like he was, and wasn’t judgemental at all about these things- still, he couldn’t have helped but to feel just a tad bit nervous, he was going on a date with him, and he was someone he liked- and wanted to impress.
his words reassure him and help him relax, eyes meeting jae’s, he felt himself melt at the proximity, his cheeks burning, he leaned in on his toes to press a soft kiss onto his lips, before tilting his head to peck at his cheek lightly, his lips lingering. he pulled away to take a look at his date, eyes roaming over his figure, his clothing, he always looked unfairly attractive when dressed up, it made him want to just keep him in his pocket and hide him forever, not wanting anyone to see just how good he looked- shaking his head, he let out a small giggle, the nervousness he felt dissipating, letting the younger male grab his bag, his other hand reaching out to hold his date’s, fingers lacing, he squeezed his palm, voice soft, admittedly shy as he spoke, heart racing and skipping a beat, tripping over itself, “you look really good too, love.”
he bit at his lower lip and followed his date into his apartment, taking in the decor, how everything smelled nice- did jae even clean up the room some? sebastian laughed softly, pleased to see so much effort was taken to impress him, and he felt touched, and jaeyoung’s smile, and how excited he seemed to have him with him just eased his mind even more. “everything looks so lovely. it looks like you spent a lot of time fixing things up to impress me.” he teased his friend gently, eyes bright as he peered at the taller male, still in awe at how much time the other had spent prettying himself up for their date, he felt excitement bubble inside of him- honestly just so happy that they could spend this moment together and hopefully start something new together. he had a feeling that this would be the first of many.
“i was thinking… we could have a picnic? i made us a lot of food- in the bag, and baked some, even made some of your favorites.” his voice turned soft, easily slipping into english, it was comforting to know that he could speak his mother tongue with someone so important to him, it made him feel closer to jae, and he hoped the other felt the same. he helped him place his bag down onto the table, hands reaching out to fully cup his cheeks this time, leaning on his toes to knock their foreheads together, sebastian felt emboldened, letting himself fall into the warmth and affection he was feeling, wanting to drown in it, and he didn’t feel worried or scared knowing that he wasn’t alone in this current situation, that jaeyoung was tumbling along with him, matching his current pace, “we could go outside and find a park, or even do it in the backyard if you like- or.. we could do something cosy and build a blanket fort here, if you like? i don’t know if you have fairy lights, but it would be cute to cuddle there, and well- we could be as affectionate as we like as well here, if you like. whatever you prefer. i’m just really happy we’re doing this.”
Jae and Sebastian sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company and the peacefulness of the moment. The sound of the wind rustling through the trees outside provided a soothing background noise that added to the calming atmosphere. Jae had always felt a deep connection with Sebastian, and it was moments like this that solidified that feeling. The chemistry between Jae and Sebastian had a profound impact on Jae’s senses. The warmth of Sebastian’s body provided soothing energy that penetrated deep within Jae. Sebastian’s coy, yet comfortable smile sent reassuring signals to Jae. As they fluffed the blanket, soft notes of floral and linen wafted towards Jae’s nose. Sebastian commented on the pleasant scent but also complimented Jae’s current state, bringing forth an arrogant smirk. Despite that, Jae cherished their friendship and was grateful for the warmth, love, and infectious smile that Sebastian always greeted him with.
Jae had made moves recently to possibly take their ‘friendship’ to the next level — but the question has yet to be asked. Sebastian’s question about anime and desserts is what broke his attention. “Yea for sure, I’d love to watch Naruto, but that’s my suggestion — what’re you thinking?” Jae shifted his body a bit, to slightly face Sebby - both of their bodies perfectly cradles among each other as two turtle doves. “…and did I hear you mention cookies and cakes? Oh Sebastian, you know the way to my heart.” Jae jocularly ran his fingers through Sebby’s hair and grazed his chin. One of Jae’s love languages most definitely involved food. Not only did he love to eat, but he became overjoyed when it’s being offered to be made for him. One of the many qualities he loves about Sebby is his cooking. Memories of the two of them, spending nights together in London — both of them comfortable in their undies, Sebby in the kitchen baking something sweet, while Jae sat back and admired from a few feet away.
Jae’s heart was pounding as he looked at Sebby. He couldn’t help but feel drawn to him, captivated by his beauty. He had been struggling with his feelings for Sebby for a while now, unsure if they were mutual or if he was just imagining things. But as he gazed into Sebby’s eyes, he felt a spark of hope. Sebby’s expression remained neutral, but Jae couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something there. He had to take the chance, to see if there was any possibility of a romantic connection between them. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to Sebby’s, feeling the softness and warmth against his own. For a moment, everything else faded away. Jae was lost in the sensation of kissing Sebby, his heart soaring with the hope that maybe, just maybe, Sebby felt the same way. When he pulled back, he searched Sebby’s face for any sign of what he was feeling.
sebastian remembered when he was younger and used to live with his parents, he had wondered if love was worth it. at that time, it felt like a curse, why else would the love being shown to him hurt so much? he hadn’t understood it as a child, content with chasing after something fictional, a dream, something that was dangled to him but never offered unconditionally, soft and kind words were only told when they had wanted to punish him and hurt him afterwards- he grew up jaded and hurt, heart cold, a wall built around it to protect himself, and he had promised himself that he wouldn’t fall in love willingly, and those who had wanted his affection would have to prove to him that they wouldn’t take his heart and rip it into shreds like just like they did– he didn’t like to admit it, but he spent much of his adult life struggling with wanting to be loved, and accepting that he deserved any form of affection that was given to him.
being pressed close to jae brought back memories of when they had first met. the shared kisses, the hand holding, the cuddles, affection that he ached to received, wanting to have so bad, but never knew exactly how to say it, always waiting for the other to offer it too him, almost as if he felt he didn’t deserve such kindness. there was so much he had wanted to say on the last day they had spent together, but all he could offer was a small smile, a wave, and “let’s try and keep in contact.” the blond male has spent many nights after that overthinking, wondering if he had done the right thing, and if he wasn’t so weak and damaged, maybe he could have said what was threatening to slip out of his mouth, words that died in his throat when he saw jae, and when they had to walk away. they met up again after a few years, and the emotions came back to him, and hit him like a truck. it came back to him like a freight train. he had spent so many years being afraid, overthinking and trying to make sense of everything, he refused to let an other opportunity slip by and ruin his happiness. he deserved some kindness, and deserved to be kind to himself as well.
he could have this, couldn’t he? he was allowed to, and he-
he startled when he felt pressure onto his lips, his thoughts slipping away, full of jaeyoung, the man before him who had cupped his cheeks, curled his fingers under his jaw. the pressure was startling, and yet comforting, and whatever that was running through his mind just melted away into a mess of jibberish. and oh, this was nice.
sebastian had wanted to tell him that they could watch whatever as long as he was with jae, he was happy just to be close to him, pressed against him like this, that he would bake for him whenever, all he had to do was ask, he would do anything just to see him smile and his eyes shine. he wanted to tell jaeyoung so much, but all he could do when he felt him move away was let out a small noise in distress, his own hands reaching out to press into the base of his neck, fingers curling around the skin, gently touching as he pulled him back into his orbit, and leaned in to kiss him once more, this time with feeling, lips parting, wanting convey just how much he cared for him and how much he wanted him.
sebastian remembered when he was younger and used to live with his parents, he had wondered if love was worth it. at that time, it felt like a curse, why else would the love being shown to him hurt so much? he hadn’t understood it as a child, content with chasing after something fictional, a dream, something that was dangled to him but never offered unconditionally, soft and kind words were only told when they had wanted to punish him and hurt him afterwards- he grew up jaded and hurt, heart cold, a wall built around it to protect himself, and he had promised himself that he wouldn’t fall in love willingly, and those who had wanted his affection would have to prove to him that they wouldn’t take his heart and rip it into shreds like just like they did– he didn’t like to admit it, but he spent much of his adult life struggling with wanting to be loved, and accepting that he deserved any form of affection that was given to him.
being pressed close to jae brought back memories of when they had first met. the shared kisses, the hand holding, the cuddles, affection that he ached to received, wanting to have so bad, but never knew exactly how to say it, always waiting for the other to offer it too him, almost as if he felt he didn’t deserve such kindness. there was so much he had wanted to say on the last day they had spent together, but all he could offer was a small smile, a wave, and “let’s try and keep in contact.” the blond male has spent many nights after that overthinking, wondering if he had done the right thing, and if he wasn’t so weak and damaged, maybe he could have said what was threatening to slip out of his mouth, words that died in his throat when he saw jae, and when they had to walk away. they met up again after a few years, and the emotions came back to him, and hit him like a truck. it came back to him like a freight train. he had spent so many years being afraid, overthinking and trying to make sense of everything, he refused to let an other opportunity slip by and ruin his happiness. he deserved some kindness, and deserved to be kind to himself as well.
he could have this, couldn’t he? he was allowed to, and he-
he startled when he felt pressure onto his lips, his thoughts slipping away, full of jaeyoung, the man before him who had cupped his cheeks, curled his fingers under his jaw. the pressure was startling, and yet comforting, and whatever that was running through his mind just melted away into a mess of jibberish. and oh, this was nice.
sebastian had wanted to tell him that they could watch whatever as long as he was with jae, he was happy just to be close to him, pressed against him like this, that he would bake for him whenever, all he had to do was ask, he would do anything just to see him smile and his eyes shine. he wanted to tell jaeyoung so much, but all he could do when he felt him move away was let out a small noise in distress, his own hands reaching out to press into the base of his neck, fingers curling around the skin, gently touching as he pulled him back into his orbit, and leaned in to kiss him once more, this time with feeling, lips parting, wanting convey just how much he cared for him and how much he wanted him.
