Secrets of our Sanctum @secretsofoursanctum-blog - Tumblr Blog

CORRECTION: when “I” is replaced with “we” it becomes Dissociative Identity Disorder https://www.instagram.com/p/BsWeCfIngzd/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sus7ne6is0dp

#meme

me, while being abused: it's okay, I'm used to this already, and I'm tough, I can take it.

me, years later when the trauma symptoms hit: I WAS SO WRONG

#meme

pastel-peach-persephone

🍃 Hello friends 🍃

My name is Persephone and I’m a 27 year old, female, host alter in a DID system.

I’d love for my Tumblr to be more open and interactive because I don’t have many of my own friends. This is a side blog, I’ll be following back from @dontshoot-imace I hope that’s okay. Please interact if any one of the following is you:

•You’re in a DID or OSDD system

• You are mentally ill

• You are recovering from an ED (like me)

• You are a university student

• You’re a witch/Wiccan/pagan and mental illness friendly

•Your Tumblr theme is positive vibes, lovecore, aesthetic, pastel, or studyspo

•You like nature and have a lot of love to give

Do not interact if you are a Terf/Map/supporter of either. Do not interact if your blog contains ddlg or heavy Christianity themes (I love you and support your religion but this a PTSD trigger I do not have under control).

Thank you 💕🍀🌸🐾💚💌

I can’t wait to be mutuals with you

kittering-blog

i’m sorry but it’s perfectly understandable that someone wouldn’t want to date someone with mental illnesses. my last gf broke up with me because i was too distant and too spaced out and she needed someone more involved, and that’s fine. some people can’t handle your symptoms, and need to focus on themselves. dating someone who has mental illnesses is difficult, especially when your partner is dealing with issues of their own. it’s okay to break up with someone for your own health and benefit. it’s not your responsibility to fix or save someone. it’s not your responsibility to stay with a mentally ill person. it’s ok to not be able to handle it.

scretladyspider

This is actually a really good point.

Also, if you do choose to date someone with a mental illness, you need to be honest about your boundaries. I’ve dated more than one person who wanted to be my white knight and “rescue” me from my stuff. That doesn’t work for a relationship. It became them enabling me and me trying to push them into a very strict role of caretaker and panicking if this role changed. Now, some of that changing was me recognizing toxic patterns and deciding to continually work on self awareness and emotional maturity on my own - but it’s equally important that the person I’m dating right now tells me when he can’t be the person I talk to about something. Because he’s taking care of himself by saying “hey, that’s something for your therapist”, he’s respecting the relationship by seeing me as a person with issues, instead of a damsel in distress that he can rescue to make himself feel good. I try to respect this by not pushing to keep talking about something if I’ve crossed into that territory. It can hurt to be told “no, that’s too much” - but it’s also really, really important. It wouldn’t be a romantic relationship if he was just another therapist. That’s not what I want from him, and that’s not what he signed up for.

It can take work to date with mental illness, but, with mutual respect and healthy boundaries, it can be done.

And one last note: you have to take steps to take care of your mental health on your own, too. Whatever that means for you, whether it includes medication or not, if it means going to a support group, or cutting out alcohol - you have to do things to help yourself that are independent of your partner. And, even if you have a chronic mental illness, you still need to make sure you’re trying to manage things where you can. That doesn’t mean you have to do it alone, but it cannot be the soul responsibility of your partner. Respect their boundaries.

#Alex

blackviolets-blog1

Reblog if you can see my icon and it is not pixelized.

That means Tumblr has not flagged my profile as “Sensitive”.

So...

Oncologist tomorrow

Fun.

#Alex

ipoetried

listen to yourself and watch your language. instead of saying “sorry for ranting”, say “thank you for listening to me”. instead of saying “sorry that i am overemotional”, say “thank you for trying to understand something difficult”. instead of saying “sorry if i am a burden”, say “thank you for the time and energy you invest in our friendship”. good things will come when you realize you are not an apology.

damesho-deactivated20210114

this is so important. it helps absolve you from self-deprecating thoughts the more you practice this!

foreverpressplay

this is hard

#For Alex

traumaeyed-deactivated20210519

Unrecognized signs of abuse

This list includes signs I exhibited while being abused and afterwards, as well as signs I’ve seen other abused youth display, all of which are less commonly recognized for what they are: red flags in disguise.

Being described as a “perfectionist” or having an extremely competitive attitude to the point of experiencing breakdowns if you are not “the best”

Developing a habit of locking the door to every room you enter, especially when at friends’ houses or your own home, or other places you would be expected to feel safe and welcome at

Excessive daydreaming or fantasizing which may be accompanied by restlessness, pacing, or listening to music, and will often last for hours at a time, and may interfere with daily functioning

Experiencing an inability to relate to your peers which may lead to you creating pseudo relationships or obsessions with fictional characters to replace your lack of social interaction

Refusing to look at yourself in mirrors in public, especially when buying new clothes or going into fitting rooms

Showering in the dark because you are ashamed of your body

Experiencing intense feelings of guilt when someone does something nice for you

Hyperfixation on a hobby such as drawing or writing, which is often used as an outlet and a way to escape the abuse

Purposely making yourself appear unattractive

Being known as the shy or obedient child who never acts out

Possessing an unnatural amount of maturity for your age which many adults may have praised you for

Not knowing how to live, having an “I can survive with the bare minimums” mentality

Hoarding food or other objects in your room such as toiletries so you do not have to leave your room. This may be as severe as going to the bathroom in bottles or cans, or having months worth of dishes piled up around your room

Having an anxiety attack if you’re woken up abruptly or if you wake up to loud noises in your house

Never experiencing sexual interest in others, never going through a “boy phase” or a “girl phase”; alternatively, being hypersexual

Intrusive violent thoughts about small animals or children

Having no sense of belonging since you were a toddler, never feeling connected to your childhood town or house, and feeling alienated among your family members

Feel free to add more to this list. If you or someone else has experienced at least half of these signs, it’s very likely you or them has been through some form of abuse.

#For Alex #Sound familiar kid?

furiousgoldfish

Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.

Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.

Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.

Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.

They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.

Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.

#Alex #reflecting on our own actions and the way we've hurt people #and how we perpetuated cycles of pain #we should have known better #we should have done better #but all I can do now is vow to never hurt someone like that again

Partaking in the blackout

Probably won’t post until after the oncologist on Wednesday.

Yay looking for cancer! /s

the amount of social stigma abused kids have to struggle with is just unreal. I’ve been hearing it from day one that anyone who dares to be openly hurt is only looking for attention.

I’ve been seeing trauma victims stereotyped as oversensitive, needy, trouble and attention seeking, accused of imagining things, and they’re always portrayed as a burden on society and publicly shamed for whatever they’ve gone thru. Any kind of pain or discomfort in children no matter how high, apparently needs to be dealt with as a personal problem and should be kept well away from society who just doesn’t wanna deal with such nonsense.

I’ve seen children who tried to tell the society about abuse only to be shamed, punished and humiliated because “they should have known better” and “they should have taken it better” and “they should just get over themselves”. Even the notion that their life matters and their pain means something and that trauma is devastating their life is looked upon as them being “immature” and “self centered”.

Thanks to all this one big part of being abused and traumatized is the added guilt for needing attention, for needing comfort and reassurance. Survivors are forced to feel selfish and miserable for even considering that it should matter if they’re in pain, that their struggle is important enough to talk about it out loud. We’re told that we’re pathetic and stupid for even thinking we matter, not only by abusers, but by counselors, therapists, media, television, our peers and society at large. How are we supposed to fight it? How are we supposed to heal? How come there’s no path for us to walk on, and the world acts like it would be better if we didn’t exist? We never asked for this. And we don’t deserve it.

All of this, all of the stigma, shaming, apathy and hatred should fall on abusers. Not. Victims.

#For Alex

Well, psych down

Went OK. Next is therapy on Monday

Still freaking out about oncologist on Wednesday.

Then Holidays. Yay!/s

#Alex