i opened my email this morning to find a message from one of our plans letting me know that my main point of contact passed away. they asked me to update their information and send them over their latest invoice. i had to just… delete this person’s name and replace it with his replacement’s name. this soulless transaction made me so sad. this theme keeps showing itself over and over again. one of my mom’s good friends retired and then two months later passed away. she didn’t even get to properly live her life. she was planning on traveling and enjoying life without work and now she’s gone.
to get through i have to keep reminding myself that i’m only here, stuck behind this desk, in this office building, staring at these computer screens, so that i can buy a house and not compare my experience to anyone else’s. playing the game to find security in the chaos.
it’s hard to acknowledge the fact that i don’t really feel like i’m living properly. it’s like i’ve been in waiting. i’ve been saying this for most of my life. what am i waiting for? why am i waiting? will i ever feel like i’m living somewhere other than in purgatory? participating in capitalism is exhausting.
snowghoul
areudirty
origamiaround
janainaart
kaledo-art
prguitarman
