Second Coffee

Lookin' for art and words

[emptysoul-animavuota]

-La tristezza è causata dall'intelligenza. Più comprendi certe cose e più vorresti non comprenderle.

Charles Bukowski. (via emptysoul-animavuota)

I don’t speak italian but I have a feeling I agree with this

[trashboat]

i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

[trashboat]

i got so high last night that i started ghostwriting for a golden retriever apparently

[secondcoffee]

I didn’t write it by I stand by it hard 

[algernonmoncrieff]

in this post, i will detail my rankings and reasons thereof of the sluttiness level of every character in hamlet, or their “ho ratio,” if you will,

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

wh

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

w

[butim-justharry-deactivated2019]

where’s the rest of the post op

[ofgeography]

HAMLET ho-ratio: 11/10. thirty years old and somehow still going through his emo phase. definitely tried to convince ophelia that blue balls was a serious medical condition. has συμφορά tattooed on his bicep. probably makes out with skulls.

OPHELIA ho-ratio: 5/10. probably would have boned hamlet if he wasn’t SUCH a turd about asking. learned kissing from her maidservants. annoyed to have died a virgin but preferred death to sexual intimacy with literally anybody in the danish court. 

LAERTES ho-ratio: 7/10. spent his youth in paris, presumably being very french about sex. grew up fencing with hamlet, so it can be assumed they touched dicks at least once, on a dare. nice boy, tries hard, loves the game. very relieved to die before accidentally fathering a child with someone he’d have to keep secret from his father.

GERTRUDE ho-ratio: 6/10. gamely tried to bone only her first husband for the first two years of marriage before giving up on him ever getting good at it and took her business elsewhere. will try anything once, provided claudius lets her try it on him first. comfortable with nonmonogamy, but not polyamory, because she doesn’t want to have to care about more than one person’s emotional wellbeing. 

CLAUDIUS ho-ratio: 10/10, which is also the number of chefs in the court who wish he would stop doing naked bikram yoga in the kitchens. 

HORATIO ho-ratio: 0/10. unproblematic. pure as the driven snow. all sexual fantasies are filled with enthusiastic consent and respectful lovemaking. wants his first time to be special, with a person he loves. has kissed one person in his whole life and refused to brag about it to his friends. “if you’re asking me how many times I’ve been in love, the answer is two. but the rest I won’t talk about.” 

YORRICK ho-ratio: 2/10. literally a skull. made out with hamlet. not proud of it.

THE GHOST ho-ratio: 3/10. won’t shut up about his ex-wife during sexual encounters. generally unsexy to be around. very cold.

POLONIUS ho-ratio: 7/10. just happy, and surprised, to be here.

ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN ho-ratio: 13/10. exclusively engage in threesomes. always down to experiment. well-known on campus for hosting parties with competitive Sexy Poetry Readings, which is when guests are invited to recite poetry naked, and instead of applause are given kisses. just here to have a good time. unfairly murdered. gone 2 soon. always in our hearts.

THE PIRATES ho-ratio: 15/10. all pirates are sluts for treasure.

FORTINBRAS ho-ratio: 2/10. just a soft beefcake looking for a nice girl. confused by denmark. probably would have boned hamlet if he hadn’t been dead by the time he got there. 

[tastefullyoffensive]

by Raph Comic

[secondcoffee]

Dare to resist

[doppelt--gemoppelt]

[wtfduolingo]

mich auch

[languageoclock]

[secondcoffee]

My throat is ruined from whatever illness I caught on that plane from Charlotte but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste this opportunity to cover some Bright Eyes songs

[secondcoffee]

A common phenomenon: he who devotes himself to the general does not concern himself with the particular. Thus the meliorists who would make the whole world happy but have no time for an individual.

Stanislaw Lem, Peace on Earth

[wnq-typography]

The Capacity

Read More on wordsnquotes

[eyeholes-in-a-paperbag]

this is so fucking funny

[yyunglame]

[mexicanheaux]

Sometimes u just gotta make yourself a quesadilla and move the fuck on

[mexicanheaux]

The worst part about this post??? People saying “with cheese!” Bitch cheese is literally in the word if it had no cheese it would be a dilla

[astora-deactivated20200904]

in some places a quesadilla doesnt include cheese

[mexicanheaux]

[flowerinaflame]

[miyku]

me playing as Mercy and waiting for my team to group up 

[b-l-u-e-l-u-n-g-s]

Si no eres para mí sal de mis pensamientos y ya déjame vivir.

Veneno - Jesse y Joy  (via b-l-u-e-l-u-n-g-s)

Thank you for your expansive catalog of easily understood breakup songs, Jesse y Joy. It feels a little less self indulgent to process pain in my target language

[eso-humor]

when u can’t decide between tanking and healing

[sesh]

[secondcoffee]

Personally, I never touch the stuff