Discovering You

Poetry and writing to discover you, me, and everything in between

[shaddith]

Don't allow words to suffocate the outline of my personality, it will all cave in if you push too hard sparks fly up, there is only smoke left to breathe, ashes burry houses. Shake you awake as the smoke alarm goes off Every word is a mistake, dismantle it cut the tongue from the base.

[shaddith]

I’m sorry my mouth collapses on the thought of you and someone else I have no place in your skin and my lungs can never dictate where you stand, my voice did not garden your presence, I flooded my hands trying to water the seed of you, I spit out all my teeth trying to keep you warm, My words have only ever been paper they never touched you not like even a syllable off the back of his throat He sneezes poems just for you to bless him

I hope that’s what you wanted 

[shaddith]

A year ago my hands started finding the words to crave out your presence in my history, I used my father's taste buds and his teeth that they themselves made bridges to lands I can not touch, Now, as I sit with the distance, there is no dictionary left, there is no synonym for the color of your eyes, there is only the water marked blue, on the map between us.

I envy those who know a language to describe you

[shaddith]

How can I breathe without you

Six word story #67

[shaddith]

1. Somedays I'm so nervous my tongue swells like an allergic reaction at the thought of responding incorrectly  2. other days ice cubes fall out of my mouth into your palm and Antarctica just hovers there as I Eskimo kiss you in ever sneeze 3. most days I just pick excuses out of my teeth  Try to dig out tombstones of wisdom while flossing the regret from between

What it's like trying to talk to you 

[shaddith]

trying not to breathe in any last echo of you, to savor the dust of your last moon walk, I throw pennies and your bobby pins into wishing wells, calling you back to earth

bakwards with my eyes close

[shaddith]

I trace the outline of your ear With the tongue of my pen Licking its lips where the edge sows on to your neck It's on this seam that I tip toe love letters in foreign languages Biting so softly you do not hear my teeth grinding

Talking to you in your sleep?? Unedited or something

[shaddith]

Together Two queen beds A window that opened A bathroom Something between us Someone being too loud Laughing into myself Looking at you And then Apologizing Starring at you Standing too close Waiting for the right moment Wishing for something that will never come Trying too hard

Hotel on valentines in separate beds

[shaddith]

The warmth was just the alcohol

Six word story #51 "my chest"

[shaddith]

They said the poems about you are beautiful. But hell, if they could have seen the real thing, they would know these are merely words.

//I can't explain you

[shaddith]

I tired to un write you

6 word story #48

[shaddith]

The way you speak of her And her hands The way her mouth moves How she turns you inside out I wish I could figure out how to be delicate How to be something to drown in Someone that people would write poetry about The way your write about her Pulls the words off my teeth And out of my stomach I cough moths The fluttering makes me sick She let you go

Unedited

[shaddith]

It's me and the thought of you sitting in my cold bed starring down a pill bottle like some sunset telescope at the very top of the tallest building and I'm laying on my back trying to see if I can reimagine each of your freckles in the constellations before I poke my eye out and I'll use my last quarter to put another minute in the stars, I'll use it like an alternative to the pay phone say that if I follow that freckle on your hand up past your shoulder and your planet like birthmark if I will happen to reach the star on your cheek and avoid your gaze long enough to kiss your forehead Maybe then we could never talk again and my heart could zip up its change purse and I'll never open my mouth for fear I might throw up any piece of you I have left, and I'm saving them, I tucked you in between my wisdom teeth, mistook you for advice and headed towards a starlight I mistook for dawn, I'm hours in the wrong direction, and have been trying to taste your teeth to remind me of where I have lived but without sight of you I am more lost than I could ever be, and I used all my quarters, looking for you

Unedited/unfinished

[shaddith]

In another life We kiss for a whole week straight, in the hospital they put tubes in our nose so we could snorkel in our own spit our mouths stitched onto each other’s A goodbye pec buttoned into my shirt Taking whatever cold shoulder you had left Onto my handkerchief your body pulls at each thread of my sheets I try to smooth talk you and ask are you a tailor? You seem to be cutting the seems of our mouths apart somehow we are getting farther apart the pipes to my nose landed me on the ceiling, and you are so far away. Your tooth brush is on my top shelf, don’t worry, I can reach it from here, just you wait

Unedited

[shaddith]

In 1953 an American artist by the name of Robert Rauschenberg obtained a drawing by William de Kooning, he then laboriously erased this drawing. The purpose was with the effort to explore the very definition of art. I think about washing you hair down the drain, if this it's self is an act of art, if I was to obtain the Starry Night, and burn it, how much would the ashes be worth? If I erased our love letters and framed them, would I be remembered for something I destroyed? Ask my parents for photos of me as a child, stuff each of them into the lake of your throat, do not leave any trace of our creation, burn your own home down with the candles off your one hundred and second birthday cake Lay on your back you say the sky is swirling, tell them that if the sun wasn't already on fire you would put a gas station in a rocket ship and ignite the moon so you would have something to lit the space between us when you open your fist let the ash fall New trees will grow And they too will die Diamond and graphite are both composed entirely out of carbon, I asked to marry me with a letter, When I am gone, rearrange my words, Crush pencils in your wisdom teeth, leave bite marks on their tan skin until diamonds sprout from your jaw then you will know what it means to destroy with intention to create

Leave birthday cards a flame on my grave//unedited

[shaddith]

It's the four of us A dimly light room Almost like some awkward four star restruant double date where I say heres my mom And heres my therapist and it's so comical I laugh And sip my cold tea And he squints his eyes like my sheets folding in on themselves and he says everything she wants to know and I stare out the window where lightbulbs travel above us and I start to feel like I'm underground so I laugh some more and when he leaves the therapist looks at me and tells me I'm only laughing so I don't cry and my mothers blues eyes are so bright over dinner it's like it's raining light bulbs in a power outage and that's so ironic I laugh some more

Adventures in telling the truth//series/unedited

[shaddith]

I keep writing poems about the wrong people How do I make space in a one room heart made of mirrors I am constantly reflecting my own state of loneliness on to itself Like a spoon and the roof of my mouth Like my hand and the emptiness it holds in the space between us Forget breakfast with pretty girls in diners at two seater tables Forget watching you sleep and the sound of your lungs receiving every love poem I have been too afaird to whisper to you in your wake Forget my harshness forget my tongue forget everything about me Don't you dare kiss my forehead I know you don't remember I savored a moment You never planned to repeat

How to rewire your own heart/series