Shannon

Jake (Shannon), 23 from Sydney, Australia. I also run 'Aussieatanfield'

[veryfunnymemes]

[mjalti]

look if you decide to have a problem after midnight, that’s between you & God tbh

[roycunt]

[aliiiiiiice]

why don't people in zombie apocalypse stories ever just wear suits of armor? you think any zombie is gonna get their shitty rotting jaws through this?

I'm gonna rip and tear my way through the zombie apocalypse completely unharmed because none of the undead hoards will be able to get through my plate mail

[aliiiiiiice]

everyone else is like "oh we gotta stay inside the most secure places possible and never leave" and I'll be storming through the wastelands in my bloodstained suit of armor, blasting the Doom (2016) OST and plowing my way through waves of the undead. one of them tries to bite me but his shitty rotting teeth don't even leave a dent in my armor before I turn his head into paste. I'll be unstoppable until I die of dehydration or something like an idiot

[earlgraytay]

this goes along with my other pet peeve about zombie apocalypse stories, namely: why does no one ever think to ride a bike? 

bikes are quiet- if the zombies react to loud noises, they won’t hear you on a bike the way they might hear you in a car. bikes don’t need gas, meaning you won’t be stranded if you run out. bikes are much, much easier to maintain than a car- there’s no computer that can short out, no fiddly engine bits that could kill you if you mess with them wrong. you can learn how to maintain a bike with a couple weeks’ worth of classes. almost every adult knows how to ride a bike, and without cars on the road, it’d be much safer to do. 

what i’m saying is

[striders]

staff i am BEGGING you to let me reblog this fucking ad

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[mega-bitchass]

Anyone else hear that beat drop in their head or just me

[bedknees]

[citrusfoam]

Swamp Pokes

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

[palindrome-mystery]

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

[dicksplit]

[exoqenises]

no way this is 6 seconds only

[2p-ukraine]

6 seconds of pure beauty

[what-makes-a-hero-deactivated20]

I’m on the verge of crying

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[artaline]

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

[alivesmilinggirl]

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

[mockiato-deactivated20200315]

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

[asgardreid-deactivated20180407]

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

[ritavonbees]

Human: shots! shots! shots!

Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.

Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

[yeahiwasintheshit]

cant argue with that

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[aubs-of-steel-deactivated201708]

fun fact: The last supper would have been more like this, according to tradition:

[evangeline-elena-deactivated201]

so casual i love it

[thedevoteddemon]

a sleepover with jc and the boys

[bienenkiste]

same

[fiddleabout]

#st elrond where are my keys

[fn2817-deactivated20231003]

[cesaray]

[mewmii-deactivated20160821]

[sunshinewoman]

Seen in my school’s bathroom

[cosmic-visions]

confirmed

[wherehaveallthescullysgone-deac]

I’m convinced

[adulthoodisokay]