Itâs interesting hearing ppl be anti-ace in pride month bc I think a lot of people think about ace spectrum as just, not being interested, and that it therefore affects your life to the same degree as not being interested in like, horror movies or a new AAA game might. That itâs a simple âopt-outâ of any sort of sexual experience or identity altogether, rather than another set of complex interactions with a highly regimented, scripted societal concept of ânormal,â e.g. hetero nuclear family with clear gender roles
Youâd think for a community that focuses so much on the topic of representation in media, it would be a little more obvious that likeâŠin almost every story, romantic/sexual love comes up as a theme or sideplot, and in many of them, itâs presented as a critically important key to happiness or success. As a culture, we recognize that anytime a character is in the same room as another character with the chance for there to be sexual tension, then that sexual tension p much automatically exists by default (assumed straight, but if the characterâs label is revealed as gay,etc., follows accordingly). When the lead guy meets a woman with more than a few speaking lines and a meaningful interaction, they are a Romantic Sideplot, to the point where a lot of romantic writing is frankly lazy or forced-feeling simply bc it relies on ppl expecting it as default.Â
And the thing is, that sort of interaction follows you in real life in a lot of ways. It often feels like meeting people starts with the benchline of âam I or can I become sexually/romantically interested in you?â before moving down the lines of other ways to relate. And while I personally never really fell in the âIâm broken, I need fixedâ mentality regarding my sexuality (demi-, to be clear), I have felt alienated or kept at a distance in the process of trying to disengage with this unspoken norm, to the point of it kind of becoming my default. As Iâve gotten older, itâs gotten more pressing, and it feels like many spaces for adults come with the caveat of being related to potential sexual/romantic availabilityÂ
And itâs hard coming to terms with the fact that the world has designated the âmost important relationshipâ as something thatâs counter to you in some essential way. Like itâs a bit of a cruel realization to recognize that youâre probably always going to be playing second fiddle or be a step down in status to the people you view as most important to you because your relationship with them is not sexual or romantic. Being ace-spectrum is not opting-out of wanting meaningful relationships, but it sometimes comes with the resignation that you may have to accept that.Â
But thatâs why representation and community matter. Thereâs a lot more discussion about things like queerplatonic relationships, about very meaningful but non-sexual ways of relating to others, and itâs awesome to see it come up in media, even if itâs just fanfiction. The notion that something like love, or more specifically, devotion, loyalty, commitment, accountability, compassion, or the act of cherishing/being cherished, can still exist for you outside of the realm of romantic or sexual situations, is something I think everyone deserves to see and understand. And I think thatâs worth including in the discussion alongside other LGBTQ+ topics
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