[adzolotl]

you call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture

[sailor--spoon]

Sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar

[blondloki]

Your eyes when 10 million fireflies:

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

never understood people who let candy melt in their mouth. ill bite down on a damn jolly rancher because i lack the patience 

[clownclownclown]

It’s like a dishwasher

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

i dont understand even a little bit thank you

[mintmilano]

The way this website is now retroactively deeming Harry Potter problematic for its content (good) while acting like Twilight is not Literal Misogynistic Mormon Propaganda Is Very This Place

[nicejewishguy]

[greaterland]

[shewasnumberone]

@yesjfrizzlefresh Mark Stensaas, tumblr famous

[woodmeat]

what? how much do i love you? 

how much sand is on the beach? a gotdamn lot right? how all that sand get on beaches? what is sand forreal like its clean dirt forreal. wtf is a beach too this shit wild to think about. baby where you going

[tiramiisu-archived]

This vine has been playing on repeat in my mind all weekend

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

get julius caesar addicted to hentai

seduce cleopatra

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Hey, I’ve never had a nightmare before and kinda wanna know what they’re like, can you help me out?

sure! see you soon

[mass-exodus]

this is so fucking powerful it burnt off all my eyebrows

[beeftea78-deactivated20200113]

Smash that mf reblog button if you stoically ignore all labelled washing instructions and everything your mama ever told you about laundry and just send those bastards hurgling around in an overfilled tub to meet either death or glory

[holyrights-deactivated20211021]

Me and the girls on our way to chernobyl to drink the pond water

[twilightrenaissance]

the year is 13 AT (after twilight)

[theshitneyspears]

why are we living in a timeline where Lindsay Lohan just tried to kidnap two children while on Instagram Live…

[a-silver-sanctuary]

SHE WHAT

[frogshops-remade]

[kirby5242]

Oh fuck yum

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

women be crawling frantically on all fours around the perimeter of their room peeling off the wallpaper

[angelicguy]

what if the joker just did normal clown shit like spray people with prank flowers and make balloon animals but batman beat the shit out of him anyway