req'd by @c-horses123
phrases you hear when you and your pals get wankered in a field
text: I'm the snake in the grass with alcohol poisoning
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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Product Placement
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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Fai_Ryy
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Sade Olutola

Game Changer & Make Some Noise
ojovivo
hello vonnie
Today's Document

roma★
noise dept.
official daine visual archive
Cosmic Funnies
sheepfilms
Monterey Bay Aquarium
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@shamrock-trenchcoat
req'd by @c-horses123
phrases you hear when you and your pals get wankered in a field
text: I'm the snake in the grass with alcohol poisoning
I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs
My mom is jobhunting because their ACA premiums went up so much, and she interviewed for a public library job where she asked them to describe the kinds of reference questions they got. The interviewers paused for a bit and one of them said, "Well I'm thinking of a really weird one but I'm not sure we should say it..." and my mom said "was it the spanking man?" and they said "YES it was the spanking man". Good to know 8 years later his legend lives on
isaacsapphire Wait what
I could have sworn I'd told the spanking man story on here but I can't find it when I search, so here it is again:
Back when I was a graduate assistant in library school, I did a reference desk shift at our main university library. We got a surprising amount of community users, including phone reference. (I had one guy who said he called us because his kid went there and thus he paid my salary.) So one day I get a call with a Wisconsin caller ID. I pick it up and a man asks "What information do you have on adult spanking?"
"What about spanking?" I ask, businesslike, since that's how we're trained and honestly at this point the question isn't that weird. "Debates over the ethics? Statistics about frequency? Something else?"
"Frequency," he says.
After I determine that he's not a student and thus does not have access to our databases, I do a quick Academic Search Complete search and start sharing some stats with him. He seems dissatisfied. I mention we have one audiovisual result and he perks up at that, but he can't access it as a non-student.
I probably should have caught on at this point, but I'm in reference librarian mode. I'm on a mission. I am going to find this man his spanking information. Since he's not a student, I suggest we switch to Worldcat to find materials he might be able to access. I try to refine the reference interview to figure out exactly what he wants, but he keeps repeating the phrase "good old fashioned across the knees adult spanking."
A light bulb belatedly sparks to life in my brain. "Sir," I ask on the phone, very carefully. After all, librarians are not here to sit in judgment. We just need to know what we're looking for. "Are you talking about disciplinary or... recreational?"
"Disciplinary," he insists. I have my doubts.
We spend a bit more time on Worldcat before I tell him that I have students waiting but recommend he search Worldcat on his own and check for libraries near him. This is before Worldcat sucked. At our next GA meeting I mention this weird call I got, and every GA starts yelling that they also got the spanking man. Except, I will note, the one guy on staff. It later comes out that his end goal is to get women to read Amazon summaries of books about spanking to him and he managed to convince one of our older employees to do that for quite some time. Sigh.
Anyway a year later I was at a state library conference and mentioned the spanking man and several librarians from across the state went THAT GUY and one of them mentioned seeing him discussed on an ALA facebook page so. It's not uncommon for callers to get banned from one library and move on to the next. He may still be out there. At the very least his legend is.
And we're on it
Heard a car horn today that was tuned to a fifth. Fucked up, kinda delightful
I want people to understand how jarring this was. Most car horns are either a single tone or two tones somewhere in the neighborhood of a minor third apart:
Pretty normal rush hour sounds, yeah? But this thing sounded something like this:
Fucked up! Didn't even realize it was a car horn at first, I didn't know what the fuck it was! It was weird as hell!
Heads up my trans and queer friends, do not participate in this study. Spread the word to stay away;
Skeet from Alejandra Caraballo that says: If you see this, don't participate. It's a rigged study by Lisa Littman and unethical researcher J. Michael Bailey meant to undermine access to care. Spread the word.
1,084 days left
Either people need to learn how to tell the difference between an “I’m sorry” that takes direct responsibility and an “I’m sorry” that signifies sympathy, or I’m gonna start responding to unfortunate information with a solemn nod and a “Sympies,” because I am tired of receiving a “Why? It wasn’t your fault” every time I try to vocalize compassion.
I'm forwarding all of you my next therapy bill.
Can I propose the XKCD method instead?
XCKD 945, ID in Alt
This Changes EVERYTHING!! | Puppies And Kitties Theory
The USPS just changed how postmarks work - and it will affect MAIL-IN VOTING while hitting Americans with late fees on everything from tax payments to rent checks.
Starting in 2026, your postmark date won’t reflect when you actually mailed something anymore. Instead of stamping mail with the date you dropped it in a mailbox or handed it to a postal worker, USPS will now mark it with whenever their sorting machine gets around to processing it - potentially days later.
JUST IN TIME FOR NEXT YEARS MIDTERM ELECTIONS
FYI - if you go inside the post office and hand it to the clerk, you can have them manually postmark it received that day. I know this does not help people who don't/can't drive, but it does let you still have more flexibility about the timing of your vote if you're scheduled to work on voting day or a person of color concerned about ICE agents or other intimidation tomfuckery at your polling place.
Is that…… them
YALL THERES MORE TO THE SERIES
@daffodil-screaming
Autistic loneliness is horrible, because no amount of spending time with people can fix it. Autistic loneliness isn't ABOUT a lack of people, it's about the yawning gap you feel between yourself and everybody else.
This is what peak performance looks like
That giant turtle is NAKED
once i dreamt that i was watching a documentary film in high school english class called ‘the best pig at watching’. it opened on a pig staring motionlessly at something offscreen. a narrator said 'this is the best pig at watching’. it then was struck by lightning and the narrator said 'the best pig at watching has died. i now take you to the second best pig at watching’. the documentary went tn another pig that was afloat on like an ice floe in an ocean, staring at something offscreen. then the ice floe sank and the narrator said 'oh dear. we now take you to the third best pig at watching’ and it just continued like that with various pigs in dangerous situations staring off-camera until they died, to which the narrator reacted with mild disappointment and taking the camera to the next pig. this just kept happening until i woke up