And a happy new year.
Let's hope it's a good one.
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@sherlockholmesandhisinability
And a happy new year.
Let's hope it's a good one.
Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Survive Lockdown
"Sherlock," I groaned, "You can't keep doing this. Rosie's not gonna tolerate it forever, you know."
"That, John, is inconsequential to me in this moment. Simply paltry. Entirely-"
I jerked, sitting up from the hardwood floor of 221B Baker Street he'd had myself and my daughter playing dead on for what must've been 20 minutes- but felt like hours.
"Alright, Sherlock, you've made your point."
"Daddy," hummed Rosie, "Lie down. We're dead, remember?"
In that moment I earnestly wished I was. I laid down again; equally compliant and disgruntled. Sherlock hadn't been coping well since England had announced the government sanctioned lockdown. Or rather, the Mycroft sanctioned lockdown. He contacted me briefly before giving the executive order, in the name of warning me of just how poorly his brother fares in confinement.
I should have listened. Got him some video games or something. Instead I focused on the practical things, like stocking the flat with toilet paper and canned goods. Like an idiot.
Regardless of the fortitude of this flat, it had become a cage. All of Sherlock's cases left incomplete. What becomes of a field agent when the field is closed? The answer: he becomes a complete madman. He'd (of course) remembered every infinitesimal detail of each case, and translated it into our flat. Down to the minutiae. Today, the strange case of the murdered man, and the murdered murderer.
Rosie lay "dead" face down, with a questionable ketchup stab wound on her little back. I lay next to her, wielding the murder weapon (a bread-stick blade) but equivalently deceased. Nobody at Scotland Yard could decipher how the murderer came to be murdered. Hence, Sherlock was on the case. Or at least, until the crime scene was cordoned off- with the rest of the bloody country.
As I clutched the bread in between my weary fingers, I noticed that I felt less vibration in the floor. After pacing around the two Watsons, while imagining we were corpses (lovely, of course), he'd finally stopped.
"Figured it out, have you?" I pleaded, my back screaming to be stretched.
"Mm. Yes. It appears I have."
"Go on then. What happened?"
"What happened you ask?"
Oh dear. What the hell did I ask that for, I thought to myself.
Sherlock continued, "It has occurred to me that in lieu of making any real progress on this case, I have been thinking of nothing other than your untimely demise."
"Sherlock?" I stood up sharply. Too sharply. My God, I'm getting too old for this. "What's up with you? Why would you say something like-"
"Because, John. Because I can't protect you from this. This disease. For the first time, I am rendered utterly and miserably powerless to protect you. Both of you." He scooped up the toddler-shaped body from the floor and set her down gently on his armchair. I'm going to have to clean the ketchup off that later. I wonder if Mrs Hudson has any baking soda around.
I wanted to ask why he'd let us remain on the floor all this time while he fretting internally. Instead, I looked up into his eyes. Striking blue. Terrible pain. Genuine fear.
"John, I've seen many bodies. Though they escape my thoughts, the abstractation of death itself lingers in my veins like a bad high. It's completely exhilarating to live, and exhausting to not die. I don't fear death. I fear losing you."
I kept silent. I had to think. This notion had come from nowhere. Or had it? Had I been ignorant to his pain, and allowed it to manifest only now when he has nothing to distract himself from it? Mycroft was right.
"Sherlock you can't protect me from this disease, nor can you protect Rosie, Molly, Mrs Hudson or even Greg." He puzzled. "Lestrade." I corrected myself. "You can't stop the virus."
"Thank you John, I feel so much better" He huffed sarcastically, before trotting into the laboratory-kitchen in the fashion of a petty yet troubled teen.
"I'm not done. What I mean to say is, while you can't protect us right now, I hope you know that we appreciate you for your efforts."
"What efforts?"
"This." I gestured to the tape on the floor, in the shape of two dead people I'd never heard of until today. I extended this gesture to the files pinned to the fleur-de-lis wallpaper. The red string woven through the lives of the afflicted and the deaths of the dismissed. "All these cases you're trying to solve in lockdown."
"Well, John-"
"Still not done, Sherlock." I'd caught on. "I know what you're doing. None of these cases are real are they? You're trying to keep us busy so we don't worry like you. Imposing your chaotic coping methods on us."
Admittedly, I was touched. Despite the fact that regrettably, my sporadic intellect had startled him. He's definitely suffering if he'd formulated a plan even I could crack.
He switched off the three roaring bunsen burners he'd had going on the dining table and rejoined me in the living room. "Was it that obvious?"
"As obvious as the fake blood on Rosie's cardigan" I chuckled.
"Oh, erm. Actually,"
"Sherlock?"
"Well you see,"
"Sherlock don't tell me that's real blood you've splattered on my child."
"It's for the case!"
"SHERLOCK?!"
this picture makes me laugh so much because it looks like john is hugging sherlock from behind
what in god’s name is this
It looks like they’re on a romantic cruise.
Engagement announcement photo.
Reblog if you're a fanfic writer and you wanna know what your followers' favorite story of yours is ❤
Sherlock Holmes His Inability to Make a Snowman
He reeled from the ambush. Every bullet an icy barrage of small girth. Dispersing on impact, the explosive formula coated the dark sheen of his garments, striking a strong contrast from the illustrious hues of the pale sky and snow. This kind of chemical warfare was a tactic rarely witnessed in the capital city.
London was inundated with snow. Sherlock was inundated with snowballs.
“Dad!” Cried Rosie as she raced towards the felled detective. She reached towards his gangly limbs and pulled him from the silvery rubble, giggling as he shook off the sheath of snow like a puppy.
“Well done Rosie! I didn’t even know you were coming.” He turned to me, “A well coordinated attack, John. I never would have seen it coming.”
I knew he was mocking me, but dear Rosie was enthralled by his game. “I knew we’d get you, Dad! Daddy was an army man. He planned our amboo- ambwu… Ambush!”
“Very good, dear! Learning combat terms are we?” He knelt down and collected a swathe of powder in his long arms, “Here’s one for you: heavy sustained attack!”
Little squeals of joy came towards me, and I spotted my small soldier; quickly extracting her from the open fire.
“Let’s hide!” I laughed.
“Okay, Daddy!”
She grabbed my hand and led me behind a small tree, which in all honestly would have provided no shelter. We crouched as snowballs flew continually past our ears. With a faint gasp, she turned to me and asked for my hat.
“Why, love? Are you cold? Let’s go back inside where it’s war-”
“Daddy, no! I’m not cold. Just please give me your hat!”
I did so without any further questions. I watched at she toddled unsteadily through the deep freeze. She slipped and fell onto her face.
“Rosie!”
“Mmm!” She lifted her head, “I’m okay!”
Like a trooper, she carried on determinedly through no-man’s land, until reaching her destination. The snowballs came to a breif halt.
“Dad! I am Rosie, of the fifth Nor-thum-ber-land flooziers! And I say stop!” She raised my white hat. “We surrender!”
“Oh, really? Well then! I accept your humble surrender, and ask that you join my army. We are short of fighters, after all!”
I reared my head from behind the decayed sapling.
“You! Young lady!” Yelled Sherlock to a triumphant Rosie, “Is this handsome man with you?”
“Yes. He is my loo-ten-ant.” She smiled proudly of her new lingo.
“Very well! However, we are still short of staff!”
I raised my hand, “If I may be of assistance, how about we construct an army? Soldiers of snow!”
“You there!” Commanded Sherlock, “Lieutenant! What is your name?!”
“John Hamish Watson-Holmes, sir!”
“Well, Lt. Watson-Holmes, I hope that your services may be provided again soon. I expect that you and I will develop a very… Close relationship.” He toyed.
We set about construction. Making individual warriors of ice. I found that Sherlock seemed to have been working on a singular snowman for quite a while. I turned around to check his recruitment.
“Sherlock! What the bloody Hell is that?!” What I saw before me was a lonely, anatomically correct snowman, with stature extremely similar to his. He was chiseling and scraping and smoothing its frame with his ungloved hands. Pausing from the artistry of his sculpture, he turned to me.
“Is there a problem?”
“Yes, there’s a bloody problem! Look at your snowman! It’s a… Snow-man!”
“Wait, hold on. Hold on. Those are your snowmen?! Those mounds of sleet?! I thought you were prepping!”
“Prepping? For a snowman?!” I hesitated. “Oh my God.”
“What? John, what is it?”
“You have never made a snowman! You’re a snowman virgin!”
He thought. He looked at the ground dreamily, before raising his powerful hazy gaze into my gleaming eyes. He whispered, “Teach me. Teach me everything you know.”
“Alright.” I stroked my rough fingernails up to his shoulders and spun him around delicately. I reached under his arms and guided his cold hands to the snow-man. I moulded the pristine head into a wintery blob, dehumanising the silhouette. Once we had completed the comical tri-sphere shape, I heard a battlecry.
“Aargh!” Roared our daughter as she pillaged the nearby precipitation and bounded into our shapeless creation.
“I declare war!” She cried.
“A defector.” Hissed my husband. “How interesting… We accept your call to combat! Let the battle commence!”
Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Keep Bees
“We could acclimatise the flat!”
“Sherlock, we are not turning our house into sting central for the sake of you and your weird obsession with bees!” I said firmly.
“But Daddy, bumblebees are so cute!” Rosie squealed.
“Yes, love. I know, but still, I’m not- Mrs Hudson would never let her property be-” I was cut short as she ran angrily into her bedroom.
“I know, I know, John. It’s ridiculous.” Sherlock sighed as he finally, after half an hour of petty squabbling, realised that we just couldn’t keep bees in our first-floor London flat.
“But Daddy, look!” Cried Rosie as she returned, “Daddy, in here!”
I followed as she led me by the hand. Sherlock followed me, intrigued by what Rosie had to present. Once we’d found our way into Rosie’s tulip-yellow room, we were told to be seated on her low bed while she sorted ‘something’ out. I fingered through the satin fabric draped from the ceiling over the outskirts of her bed. Sherlock had hand crafted this beautiful bed for her on her third birthday; adorning the room with bright marzipan coloured flowers and painting the wall a canary hue. I was starting to guess what it had all been inspired by.
“Daddy and Dad. I po-porp-pree…” She considered her tongue’s position in her mouth, “Propose,”
Sherlock gleamed with pure pride at his daughter’s scintillating intelligence,
“An idea.” She smirked. She turned gently to her desk, opened her drawer and threw something sizeable at me. My eyebrows raised in shock, but before it had time to hit my face, Sherlock extended his scarred arm and caught it. I laughed softly in awe and turned to him, but he didn’t turn to face me.
“It’s… a plush bee. I bought this for you.”
“I looked after her, Dad.”
I chuckled. “I see what’s going on.” Sherlock glanced at me quizzically. “She’s trying to prove that we can keep bees in here.”
“Very clever, Rosie.” Sherlock smiled weakly. “But your father is right. Real bees are far too difficult to care for.” Rosie plodded over and sat on his lap. “Tant pis.” He mocked in his ridiculous French accent, as he returned the bug. “Too bad.” He translated.
“This place is already like a hive,” I consoled, “Hectic all the time. People coming and going. I guess you’ll just have to settle for living in two-two-one… bee!”
“Daddy!” Rosie retorted at my bad pun. I leaned forward and circled my finger as though it were indeed a bumblebee, until it landed on her little nose. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like my jokes, honey?”
“Daddy!”
“She is right John, do bee-hive yourself.”
I erupted into a fit of childish laughter, Sherlock’s slight chortles accompanied my guffaws, creating audible melodic joy. Rosie tittered with us. I wiped the tear from my eye and smiled. This was the life.
“Sherlock, I wanted to wait until you’d bought my engagement ring before I gave you yours, y’know, so we could do it together, but I just can’t help myself.”
“John?”
I pulled a miniature ivory box from my pocket, and opened it facing him. His eyes lit up, illuminated by a sparkling gold ring constructed of a circle of tiny hexagons. Every other shape had a hollowed-out heart inside of it, and atop the whole thing was a delicate honeybee- its two black stripes contrasting the ring’s sunlight shade.
“John…”
“So?” I asked.
He exhaled passionately, “It’s incredible.” He lifted Rosie gently aside and took my hand, lifting me to my feet. He put one arm around my waist and the other around my neck. He used this to tow my head forward. He didn’t bend, and so his kiss found itself on my forehead. Not the most racy of kisses, but perhaps the most intimate.
“Let me in!” Rosie squeezed in-between us and turned her head up to see us. Her warm grin was the epitome of yellow happiness.
“I always knew you liked bees.”
“How?”
I pulled away from his embrace, “Because I’ve never known a man plant so many flowers in such a small windowbox! You hate pollen, so why else?”
He gleamed with pure pride at his husband’s scintillating intelligence. Or at least, smiled with acknowledgement at the fact that I wasn’t quite as slow as I was often perceived.
“Rosie,” Sherlock called sweetly, “Can I see your bee friend?”
“Okay Dad, her name is Squishy.”
“…Squishy? Hmm. Squishy. You know,” I chortled, “I kind of like it!”
“Yes, John. The name is delightfully amusing, but have you seen Squishy’s antenna?”
I looked as Rosie passed me the unfortunately named insect,
“A ring? An… engagement ring. Oh, you bloody smart-arse, you.”
Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.
GIF credit to @silent-micka and @sherlockspeare
A great man once said that a man’s true character is only revealed once he is drunk. Another great man proved it.
(GIFs courtesy of @thejohnlocked)
Gavin… no, wait- George? No?
No shit, Sherlock.
@staff are you fucking kidding me right now?! You’re limiting text posts to 100 text blocks (aka paragraphs). What the absolute fuck.
Since you couldn’t take out fanfic writers with the purge so you’re just fucking up formatting for text posts until they leave? Is that your plan?
Would this count as a text block?
100 is a lot unless you write a lot of dialogue. I wonder if just linking fics on my word press would work because god damn this site is making things difficult. It’s like they’re trying to have people not use it.
I’m so over this shithole
Does Tumblr just have it out for Fanfic writers? Is the Tumblr staff secretly Anne Rice or something?
Heads up writers
@kittenofdoomage @captain-rogers-beard @siren-kitten-his @angryschnauzer @maeve-curry-writes @deandoesthingstome @impala-dreamer @outside-the-government @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @plumfondler @blacktithe7 @supernatural-jackles @impalaimagining
FFS you’re joking me?
@noona-clock @xtemptaetionx @bisexualstevierogers @5sosdrfluke
yeah I noticed this, and I completely hate it lmao because I do write a lot of dialogue and I write small paragraphs for easy readability ): I might have to post everything on AO3 and just link it on here :/
Well, this is the new tea and I hate it.
Gettin’ real tired of your shit, Tumblr.
@staff @support
FUCK YOU @staff
Welp. So this is a thing now.
The title apparently counts as one line since it wouldn’t let me go past 99.
Seriously @staff ????
OK PEOPLE CALM DOWN FOR A MIN!!!
I tired this on desktop and did not hit a limit. It looks like a limitation of mobile posts.
I didn’t bother going past 543 because it was getting ridiculous, but there is no 100 block limit on desktop. You’re just going to have to post your fics on your computer or through your mobile browser instead of the app.
Please reblog this version of the post so that people don’t totally freak out
Ah, okay. Good to know!
WRITERS, PLEASE TAKE NOTE NOW
@staff are you fucking kidding me right now?! You’re limiting text posts to 100 text blocks (aka paragraphs). What the absolute fuck.
Since you couldn’t take out fanfic writers with the purge so you’re just fucking up formatting for text posts until they leave? Is that your plan?
Would this count as a text block?
100 is a lot unless you write a lot of dialogue. I wonder if just linking fics on my word press would work because god damn this site is making things difficult. It’s like they’re trying to have people not use it.
I’m so over this shithole
Does Tumblr just have it out for Fanfic writers? Is the Tumblr staff secretly Anne Rice or something?
Heads up writers
@kittenofdoomage @captain-rogers-beard @siren-kitten-his @angryschnauzer @maeve-curry-writes @deandoesthingstome @impala-dreamer @outside-the-government @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @plumfondler @blacktithe7 @supernatural-jackles @impalaimagining
FFS you’re joking me?
@noona-clock @xtemptaetionx @bisexualstevierogers @5sosdrfluke
yeah I noticed this, and I completely hate it lmao because I do write a lot of dialogue and I write small paragraphs for easy readability ): I might have to post everything on AO3 and just link it on here :/
Well, this is the new tea and I hate it.
Gettin’ real tired of your shit, Tumblr.
@staff @support
FUCK YOU @staff
Welp. So this is a thing now.
The title apparently counts as one line since it wouldn’t let me go past 99.
Seriously @staff ????
Weeeeeeeeell fuck.
This site is becoming such bullshit.
And let’s not forget your posts with links won’t show up in searches.
Well, this is garbage. Not only does this affect authors, but us meta writers as well. Fantastic, just keep trying to destroy your own effing platform, Tumblr. I’m guessing those “text blocks” also include any images we add to our meta as well.
Signal boosting for all writers who write a lot of fics and meta on Tumblr… just do it on google docs so it saves, and copy-paste it to Ao3.
@sherlockholmesandhisinability
Thank you so much for letting me know, @n-oy-a! I haven't a clue how I shall be writing my work from now on. I will have to seriously reconsider my format, as will so many more writers on this withering platform. I promise this is not the end of this blog, but it's an obstacle I'm going to have to figure out how to overcome.
Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Keep Bees
“We could acclimatise the flat!”
“Sherlock, we are not turning our house into sting central for the sake of you and your weird obsession with bees!” I said firmly.
“But Daddy, bumblebees are so cute!” Rosie squealed.
“Yes, love. I know, but still, I’m not- Mrs Hudson would never let her property be-” I was cut short as she ran angrily into her bedroom.
“I know, I know, John. It’s ridiculous.” Sherlock sighed as he finally, after half an hour of petty squabbling, realised that we just couldn’t keep bees in our first-floor London flat.
“But Daddy, look!” Cried Rosie as she returned, “Daddy, in here!”
I followed as she led me by the hand. Sherlock followed me, intrigued by what Rosie had to present. Once we’d found our way into Rosie’s tulip-yellow room, we were told to be seated on her low bed while she sorted ‘something’ out. I fingered through the satin fabric draped from the ceiling over the outskirts of her bed. Sherlock had hand crafted this beautiful bed for her on her third birthday; adorning the room with bright marzipan coloured flowers and painting the wall a canary hue. I was starting to guess what it had all been inspired by.
“Daddy and Dad. I po-porp-pree…” She considered her tongue’s position in her mouth, “Propose,”
Sherlock gleamed with pure pride at his daughter’s scintillating intelligence,
“An idea.” She smirked. She turned gently to her desk, opened her drawer and threw something sizeable at me. My eyebrows raised in shock, but before it had time to hit my face, Sherlock extended his scarred arm and caught it. I laughed softly in awe and turned to him, but he didn’t turn to face me.
“It’s… a plush bee. I bought this for you.”
“I looked after her, Dad.”
I chuckled. “I see what’s going on.” Sherlock glanced at me quizzically. “She’s trying to prove that we can keep bees in here.”
“Very clever, Rosie.” Sherlock smiled weakly. “But your father is right. Real bees are far too difficult to care for.” Rosie plodded over and sat on his lap. “Tant pis.” He mocked in his ridiculous French accent, as he returned the bug. “Too bad.” He translated.
“This place is already like a hive,” I consoled, “Hectic all the time. People coming and going. I guess you’ll just have to settle for living in two-two-one… bee!”
“Daddy!” Rosie retorted at my bad pun. I leaned forward and circled my finger as though it were indeed a bumblebee, until it landed on her little nose. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like my jokes, honey?”
“Daddy!”
“She is right John, do bee-hive yourself.”
I erupted into a fit of childish laughter, Sherlock’s slight chortles accompanied my guffaws, creating audible melodic joy. Rosie tittered with us. I wiped the tear from my eye and smiled. This was the life.
“Sherlock, I wanted to wait until you’d bought my engagement ring before I gave you yours, y’know, so we could do it together, but I just can’t help myself.”
“John?”
I pulled a miniature ivory box from my pocket, and opened it facing him. His eyes lit up, illuminated by a sparkling gold ring constructed of a circle of tiny hexagons. Every other shape had a hollowed-out heart inside of it, and atop the whole thing was a delicate honeybee- its two black stripes contrasting the ring’s sunlight shade.
“John…”
“So?” I asked.
He exhaled passionately, “It’s incredible.” He lifted Rosie gently aside and took my hand, lifting me to my feet. He put one arm around my waist and the other around my neck. He used this to tow my head forward. He didn’t bend, and so his kiss found itself on my forehead. Not the most racy of kisses, but perhaps the most intimate.
“Let me in!” Rosie squeezed in-between us and turned her head up to see us. Her warm grin was the epitome of yellow happiness.
“I always knew you liked bees.”
“How?”
I pulled away from his embrace, “Because I’ve never known a man plant so many flowers in such a small windowbox! You hate pollen, so why else?”
He gleamed with pure pride at his husband’s scintillating intelligence. Or at least, smiled with acknowledgement at the fact that I wasn’t quite as slow as I was often perceived.
“Rosie,” Sherlock called sweetly, “Can I see your bee friend?”
“Okay Dad, her name is Squishy.”
“…Squishy? Hmm. Squishy. You know,” I chortled, “I kind of like it!”
“Yes, John. The name is delightfully amusing, but have you seen Squishy’s antenna?”
I looked as Rosie passed me the unfortunately named insect,
“A ring? An… engagement ring. Oh, you bloody smart-arse, you.”
My heart feels like I’ve been hugged. D’awwwww.
Three hundred notes on one of my ficlets! An achievement that shall not go without celebration. Thank you to the readers and the rebloggers of Tumblr- I couldn't have done it without you.
So, I've read all your fics already. *crying* please do another one
Perhaps I will! Do you have any requests?
I've only just discovered your blog and I already love it.
Thank you so very much!