Shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods

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The point is, I love my life, rubbish though it frequently is.

Melanie Reid in The Times Magazine 14.03.15 I could not have described my life better.

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Oma: I've always wondered what the point is of this above ground slate in front of the tombstone... Michelle: Probably to leave space for when the body becomes a zombie.. Taylor: (quietly) Probably so you can play a good game of beer pong in their memory.. Michelle: *pause* LMFAO. #highlight #ofday2 #england #lewiscarollcenter #misstaytay #hilarious #tombstone

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I wrote this a little while back when I first started dating someone new.

I was talking to Miss Taytay about how I was really enjoying my time with this new person, but this enjoyment also caused a very real form of anxiety in me, as I didn’t want to (again) experience the stress/pain/hurt/annoyances of my last few relationship experiences.

These two thoughts emerged:

“It’s not about the Hurt I feel when it (the relationship) ends. It’s about the Hurt I feel when I meet someone new”.

“You screwing me over is fine, that’s your fucking deal. But, the fact that you screwing me over will affect me when I meet someone else makes me wanna stab you in the fucking throat”.

As you can see one is slightly more passionate than the other, as the first was the idea and the second could have been in reference to someone.

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I found this in my Notes today. I wrote it February 7th, 2015; I can’t remember why...

“ Do you ever wish you could, for just a moment, step outside of your body, look at yourself in the eyes, say “You’re doing great, keep going”, and give yourself a hug? I just don’t think that any hug would compare to the one I wish I could give myself every day”.

This makes me smile.

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The Cycle of Drinking Two Liters of Water A Day

(1) Just Had A Pee: “Damn life is good, I feel like a million bucks!“

(2) The First 20 Minutes After: “I am feeling so comfortable and happy right now. Birds are signing, sun is shining, I feel satisfied with life”.

(3) Five Minutes Later (25 Minutes In): “Humm, my bladder is feeling kind of slooshy. Meh, Ignorable”.

(4) 40 Minutes In: “Oh man! My tummy is bloated! I should probably go to the bathroom... Oh! Look! Something to preoccupy me!”

(5) 50 Minutes In: “Well fuck me, this is getting serious.. But I’m really busy right now. *Turns water on* *clench* *Stops moving* *clench* *Sneeze* *clench* *Cough* *clench* *Talk* *clench*”.

(6) Five Minutes Later: Defcon 1: “RUN, RUN, RUN, EVERYBODY MOVE! *AAaaaaa* Just made it. I almost had a damn accident! What the hell Bladder!? *Drinks more water*”.

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The Job Search: a tale of procrastination, excuses, and six seasons of Friends

In mid-February 2015, I finally took the initiative to tell my beloved boss that I would begin searching for a new job.

It pained me to do so because I love my colleagues and my kids very dearly. However, the job (number one) was not suppose to be long term (for me), does not pay very well, and is not tailored to me at all. Luckily, my wonderful boss took the news very well and told me we would meet mid-March to discuss my job-search-progress (I’ll have you know we did not have this meeting, for obvious reasons).

So, I had a plan: I was going to “quickly” throw my CV back into shape and send emails to a couple of acquaintances of mine to see if any opportunities were available to me. I, then, proceeded to take one swift glance at my super rough CV and freak the fuck out into a deep state of procrastination.

Now my Procrastinating-Excuse-Making-Self would state here: “But, I was busy! I started dating a new boy (and you know how much that preoccupies one’s mind *eye ball roll*), work was very hectic (which granted it was), I was dealing with student loan stresses (but I mean who doesn’t, oh right, everyone I know here), I was also sick for a total of a week (and did fuck all), and the list goes on. My Motivation-Oriented-Ambitious Self would then yell back: “SO, HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO WATCH SIX SEASONS OF FRIENDS, YOU FAKE-ASS BUSY ASSHOLE?!?!”

I am not proud of myself guys. Mid-March came and went and little not progress was made. I should be better/ I can do better/ I will do better. I guess, as per usual, I need to be put under some serious pressure before I can really pull myself together. Hence, I am putting myself under my own pressure. Today (when I wrote this) is Wednesday and I want my CV to be completed and ready for send off on Sunday evening. It will happen.

I need to move forward with my career life. I am exited to take this step. I hope that I can find something worth my while...

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Shame.

Does anyone else know that feeling when you have 7 unanswered personal emails/messages that you’ve put off for like 6 goddamn months and now you’re panicking because you haven’t said even a “hi” to some of your loved ones in almost a year and you’re pretty sure they have either deleted you from their minds or just hate you (how’s that for a run-on sentence. In fact, this is a perfect example of mild anxiety: just on run-on sentence of angst).

I am so sorry if you are one of these people (I love you still, I promise!). I promise I’m getting to you soon. Dammit, I’m sorry.

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That awkward moment when someone asks if they can read your blog and in a panic you go and read all of your posts to see if it’s safe to give it to them (knowing full well it won’t be).

Funny thing though: I recently did this and saw that I have so many apology posts for my blog neglect. How lame am I guys!? Whatever. Not apologizing anymore- I’ll blog when I blog.

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Charlie Hunnam. Max Riemelt.

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Duolingo making a subtle statement. Awesome.

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#duolingospanishthings Duolingo is asking the hard hitting question.

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#duolingothings Apparently even duolingo is aware of this Murica-Freedom relationship...

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(this honestly doesn't need to be a confession bear- I admit it openly)

I went to the premiere of 50 Shades in Munich. And you know what, it was great (I was pleasantly surprised)! It was actually well adapted from the book (which is really difficult, by the way, because it's a lot of inner monologues and described sensations and feelings- not easily translated to screen). And the whole of it was really visually appealing, the humour was at times laugh out loud funny and not to mention the soundtrack was FANTASTIC! I've been listening to it on repeat for over a week. (Also the actress who played Ana was phenomenal! She did such a good job, it actually blew me away- that never happens!)! Yes, admittedly there where a few lines (always delivered by the actor who played Christian- didn't' like him at all) that were really poorly delivered and awkward, but if you have read the books and you know the back story, it's ignorable.

I took the movie, as I took the books, with a grain of salt and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. Seriously, guys, to everyone who says it's horrible, blah, blah, blah because of the "unhealthy" relationship portrayal, blah, blah, blah- Dude in reality pretty much every relationship is unhealthy- love itself (being in love) is messed up and totally unhealthy! Can we focus our energy on real unhealthy relationships (that we find in our own surroundings/within ourselves) rather than ones that are shown on TV/in books!? I mean fuck there is no shortage of them (50 Shades is a mere drop in the bucket of unhealthy relationship water!)!

I mean christ look at Twilight!! They are literally the same goddamn thing (check out the plot lines: SAME): just one is geared towards teenagers (PG-13) and the other one is for women (XXX). Both are actually good reads and both include very fuck-up relationships. But that's what keeps us temporarily entertained. Can't we just be allowed our guilty pleasures without the whole fucking world freaking out and telling us how to live our own damn lives!!???

I think it's time we get over this.

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Spotted on 9gag. So I don't know anything about Comcast, but I only hear terrible things about this company. I have to say that this comparison (Hilter to the CEO of Comcast) made me laugh out loud! I really hope this company sees all the bad reviews and will get their shit together for their poor customers.. You know your company has hit rock bottom when people start comparing you to Hilter. And I thought I had it bad having to deal with fucking O2... Also to the person who wrote this- I love you man!

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Well that was uncalled for!! #duolingothings

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Quick question: when in the seven hells will this be something I'll need to exclaim in German!? I mean in an African dialect, maybe (with all those lions and such), but in German? Nope. more like "Help, I've had way too much Oktoberfest beer and now I can find my feet!" #duolingothings

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Subliminal messages in the workplace..

This month at work our theme is animals. So I though I'd print out a bunch of these little guys..

And got my kids to colour them in (of course I may have helped)...

And discretely hung them everywhere..

Guess who made this bad boy and hung him in the ceiling?