This oneâs a pretty big deal.  âDid you come?â Â
No, but it still felt great
Yes, and it felt really great
Yes, but coming isnât that big a deal for me
No, do you want to watch me get myself off?
Yes, but donât get a big head about it â I come so easily it doesnât matter what you do.
No, but I bet I can get you up again
Yes, but Iâd rather keep edging because I always get a huge drop after coming and it really puts me off sex for a while
No, thank you, orgasm denial leaves me deliciously horny for days
No, and Iâm really frustrated, letâs brainstorm how to change that
All of these are fucking awesome answers. Including the last one. Theyâre also 100% legitimate answers. Including the last one.
Only the last one is even a little bit ânegative,â and, really, how bad, arrogant, or egocentric a lover do you have to be that youâd rather not know when your partner says âhere are some great ways to help me come next time, lover?â
If on the other hand youâre going to panic or be unhappy about that last answer then youâre not a bad lover (no shame either way) but your sex life will be less workable. With the result that youâll continue having, well, the same result.
To be honest, whether you or your partner comes isnât the most important thing about sex. Itâs whether youâre both satisfied afterwards. The only trick being thatÂ
You get to decide what âsatisfiedâ means for you
You donât get to decide what âsatisfiedâ means for your partner(s.) Â
Asking âdid you comeâ isnât really the right question.  âDoes this work for youâ is way healthier. Thatâs the culture we want to look for and encourage.
P.S. Your partner isnât a video game. His or her orgasms arenât a boss fight. The question you want to ask isnât âdid I beat the previous high scoreâ but âwould you like to play again.â
