Dean can sense Cas’ body next to his, just a silhouette in the dark, warm and alive. Lighting a fire is not a good idea in purgatory, where every fucking monster is hunting you. Benny is on watch a few steps away, sitting on the ground, his back against a tree and a weapon in his hands.
«Ehi, Cas.»
Dean should shut up and sleep and keep the stupid words under his tongue, behind his teeth. Instead, he says Cas’ name as if it’s impossible to fight that need.
Truth is, before all that story about being God, before everything fell to pieces, he and Cas had “something”. Without explanations nor definitions for all the intense staring and the searching hands and the unspoken words.
Then they met again, Cas a mere shell of himself. Cas, with a pretty partner and a quiet life. Cas, with no memories of Dean. And it was like being hit and not fight back, bleeding to death. Because, under the resentment for what happened, under the pain of the betrayal that refused to disappear, there was still that inexplicable “something”.
Cas remembered, eventually, and decided to take responsibility for Sam madness. In that moment, Dean forgave him and, by doing so, he came to terms with the important and undeniable “something” he and Cas shared.
«Yes, Dean?»
And Dean is not ready with a lie, so he goes for the truth.
«I was worried, man.»
«I know, Dean.»
«You left me there, alone, and I had to kill everything that moved just to find you,» he whispers, like they didn’t talk about this as soon as Dean found him.
«I told you, I did it because…»
«I know, I know.“ Dean goes silent for an instant to collect his thoughts. "Damn it, Cas.»
He reaches out for Cas with a trembling hand. His usual worries - the one about what he likes and what he feels he shouldn’t like - are not there. There’s nothing sexual in his movement, just the old need to feel Cas, to reach out and find him close. His fingers run on the trench coat, feeling the solid presence of Cas’ arm and then the skin stretched on his wrist and then his palm. Dean is holding his breath but manages to exhale when Cas answer to his grip without hesitation, like he was waiting for it. Like he’s always been waiting.
That simple, stupid, act becomes a confession. A deep and absolute declaration, bigger than all the others Dean couldn’t make.
"We’re gonna get out of here.»
Dean can almost see the future, he can taste it with the tip of his mind: them, outside of purgatory, exploring the boundaries of their absurd bond, together. Maybe he’s getting naive, maybe he was spending too much time with his brother before purgatory, but he feels some kind of… hope.
Cas moves, pulling him off his thoughts. Dean perceives him moving, leaving his hand and hug him, his head on Dean’s chest. A deep, short sound of satisfaction leaves the hunter’s mouth, a little more than just a breath. Because this is better. This is so much better: Cas is near, warm against his side, sharing the same air.
«We’re gonna get out of here,» Dean says again.
And he’s already sleeping when Cas lets out a resigned sigh.
This is also on Ao3.
My English is not really good (ok, ok, it’s bad), so every correction is welcome! Also, if you want to help me by beta reading some little stuff I’m translating, here are some infos.
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
